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| {{Anchor|Police Blotter}}
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| <div class=shroomsection>
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| ==[[File:Font PoliceBlotter.png]]==
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| Written by: {{User|AwdryFan1997}}
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| Hello, my comrades, and welcome back to Police Blotter! With the ups and downs of real life, it always helps to laugh away the pain with The 'Shroom. That being said, if you laugh about this, you might be evil.
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| [[File:Wario Party.jpg|thumb|150px|The victim. Insert obligatory "His Purpose" joke here.]]
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| The world-famous whack-o [[Wario]] has been severely injured on one of his most perilous, most rewarding adventures yet: Crossing the street. That's right, on his usual walk through town, picking up coins and telling homeless people he doesn't have any, Wario was suddenly and deliberately hit by a blue Pipe Frame kart. Wario did not catch a glimpse of the culprit, but he did hear the perpetrator say in a [[Toad|high-pitched gender indeterminate voice]], "That's what you get for [[Wario's Woods|screwing with nature]]!"
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| [[File:MK64 Toad.png|thumb|150px|The vehicle used. Note the seemingly deliberate improper handling.]]
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| Wario was admitted to the Mushroom Kingdom General Hospital, where he was placed under the care of Dr. Mario himself. Upon realizing he would have Wario as his patient, the Doc promptly went to [[Dr. Mario 64|find a]] [[Vampire Wario|wooden stake]], for whatever reason. Dr. Mario also prescribed garlic instead of Megavitamins, which Wario did not object to.
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| Wario's extremely close friend Waluigi has not been seen since the incident. It was discussed whether police should check on him, but it was soon realized no one knew for certain where Waluigi lived. There was no attempt at finding Waluigi's residence, as, to be frank, no one likes him.
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| Mario has been reported to be out on the search for the culprit, at least after being suspected for the crime, Paper Mario-style. Luigi, who did not join his brother on the mission, reportedly lent Toad a large sum of coins for "a new kart" at least two days prior to the attack.
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| We here at Fake News reached out to several Marioverse residents regarding the incident, specifically Wario's employees. The only one to reply was Orbulon, of all individuals. Our interview is detailed below:
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| <blockquote>
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| Press: Where am I?
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| Orbulon: Welcome, Earthling! It is time for the Great Probing!
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| Press: Pr-probing? I... wha...
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| Orbulon: Bunny minions! Seize him!
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| Press: Gah! Let me go, you freaks! What are doing to... AUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!
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| Orbulon: You don't think my 2000-year desire to dominate your pathetic planet would simply go away, did you? Stupid Earthling... I shall burger your kind like hams!
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| Press: N-no... no... please, no...
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| </blockquote>
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| If anyone has seen the reporter that was beamed up by the Oinker, please tell us, he owes me money.
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| Police are trying desperately to find the one responsible for Wario's injuries, though because everyone was looking away from Wario's ugly mug and Princess Peach considers security cameras "an invasion of privacy" the search is taking extremely long. If anyone has any information, please contact the Mushroom Kingdom Police immediately, or you will be charged with treason.
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| I mean, I'm pretty sure it's Toad, but no one really listens to me, especially not those fungus fools.
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