The 'Shroom:Issue 120/Pipe Plaza: Difference between revisions

There's much to be seen in this beautiful state, including sand, and pillars, and… sand, and… mud, which is just liquidated sand… and more sand… But, uhh, it's very unique sand, each grain special and foot-clingy on to its own, a masterful representation of how special each and every one of you are (unless you're poor, in which case go away; we don't need your riffraff)! Err anyway, as I said, we have the glorious four pillars that frame our amazing Pyramid Hotel, and look at the gorgeous ancient markings on them; ignore the crude penmanship, that's just how the uneducated ancients wrote! They're so magical, you can even climb up to the top of them by running straight upwards; go ahead, it's not like our tax insurers care about a bit of scratched paint or chipped stone, ehehehehe (it costs 500 Mushroom coins to see them; 200 extra to climb it. Refunds are not accepted). For a little more action in your holiday activities, try the Tox Box maze, which will surely put a ''heavy load'' of excitement on you; it costs 300 to play, no refunds.

''"Just one of many ways to enjoy yourselves in Shifting Sand Land! Look at what a great time he's having!"''</small></center>

Don't tuck your wallets away like a paranoid businessman; we guarantee your coins are safe with us, so that feeling that your pockets have become a little lighter is just the desert heat playing tricks on you! I would, however, take care when any bull-faced buzzards hover over your position, as they are likely seeking to steal your very expensive, very economically useful hat and use them to cheat someone out of an famous war veteran's zombie slaying hat. Damn barterers, traitors to good commerce, I say! We've heard a lot of comments about how our affordable and totally reasonable deals are robbery, but don't listen to them for they are manipulative Mushroom Kingdom totalitarians that want to oppress the hard-working lower-class of these mildly windy desert lands! So book your holiday to Shifting Sand Land today, and I guarantee you'll never leave… err, never ''want'' to leave! Hope to see you and your shiny valuables here soon!

''Beware this fiendish avian; he is dangerous, taloned, and a threat to all hat owners. Proceed with caution.''</small></center>

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Hello everyone! Smasher here, and today, I will be showing you around '''Dire, Dire Docks'''! It's an absolutely beautiful area, and if you love swimming or surfing in the ocean, then this is definitely the place for you.

Some of you have probably heard rumors of Bowser keeping his submarine here at one point, and about how some of his minions have been left behind to cause havoc. I'll let you know right now that those rumors are nothing but lies. There was never a submarine here, and that big submarine sized hole is merely a coincidence. It was caused by a...tap dancing accident! Yeah...that's it.

For those who don't care for the water, don't fret, there's a place in the cave where you can relax and watch the rest of the group splash around. This is also the ideal place for an athlete to go to. With poles moving around at the top of the cave, you'll be able to jump back and forth like an acrobat! And since they're above water, if you fall, there's no chance of you getting - *slip*

I'm ok I swear

And finally, if you go back to the original pool, you'll find a manta swimming around! Don't worry, he really ''is'' harmless. And you'll be able to follow him around, swimming through rings to show off your skill. And the best part of this area: there's plenty of treasure here! Those brave enough to swim towards the bottom of the pool while avoiding the sharks and whirlpool will be able to claim some treasure from one of the treasure chests at the bottom.

Our wonderful Heave Ho waitresses will look after your every need and escort you to all the fine facilities in our humble region. Which always entails hurling you five metres into the air; where you'll land, not even you will know once you've hit your head on the pavement! After all, what injury lawsuit-related problem ''can't'' be solved without a convenient concussion? Once you've been escorted to our therapy rooms, just sit down, relax, and feel the thousands upon thousands of highly unstable volts course through your every atom. With any luck, you'll stop feeling any tension or pain after the first three hours of therapy are over!

''"I feel ten years younger already, like I no longer exist!''"</small></center>

Oh, and a reminder; don't you dare touch any of the crystals prematurely, for we have one of the strongest and most adorable bodyguards in the entire world, Chuckya! Can ''your'' wind-up toy play ring toss over the ledge of a tall building with filthy plumbers as the rings? Of course not! That would be completely absurd! Ours is a precociously designed robot, and ''it thirsts for blood''!

"Now stay away from my wife, you fat moustachioed—[REDACTED]"</small></center>

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Yo, it's an Ukiki here! Today, I'll show around my home, '''Tall, Tall Mountain'''! Smasher was originally supposed to do this, but after the incident at Dire, Dire Docks, he is currently in a coma. No, the shark didn't get him - after getting out of the water he tripped on a pebble and ran into the wall, then somehow fell off a cliff into a pile of broken glass.

Anyway, let's scale this baby. Obviously, we'll start at the bottom by this nice waterfall. In the distance, you can see a few mushrooms. We can't reach these, but not to worry, there's more up ahead that we can reach. It won't take long at all.

And here they are! These mushrooms have have managed to grow very tall, and it's easy to access them, allowing anyone who wants to jump on them to...jump on them. So if you want to your kids out of your hair for a while, just send them over to these babies. It's completely safe...he he he...

A little past those, and you'll find some Monty Moles. They're pretty shy, so if you get near them they'll hide in the ground, They'll also try to throw rocks at you, but don't worry, it'll only cause pain, but that's nothing to be afraid of! You'll also come across an intersection here. You can either continue going straight ahead, or take the shortcut up this wall. The wall requires some skill to climb, so let's continue down the main path.

The rest of the trip may seem difficult, but it's really not that bad - you'll just have to roll on a log above the above the abyss, dodge explosives and boulders, jump across a large gap, avoid a cloud that tries to blow you away, and walk across thin ledges. Oh, and try not to trip on the gravestones, they're everywhere.

It'll all be worth it when you reach the top, however. The view is breathtaking, and the feeling of success you get when getting through something this tough is excellent. Just be sure to keep the Ukiki that is much less smart and handsome than I am off your head, he bites. Oh, and there's also a secret slide located somewhere on the mountain. It's incredibly fun to slide down if you figure out where it is! Try not to fall off though, unless you like death.