Fake News
Screw This
Match Game
The first annual MarioWiki Match Game takes place on May 2nd, 2009! The Match Game is a game show where the contestants are given a sentence or sentences with a blank. Their job is to fill in the blank. Every time the contestant matches the judges, they get a point. Whoever gets the most points wins! Click here to sign up! Check back next month for more details, but sign up now!
Star Cup Update
You may be wondering why the final results for the Star Cup have not shown up yet. Well, the Battle Dome was hit by a tornado, which destroyed part of the grandstand. The action will continue and be published in the April edition. Our deepest apologies go out to you.
Fake Games
- Super Smash Bros. Shopping Mall is a brand-new game, and the fourth Smash Bros. game.It takes place in a shopping mall, different shops being great new stages! The game introduces a story-mode named the "The Shopping Emissary" where you travel the world trying to find the cause to strangely high prices.
- Game 4 Stupid People is a game that takes place around a pineapple with a Mario mustache.It appears to be a sequel to Super Mario Galaxy. Nothing interesting happens. Should be released around Christmas for the DS and will be advertised by The Jackson 5.
Travel Guide
Do you like getting hit by big metal dogs? Are sandstorms your favorite type of weather? If so (or even if not), come to Wario Palace! You can see lots of gold and maybe even steal it*! The only route is through the Dusty Dune Galaxy, where you can fall into quicksand! So order your 4-night, 3-day stay from Mushroom Travel Agency now and get a 25% discount!
*10,000 coin fine for stealing if you get caught.
Fake Music
This month, we look at a hit single by Fiancé, Resistible. It's four minutes and 36 seconds long, and includes the catchy line "I see you there, but I just don't care, 'cause you're an average Joe." Buy now and receive a 20% discount at Mushroom Music Store.
Obituaries
Baron Brr died on Wednesday, March 11th at the hands of Baby Luigi, who was peacefully playing in the snow until he was attacked by the Baron, who was then burned to death by a flamethrower.
Cooking Guide
Today, Chef Shimi will show you how to make a Zess Deluxe.
Chef Shimi: First--
Zess T.: Hey, that's my thing!
Chef Shimi: Well, were you employed by this newspaper?
Zess T.: I don't give a s***! I worked my a** off to get a f****** patent for this and now you're trying to market it? I don't think so!
Chef Shimi: Buy now!
*Chef Shimi leaves*
Interview
Today's interview is with none other than Waluigi!
Ralphfan: Waluigi, you've always been living in Wario's shadow. Is there anything you are trying to do to get noticed?
Waluigi: What do you think? I've been throwing Bob-ombs at him for decades and I've gotten nothing out of it!
Ralphfan: Those were intended for him?!?!?!?!
Waluigi: Of course!
*Wario walks in.*
Wario: Hey, Wal--WHAT?!?!?!?!
Ralphfan: Wario, you appear to be inter--
*Wario takes out some Bob-ombs.*
Ralphfan: Buy now!
*Ralphfan leaves.*
Sports Coverage
As you can see below, the Star Cup is currently in progress. Click here to chat with other fans about the Cup and cheer on your favorite team.
Weather
All the talk has been about global warming. But what about global cooling? Because of all the hippie junk, Mr. Blizzards are more abundant than ever before; and if we don't act now, we're screwed!
FIGHT GLOBAL COOLING. NOW!
Dimentio Interview
by 
Mazzlebrozzle, the 3rd Mario Bro. Dimentio still lives!
Mazzlebrozzle: Hi Dimentio. How's things in your second life, after being put together by me?
Dimentio: Let's not mention this.
Mazzlebrozzle: Okay then. People say you're a psycopath. What do you say to that?
Dimentio: I am not! I'm perfectly capable of remorse! Why, I regret losing to Mario and the gang as Super Dimentio.
Mazzlebrozzle: I... don't think that counts. Um, what are your feelings towards Count Bleck?
Dimentio: It's obvious. I hate him, you retard.
Mazzlebrozzle: Hey, don't call me that!
Dimentio: WHY NOT, RETARD?!
Mazzlebrozzle: Because I will kick your ass into the 3rd Dimension with my black magic!
(Mazzlebrozzle & Dimentio fight)
(After a while, Dry Parakoopa enters)
Dry Parakoopa: What the hell is going on here?
Dimentio: What do you think? We're fighting!
Dry Parakoopa: Well, I knew that. I was just...
Dimentio: Then why did you ask? Huh? Huh? Huh?
(Fight continues, Dry Parakoopa leaves.)
(It finally ends)
Mazzlebrozzle: Well, I guess you're retarded now.
Dimentio: Aim blot!
Mazzlebrozzle: You are.
Dimentio: AIM BLOT!
Mazzlebrozzle: Well, in your words... ciou!