The 'Shroom:Issue XXV/Good Game, Bad Game
[Insert catchy greeting here], I'm Jaffey, and this is Good Game, Bad Game. Where we play a good game, only to get dissapointed later. And i've got to be honest here, I'm running out of ideas. I'd guess that I've got one or two good ideas after this, but unless I could do something else (like make a top 10 list), I may have to go. Don't worry though, I'll come up with something. Anywho, today's topic is "innovation"......... what!?!? The main idea for this section is "two games that are sorta similar", i guess... Whatever, as technology has improved, so has the standard for video games. Some were great ideas that changed video games for years, while others wanted to be forgotten ASAP. So, let's review these pickle-dooks (in case you're wondering, I DO talk like this in real life).
Good Game:Super Mario 64
It's-a me! Jaffffey!.
Oh I freakin' LOVE this game! It's my favorite Mario... no... my favorite game of all time. I've played it since I was two, and loved it ever since. Little did I know, that this was one revolutionary game. I never really played the original Super Mario games when I was a kid, so I just thought all games were like this. But enough about me, let's talk about the game.
The story starts out like most Mario games do (and should). Bowser kidnaps the Princess and Mario needs to rescue her. Mario games really don't need to be more advanced than that. Unlike other games in the series, however, this game is in 3-D!!! You have more freedom than in other games, and there's so much more to do! When you defeat a certain objective in a level (defeat a boss, collect 8 red coins) you'll be rewarded with a power star. You need these stars in order to unlock doors lead to different levels. And after collecting a certain amount of stars, you'll fight probably one of the greatest villains ever..... Luigi! Nah, i was just kidding (if you did think I was seroius, i recommend finishing up 1st Grade). You battle Bowser, and BOY is it epic! You start off in a dark level, with numerous deadly traps. After surviving these, you use a pipe to reach th ultimate! Bowser's fun to fight, but the only thing better is the music! It could quite possibly be the coolest boss music ever! to defeat said Koopa King, you toss him by his tail into a bomb, or throw him off the field enough times. Which ever floats you're boat. You fight him 3 times, each harder than the last.
I could ramble on about the awesomeness of this game, but if you still don't understand how revolutionary this game is/was, then you obviously never played it. I recommend buying this game on virtual console as quickly as humanly possible, or faster! I recommend this game to anyone who likes to have fun!1
Bad Game:Hotel Mario
NO! Not the CD-i! IT BURNS!
Oh boy... We're in a load of crap now! If you've never experienced this game in any way shape or for, God really loves you. I do NOT understand how anyone thought this was a going to be a good game! It is HORRIBLE, in every definition of the word!
Anyway, let's look at why this game is a monstrosity to gamers everywhere. Well for starters, look at the title. Why would you make a hotel themed Mario game? Oh, maybe it's like a port of Sim City, but with Mario characters. If that were the fact, I would be one HAPPY gamer. Second, look what system it's on, The Phillip's CD-i, or as I like to call it, the bane of Mario's existence. This system was BAAAAAAAAAAAD! It mainly featured games that you'd find PBS making. As if that weren't bad enough, they had the balls to make terrible Mario and Zelda crossover games. The Zelda games were bad too, but this isn't the Zelda Wiki now, is it? It had a Cd disk drive, so it seemed like it would make for better gameplay overall. It apparently decided to instead do the exact opposite.
Enough with the obvious problems, let's get into gameplay. You start off with a triple threat of horrible gaming essentials rolled into a cutscene. The visuals look like a doodle I did while I was depressed, the music sounds like a broken synthesizer being jammed by a 2-year old, and the voice-acting, oh the VOICE-ACTING! Not only did they give Mario that stupid Brooklyn accent, but his voice constantly spikes (along with the rest of the music). As if that wasn't bad enough, they added Luigi in it too (miscellaneous sounds of violence) OKAY! OKAY! I know a lot of you like Luigi, but if anything, he makes the game worse. He adds even more ridiculous dialogue than Mario does. The plot doesn't lend itself too kindly either. Apparently Bowser has kidnapped Peach and... started a hotel chain? Wha-? How does that even REMOTELY make sense! But don't worry, there are BILLIONS of other things in this game to make you angry, you won't even think about the plot.
The gameplay is also a load of garbage. So what's the main goal of HOTEL Mario? You shut doors. wheeeeeeee. The game controls are ridiculous as well. But if you still want to play this game after all the crap that's been thrown at you, you DESERVE bad controls. By this point in the game, you can pretty much expect the rest off gameplay. The enemies are cheap and unimaginative, the gameplay music sounds like a dying cat, and you die fast. And that's all i have the patience to put up with in this game.
But that's not my biggest complaint! The biggest reason I hate this game would have to be the people on Youtube who thinks this stuff is funny if it's in their videos. It's not. It's 10x worse. If you still like playing good video games, stay FAR away from Hotel Mario! Laters!
Hey, got a Good suggestion for Good Game, Bad Game? Feel free to drop a line on my talk page. (just DON'T recommend Mario Kart Wii!)
