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|author=Stooben Rooben | |author=Stooben Rooben | ||
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|content= | |content=Trust no one, Agent Mulder. Not even the writers of your own show... | ||
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Written by: {{User|PowerKamek}} | Written by: {{User|PowerKamek}} | ||
[[File:MKSC.jpg|thumb|right]] | [[File:MKSC Box Art.jpg|thumb|right]] | ||
Happy March everyone! This is PowerKamek, and I’m happy about Spring being here! This month, I’m going to review a game that has been special to me since I was little, and still special today. It’s a great ''Mario Kart'' game that has been around for nearly 15 years! ''[[Mario Kart: Super Circuit]]''! | Happy March everyone! This is PowerKamek, and I’m happy about Spring being here! This month, I’m going to review a game that has been special to me since I was little, and still special today. It’s a great ''Mario Kart'' game that has been around for nearly 15 years! ''[[Mario Kart: Super Circuit]]''! | ||
''[[Mario Kart: Super Circuit]]'' is special to me because it was one of my first Mario games ever! I think that the courses are imaginative, like [[Ribbon Road]]. The background may look a little kiddish, but I really don’t care. I wonder who ever thought of a road made out of ribbon. Also the course [[Cheese Land]] is pretty cool. Driving on cheese with cute [[Little Mouser]]s running all over the track just makes my day. Another great course is [[Bowser Castle 4]]. It’s one of my all-time favorite Bowser Castles. It’s layout is fun to play on because of it’s challenging obsticles. My favorite course in this game is [[Sunset Wilds]] because I like how the course gets deeper into nighttime every lap. It makes me feel like I’m watching a sunset while I’m racing, which gives me a good feeling. | ''[[Mario Kart: Super Circuit]]'' is special to me because it was one of my first Mario games ever! I think that the courses are imaginative, like [[Ribbon Road]]. The background may look a little kiddish, but I really don’t care. I wonder who ever thought of a road made out of ribbon. Also the course [[Cheese Land]] is pretty cool. Driving on cheese with cute [[Little Mouser]]s running all over the track just makes my day. Another great course is [[Bowser Castle 4]]. It’s one of my all-time favorite Bowser Castles. It’s layout is fun to play on because of it’s challenging obsticles. My favorite course in this game is [[Sunset Wilds]] because I like how the course gets deeper into nighttime every lap. It makes me feel like I’m watching a sunset while I’m racing, which gives me a good feeling. | ||
I like how you can view your replays on the time trial records option. If you save ghost data, it will go here and you can view it whenever you want. But, you can only save up to ten of them. For the battle mode, the battle courses are great. It’s fun playing on multiplayer mode because you get to battle. My favorite battle course is [[Battle Course 4]] because it’s more peaceful than the other courses. I don’t really battle much on this game anymore, but I still like that course. | I like how you can view your replays on the time trial records option. If you save ghost data, it will go here and you can view it whenever you want. But, you can only save up to ten of them. For the battle mode, the battle courses are great. It’s fun playing on multiplayer mode because you get to battle. My favorite battle course is [[Battle Course 4 (GBA)|Battle Course 4]] because it’s more peaceful than the other courses. I don’t really battle much on this game anymore, but I still like that course. | ||
Alright, I said enough, it’s time to rate it! Let’s see: <br> | Alright, I said enough, it’s time to rate it! Let’s see: <br> | ||
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Written by: {{User|Crocodile Dippy}} | Written by: {{User|Crocodile Dippy}} | ||
[[ | [[File:CrocodileStyleReviews.png|center]] | ||
{{nonmario | {{nonmario | ||
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Although this is one world that you may want to avoid damaging too much, since the vibrant colours and gorgeous landmarks make Oros one of the more aesthetically exciting worlds to explore, a pleasant contrast from the endless grey sludge a lot of these games subject you to. It’s actually quite impressive that a world as big as this can avoid feeling too much like a copypaste job, due in very large part to the unique landmarks, biomes, and wildlife that populate distinct areas of Oros, although the size can make travel a pain in the ass. This is where the bonfire system comes in, wherein you follow standard conqueror procedure of killing everything that doesn’t look like you until the only thing standing between you and a comfy night’s rest in the frozen wastes are the dead bodies stinking up the place. Taking these camps and settlements grants you fast travel options, and thank the fire gods that these bastards have set up so many camps across the world, because travel time running through the jungle with angry wildlife chasing after you would begin to feel like my daily commute. | Although this is one world that you may want to avoid damaging too much, since the vibrant colours and gorgeous landmarks make Oros one of the more aesthetically exciting worlds to explore, a pleasant contrast from the endless grey sludge a lot of these games subject you to. It’s actually quite impressive that a world as big as this can avoid feeling too much like a copypaste job, due in very large part to the unique landmarks, biomes, and wildlife that populate distinct areas of Oros, although the size can make travel a pain in the ass. This is where the bonfire system comes in, wherein you follow standard conqueror procedure of killing everything that doesn’t look like you until the only thing standing between you and a comfy night’s rest in the frozen wastes are the dead bodies stinking up the place. Taking these camps and settlements grants you fast travel options, and thank the fire gods that these bastards have set up so many camps across the world, because travel time running through the jungle with angry wildlife chasing after you would begin to feel like my daily commute. | ||
[[File:FarCryPrimalScreenshot2.jpg|thumb| | [[File:FarCryPrimalScreenshot2.jpg|thumb|left|388x192px]] | ||
And by the fire gods, are there a lot of options to kill things in this game, which shouldn’t come as much of a surprise for anyone who’s been with the ''Far Cry'' series since word dot. Aside from the clubs, the bows, the spears, the traps, the daggers, the bombs, the animals, the stealth takedowns, and the fires, the game sees fit to also grant you a pet owl, which can be used to scout the area, mark targets, as well as drop rocks on people like a prehistoric Dennis the Menace. The sheer degree of options available to you to terrorise and brutalise your enemies is staggering, although it can get frustrating when you’re planning a beautiful stealth attack but your animal friend decides to go for a merry stroll through the enemy camp, alerting them all to your exact location. It’s like when your dumbass dog tries to greet everyone you know regardless of whether you hate their guts or not. | And by the fire gods, are there a lot of options to kill things in this game, which shouldn’t come as much of a surprise for anyone who’s been with the ''Far Cry'' series since word dot. Aside from the clubs, the bows, the spears, the traps, the daggers, the bombs, the animals, the stealth takedowns, and the fires, the game sees fit to also grant you a pet owl, which can be used to scout the area, mark targets, as well as drop rocks on people like a prehistoric Dennis the Menace. The sheer degree of options available to you to terrorise and brutalise your enemies is staggering, although it can get frustrating when you’re planning a beautiful stealth attack but your animal friend decides to go for a merry stroll through the enemy camp, alerting them all to your exact location. It’s like when your dumbass dog tries to greet everyone you know regardless of whether you hate their guts or not. | ||
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<big>Dino Piranha</big> | <big>Dino Piranha</big> | ||
[[File: | [[File:SMG Dino Piranha Battle.png|200px|right|thumb|What a cute little bab.... oh, wait, we're about to kill it...]] | ||
''Super Mario Galaxy'' was the first big game for the Nintendo Wii. And it was a big game, spanning various galaxies. And as a result it introduced a lot of new characters, enemies and bosses, and it's the first boss that I'm going to be talking about today: Dino Piranha | ''Super Mario Galaxy'' was the first big game for the Nintendo Wii. And it was a big game, spanning various galaxies. And as a result it introduced a lot of new characters, enemies and bosses, and it's the first boss that I'm going to be talking about today: Dino Piranha | ||
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== The Stoob Tube == | == The Stoob Tube == | ||
Written by: {{User|Stooben Rooben}} | Written by: {{User|Stooben Rooben}} | ||
{{ShroomStrongContent|spoilers and some language}} | |||
<center>'''''What's that? You say you need a TV junkie to review TV junk?'''''</center> | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-work.gif|center|300px]] | |||
Please, sit down, Agents! Welcome to Critic Corner's third edition of '''The Stoob Tube'''! I am your darling writer, Stooben Rooben, and I am here to help you find television entertainment that won't liquefy your brain! Well, actually, TV's not all that bad, but it still helps to know where to look — and that's why I'm here, to introduce you to good entertainment. Or, in the worst case, tell you which programs to avoid. | |||
I will try to hide any significant spoilers in black bars that you have to highlight to read. | |||
{{tvreview | |||
|name=The X-Files (miniseries) | |||
|image=[[File:cc108-xfiles-titlesequence.gif|center]]<center>The show's title sequence.</center> | |||
|creator=[[wikipedia:Chris Carter (screenwriter)|Chris Carter]] | |||
|producer=Chris Carter, [[wikipedia:Darin Morgan|Darin Morgan]], [[wikipedia:Glen Morgan|Glen Morgan]], [[wikipedia:James Wong (filmmaker)|James Wong]] | |||
|starring=[[wikipedia:David Duchovny|David Duchovny]], [[wikipedia:Gillian Anderson|Gillian Anderson]], [[wikipedia:Mitch Pileggi|Mitch Pileggi]] | |||
|season=1 | |||
|eps=6 | |||
|genre=Science fiction, Drama, Mystery | |||
|channel=[[wikipedia:Fox Broadcasting Company|FOX]] | |||
|runtime=44 minutes | |||
|airdate=24 Jan, 2016 — 22 Feb, 2016 | |||
}} | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-oldagents.jpg|thumb|250px|left|[[wikipedia:David Duchovny|David Duchovny]] as [[wikipedia:Fox Mulder|Fox Mulder]] (left) and [[wikipedia:Gillian Anderson|Gillian Anderson]] as [[wikipedia:Dana Scully|Dana Scully]] (right).]] | |||
This month, I will be reviewing a brand new program, one that this generation of television has needed to see for quite some time. That program is ''[[wikipedia:The X-Files|The X-Files]]''. Yes, the very same one that aired 1993—2002! Fourteen years after the end of the original series' run, and eight years after the theatrical release of ''[[wikipedia:The X-Files: I Want to Believe|I Want to Believe]]'', we've finally been presented with a six-episode miniseries that will answer our biggest questions and tie up any remaining loose ends. Not only could it provide longtime viewers with the ending they've been waiting on for 14 years, it could serve as a great method for attracting a whole new generation of viewers. If you are unfamiliar with the premise of the series, though, allow me to explain. | |||
''The X-Files'' follows the story of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, Special Agents with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Mulder is a strong believer in the existence of extraterrestrials, supernatural beings, and government conspiracies to cover up their existence; Scully, on the other hand, is a staunch skeptic, though highly intelligent and analytical. Both spend their time working under division of the FBI that works on difficult, unsolved, or otherwise unexplainable cases, known as the eponymous "X-Files". When the show starts out, Mulder is already working for the X-Files division when Scully is assigned to be his partner; her job is to debunk his outlandish theories with cold, hard science. Quite frequently, though, ''just'' science isn't enough to explain or solve the cases these two encounter. | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-skinman.png|left|thumb|200px|Among the returning X-Files alumni is [[wikipedia:Mitch Pileggi|Mitch Pileggi]], who plays the role of Walter Skinner. He appears in four of the six aired episodes, and is credited in the title sequence for those episodes only.]] | |||
Mulder's obsession with the paranormal is not without good reason; when he was 12 years old, he witness his younger sister, Samantha, being abducted by aliens. This starts the ball rolling for Mulder's new purpose — to find and reveal the truth about the existence of extraterrestrials. This is a journey in which Mulder encounters foil after foil, though that rarely seems to stop him, even when Scully is in complete doubt of his beliefs. As the show progresses, Scully witnesses and experiences a wide array of events she can not explain with science alone. Her skepticism evolves over the course of the show, to the point where she is arguably more open-minded than Mulder (due in part to Scully's religious beliefs — something Mulder can't help but be completely void of). | |||
Throughout the show, the two agents are occasionally aided by other individuals (although they are not necessarily always allies). Among some of these people are [[wikipedia:Walter Skinner|Assistant Director, Walter Skinner]], the tough but flexible supervisor of Mulder and Scully; [[wikipedia:The Lone Gunmen|The Lone Gunmen]], a trio of conspiracy theorists who provide reliable technological insight; and even [[wikipedia:Cigarette Smoking Man|the cigarette-smoking man]], the main villain of the series. [[wikipedia:John Doggett|John Doggett]] and [[wikipedia:Monica Reyes|Monica Reyes]] are also vital characters in the eighth and ninth seasons of the show, two FBI agents who essentially fill in Scully and Mulder's own shoes, respectively. | |||
When the series ended in 2002, it left a number of questions unanswered and arcs incomplete. The finale was not ''bad'' (I enjoy it quite a lot actually), but it was a slightly frustrating finish to a show that spent nine years very clearly building up to something without fully achieving it. ''The X-Files'' is very much a show that could see a well-rounded ending, yet somehow it remained just beyond the finale's reach. To many fans, this was still an acceptable approach to the finale though, since it more or less encapsulated how close The Truth always was to being uncovered in the show (not only by Mulder, but by anyone who tried). | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-doyoumissit.gif|thumb|300px|That's a dumb question and you know it.]] | |||
The open-ended nature of the finale eventually led to the creation of the ''[[wikipedia:The X-Files: I Want to Believe|I Want to Believe]]'' movie in 2008. Intended and promised to be a better conclusion than the original series finale, the film failed at living up to this claim in nearly every aspect. The film was pretty negatively-received and left a number of fans feeling pretty sour. Mistakes happen, though. So long as you learn from them and improve, it's not so bad, right? | |||
That's where this new miniseries comes in. After the success of [[wikipedia:24: Live Another Day|<i>24</i>'s reboot]], FOX decided it would be a good idea to greenlight a similar opportunity for their flagship show of the 90s, ''The X-Files''. While ''24'' received twelve episodes with their miniseries, ''The X-Files'' received six. Scheduling conflicts played a big factor in the decision to produce only six episodes. Size isn't everything, though; six episodes is '''plenty''' of time to tie up any loose ends in the series and still have a little bit of room for fun. I mean, that's, like, at least the length of both ''X-Files'' movies! | |||
Unfortunately, those six episodes do not uniformly serve to conclude the very long ''X-Files'' story. As a matter of fact, only two episodes (1 and 6) focus on the "government conspiracy" arc that dates back to the 1993 pilot. Episodes 2 through 5 utilize the classic "monster-of-the-week" format that ''The X-Files'' made commonplace. Around the same time these facts were announced, the miniseries was officially referred to as "Season 10" by Chris Carter, the creator the series himself. These choices send a lot of mixed signals, but aren't necessarily damning. Two episodes can still answer a lot, and it's not like they can't keep the main arc going in the background while these monster-of-the-week cases are going on. | |||
I remain skeptical of just how much will be answered, but confident that I will enjoy the episodes and the performances. Seeing some beloved old characters back in action at what they do best is gonna have to be at least somewhat cool. So with that, I will break down each episode's worth and how they stack up all together in the end. This should be pretty fun. | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-ufo.gif|thumb|300px|left|[[wikipedia:Roswell UFO incident|The Roswell Incident.]] A fair amount of time and money went into creating this crash sequence and the resulting [http://www.campfright.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/x-files-ufo-1947-crash.jpg impact site].]] | |||
=== Episode 1: My Struggle === | |||
The premiere starts off six-ish years after the second movie (''I Want to Believe''), with Mulder narrating a decent summary of his time on the original ''X-Files'' run. It hypes you into thinking this season is going to pick up right where the original series left off. The next scene is the 1947 Roswell crash scene showcased on the left. Military, feds, scientists — all show up to investigate this massive event. When an alien is discovered crawling away from the ship, it is succinctly executed by military personnel despite pleas from nearby truth-seekers. | |||
Jump ahead 69 years and we see Scully randomly receiving a call from The Skinman (Walter Skinner, that is), requesting a meeting be arranged between Mulder and A Bill O'Reilly Type (affectionately named "Tad O'Malley", enjoyably portrayed by [[wikipedia:Joel McHale|Joel McHale]]). If that sounds forced at all, that's okay, because it is. The reason Skinner wants these two to meet, is to discuss a woman who claimed to be abducted and have her fetuses stolen. Pretty disturbing if you're not familiar with what to expect from an ''X-File'', but otherwise standard fare and a bit thin for the reboot basis. It's at this point I realize, ''they're not going to continue the story from [[wikipedia:The X-Files Season 10 (comics)|the comics]]''. In actuality, the comics are completely ignored. Even worse, they aren't the only writing that's ignored. | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-reopened.gif|thumb|300px|Television's biggest proponent of carcinogens since [[wikipedia:Rod Serling|Rod Serling]] is still alive. But only because he's essential to Chris Carter's master plan in Episode 6.]] | |||
Meanwhile, things are happening, the abductee is getting examined by Scully, Mulder's talking about conspiracies, Tad is feeding that, Skinner is in the background mostly just looking badass with his new beard, but...something...doesn't quite feel right. The writing is flat and uninteresting, because it's frankly a huge cliche at this point — the kind of thing ''[[The 'Shroom:Issue 103/Critic Corner#The Stoob Tube|Supernatural]]'' would use as the basis of a [http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=6.09_Clap_Your_Hands_If_You_Believe... lampoon episode], not the kind of thing ''X-Files'' would use to keep the momentum of their conspiracy arc moving...let alone as a launching pad for a new generation of ''X-Files'' seasons. To make the weak writing already worse, the acting is some of the most cardboard in all 200+ episodes of the series. Mulder are Scully get into an argument over how badly "he wants to believe", but neither side of the performance was convincing. If anything, I was half-convinced they ''were'' making fun of the original series. Joel McHale did alright throughout the episode, at least. | |||
By the time the episode was over, I was left wanting more — but not because the episode was so great I needed ''ANOTHER FIX, '''MAN'''''. It was because I felt kind of cheated. It was great to see Mulder, Scully, Skinner, back in action in a modern setting, around new people, but absolutely ''nothing'' about the episode interested me. The cliffhanger was old news. Even worse, nothing got answered. I love the original ''X-Files'', but this episode was flatter than [[wikipedia:Tooms|Eugene Tooms after the escalator]]. Thankfully, the night following the premiere, a second episode aired. Surely, it's a continuation of this new layer of conspiracy arc? | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-unsee.gif|thumb|300px|left|At the end of the season, quotes like this start to feel like foreshadowing.]] | |||
=== Episode 2: Founder's Mutation === | |||
'''Wrong.''' Episode two switches to <i>The X-Files</i>' signature monster-of-the-week format. This one is written by [[wikipedia:James Wong|James Wong]], rather than Chris Carter, though — a fact that definitely shows, although this episode is still not stellar by any means. | |||
The episode starts out with your typical ''X-Files'' cold open. We see some sort of scientist suffering from bloodshot eyes and a high-pitched ringing in his ears. This isn't just tinnitus, though. This is the kind of noise that turns {{ShroomYoutube|QwMfkoEKGbA|Walter Red}} into {{ShroomYoutube|fHKrCs1rFRI|Walter White}}. The plot isn't a complete rip-off of the classic that is [[wikipedia:Drive (The X-Files)|"Drive"]], though; it actually has a few entertaining (if predictable) twists throughout the episode and carries its weight well. There are mentions of "[http://i.imgur.com/gL7CZIq.jpg Alien DNA]" throughout the episode, so you're left feeling like the arc hasn't been abandoned, at least. It's a comforting feeling that appears all too infrequently this season. | |||
I wish I had more to say about the episode, but unfortunately it's still pretty standard-fare. The ending is has a decent payoff, but really, things are still feeling halfhearted at this point. I will admit that the return to "monster-of-the-week" format worked out pretty nicely, but let's face it — that's not why most viewers wanted the show to come back, especially for such a short period. | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-headstones.jpg|thumb|300px|left|Prop replications of [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0543129/ Kim Manners]' and [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0362659/ Jack Hardy]'s gravestones. While Manners was a creative influence during the original run of ''The X-Files'', Jack Hardy worked on short-lived sister programs ''[[wikipedia:Millennium (TV series)|Millennium]]'' and ''[[wikipedia:The Lone Gunmen (TV series)|The Lone Gunmen]]''. Episode 3 serves well at honoring their contributions without distracting from the story itself.]] | |||
=== Episode 3: Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster === | |||
Now THIS is an episode. Even though it's not a government-conspiracy-spooky-alien story line, it is the single best episode in this six-episode run. Another stand alone "monster-of-the-week", this loony episode is written by [[wikipedia:Darin Morgan|Darin Morgan]], who has one of the best track records of any ''X-Files'' writer or producer. What starts out as a likable, comedic episode, turns out to be extremely clever in the story department, too. It features a number of twists that I was pleasantly surprised by, but best of all is the very lengthy and hilarious monologue provided by [[wikipedia:Rhys Darby|Rhys Darby]] (who, also humorously, is dressed much like [http://deathensemble.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Kolchaks-5-wardrobe.jpg Kolchack], ''The X-Files'' [[wikipedia:Kolchak: The Night Stalker|1970s inspiration]]). | |||
To make an already-good episode even better, there's also a fair amount of fanservice, which caters to nearly any type of fan — those who get high on referencing old lore, those who tune in only for the memes, even horny Scully fans waiting on that first sex scene (spoilers: <span style="background-color:black; color:black;">the scene is a totally hilarious and unbelievable part of Darby's monologue</span>, so it doesn't feel awkward or unnecessary). | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-daggoo.gif|thumb|250px|Remember [http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/x-files/images/7/76/Queequeg.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20100423182559 Queequeg]? Well, meet Daggoo! He's also named after a [[wikipedia:List of Moby-Dick characters|''Moby Dick'' character]]. And Scuwwy wuvs him.]] | |||
The episode references a number of old episodes ([[wikipedia:Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose|Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose]], [[wikipedia:War of the Coprophages|War of the Coprophages]], [[wikipedia:Quagmire (The X-Files)|Quagmire]]), and bears some obvious influence from certain scenes that made [[wikipedia:Jose Chung's From Outer Space|Jose Chung's ''From Outer Space'']] and [[wikipedia:Small Potatoes (The X-Files)|Small Potatoes]] so great. Darin Morgan had his hand in every single one of those episodes, which shows he pays attention to his work and is consistent. This is not something that can be said for any other writers in this season. | |||
Perhaps the most touching part of the episode, though, is that Darby's long monologue takes place in a cemetery. Well, the cemetery part isn't touching, but the fact that there are clear shots of headstones with Kim Manners' and Jack Hardy's names obviously means that the writers want the viewers to know, "hey, these two people meant a lot to us and we want you to know their names". While my personal exposure to Hardy's work has been a bit limited, Manners definitely put heaps of work into making ''The X-Files'' shine. This was the first opportunity the series has had to express their condolences since either of the two passed away; the fact that they worked this background memorial into one of this very-restricted season's episodes says that it was a top priority for the crew. Overall, the episode lives up to the quality you would expect from a classic screwball ''X-File''. I was plenty happy with this episode. | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-trashman.jpg|thumb|300px|left|The Trashman is the only creepy monster of the season.]] | |||
=== Episode 4: Home Again === | |||
I got a little nervous when I first read the title of this episode, but I felt much better once I realized this was not ''literally'' revisiting the plot of [[wikipedia:Home (The X-Files)|Home]]. (If you've never watched ''The X-Files'', that's pretty much the most disturbing episode in its entire run.) Written by [[wikipedia:Glen Morgan|Glen Morgan]] (brother of Darin), this episode is yet another "monster-of-the-week" feature. The cold open is violent, but intriguing. The creature that is the focus of this case, the Trashman, looks cool and has the makings of a memorable X-File. All in all, the episode starts out very promising. | |||
However, the focus of this episode quickly drifts and then splits: <span style="background-color:black; color:black;">Scully's mom is in the hospital, unconscious.</span> Random, pain-inducing drama! Just wanted I wanted out of this reboot! <span style="background-color:black; color:black;">((No, it's not.))</span> I'm actually not too sure what spurred this story choice. The character had been out of the show for a while, is not immediately important to anything going on in the episode, or anything going on ''in the entire season''. | |||
The episode also makes countless references to William. If you recognize the name, then you know exactly what that means; if you don't recognize the name, don't worry, it's a pretty big spoiler from the original series that I'm not going to get into. What is particularly frustrating about these mentions, though, is that they amount to absolutely nothing in this episode, yet again. I don't remember ''The X-Files'' doing this. It's like when ''[[wikipedia:Lost (TV series)|Lost]]'' would bring attention to something as if it were highly important, only to retreat out of fear of commitment. It's a good way to string viewers along to no resolve. Me no likey. | |||
Unfortunately, the interesting parts of the Trashman's case get completely smothered by this ongoing side-plot that becomes the main plot. It felt to me as if the purpose of the episode was changed halfway through production, and that the only reason any time was being spent on the case was because they started the episode out with it. It's as if they didn't think of a proper closer. That said, I still thoroughly enjoyed the Trashman as a monster and was interested in what little bit of lore he had attached to him (even if one of Mulder's rants regarding the monster completely contradicts his findings in [[wikipedia:Arcadia (The X-Files)|another episode]]). | |||
In other words, the writers are not paying much attention to continuity. The ''Were-Monster'' episode gave me hope that this wouldn't be an issue, but here it is rearing its butt-ugly head. | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-newagents.jpg|thumb|300px|left|[[wikipedia:Robbie Amell|Robbie Amell]] (left) plays Agent Miller, while [[wikipedia:Lauren Ambrose|Lauren Ambrose]] (right) plays Agent Einstein. These two characters are new agents introduced in the miniseries. They function as a modernized (and somewhat parodied) version of Mulder and Scully.]] | |||
=== Episode 5: Babylon === | |||
And here we arrive back at Chris Carter as writer; the circle is now complete. Chris Carter's name is typically associated with the conspiracy arc episodes, so you'd think this would be the part where the season gets back on track with the whole "wrapping things up" bit. I mean, we're in the back half of the season, and there's only 2 episodes to go...but nah, let's have another one-off monster-of-the-week! Oh hey, just to spice things up, why don't we make it ''not'' a monster, and just a cliche terrorist case? Seriously, this episode plays out like a watered-down "homage" to [[wikipedia:24 (TV series)|''24'']]'s worst seasons. It's truly a bottom-of-the-barrel episode. I could probably think of at least 200 other ''X-Files'' episodes I like more — so in other words, it's worst than most of the entire series. | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-mushroom.jpg|thumb|300px|Super Mario Wiki represent.]] | |||
To inflate the length of the episode (because the actual case would only last 15-20 minutes), we are introduced to two new agents, Miller and Einstein. They are meant to be nods to Mulder and Scully, respectively, but just come across as incredibly hamfisted characters. Miller is a boring copy of Mulder, having all of "spooky Mulder"'s traits without even half the heart (although, twice the finesse); making connection to this character even more impossible, are the facts that he gets very little screen time, and that, for all we know, we're never going to see him again after Season 10. Einstein, on the other hand, is more like [[bulbapedia:Slowpoke (Pokémon)|Slowpoke]], bearing obvious similarities to Scully (in profession, personality, and appearance), but replacing most of her intelligence and foresight with brattiness. She also suffers from the same screen time and connection problems that Miller does. I want to like these characters, but I just don't have enough to grab on to. I guess that's ''my'' struggle. | |||
The episode takes a random detour two-thirds of the way through when Mulder decides to use [[Super Mushroom|magic mushrooms]] to communicate with someone in a coma. This should be a good idea, but it's not. It's executed terribly. There's a 5-minute montage of Mulder doing [[wikipedia:Line dance|line dances]], getting whipped by Cigarette Smoking Man, and a mere one- or two-second speechless cameo by The Lone Gunmen (who, if you blink, you ''will'' miss — if you can even recognize them in cowpolk garb). If this doesn't sound corny to you, then you may change your opinion when I tell you the entire scene is backed with the most overdone bad country song ever: [[wikipedia:Achy Breaky Heart|"Achy Breaky Heart"]]. Couldn't have picked something else equally horrible that hasn't been played five-trillion times? | |||
The whole episode is built with that shroom trip being the climax, but it's forced, awkward, and feels like a genuine waste of time. "Babylon" does not belong in this season; hell, it barely belongs in ''The X-Files''. Even if I did get to hear The Skinman say "dude" twice. | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-seriously.gif|thumb|300px|left|Perhaps Chris Carter is trying to tell us something?]] | |||
=== Episode 6: My Struggle II === | |||
Last stop: Season Finale! Another episode provided by the very brazen Chris Carter. I don't think I need to tell you that I've lost the will to believe at this point. I realize now that there is '''no way''' ''The X-Files'' is getting wrapped up properly in this lone 44-minute episode. It just can't happen. There isn't a season 11 on the horizon or confirmed yet, either. I don't know what the hell Chris Carter is thinking anymore. But hey, I've already watched five of the six episodes, I may as well watch the finale. It can't get much more disappointing, right? | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-reyes.jpg|thumb|300px|[[wikipedia:Annabeth Gish|Annabeth Gish]] briefly reprises her role as [[wikipedia:Monica Reyes|Monica Reyes]] in the season finale.]] | |||
<b>No.</b> Wrong ''again''. | |||
So, we return to the Tad O'Malley plot from the premiere. "Alien DNA" is mentioned enough times in the episode to make a drinking game. Mulder, Tad, and the entire world are getting sick from some sort of apocalyptic alien virus, and only Dana Scully can save the planet with her cultured blood. Not even kidding here. Like, the entire population gets sick and society starts falling apart within hours, but almost equally as fast, Scully realizes that her Alien DNA holds the key to this whole thing. The whole cure-making process takes only a few more hours, with only two people working on it, who aren't even sure if they're doing the right thing at first. ''X-Files'' has had some rushed deus ex machinas in its day, but this one was totally uncalled for. | |||
Carter tries to cram five episodes' worth of content into one episode. As a result, the episode is poorly-edited, confusing, paced unbelievably, and completely devoid of any sort of meaningful character development...with two exceptions. Although, I feel using the word "development" here is misleading. | |||
First, is the reappearance of Monica Reyes. As someone who enjoyed the eighth and ninth seasons of ''The X-Files'', it's awesome to see her back in the series. Unfortunately, in less than seven minutes' time, she completely violates the moral compass viewers has grown accustomed to her having. Reyes is essentially a soft-spoken, female Mulder, but no, Chris Carter decided <span style="background-color:black; color:black;">she should side with C.G.B. Spender, despite the many established reasons she would never do such a thing</span>. Perhaps there is more to the picture than we are seeing in this single episode, but with no guarantee of season 11, there's really no way of telling if we will get a more fleshed-out explanation for her actions. Still, though, that's not the worst of the episode. | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-theend.gif|thumb|250px|left|Real cute.]] | |||
The title of "worst offender" appropriately goes to the Cigarette-Smoking Man himself. While he appears in a decent portion of the haphazard episode, what he does and speaks about in that time is perhaps the most unforgivable act Carter committed in this whole ''X-Files'' revival: <span style="background-color:black; color:black;">He completely retconned the Smoking Man's plan for alien colonization of Earth — you know, the main reason this character even exists in the ''X-Files'' universe...</span> Never before have I seen <span style="background-color:black; color:black;">nine seasons (or, mercifully, seven seasons) undermined in a less-than-ten-minute period before</span>. Props to Chris Carter for that one, I guess? | |||
If you're not feeling dissatisfied with the episode's profound blunders yet, then allow me to continue. When Scully creates the cure, she rushes to find Mulder in a traffic jam, acting and driving like an idiot the entire way there. When she arrives, Mulder is basically on death's door and she says she's there to help him. ...Then, she wanders off and talks to Agent Miller about some shit going down earlier in the episode. How un-Scully is it to let Mulder helplessly fade away in a car six feet behind her? By this point in the show, there's less than one minute left. Nothing is going to get wrapped up — not even ''this single episode's story''. Suddenly, a UFO appears, its beam focused on Scully. The camera zooms in to her eyes and [http://img2.tvtome.com/i/u/0c832c380ef24941c90927f81acf627f.gif ends just like that]. Th-th-th-that's all folks! | |||
[[File:cc108-xfiles-thatdidnothappen.gif|thumb|300px|Basically how I felt about the whole season. Except Episode 3.]] | |||
=== Aftermath === | |||
''So'' much went wrong with this season. I've already rambled for an entire lagfest about how awful it is and I feel like I've still barely touched on why I was so disappointed. Most of my other complaints are minor compared to the issues I did point out though, and would require me to go into too much detail of the original show for just this one section. If you are a true X-Phile though, you'll no doubt pick up on every part that stinks. If you've never watched the show before, ''do not start here''. This season, in many ways, is completely unfaithful to the original series. It's not just the arc neglect, either. The characters are written recklessly, and the acting frequently becomes awkward as a consequence. Even details such as Mulder being logged into mobile apps that can track him contribute to the overall feel that the writers (and especially Chris Carter) have forgotten what they were even aiming for when they first started writing the show. | |||
I can not knock the entire season, though. "Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster" is truly a fantastic episode and may very well have been worth the other five episodes being commissioned. Darin Morgan did awesome and should feel proud of his accomplishments. I will, however, pretend those five other episodes don't exist — just like I do the second movie, ''I Want to Believe''. | |||
Well, really, I can't fault Glen Morgan or James Wong too much either. They did their part in their episodes, and parts of those two were at least entertaining. But at the end of the season, they just don't feel "worth the weight". | |||
Chris Carter's obliviousness towards established arcs and character traits is deplorable. He needs to take a step back and let some different writers handle the true meat of the show, if it even comes back for another season. It's not like the ''X-Files'' crew doesn't have connections to nearly every major television network; their writer pool is far from narrow. So, why would Chris Carter seemingly choose to butcher his TV baby? My guess is that he just wants people to know what his name is, without really caring about what kind attachment those people will make to it. | |||
Another area this reboot will fail at spectacularly is bringing in new viewers. There is no grab to this season. Anything good you see here, you can get elsewhere on TV currently. Mulder, Scully, Skinner — all these characters pale in comparison to their original-run counterparts, which is a shame, because I would love to see those three reeling me in to the show again. I love those characters, and I don't entirely blame the actors for the way they turned out this season. The performances were lifeless at times, but to be fair, it's probably difficult to work with such 1-dimensional scripts. | |||
I would love to supply a quote as to why you should watch this, but I'm afraid I can't bring myself to muster such content this time around. The reason being, that I consider Season 10 of ''The X-Files'' '''shameful'''. I cannot think of a better word. Unless he plans to pretend ''this'' Season 10 doesn't exist ''either'', Chris Carter and any future writers and producers are seriously going to have their hands full fixing this mess. "My Struggle II" is a contender for one of the worst episodes of primetime television I've seen this decade. Possibly longer. It is bad and Chris Carter should feel bad. Chris Carter made ''me'' feel bad for being foolish enough to think he'd actually wrap shit up. What a jerk I am. | |||
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