The 'Shroom:Issue 234/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
Greetings, all! Welcome to the September issue of The 'Shroom!
There's a lot to talk about here! The direct last week was full of big reveals- lots of new games, Level 5 is making a comeback (and having some issues with AI use, sigh), and Xenoblade fans got a character confirmation that everyone has been talking about for four years now! In my opinion, it was a great Direct. And in new games news, Fire Emblem: Fortune's Weave is out now, and I've heard a lot of good things about it. Seems very fun and also very full of lore. I watched a Fire Emblem fan I follow play a few hours right after release and he was really enjoying himself in the prologue. In old games news, I've finally put my money where my mouth is and started a new game file on my copy of Pokémon White. I had so much fun with X earlier this year and I've seen so many shots of Unova that I had to finally get started on my journey. I haven't gone very far, so hopefully next month, I'll have more to tell you!
This month, our regular fiction writers have returned! Waluigi Time (talk) is bringing an all-new Too Bad, Storytime! collab with MightyMario (talk), so I'll let you check that out for yourself!
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
It's time for Section of the Month results, so let's take a gander! In first place, we have winstein (talk)'s The ? Panel! Right behind in second, we have Hint Toad (talk)'s Mushroom Kingdom Comics!! And following in third, we have Sparks (talk)'s Random Video Analysis! Congratulations to our winners this month, and thank you to all of you who cast a vote!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The ? Panel | 16 | 53.33% | winstein (talk) |
| 2nd | Mushroom Kingdom Comics! | 9 | 30.00% | Hint Toad (talk) |
| 3rd | Random Video Analysis | 2 | 6.67% | Sparks (talk) |
Waluigi Time Comic
Drawn by: Waluigi Time (talk)
"Overdog"
Panel 1
[Waluigi Time bends over to pet Poochy.]
WALUIGI TIME: Good morning, Poochy
Panel 2
[Waluigi Time walks through the office, smiling with his eyes closed. Two more Poochys, using different skins from the Minecraft Super Mario Mash-up, can be seen, one walking to the left and another holding a bone in its mouth.]
Panel 3
[Waluigi Time is now confused and looking at three more Poochys. One is pawing at another which is smiling back, and another is chasing a bouncing ball.]
Panel 4
[Waluigi Time is standing next to Sparks, who is shrugging with a question mark over his head. Two more Poochys are looking at each other and another is close to the panel, pawing at the reader.]
WALUIGI TIME: So... What happened here?
The ? Panel
{Mario and Daisy both have a hearty laugh at the sight of what they have watched on the tablet.}
Mario and Daisy: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
---
{Peach walks by both Mario and Daisy, interested in what they are happy about. Mario turns around Peach with a worried look, while Daisy is still having fun on the tablet.}
Peach: What are you two having fun with?
Mario: Um...
{Peach witnesses the sight on the tablet, her expression changed to an aghast frown as she grabs both Mario and Daisy by their shoulders. Mario drags his collar with a "Gulp", anticipating an outburst, while Daisy looks at Peach with worry.}
---
{Peach snatches the tablet from the table and holds it up, furious at both Mario and Daisy. Mario shivers in fear, while Daisy jumps in surprise. The tablet depicts Peach's head being dizzy due to the spinning, causing her to be distorted from the spin.}
Peach: This makes me look terrible! How dare you enjoy this!?
{Mario and Daisy looks at Peach with sweaty expressions, while Peach huffs in anger}
Mario: Uh... um... we found this app online and we... wanted to check it out... I guess we were a tad carried away...
---
{Daisy touches here fingers from both hands in hesitation, awkwardly assuring Peach. Mario looks at Peach with a worried expression, where Peach is at a breaking point and is preparing for a slap by raising her hand}
Daisy: Don't... don't worry... you still look beautiful, even when distorted or furious...
{Two "Smack" sounds were sounded off, due to Peach slapping both Mario and Daisy}
---
{Peach angrily points at both Mario and Daisy to leave, where Mario and Daisy both walked off and pressing their palms on their cheeks with cheeky expressions. Daisy even holds the tablet, since it is hers. Both wink at each other from the fun they had.}
Peach: I don't want anyone ever using that accursed app, got that??
Daisy: (Whispering) It hurts, but that was fun, huh?
Mario: (Whispering) Mm-hm, ha-ha.
{Peach is delightfully playing with the Hello, Peach app on a tablet, where the Peach in it has poofy hair}
SFX: POOF
Peach: Hm~ Mm~ Mm~ Hm~ I'm quite enjoying this!
Mario: Gotcha!
{Peach turns around in embarrassment as she sees Mario and Daisy pointing at her, catching her in the act of playing with the Hello, Peach app that she ordered everyone else not to play. Meanwhile, Peach's hair in the Hello Peach reverts back to normal}
Daisy: Ha, knew you would come around to it!
Peach: Oh, you got me! I guess I was caught in the heat of the moment just now...
Created by: Aomaf (talk)
Alt texts by: Aomaf (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)
1
2
Mario Story
Sonic Story
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
Hello, 'Shroom readers! Hint Toad, here, with a brand new comic! Enjoy!
Panel 1
[The setting is Rosalina's Comet Observatory.]
Panel 2
[Bank Toad is hurrying along while carrying a large stack of coins. It looks pretty wobbly.]
Panel 3
[Bank Toad trips and all the coins get dispersed.]
Panel 4
[One coin is seen falling from a great height.]
Panel 5
[Rosalina and Polari are seen.]
Panel 6
[Suddenly, Rosalina's protective bubble appears to stop the falling coin from getting too close to her. This startles Rosalina.]
Panel 7
POLARI: See? That spell is way more annoying than useful!
ROSALINA: Oh shut up.
Too Bad, Storytime!
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk) and MightyMario (talk)
Pursuit of the Shattered Bone
The late summer breeze had drawn folks of all shapes and sizes out to the beach, hoping to revel in one last bit of fun in the sun before the temperatures grew colder. None of them seemed too bothered by the giant sea monster... as long as she wasn't getting in the way of someone's tan. After all, she wasn't here to bother anybody, she just came to stare at nautical vessels.
"Ooh, that's a nice one."
"Yeah, those ships really make looking out at the ocean a bit more interesting, don't they?" a voice from below the giant sea monster spoke. The creature turned her massive head and looked at the one who had made the comment. The human was clad in a pink swimsuit, blonde hair tied back into a ponytail (the way she always had it), and had put her sunglasses on the top of her head. With blue eyes like the ocean itself, she glanced up at the sea monster and gave a friendly smile. "Do you come here often? We just had to get out of the apartment and enjoy the sun."
"Oh yeah! It's a great place for creative inspiration," the sea monster replied. "I'm a writer, myself. You could say the ships are my muse, I suppose."
The human gave a quiet chuckle, not in a mocking way, but in joy at the thought of a sea monster being a writer. "It must be quite a hassle maneuvering a pencil with tiny little flippers like those." She pointed to the sea monster's front limbs with a tilt of her head.
"I make do! To be honest, I find it hard to imagine having all those extra... hand noodles."
"Arms? No, wait, fingers, you mean." The human attributed it to her hunger, after all, it had been quite a bit since she and her husband ate at the restaurant on the bay. She thought ordering the fried Blooper rings appetizer for a meal would have satisfied her, but all it did was make her hungrier.
"Yeah, not many of those where I'm from, short of the mermaids."
"Well, where are you from? Know any notable mermaids?"
She tilted an eyebrow, slightly amused at what she thought was a question with an obvious answer. "The sea, of course! I can't spend a whole lot of time on land, it's bad for my skin. But I know a few, and- oh my gosh, how rude of me, I haven't even introduced myself! They call me Shippy. What's your name?"
The human extended her hand to Shippy for a hand/flippershake, responding in kind with her own name. "The name's Cayde. Cayde Shilen. My husband, Zerris, should be here any second now with ice cream... I wonder what's keeping him? It's not like him to be gone this long..." Cayde put her hands to her hips and tried seeing if she could spot Zerris coming up the shore.
Unfortunately, it didn't seem like Zerris would be making his way back anytime soon. As he left the ice cream stand behind, he was set upon by a motley crew of nasty-looking skeletal pirates.
"Huh?! What are you doing?! Help! HELP ME! I'm being kidnapped! HELP!!!" Zerris shouted across the beach, hoping that someone would come to his aid and rescue him. The ice cream cones dropped to the sand, and were stomped on by the no-good skeletons as they pushed him toward a dinghy, unceremoniously tossing him into the vessel with seemingly little effort.
"Did you hear that?! It sounded like Zerris! HANG ON, ZER! I'M ON MY WAY!" Cayde took off into a sprint, feet pounding the sand and her ponytail bobbing up and down as she ran, hoping to get Zerris to safety quickly. The cries for help sounded terrified.
By the time she arrived at the scene, all that remained of the scuffle was a whole mess of kicked up sand, ice cream splattered and trampled into the ground, and the skeletons' dinghy rowing ever further from shore, preparing to reconvene with a visibly battle-tested and ominously dull gray pirate ship.
Cayde gasped upon seeing the ship floating away into the sunset. They had taken Zerris and she was going to take him back, no matter what. Cayde turned to Shippy as she caught up with the commotion and began to climb on, knowing nothing but saving her beloved from an unknown fate. "Shippy, how fast can you get me to that boat?"
"Th-that boat?!" she asked, her familiarity with nautical vessels having made her well aware of its reputation. "Cayde, you, um, you realize that's the Bony Brigadier, helmed by one of the most feared pirate crews of the modern day? I wouldn't want to mess with the Crossbone Corsair, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a pacifist."
"They just took my husband, if anything, they should be afraid of ME... well, US," Cayde said with determination and justice in her voice. She wasn't going to just let some old piles of bones kidnap her love.
Shippy's breath quickened with hesitation, but she was a sentimental soul - and perhaps more importantly, a total sucker for a good romance story. "Aw, it's like you know right where to get me... Okay, I'll... I'll do it. But the Brigadier's got some real sails on it, even with all those holes in them. I don't know if I'll be able to keep up..."
"I know we're not fast enough, but we gotta at least try. Who knows, maybe they'll strike a rock or two and that'll slow them down? Shippy, we just gotta try, okay?"
Shippy looked at the fearsome vessel, and with a determined gleam in her eye, set off from shore. "May the stars shine down on us both."
Meanwhile with our unfortunate captive, Zerris had been taken aboard the Bony Brigadier by the skeletal scallywags and tossed against the old wooden boards of the ship's deck. Dealing with these ruthless lackeys was bad enough already, but now he was about to come face to face with the captain himself - the infamous pirate known on the seven seas only as the Crossbone Corsair.
The door to the ship's cabin creaked open, and out from the shadows stepped a skeleton with bones bleached white from untold years of sailing the seven seas, clothed in the faded yet unmistakable crimson garb of a textbook pirate captain. His lifestyle was not one without cost, and he sported an eyepatch, hook hand, and peg leg on his left side.
"Har har har... Ain't ye a sight for a sore eye?" he said, looking down on his new prisoner with an empty eye socket and a bony grin peppered with golden teeth. In Zerris' current position, the captain's height, already imposing as is, made it easy to tower over him. "I been tryin' ta track down yer boss fer some time now, and it seems me efforts finally be payin' off. Good thing, too. The lass was startin' ta get impatient with me, arr..."
Zerris swallowed as the pirate captain approached him, he didn't know what he was talking about or who the "lass" was. "Um- uh- you've been looking for me? Wha-what did I do?" Zerris stuttered in fright, eyes unable to look away from the captain's terrifying appearance. He hoped Cayde was alright and that she wasn't here too.
"So, ye playin' the fool, I see. Well, ye have the face for it, har har... Let's be gettin' straight ta business here, boy. Me spies are reliable men, and I know all about yer cahootin' with The Fish, so I suggest ye start talkin'."
Zerris' eyes went wide, massively misunderstanding the captain's explanation. "Wait, this is all because I ate fish?! But... it was all fried and delicious... and it came with a side of french fries too! I was at a seafood restaurant, how could I NOT eat fish?! Maybe I should have just gone with the hamburger instead..."
"No, boy, no! I don't care 'bout yer blasted lunch, I be talkin' an internationally wanted criminal here! Argh..." The captain paused, rubbing his bony forehead in irritation. "Just cut yer games, and tell me the scallywag's next move."
"A CRIMINAL?! You think I'm working with a criminal?! I've never done anything like that in my entire life! You've got the wrong guy, I'm just a tourist on the beach getting overpriced ice cream!" Zerris ranted at the accusations that he would do such an awful thing.
"So, ye still insist ye ain't part of it, then. Well, ain't it fortunate that I have all the time in the world ta wait? Shame ye don't have the same luxury, har har... 'Course, the lass'll probably be losin' her gourd if I be takin' too long. Good thing I can be real persuasive when I need ta be," the Corsair said, unsheathing his blade from its scabbard and tapping it against his hook hand menacingly. "I s'pose that can wait 'til later. Fer now, take him to the brig, boys. Perhaps time spent there will loosen the lad's tongue, arr..."
A group of dastardly dry desperados surrounded Zerris, pushing him roughly to the brig in the ship's dark and dingy underbelly. The pirate crew shoved Zerris into the cell and locked the door behind them with a cackle. Zerris was hoping that Cayde had noticed he was gone and was trying to get somebody... ANYBODY... to come to his rescue.
Unfortunately for our heroes, a stately pirate ship was well equipped to outpace a single sea monster, but they were determined to persevere. Even helmed by an undead crew, the Brigadier wouldn't keep sailing forever, so they just needed to keep following its trail. Doing so on the open ocean, of course, was much easier said than done.
Cayde and Shippy had been going for quite a while, the sun beginning to eke out its final colorful yellow hues to create a stunning sunset. Cayde had become briefly distracted by it and didn't notice herself slipping off Shippy's back until it was almost too late.
"Woah, WOAH!" Cayde yelled out as she gripped into Shippy's skin to pull herself back up. Once she lifted herself up to Shippy's middle section, she crawled to reach Shippy's head and make sure she was okay. "Hey, are you okay? I hope I didn't hurt you when I climbed back on."
"I'm fine, I've got thick skin! Not much bothers me from people your size, unless you're trying to be malicious or something. Sorry about the slip though, I don't have much experience as a ferry."
"Speaking of skin, I do believe I have a sunburn..." Cayde said as she looked at her arm now turning red. "...I can't believe I forgot to take my sunscreen before we set off."
Unfortunately for Cayde's skin, the sea monster was carrying no cargo aside from the passenger on her back. "Not much I can do about that, sorry..."
"Maybe there'll be a friendly Dorrie willing to lend us some useful things out here?"
"This place is pretty remote, usually the trader Dorries go where there's actually people. But, you never know what we'll see out here! It's like the saying goes, just keep swimming."
Cayde smiled at Shippy's optimism, she was handling this adventure pretty well for someone who expressed fearful doubt earlier. Cayde continued to gaze at the pretty sunset, but then she spotted someone on the rocks off in the distance. She had long flowing hair dyed a mixture of bright blue and green, a pair of sunglasses, an orange swimsuit top, and most strikingly, vibrant tailfins... a mermaid!
"Shippy, look! There's a mermaid nearby! Maybe we should go ask her for help in tracking down the ship!" Cayde practically bounced up and down in excitement as they could be a step closer to finding Zerris.
Shippy glanced around, noticing not only the mermaid, but spraypainted rock formations in the vicinity. She had a feeling they'd met before, and called out as she swam closer. "Katrina! Katrina, is that you?"
The mermaid tilted her head towards them and raised her sunglasses. "Heey, Ships! Oh my gosh, it's been so long. Who's the landwalker you got?"
"I'm Cayde, it's nice to meet you, Katrina. We're actually in search of a pirate ship that has my husband on it. Have you seen it go by? It's kind of ominous and dreary looking..." Cayde extended her hand to Katrina to give her a handshake, but slid off Shippy's side again and splashed into the water. "YIPE!" a drenched Cayde shouted, deciding to float in the water for a bit.
"Don't take this the wrong way, babe, but you might be better off staying on land... Anyway, yeah, I saw that old fossil passing through earlier heading northeast. Decided to give his ship a tag just for giggles," Katrina explained, fiddling with a can of spray paint. "Not that I decided to stick around, though. Ticked off pirates have a way of turning mermaids like me into sushi, and that would just be, like, a total bummer, you get me?"
Cayde happened to notice Katrina's spray paint can. "Ah, you're an artist! My sister loves to draw art."
"Gotta express yourself when the whole world's a canvas, babe. Ships knows what I mean, she's got her own way. Not that I totally get it to be honest with you, but like... it's real steamboat stuff."
Shippy laughed nervously. "Yeah, it's uh, it's kind of niche! You know, be the change you want to see in the world and all that."
"My sister will be so thrilled when I tell her I met a mermaid artist! Knowing her, she'd probably be looking for SCUBA suits the moment I say something..."
"I hope she handles the sea better than you, then," Katrina said with a smirk.
"Ah ha ha, yeah, still getting used to swimming... used to be afraid of it, but then Zerris showed me how and now I love it!"
"Um, speaking of Zerris, we'd probably better be going now?" Shippy interjected. "As much as I'd love to stay and chat, the Bony Brigadier's not getting any closer..."
Cayde nodded and gave Katrina a fist bump, then climbed back on to Shippy. She was still determined to rescue her love, one way or another. "Thanks for your help, Katrina. Siy will probably ask me twenty questions about you once I tell her."
"Waaait, you're Siy's sister? Oh my gosh, I love her work. Tell her Katrina says hey for me."
It was then that Cayde and Shippy waved goodbye to Katrina and gave each other a look of confusion about Siy's apparent fame. Perhaps Cayde would be the one asking twenty questions.
Following Katrina's directions, they continued swimming well into the night, the setting sun overhead long replaced by the moon's glow and a canopy of twinkling stars. Still no sign of the pirates they were after, though.
Cayde had begun to feel dejected and tired. The Bony Brigadier had a great length between them, and the chances of rescuing Zerris were growing slimmer by the minute. Finding nothing but the open ocean around them, Cayde curled up and sighed as Shippy continued in the water. "We'll never find him... They've probably turned him into a skeleton by now... At least, I think that's what skeleton pirates do..."
Shippy was pretty sure that was more the purview of vampire pirates, but pointing out something like that wouldn't exactly have been appropriate at the present moment. "You can't give up hope already, we've got this!"
"I mean, look at the situation. That ship hasn't been in our sights for hours. It's probably halfway to Keelhaul Key by now, who knows what they've done to Zerris? Maybe they tossed him overboard... or worse."
Seeing that her attempt to cheer up her new friend failed - not that Shippy could blame her for staying down in the dumps - she turned her eyes upward to the sky. "You know, Cayde... I know people see the world in a lot of different ways and have their own ideas about what's out there. You see the stars up there?"
Cayde uncurled herself and laid flat on Shippy's back, staring up at the vast amount of stars in the night sky. "Yeah... I see them. They're so... pretty."
"I met someone from up there once. From the stars. I won't bore you with all the details, but let's just say that things... weren't going well. Then he showed up. It had been a long time since someone cared about me like he did. It's been so long now, and I haven't seen him since. I don't know if that means anything to you, but... I'd like to think he's up there, watching over me," she said, then tilted her head back to look at Cayde. "And I think the stars are watching over you and your special one too. So... don't give up? Please?"
Cayde listened to Shippy's moving story and she herself felt that Zerris was, in some way, watching over her and guiding them in the way of the Bony Brigadier and him. Across Cayde's field of vision were numerous stars, but one, or rather two in particular, stood out to her. There was a pair of stars that were close to each other and brighter than the other stars in the sky. Zerris often called Cayde "Starshine" as a term of endearment, finding that she shined like the brightest of stars when she was happy.
The two stars made Cayde think of her and Zerris being together, causing a smile to cross her face again and fill her with determination. "Shippy, I'm not letting my star fade away. Let's keep going and hope we run into that musty old ship. What do you say?"
Seeing Cayde's renewed hope, a grin beamed across Shippy's face. "I say let's pick some bones!"
Zerris was walking around the brig, just wondering why that captain thought he was some criminal. He didn't know who The Fish was, nor the "lass" that old skeleton was talking about, so how did he ever get caught up in all of this? The more time he spent down here, the more Zerris began to lose hope that Cayde was alright...
As it turned out, the two of them were much closer than either realized. As the morning light cast across the water, Shippy spied a ship that sure looked a lot like the Bony Brigadier, docked at a port to offload cargo. She blinked a few times, unsure if it was really their target or if staying up all night swimming was starting to have detrimental effects. "Cayde? Is that...?"
"That's the ship! This is our chance!" Cayde piped up, eager to give the captain of the ship a piece of her mind. "It's time to disassemble those skeletons!"
Shippy was about to press forward for the final charge, but hesitated. "Um, maybe this is a bad time to ask, but... did you actually have a plan for when we got this far?"
"...not really..."
"Huh, well, that's comforting..."
"...but maybe we could sabotage their ship to stop them from escaping. Makes it easier on us to get Zerris."
"Normally I'd object to intentionally damaging a ship, but given the circumstances... How would we do that, though?" Shippy asked, then suddenly had a longshot idea. "Wait, you don't have metal punching powers by any chance, do you? I... hear that works well."
"You gotta get me close to the ship so I can climb aboard and get to that mast. They can't get anywhere if they have no sails!"
"Well, okay... Here, climb on my head," Shippy said, lowering her neck. In truth, she would've felt a lot better with the punching thing.
Cayde made her way up Shippy's head, preparing to put her quickly thought up plan into action. Of course, wearing a pink swimsuit made her stand out like a sore thumb, but she figured maybe the pirates wouldn't notice, especially since they had tasks to do.
Shippy raised her head up to the ship's deck, letting Cayde climb on board. Unfortunately, it was in fact teeming with skeletons, and it didn't take any time at all for them to notice her. "Arrgh, looks like we got a stowaway on board!" one of them called out. The rest of the crew came to attention and prepared their swords and blunderbusses.
"Uh- um- look over there! A seagull just took your first mate's breakfast!" Cayde shouted and pointed in a random direction on the fly, hoping that they would be bone-headed enough to fall for it.
"Not me squid leg n' syrup pancakes again, arr..." someone mumbled from the background, but it seemed no one else cared enough to fall for the ruse.
Cayde gulped and realized her plan had failed just as soon as it had started. She knew she couldn't fight a group of weapon wielding skeleton pirates or outrun them either. Suddenly, someone opened the hatch that led to the underbelly and came to the deck of the ship, Cayde shocked and overjoyed to see him.
"Hey, guys? Use a better lock next time." Zerris said as he tossed down the rusty, broken lock from the brig door. "Now, leave her be. It's me you want, right?"
Flummoxed by the unexpected prison break, the crew began to look around at each other, trying to figure out what to do next. Just then, the captain himself burst from the cabin. "What in the name o' Davy Jones be all the commotion out here?!"
"You kidnapped my husband, bub, and I wanna know why. If you don't start answering, I'm gonna have my friend down below knock all of you overboard. Now, why did you kidnap him?" Cayde said with her arms crossed, thinking that she could get the upper hand on a bloodthirsty pirate captain. Boy, how wrong she was.
"HAR HAR HAR! Been ages since someone had so little brain to threaten the Crossbone Corsair. I wonder if ye even be the slightest bit aware o' yer husband's secret dealings, arr..."
"Huh?" Cayde tilted her head in response to the Corsair's accusations toward Zerris. "What secret dealings?"
Being a skeleton, he didn't have a whole lot in the way of facial expressions, but somehow seemed to be conveying an overly smug smirk. "I'm afraid yer lover boy be the associate of an internationally wanted criminal. Not that I be havin' much issue with such behaviors myself, mind ye, but I owe ol' favors that need repayin'. Jacquelyn really be gunnin' fer that scallywag, aye."
"Zerris would never do anything like that! How can you be sure it's him?!" an infuriated Cayde shouted at the Crossbone Corsair. She was about to grab a sword from a nearby skeleton and engage in a duel, but realized that would lead to an easy defeat.
"Aye, me spies saw the both of 'em in the flesh, and I got this poster o' his likeness," the captain answered, then snapped his bony fingers. A ghostly parrot materialized above his shoulder, carrying a piece of paper with a sketch on it. The Crossbone Corsair plucked it from the parrot's talons and presented it to Cayde, revealing that the person in the drawing... didn't really resemble Zerris that much at all, actually.
"...that's not Zerris." Cayde said plainly. "Perhaps you should take a closer look there, Captain. It's not like somebody of your caliber to making mistakes like this."
"What, are ye blind, lass? He be a deadringer!" Grumbling to himself, the Corsair turned the poster around and lifted his eyepatch with his hook, revealing a single remaining eyeball. "Ye can see right here-"
Suddenly going silent, the captain's gaze shifted back and forth between Zerris and the poster. Well, the person on the poster was human, or at the very least humanoid, potentially bearing a slight resemblance to Zerris at best if you squinted. "Arr... This be... embarrassin'. Shoulda known ta be more careful after that incident with the last treasure map..."
"Wait, you had your eyepatch covering your only eye?" Cayde asked in concern while Zerris began to laugh. Cayde shot him a glare that caused him to stop. "It should be on the other side where there is no eye. You'll see better that way."
"Arr, I don't need a lecture 'bout how ta be a proper skeleton pirate from the likes o' ye! Ye ain't hearin' me hasslin' ye 'bout yer flagrant disregard for sunscreen, now are ye?"
Cayde looked down at her body and realized that the sunburn was all over her. She looked back up at the Corsair and nodded in agreement. "That's fair."
"Well, I may be a scoundrel, but I ain't a cad, so I s'pose I'd better apologize fer all this mess," the Corsair said, then grumbled to himself. "It's fer times like these I keep endin' up owin' landlubbers favors, argh..."
"How about we go get some ice cream and put this whole thing behind us, Captain?" Zerris spoke as he wrapped an arm around Cayde. "I can't wait to get back to shore and enjoy a nice sunset next to my Starshine." Cayde blushed a bit and wrapped her own arm around Zerris, then both looked to the Corsair for his response.
"I s'pose that be fair enough," the captain replied, then summoned the same parrot again which dropped a small chest of gold coins in Zerris' hand. "Ye can keep the change."
"Oh, WOW. Pirate treasure! This is definitely such a cool souvenir!" Zerris exclaimed as he opened up the chest. Cayde had a joyful laugh at Zerris' excitement and the two headed back to Shippy, ready to enjoy some ice cream at the shore.
"I knew you could do it, Cayde! I mean, I didn't know, to be honest I wasn't entirely sure about your chances but I had hope anyway!" the sea monster said, poking her head to the deck's level, then turned to Zerris. "Hi, I'm Shippy by the way."
"Nice to meet you, Shippy! I'm Zerris. Thank you guys for coming to rescue me, I really appreciate your courage for following the ship. Now, who wants ice cream? My treat!"
"With sprinkles?" Shippy asked with a twinkle in her eye.
"Of course!"
Cayde and Zerris climbed onto Shippy's back, setting off on the long swim back home for some well-deserved ice cream. At least the return trip would be a much more leisurely journey. Cayde felt the breeze flow through her hair, looking back as the Bony Brigadier set sail once more, getting smaller and smaller on the horizon. Meanwhile, the gears were turning in Shippy's head as she considered the topic of her next story - one that perhaps resembled events that had recently transpired.
By the time our adventurers had made it back home, to the beach where this fateful adventure all began, the sun had started to set once more. The group sat along the shore enjoying ice cream cones, taking in the colorful beauty the sun made as it lowered in the sky.
The End
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, MightyMario and I had a lot of fun writing it. Thanks to him for co-writing this with me and of course writing the dialogue for Cayde and Zerris. We were hoping to get this out last month, but Talk Like A Pirate Day is just as good a time for an adventure on the high seas, don't you think? Next time in this space, I'll be back with a new Shmaluigi mystery, so hopefully I'll see you then!
Die WAH With a Vengeance!
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Part 10
The heroes then proceeded to eavesdrop on the conversation between Tad Pop and Florian Kniphofia through the peep hole in the air vent situated directly above the latter's office. "So, not a single person was found inside the storage room after that security guard left it unguarded for a couple minutes during his coffee break? Am I getting that straight?" Florian Kniphofia inquired of Tad Pop with a tilt of his head to make sure he understood where the frog lady was going with this.
Tad Pop nodded in affirmation. "Apparently so, Mr. Kniphofia. Whoever was responsible for breaking into the storage room had apparently been studying the guard and his break time for a slight extended period so that they could strike while the guard was away, and make their way back out without being detected. But not to worry about it, sir. I'm in the process of arranging the necessary precautions, because with the increasing threat of the Luff Empire being present on Circuit Break Island, we must be prepared to protect both the inhabitants and the tourists in the event the Luffs inevitably end up launching an attack." She informed the Floro Sapien promoter in her usual casual manner.
Florian nodded in response, satisfied with that explanation. "I see, I see. Well, it shouldn't be that big of a deal regardless. We mostly keep things inside the storage room that we don't mind losing as a policy for such organized break-ins, so no need to lose any sleep over it. Thanks for continuing to handle the looming threat of the Luff Empire operating out here on the island so dutifully, Tad Pop. Oh, and by the way, have you heard anything in regards to Soarin' Cal's whereabouts? Word had reached my ears he had planned on retiring, and I was gonna give him a bouquet and a box of chocolates as a farewell gift before he left, but he seemed to vanish off the face of the Mushroom World." The Floro Sapien promoter inquired of Tad Pop once more after closing the matter of the storage room break-in for the time being.
Tad Pop shook her head in response. "I'm afraid we still don't have any updates as to where Soarin' Cal went in the wake of his retirement plans, Mr. Kniphofia. As such, I went ahead and deleted him and his racing team from the Circuit Break League standings as per the regulations of the League. Should any other racers and/or their teams go missing going forward, I'll take the same precautions." She told her boss, who hummed his affirmation in a concerned tone of voice, placing his hand against his chin to emphasize this concern.
"Hm, that so, huh? Ever since Minister Crêpe rose from the dead and took over the mainland Waffle Kingdom, we've had a lot of racers go missing. Soarin' Cal is, like, the fifth one who vanished ever since those dastardly Luffs took control. At first, I thought the Circuit Break League had become cursed, but since I found out the Luffs have been stationed out here on the island, the disappearances sure have become a lot more explanatory." Florian reasoned out loud, to which Tad Pop hummed her agreement, nodding as she did so.
"I agree, sir. But don't worry, for I'm on top of the developing situation with the Luffs, and I'm pulling all the strings I can to make sure that no other racers will end up being harmed by them." Tad Pop assured Florian, who nodded his satisfaction with that statement in response. "Well, I suppose that the bouquet and chocolates I had intended on giving to Soarin' Cal as a parting gift will have to be shelved until another departing racer comes along. I just hope said racer won't fall victim to the Luffs like Soarin' Cal most likely did..." Florian stated with a stern expression before facing Tad Pop once more. "Back to your duties for now, Tad Pop. But here's a nugget of advice; Keep an eye out for any strong individuals who end up passing by the island and ask them to stick around for a little while, 'cause should the Luffs inevitably strike, we're gonna be needing them." He told the frog lady, who nodded in understanding as she turned to head for the door to leave the office.
"Of course, Mr. Kniphofia. Should any courageous and powerful warriors make their appearance on the island known, I will be sure to request their assistance in driving back the Luff Empire's garrison that Minister Crêpe has posted out here." Tad Pop assured her boss once more before she walked towards the door, after which Florian stopped her one more time on her way out.
"Before you go, Tad Pop, I wanna ask...You're one heck of a formidable assistant manager, but from time to time, you end up absent without a trace. Where in the world do you end up going during those moments?" Florian then inquired of Tad Pop, who raised a curious eyebrow in response to this question.
"Even someone as hard-working as myself needs their moments of quiet and privacy, Mr. Kniphofia. That's why I'm found absent without a trace at times. Besides, I'm well aware you're my boss, but I'm under the impression that such things aren't any of your business." Tad Pop defended herself, keeping the casual tone.
Florian nodded once more, satisfied with that explanation. "That does make a whole lotta sense, yeah. Apologies for prying in that case. You're free to go back to your duties for real now." He responded to Tad Pop, who nodded her acceptance of her boss' apologies before actually taking her leave from the office. "Well, those blasted Luffs sure got us into a fine pickle as far as good kart racers are concerned...That beanpole of a Waluigi is about the only notable high-skilled racer I've got left on the roster right about now, and even he's not gonna stick around forever..." Florian mused to himself, scratching his head with a puzzled look as to how he and the rest of the Circuit Break League's management were gonna crawl back out of the ditch that the Luff Empire had driven them into.
Having heard everything that Florian and Tad Pop had discussed down there, Waluigi and Company proceeded to glance at one another with concerned expressions resting on their faces. "Whoa, y'all heard that, bros? Racers have gone missing ever since those Luff dudes have marched in and set up a secret camp on Circuit Break Island! You think those racers have been abducted by the Luffs?! It would surely explain their disappearances ever since the Luffs arrived here on the island!" Nicky whisper-shouted at the others, who nodded their agreement with this assumption.
"WAH, Waluigi will say that much, Nicky. Sounds like poor Soarin' Cal has also potentially fallen victim to the threat of the Luff Empire before he could try and flee from it." Waluigi whispered his response to the Spiky Parabuzzy, making Florian jump back down in his office as he heard the heroes conversing up there.
"Palpitating pansies! The ceiling's beginning to talk to me like some kinda training video! Anyone hiding up there?!" Florian asked in a spooked tone of voice, frightening the heroes as they tried to come up with a response that would hopefully calm the Floro Sapien down and reduce his suspicion of them being located inside the air vent.
"Meow!" Bloolex quickly improvised, after which Florian blew a sigh of relief knowing that he wasn't going crazy from hearing voices in the stadium's air vents.
"Oh, thank Grambi...It's just a kitty cat lumbering around in the vents...Suppose I'll just take a quick break, and go for a walk outside the stadium to clear my mind for a bit, then come back to work with a fresh head." Florian told himself before getting up from his chair and leaving his office in a subsequent fashion.
The heroes similarly blew a sigh of relief in knowing that they weren't found out. "Man, that was a good call on the cat call there, Bloolex." Cheesare complimented the Blooper retainer for his quick thinking.
"I know what type of critters lurk around in these vents whenever it ain't no ordinary person, man. I wasn't gonna blow our cover by replying with something obvious." Bloolex acknowledged the Spinia's compliments.
"That's the type of thinking heroes are expected to do, Bloolex. WAH-ll done. Any-WAH, Waluigi is under the impression that Mr. Kniphofia hasn't been aware of the threat of the Luff Empire being present on Circuit Break Island any longer than Mrs. Tad Pop has really does ring true, since Mr. Kniphofia genuinely sound like he wasn't aware of the Luff Empire's presence out here." Waluigi reasoned out loud after praising the Blooper's quick thinking.
"For sure, Waluigi! But for now, I think we'd better get the heck out of here before someone catches us slithering around up here like a bunch of cunning serpents!" Nicky agreed with Waluigi's reasoning before suggesting to retreat from the air vents, to which the other heroes hummed their agreement and proceeded to crawl their way back out the air vents in as graceful of a manner as possible.
After finishing their next race in the Circuit Break Major League and receiving their salary from doing so out of Tad Pop's capable hands, Waluigi and Company received another e-mail on their Dual Scream Light. The ringtone was the 8-bit remix of the Super Mario World boss theme, indicating this e-mail was courtesy of Ronnoc, who had messaged the heroes to warn them about chasing the Luff Empire out of Circuit Break Island before.
"This is your last warning! Stop sleuthing about in regards to the Luff Empire's operations on Circuit Break Island! If you don't, then you'll be joining the other racers who were foolish enough to do the same thing... - Ronnoc" Waluigi read out loud before tucking the Dual Scream Light away again.
"Oh, Bloopy. This Ronnoc guy again, huh? Well, there's no doubt about his ties to the Luff Empire now. You think he might be the commander of the Luff Empire's Circuit Break Island garrison? Because if he is, we might be able to get all the answers we seek in regards to the location of the third chunk of the Circle of Lightning if we happen to find him." Bloolex voiced his thoughts about the e-mail that Ronnoc had just sent them.
"WAH-mn right, Bloolex. And Waluigi believes that the best way to lure this Ronnoc out of hiding is to continue sleuthing about in regards to the Luff Empire's operations, since this Ronnoc intends on personally taking care of Waluigi if he doesn't, should Waluigi be interpreting Ronnoc's e-mail correctly." The purple-garbed rabble-rouser replied to his Blooper companion, who nodded his agreement with that strategy.
For now, though, the heroes decided to continue their business as always and arranged another match to commence on the Circuit Break Major League track. After they did so, however, Tad Pop proceeded to come into the Major League Quarters. "Forgive me for bothering you while you're so busy, Mr. Waluigi. But another one of your admirers has submitted another gift for you. I will just leave it here on the table next to your sleeping quarters, if you don't mind. Do whatever you like with it." Tad Pop informed the skinny loose cannon before placing another cake with a tag reading Waluigi's name attached to it on the table next to his sleeping quarters, just like she said she would. She then proceeded to head back out the door of the Major League Quarters before Waluigi could respond.
Glancing at the cake with a curiously raised eyebrow as he walked up to it, Waluigi hummed inquisitively as he inspected the cake. "Waluigi can't help but have a bad feeling about this cake...Compared to the last WAH-ne that Waluigi received, this cake just seems...off." He admitted to his party members.
"Well, Mrs. Tad Pop said we could do whatever we liked with that cake, so perhaps we could give it to another racer here, or perhaps use it as a weapon of some sorts during our next race?" Bloolex proposed, to which Waluigi nodded his agreement, not having any better ideas as to what to do with a cake he didn't trust.
"WAH, that'll do. Let Waluigi just pocket this cake and see what use he can get out of it other than eating it." Waluigi replied to Bloolex before tucking the strange cake away in his inventory. He and his party members then proceeded to head down to the garage to grab the kart they were gonna be using during their next race, drove it up to the start line, and once the green light was given, they took off with screeching tires as they engaged in another demolition derby with their fellow Major League racers.
During said race, Waluigi decided to use the strange cake Tad Pop had given for him as a throwable projectile in his team's duel with The Lickspittle Thrifters, with Luke Spittle being the one to tank the cake before proceeding to lap the splattered remains of it off his face. "Man, this cake is so delicious! I no longer feel exhausted! Come to think of it, I can't really feel anything anywhere in my body..." Luke Spittle remarked before he went numb in the driver's seat of his team's kart, stressing his teammates out in response.
"Oh my Grambi, this isn't good!" The other Shady Koopa on the team exclaimed as he tried to take over the wheel from Luke Spittle, but it was too late as his team's kart ran off the road and crashed into a nearby guard rail. Waluigi and Company were shocked to have witnessed the effects the cake had on Luke Spittle.
"WAH-llelujah, did you guys see that?! Waluigi sure as heck is glad he didn't think to eat that cake now!" Waluigi exclaimed in surprise, his teammates humming their agreement whilst continuing to look on in surprise at what had just happened to Luke Spittle after digesting the remains of what turned out to be a Poisoned Cake.
"I sure did, Waluigi Dude! Had we eaten that cake for ourselves, we'd probably have ended up in the same predicament as Luke Spittle back there! You think that cake was poisoned? 'Cause if so, whoever sent it to us must want us outta the picture! We better watch ourselves out here during the remainder of our journey to the top of the Circuit Break League's leaderboard!" Nicky suggested, Waluigi, Bloolex and Cheesare nodding their unanimity in response as they continued to dart their ride around the track until they came out on top once more. Upon having done so, they cashed in their racer salary with Tad Pop as usual.
Following the next race and emerging victorious in it, the heroes were now ranked #1 on the Circuit Break League leaderboard, the second highest position in the entire League apart from being the Champion. That meant that the heroes were ranked high enough to qualify for the ultimate challenge that was facing the current Champion of the League, Boobwuss Yammerton. Before the heroes were able to get around to that, though, they received another e-mail from Lucille Merrin on their Dual Scream Light.
"Meet my associate, Delia Karras at the top of the stairs in the stadium lobby. - Lucille Merrin" Waluigi read aloud before putting the Dual Scream Light away for safekeeping once more. "So Mrs. Merrin has an associate named Delia Karras she wishes us to meet in the lobby, at the top of the stairs leading to the upper level of the stadium's bleachers, does she? If it brings Waluigi any closer to tracking down this Ronnoc guy, Waluigi will gladly oblige." The purple troublemaker stated out loud to himself, his party members nodding their approval of that proclamation before they took off towards the lobby, heading up the stairs to the doors that were connected to the upper level of the stadium's bleachers, where they found another anthropomorphic frog woman akin to Tad Pop waiting for them. Unlike Tad Pop, however, this one had a bright red skin tone, as well as a glowing green hairdo styled in a pair of low hanging pigtails. Her outfit consisted of a double-breasted cyan suit and a cyan fedora, completing the look with a black leather belt with a golden buckle in the middle worn at her waistline.
Seeing Waluigi and Company approaching, the bright red frog woman gave them a smile. "Hello there. You must be Waluigi and his team of brave warriors looking to liberate the Waffle Kingdom from the control of Minister Crêpe and the Luff Empire, I presume?" She asked the heroes as they stopped in front of her.
"WAH, that is correct, ma'am. You must be Mrs. Karras, the WAH-ne that Mrs. Merrin told Waluigi and his friends to meet with, in that case." Waluigi reasoned aloud, to which the bright red frog woman hummed her agreement.
"Yes, I am. She asked me to give this to you in order to help you knock down the Luff Empire another couple pegs in your quest to reassemble the Circle of Lightning. I hope it can be of use to you, Mr. Waluigi." Delia Karras informed the purple-clothed thin man as she handed him a bright orange colored rusted key. "My work is done here for now, but I have no doubt that we will meet again in the nearby future, Mr. Waluigi. Good luck." She bid Waluigi and Company farewell for the time being as she proceeded to head back down the stairs leading to the ground floor of the lobby, then went out the stadium's front door.
Afterward, the heroes' Dual Scream Light began to ring once again, with Waluigi digging it out of his inventory to inspect the message sent to it. "Use the key Mrs. Karras has given you to unlock the sealed door on the second floor of the storage room. - Lucille Merrin" Waluigi read out loud for the umpteenth time before stuffing the Dual Scream Light back into his belongings. "WAH-ll, let's-a go take a look at WAH-tever it is that could be hiding inside that sealed room on the storage room's second floor..." Waluigi shrugged as he and his party members went to the storage room, waving off the security guard in charge of guarding it. "Waluigi has permission from a certain Lucille Merrin to visit the storage room WAH-nce more in an attempt to thwart the Luffs' operations." He told the security guard, showing him the rusted key Delia Karras gave him for emphasis. The guard obliged and moved out of the way so that the heroes could enter, in which they did.
Upon climbing the set of stairs leading to the second floor of the storage room, Waluigi proceeded to use the rusted key to unlock the sealed door sitting smack dab in front of him and his party members at the top of the stairs, then ventured inside. After climbing across a set of large wooden crates set inside the room, Waluigi and Company came across a large yellow block akin to the one that made up the sealed wall hiding the Luff Empire's study on the other side of the Minor League Quarters. Looking at the block standing before them, the heroes hummed inquisitively in response.
"What in the name of Alexey Pajitnov could this be? Some kinda seal blocking up a secret passageway, a secret area or Grambi knows what?" Bloolex inquired aloud, curiously tilting his head for emphasis.
"Waluigi doesn't know, but Waluigi DOES know that the Sword of Nintendomens could come in handy for this!" Waluigi responded as he brought out the sword in question, then used it to shatter the large yellow block into pieces, revealing a badly beaten and bruised Ian Thieving and Soarin' Cal hidden underneath it, much to the heroes' shock.
"Languishing Lettuce! I don't believe my eyes! It's Ian Thieving and Soarin' Cal, and they've been trashed like there's no tomorrow!" Cheesare exclaimed in aghastment, after which the heroes tried to get Soarin' Cal to talk, but were unable to receive any kind of response from him. Concerned beyond belief, the heroes then turned their attention to Ian Thieving, hoping they would be able to get him to say anything instead.
"W...W...Waluigi...Listen to me...man...The Luff Empire is onto you...And Kniphofia...is one of them...Oooof..." Ian Thieving informed Waluigi with whatever strength he could still muster, confusing and stressing the heroes out even further.
"WAH?! Whaddaya mean, Kniphofia is WAH-ne of them?! Tell Waluigi more, Ian!" Waluigi pleaded to the Big Bandit, but was unable to get much more information out of him. "WAH...He's too far gone to tell us more..." Waluigi exhaled in defeat before rising back to his feet with a determined glare in his eyes. "Not to WAH-rry, though Ian! Waluigi will make sure to make those foolish Luffs pay for WAH-t they did to you and Soarin' Cal! Waluigi will make sure of it, if it's the last thing Waluigi will ever do!" He promised his Big Bandit friend, who weakly smiled in response to this.
"If I end up surviving all of this...Then I'm gonna be in your debt forever and ever and ever..." Ian Thieving murmured softly to Waluigi's promise, with Waluigi nodding towards the Big Bandit with a reassuring smirk that faded just as quickly as he and his party members turned around and began to take their leave from the room, after which they noticed Tad Pop spying on them through the doorway of the room before quickly tapping out as she realized the heroes saw her, shutting the door behind her in the process.
"Holy Hamburger Garnish! Wasn't that Mrs. Tad Pop?! What was she doing, spying on us as we're dealing with this stuff?!" Cheesare asked in total incomprehension before Waluigi calmed him down.
"Calm your toppings, Cheesare. Waluigi is confident that all will be revealed in due time. For now, Waluigi feels that the time is right to take on Boobwuss Yammerton and break his perfect winning streak." Waluigi calmly told Cheesare, who nodded in reluctant response. The heroes then proceeded to leave the storage room once more, heading on down to the Major League Quarters to arrange their Championship Match against Boobwuss Yammerton.
Contacting Kniphofia through the Racing Reservation System located in the Major League Quarters, the Floro Sapien promoter appeared on the screen in a subsequent fashion. "Well, if it ain't Waluigi! You and your boys are fixing for another race, are you?" He greeted the menace in purple, who hummed affirmatively with an accompanying nod.
"WAH-ll, Waluigi certainly isn't calling because he requires a back rub from you, Mr. Kniphofia." Waluigi sarcastically joked to the promoter, prompting an amused laugh from the latter in response.
"That's my Waluigi, always quick with a joke! Well, this next race you and your boys are up against ain't no laughing matter! 'Cause up next is the CHAMPIONSHIP RACE! That's right, it's the four of you against the CBIL Champion; Boobwuss Yammerton! And I wanna see a fair and exciting match between the two parties, so don't let me down on that, okay?" Kniphofia explained to Waluigi, who hummed affirmatively once more.
"Waluigi will see what he can do, sir. Can you tell the mechanics to get Waluigi's steed on wheels ready for him in the meantime?" He asked the Floro Sapien in response, who nodded in compliance to that request.
"You got it, Waluigi! I'll make sure those mechanic boys will have a vessel worthy of your showdown with the champion in gear by the time you get down to the garage! You and your boys prepare yourselves for a racing car rumble unlike any other until then, alright?" Florian told Waluigi, after which he disappeared from the Racing Reservation System screen.
As soon as Waluigi and Company had made all the necessary preparations for their showdown with Boobwuss Yammerton, they stepped outside their Major League Quarters, only to be greeted by one of the security guards working behind the scenes of the Circuit Break League. "Ah, Mr. Waluigi. Terribly sorry to interrupt you on the way to your championship match, but there's a matter we urgently need your formidable if unorthodox methods of problem solving for. Please follow me." The guard requested Waluigi.
"This better be important, 'cause Waluigi's got a lot more important matters on his hands right about now..." Waluigi exhaled in annoyance as he and his party members followed the security guard down the hallway, and the further down the hallway they got, the more suspicious the heroes became about the whole ordeal. "WAH, hold the phone, Tommy Lee Jones. This doesn't feel right to Waluigi..." The hellion in purple admitted to the security guard as the latter led him and his party members into an abandoned Minor League Quarters. "So, you WAH-nna tell Waluigi WAH-t this is all about?" Waluigi then asked the security guard with a curiously raised eyebrow.
"According to Mr. Kniphofia, there had been Luff Empire Activity spotted in these Minor League Quarters and wanted you and your team to clear them out of here. Once you've taken care of that, you're free to go back to your regular duties." The security guard informed Waluigi before leaving the room, the bad actor and his party members not becoming any the wiser from this. With Ian Thieving's claims of Kniphofia working with the Luff Empire, should they ring true, just seemed off to the heroes...If Kniphofia really was working with the Luff Empire, why would he want the heroes to wipe out a whole bunch of Luffs that happened to be hiding inside of an abandoned Minor League Quarters?
"WAH, Waluigi knows that those security guard weirdoes don't have any noses, but something smells off about all of this...Why'd that guard ask for Waluigi to clear out these Luffs just before his championship race? More so, why'd Kniphofia ask for Waluigi to clear out these Luffs, should the statements from the narrator above be true?" Waluigi asked his party members while simultaneously breaking the fourth wall in the process.
"I dunno, Mr. Waluigi, but you're right on this whole ordeal being sketchy as Bloop. The timing for this chore couldn't have been more unfortunate even if it tried. By the time we've finished it up as per Mr. Kniphofia's request, we're gonna miss our championship race at that rate." Bloolex voiced his agreement about the whole predicament.
Meanwhile, over at the Circuit Break Stadium's main track, Florian Kniphofia was standing on top of his podium as usual, his microphone grasped firmly in his hand while he did. The tension in the establishment was so thick, one could cut it with a blade of any kind. No blade was needed, however, as Kniphofia soon began to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for today's main event; The crème de la crème of the Circuit Break Major League, The Waluigi Fury Roadsters...will finally be throwing down on the track with CBIL Champion, the one and only Boobwuss Yammerton!" The Floro Sapien promoter announced, prompting a round of excitable cheers and applause from the crowd in response, after which Kniphofia waved his free hand towards them to signal them to settle down.
"Now, first to roll out the garage...The Baron of Bronze, the Prince of Pummeling, Boobwuss Yammerton!" Florian Kniphofia then announced as the first garage door rolled up to reveal Boobwuss Yammerton riding out of it in a miniature version of the Boomsday Machine piloted by Bowser Junior during the events of Super Mario Galaxy 2. The burnt orange Bully smiled happily in response to the words of encouragement that his fans were calling out to him before he pulled up to the starting line, after which he hopped out of his vessel for a brief moment to join Florian Kniphofia up on his podium. "Whoa, poppies! Yammerton, how're you feeling as we speak? Your challengers are quite powerful in their own right, after all!" The Floro Sapien promoter asked Boobwuss Yammerton for a pre-match interview.
"Maybe, but they sure don't want a power full of ME! I've worked hard to get to where I'm at now, and that annoying purple-garbed beanpole who refers to himself in the third person all the time ain't NEVER gonna take all of that away from me! Should he and his ship of fools ever sail out of the karting garage in the first place, what are the chances they'll emerge victorious? Up a Ratooey's ample posterior, that's what!" Boobwuss Yammerton answered, confident that he won't have his winning streak broken by Waluigi and Company.
"I get that, but Waluigi and his band of brothers have climbed the ranks of the Circuit Break League faster than any other racer in the history of the League! He's already broken the record of doing so faster than you did, Boobwuss! So what are your answers to that?" Florian then asked the burnt orange-hued Bully for his thoughts on Waluigi's journey to the top of the Circuit Break League in record time.
"Plain and simple; There's no words to describe the stupidity of such a feat! So instead, have an inverted L-sign to describe it instead!" Boobwuss Yammerton responded as he spawned a floating gloved hand in thin air and used it to make an inverted L-sign on his forehead to mock Waluigi's trademark inverted L. The gloved hand vanished in thin air just as fast as it spawned, after which the Bully began to speak once more. "See if I care how he's crushed the entirety of the Circuit Break League faster than Koopa the Quick on a 12-pack of Ultra Shroom Shakes! 'Cause today, he's gonna get trashed!"
Meanwhile, back at the Minor League Quarters where Waluigi and Company were left to deal with a supposed squad of Luffs that had taken up residence inside the room, the heroes had searched every nook and cranny of it, but didn't find any Luffs inside of it whatsoever. "WAH, such a waste of time coming all the way down here for a false alarm as far as Luff Empire activity is concerned! Waluigi is gonna give Mr. Kniphofia an earful once he reaches the race track!" Waluigi declared before he walked up to the door and attempted to open it, only to find that it was locked. "WAH?! You gotta be kidding Waluigi! Some WAH-cko locked him and his friends in this dirty old room! Waluigi and friends are good as trapped!"
"Seriously?! Never thought I'd see the day that the expression of fate closing a door would actually be put into practice!" Cheesare complained out loud while Waluigi continued to mess with the door knob in an attempt to somehow unlock the door from the inside.
Back at the stadium's race track, however, Florian Kniphofia was about to introduce Waluigi and Company as part of the championship match formalities prior to the grand showdown. "And now, for Boobwuss Yammerton's challengers! Led by the Sultan of Suffering, the Overlord of Obnoxious, The Waluigi Fury Roadsters!" The Floro Sapien promoter excitedly announced, only for the karting garage door that the heroes were supposed to emerge from to remain shut, not a single soul coming out of it. "Hold the phone, folks! What in the name of Johnny Appleseed's rich rows of orchards is going on?! Where's the Waluigi Fury Roadsters?!" He then exclaimed in complete befuddlement.
"Seems like Longshanks and his fellowship of fools chickened out at the last moment to duck back into their harbor, where they belong!" Boobwuss Yammerton joked with an amused smirk in response to Kniphofia's perplexity, prompting the promoter to shift his focus back towards the crowd with an expression that radiated just as much stupefaction.
"Hoo, Clattering Carnations! What a stunning turn of events, folks! Did Waluigi really go all cowardly and run for the hills like a lion?! There's one thing I can say for certain, however; Should he and his teammates not show their faces out here soon, they're to forfeit the championship match!" Florian addressed the crowd, who erupted into various boos and sneers in response, since they hadn't come out here for this grand main event only for it to be canned due to one of the competing parties failing to show up.
Back at the Minor League Quarters, where Waluigi and Company had been locked up in, the purple-clad anti-protagonist still failed to get the door open by means of his own, and as such, he kicked against it in frustration. "WAH! This is infuriating! Waluigi's always been treated like dirt since he broke out into Mushroom World Stardom, and now this?! This is just the Double Cherry on the muddy sundae!" He exclaimed in outrage, his party members humming their agreement on the predicament.
"For sure, Big Purple. We're gonna forfeit the match at this rate, so we gotta break ourselves outta here some way or another. You still got the Sword of Nintendomens on you? 'Cause that thing might help us find another escape route." Cheesare proposed to the lengthy nuisance, who pointed his index finger at the hamburger Spinia in response.
"WAH! Good thinking, Cheesare! Waluigi will break out the blade immediately!" Waluigi responded before he grabbed the Sword of Nintendomens and firmly held it in both hands. "Sword of Nintendomens, bring Waluigi sights beyond sights...!" He inquired of the legendary weapon, who did as it was asked immediately, since it made a secret wall in the southeast corner of the room light up. "WAHEY! Bingo! There's a spot for us over there to make our escape through!" Waluigi delightfully exclaimed as he pointed towards the secret wall in question before using the Sword of Nintendomens to shatter the secret wall, revealing a small room with a low table, a television set, a ceiling light and a calendar, as well as a door that was fortunately unlocked, allowing Waluigi and Company to access the abandoned Major League Quarters that laid on the other side of it.
Walking up to the door leading out of the Major League Quarters and into the hallway, Waluigi proceeded to feel the doorknob, only to find that this door was locked as well. "Nay, this WAH-ne's locked too. Keep pushing ahead." Waluigi informed his party members, who nodded in response as they continued to look for another escape route, ending up inside the Quarters' restroom with a single toilet inside. The impish beanstalk hummed curiously as he inspected this particular toilet. "Remember Ian Thieving speaking of a man-eating toilet lurking inside WAH-ne of the stadium's water closets? If you do, Waluigi has reason to believe he was referring to this toilet in front of us. And if Waluigi's memory serves him, then this toilet isn't an ordinary toilet, but a Warp Pipe in disguise!" He informed his party members, who looked disgusted upon thinking of the idea of a toilet doing double duty (Author's Note: No pun intended. XD) as a Warp Pipe for people to travel from room to room through the stadium. Still, since they didn't have any other means of escaping the trap they were currently caught up in, they didn't have any choice but to take the chance, and use the supposed Warp Pipe made out of a toilet to make their escape. Flushing sounds could be heard throughout the hallway above the sewage network of the stadium, much to the confusion of the security guards posted there as the heroes came out of the toilet/Warp Pipe combo at the other end of the pipeline, which just so happened to be situated inside the Major League Quarters that the heroes were residing in.
"Man, if this is the type of stuff that the Mario Brothers had to go through on a day to day basis when they were still in the plumbing business, I've got SO MUCH MORE respect for them now." Bloolex voiced his opinion on the travel through the Circuit Break Stadium's sewage system he and the heroes just made.
"I'll say. Seeing as Big Purple and his buddy Big Yellow walk around dressed like plumbers all the time, you'd think that the two of them worked the profession themselves at some point in time." Cheesare replied to that, with Nicky humming his agreement in response.
"For sure, bro! Hey, Waluigi! Did you and Wario, like, ever work as plumbers like your heroic counterparts at some point in the past?" Nicky asked Waluigi curiously as the heroes left the restroom, confusing their Major League Quarters roommates as they proceeded to head back out the door and making their way down the hallway towards the karting garage.
"Believe it or not, but Waluigi and his yellow-clad friend did actually work as plumbers themselves at some point before their rise to stardom. So Waluigi knows his way around a sewage system surprisingly well. But enough talk about Waluigi's stint as a plumber; It's time for Waluigi's stint as a professional kart racer, and in particular, Waluigi's showdown against Boobwuss Yammerton!" The purple-clad anti-protagonist answered Nicky's question.
Back at the Circuit Break Stadium's main track, Florian Kniphofia was surprised to hear the second karting garage door finally roll up, after which the revving of an engine could be heard as Waluigi and Company came riding out of it in a purple muscle car akin to the one Bowser used during the events of Super Mario 3D World, except with a Waluigi-themed hood ornament on the front. Honking the car horn as he rode the car up to the starting line, Waluigi had an angry glare resting on his face the whole time.
"The moment you've been waiting for, ladies and gentlemen! The Waluigi Fury Roadsters are revved up and raring to go!" Florian Kniphofia then announced, prompting an excitable round of cheers and applause from the crowd in response. Waluigi's party members happily waved to the crowd in response, while Waluigi himself hopped onto the hood of the muscle car before striking a pose akin to the one he used whenever he leveled up in Fortune Street/Boom Street, prompting another excitable series of cheers from the crowd.
"Radical, dudes! Looks like we made the racing stage just in time, and the crowd is loving us! We're a real bunch of bodacious brawlers!" Nicky chimed his excitement about the warm response he and the other heroes were getting from the crowd, with Bloolex and Cheesare humming their agreement on the matter.
"Tell Waluigi about it, Nicky! Such a positive reception to making an appearance anywhere at all is a real WAH-lcome change to all the jokes and sneers Waluigi has gotten over the years! Now let's-a go boil this big Bully into a bouillion!" The purple-garbed troublemaker responded to the Spiky Parabuzzy before he and his party members leapt from their car to join Florian Kniphofia and Boobwuss Yammerton on the podium.
"Just have a listen at the crowd going wild for the Waluigi Fury Roadsters! Will his whip of walloping and his sword of scathe prove powerful enough to send the Boobwuss down the junction of jumble, yammering all the way to the medical bay? Now, at long last, the raceway rumble to end all raceway rumbles can finally begin! Let's keep it clean, gentlemen!" Florian Kniphofia then proposed to the two challenging parties, who promptly made their way towards their vehicles, started their engines, then waited for Kniphofia to give them the go ahead to take off riding.
"WAH-lright, Boobwuss! Prepare to get boiled up and served with some yam and purple eggs!" Waluigi firmly told the champion while pointing his index finger at him in an equally fierce manner, his party members hollering their excitement in regards to finally getting this showdown underway for emphasis.
Boobwuss chortled his amusement in response to these threats. "I wouldn't be so sure about that, Woeful-igi! You and your friends shoulda stayed locked up safe and sound so I coulda spared you the absolute trashing you're about to suffer!" He taunted the towering miscreant and his allies, confusing them in response.
"You mean to tell us that YOU'RE the one who paid off that security guard to lock us up in those abandoned Minor League Quarters?!" Bloolex asked the orange-hued heel racer in disbelief, to which Boobwuss smirked and nodded his confirmation.
"Bet your boots that I did! I also happened to be the one who sent you that poisoned cake you threw at The Lickspittle Thrifters during the subsequent race you entered, suckers! That's what happens when you get on my bad side; You're on a one-way trip down to Painsville!" Boobwuss boasted to his challengers.
"Call this a shot in the dark, but if that's the case, then you must also be this Ronnoc guy working with the Luff Empire's garrison stationed out here on Circuit Break Island, sending us threats via e-mail on our Dual Scream Light!" Cheesare subsequently accused Boobwuss in the light of the latter's revelations in hindering the heroes' progress throughout the Circuit Break Major League rankings.
"I have no idea who the heck that Ronnoc guy is you're blabbing about, but I do know that not even I would sink so low as to join forces with the Luff Empire to get what I want, you silly talking hamburger. See, I might not play fair, but I still have standards! And those nasty Luffs who have taken over the mainland Waffle Kingdom don't exactly line up with those standards! Now quit yapping, we've got a demolition derby to knock out of the park!" Boobwuss responded to Cheesare's accusations, after which the battle with the Bully finally began, with the two racing parties taking off in their provided vehicles in the process.
Waluigi then made the first move for his team by using the Sword of Nintendomens to perform a Nintenthunder Thrust attack on Boobwuss Yammerton, making the latter groan in response. Bloolex followed suit with a Gezora Gash attack, stabbing the opponent with his halberd and making them cry out in pain. Cheesare then proceeded to use the vice grips he had kept from Chateau de Framboise to unleash a bolt of electricity on Boobwuss Yammerton, who hollered in pain from this electrokinetic surge running through him. Nicky then made the last move for his team on this particular turn by using his electrokinetic saw to perform a Volt Curl attack on Boobwuss Yammerton, making him jitter and grunt in the process.
It was now Boobwuss Yammerton's turn at combat, and he used his miniature tank's spinning Fire Bars to execute a Searing Spin Dash against his opponents, who yelped in pain from the pyrokinetic impairment inflicted on them. Afterward, it was their turn again. Waluigi now used his whip to strike Boobwuss with a Waluigi Whip Lash attack, making the Bully scream in pain as he nailed the attack. Bloolex proceeded to follow this up with a Rapid Halberd Spin attack, making Boobwuss howl in pain. Cheesare then used his sticky goo launcher to perform a Mustard's Last Stand attack against Boobwuss, making him recoil in disgust while simultaneously lowering his defenses for the next couple of turns. Finally, Nicky proceeded to use his F.L.U.D.D.'s Squirt Nozzle to drench Boobwuss in water, corroding his defenses and lowering them even further while he was at it.
"Gotta give you boys credit where it's due for actually packing a punch when it comes down to a skirmish like this! Definitely makes it worth the while coming down to the track today! I wouldn't get too cocky if I were you though, 'cause you've still got a ways to go in order to take me down for the count! Try this on for size!" Boobwuss complimented his opponents in a backhanded manner before using his tank's spinning turret mechanism to lob a series of Bob-Ombs at the heroes, making them roar in convulsion.
Waluigi then used the Sword of Nintendomens to perform a Half-Circle Front Slash on Boobwuss, who cooed in pain in response. Bloolex added onto this blemish by performing a newly-learned attack called the Stab 'N Swing on Boobwuss, stabbing the Bully with the pointed end of his halberd before slashing him with the axe-head located on the weapon's side, prompting two agonized yelps from the Bully. Cheesare subsequently used a newly-learned attack of his own called the Bacon Bolo Bind, in which he broke out a gun that fired bolo nets made out of bacon at his opponents that ended up lowering the targeted opponents' defenses, in this case being Boobwuss. Nicky then proceeded to wrap up the turn by using the Turbo Nozzle on his F.L.U.D.D. to spray Boobwuss with a high pressurized stream of water, akin to the ones used against rioting crowds by riot control units.
"Ugh, this is really beginning to wear me out! No racer has really managed to get the upper hand on me in a fight before you came along, Waft-pew-igi! Really makes me think that in hindsight, I shoulda just trashed you and your friends BEFORE coming down to the track! But you know how it is with hindsight; You always end up staring a Moo Moo Cow in the rear end when that occurs! I digress though, 'cause since it's coming down to this, I'll have to rely on the old heel bag of tricks!" Boobwuss grumbled in annoyance before using his tank's vacuum capabilities to suck up any stray aviary species that happened to roam the airspace above the stadium and then launch them at Waluigi and Company as projectiles. In this particular case, those aviary species happened to be Goonies, who honked in dismay as they were launched out of the tank's turrets at the heroes, who similarly screeched in dismay as the birds made contact with them.
"WAH, your dirty tricks might be impressive, but nobody does them better than Waluigi! Allow Waluigi and his party members to demonstrate, so prepare to be amazed!" Waluigi grinned mischievously before he and his party members proceeded to break the traditional turn-based RPG combat rules, as they rushed Boobwuss Yammerton, clobbering him by pounding him with their Sword of Nintendomens, halberd, sticky goo launcher and electrokinetic saw, respectively. Boobwuss Yammerton blubbered in pain as he endured this beating before the heroes finally proceeded to back off.
"GRRR! Gah! You really do put the "foul" in foul play, Wail-oo-igi! But I'm only now beginning to warm up, so get welded!" Boobwuss snarled at Waluigi, beginning to get visibly and audibly ornery with the elevated impish male as he made the Fire Bars on his tank spin in a rapid manner, performing a move known as the Searing Spin Charge that caused the heroes to wail in pain from the pyrokinetic peril that their opponent was putting them through.
"WAH-lright, time to end things here and now! Prepare to get WAH-lloped to the moon!" Waluigi declared to Boobwuss Yammerton as he opened up his team's finishing turn by holding aloft the Sword of Nintendomens, after which the blade of the legendary weapon got charged with a bolt of lightning, culminating in Waluigi using the electrically charged scimitar to perform a Giga-WAH-tt Slash on the heel racer, making him roar in pain. Bloolex followed this up with a Cephalopod Surge attack, after which Boobwuss howled in pain. Cheesare then added to the injury by using his Ranch Drench attack, prompting the soon-to-be-defeated champion to yelp in pain, after which Nicky wrapped things up by using his electrically charged saw to finish Boobwuss off with a Volt Curl attack.
Boobwuss' miniature tank then began sputtering, smoking, and eventually broke down before it could reach the finish line, much to the burnt orange hued Bully's dismay. "No, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening! How could an undefeated champion of the Circuit Break League like myself suffer such a humiliating loss at the hands of such an inferior fellowship of failures?!" Boobwuss cried in shame of having his winning streak broken by Waluigi and Company, who were able to cross the finish line without resistance shortly afterward.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I think I can say with a hundred percent statistical certainty, without a doubt in the back of my head, that we've just witnessed a miracle! A tower of technique versus a mountain of mechanical might! A goliath of gracefulness versus a duke of distastefulness! A clash of the terrific titans! This was morally, ethically, spiritually, physically, positively, absolutely, undeniable and reliably a title bout that will ring throughout the hallways of the Circuit Break Stadium for the remainder of eternity! And the one to walk out of that particular title bout with the victory are none other than...The Waluigi Fury Roadsters! Congratulations, Mr. Waluigi! You and your team are the best of the best! La crème de la crème! The Circuit Break Island League Champions! Wine him, speech him, honor him, shake his hand, ladies and gentlemen! The new champions! The Waluigi Fury Roadsters!" Florian Kniphofia rattled on in excitement from the confinements of his podium, after which Waluigi and his party members waved to the crowds before them in genuine happiness and triumph over a hard-earned victory, to which the crowds erupted into thunderous cheers and applause in response, welcoming their new champion racers with open arms in the process.
Afterward, Waluigi and Company met with Kniphofia and Tad Pop in the Major League Quarters they'd been residing in over the course of their climb to the top of the leaderboard. "Well, you and your boys finally did it, Waluigi! Today's your first day as the champion of the Circuit Break League! The Circuit Break League Cup is all yours now!" Kniphofia informed Waluigi as he handed the purple troublemaker the trophy in question. "And how about this? I'm gonna go ahead and get you gentlemen settled into the Champion's Suite immediately. Tad Pop, would you be so kind as to show Waluigi and his team the way there?" Kniphofia then asked Tad Pop, who nodded in affirmation to that request.
"As you requested, Mr. Kniphofia. Mr. Champion, shall we get going towards your new accommodation, then?" Tad Pop addressed Kniphofia before shifting her focus towards Waluigi, who nodded in agreement with that suggestion. Waving the other racers residing in the Major League Quarters farewell, the heroes proceeded to follow Tad Pop over to the Champion's Suite before heading inside. "Congratulations again, Mr. Champion. This is now your personal domain for your duration of your stay at Circuit Break Stadium, and Circuit Break Island, to an extent. I do hope you'll find yourself at home here. As always, there's a Racing Reservation System terminal located here, should you wish to get back out on the race car track and fight it out against the other racers in another demolition derby. Anything else I could take care of for you right now?" Tad Pop then inquired of Waluigi after explaining the matter at hand to him, to which the purple rabble-rouser shook his head in response.
"WAH, Waluigi doesn't think he needs anything else as of rig