List of Super Mario Bros. (film) quotes

This is a list of quotes from the Super Mario Bros. film. They are listed by character.

Mario Mario

• "Mario Brothers Plumbing. No leak too small."
• "Scapelli. They beat us to it again! Another lost job!"
• "Strap your belt on kid. We’re going in."
• Luigi: "I'm gonna kill'em!"
  Mario: "No, you're not gonna kill'em. Not if I get there first. I'm gonna break every bone in their bodies and then I'm gonna kill'em. I’m REALLY gonna kill'em."
• "How're we gonna get into Koopa's Tower? I've got two words for you -- im-possible."
• Luigi: "Mario, did you see that? It's trying to communicate."
  Mario: "Luigi, it's a mushroom."
• "WHAT!? You're gonna arrest a guy for being a plumber!?"
• "And he is... outta here!"
• "See ya later, alligator!"
• "Luigi, stop, you'll be talkin' to the mildew in the shower next!"
• "Let’s hit the bricks!"
• "Great, a building with athlete’s foot"
• (pulls out a mushroom from his pocket) "Trust the fungus!"

Luigi Mario

• "Right now, on Miraculous World, this guy just found out he was in another dimension."
• "Parfect. Parfect."
• Luigi: "Well ya know, we got a van."
  Daisy: "It's nice!"
  Luigi: "Yeah, well. -- ...no, no -- I'm asking you if you would want a ride? Oh, but, ah, it's broken now..."
• "Your name's Daisy isn't it? I overheard your name was Daisy -- You know, I haven't heard that name around here, it's really nice, too -- Well, I have heard it, 'cause it's the flower and everything. But not like I hang around flower shops or nothin' like that."
• "It's a pleasure to meet me! I mean, it's a pleasure to meet you."
• Luigi: "Do you eat?"
  Daisy: "Yeah..."
  Luigi: "Dinner?"
  Daisy: "Sure..."
  Luigi: "Tonight?"
  Daisy: "Oh... okay!"
• "Mario, I got a feelin'. I got a feelin' we ain't in Brooklyn no more."
• "You didn't save us, that tunnel just sneezed us out and that giant booger just caught us mid-air. That's what saved us."
• "WHERE'S Daisy, butt-breath!?"
• "Not until you give us Daisy, biscuit-head!"
• "Who cares, anyway? Just give me my tool belt!"
• "Nothing's impossible, Mario. Improbable, unlikely, but never impossible."
• "Trust the fungus."

Daisy

• "I'm the boss here."
• "Thank God you're here! I mean, you're a plumber, right?"
• "Luigi, help me!"
• "Where's my father?"
• "Uh, I'm a vegetarian. I don't eat anything with a face."
• "I hope he's alright."
• "The rock will merge our two dimensions!"
• "Only I can stop it."
• "Yoshi... I guess we're both prisoners here, huh?"
• "Listen! I know this is going to sound a little strange, but... I want you to meet my father."
• "He used to be the leader here until... Koopa turned him into... all this fungus."
• Daisy: "Oh, how's Daniella? Is she alright?"
  Mario: "Daniella, that's right! I promised to take her to Wrestlemania."
• Daisy: "Mario! Luigi! We need your help. You're not gonna believe this..."
  Mario: "Oh, I believe it!"

President Koopa

• "Look at this place. Pathetic. It gets worse every day. The humans on the other side have a world full of resources. Ready for the taking. Imagine: an endless supply of food, clean air, water. And what are we stuck with? This... pithole, germs everywhere, fungus. For 65 million years, we've been exhiled here after the meteorite stuck while mammals roamed freely in the other dimension! Ha! Well not for long!"
• "Koopa: (pretending to be an attorney for the arrested Marios) I'm Larry Lazard, of "Lazard, Lazard, Conda, Dactyl, & Cohen"."
• "(bathing in mud) Do you know what I love about mud? It's clean and it's dirty at the same time."
• "You may think of evolution as an upward process. Things evolve from primeval slime... up to single-cell organisms... up to... intelligent life. De-evolution, of course, works the opposite way. Back to simpler forms. For instance... even our musical friend, Toad... can become... a loyal child of the royal family. Goombas, ah!"
• "Loyal...lethal...and stupid. Goomba, walk tall. Be proud. Go, Goomba! Join the Goombas."
• "Perhaps if I could just make you idiots smarter, you won't screw-up this time."
• "Here's what's logical to me... if you do not return with the plumbers and the rock... I shall personally kill you."
• "After the merge, it will be nice to see the humans de-evolve, won't it? What is it they come from? I keep forgetting, its, uh, mice or something...
• "Disgusting mammals."'
• "Hidey ho mammals."
• "Well, my, my, looks like you got up on the wrong side of the nest this morning."
• "That I am, ruler of all you see. A few miserable streets and endless desert."
• "My, my, you have let yourself go! See, I'm not such a bad guy, you always wanted to be everywhere, well now you are. And I wanna tell you something, you can go ahead and choke this little Mushroom Kingdom all you want, cuz', I'm out of here. I'm out into the bigger world! I gotta a couple of plumbers bringin' me the rest of the meteorite. Soon to be dead plumbers. And by the way, you really oughta pull yourself back together again... slime bucket!"
• "BOB-OMB!"
• "King Koopa here. I'd like the Koopa Special. Yes, dino, lizard, hold the mammal, no worms and, uh, spicy."
• "Princess! Ready to help me destroy the human kinds? Muster the Goombas! Hand out the De-Evolution Guns! Prepare for destiny! Where's my pizza?"
• "I need you to find Daisy and give me her rock. Then I can rule both worlds!"
• "Good lord, what was I thinking?"
• "I shall personally de-evolve you for singing Anti-Koopa songs."
• "Plumbers? Plumber alert."'
• WHAT?! NOOOOO!!!
• "(realizing Mario doesn’t have the meteorite piece) Its merging. You don’t have the rock, you filthy mammal. (laughs) We’re MERGING! (laughs again before merging into the other world)
• "It's Brooklyn. My world! Give me that Devo-Gun! (Koopa tries to shoot Mario, but instead hits Scapelli, who is transformed into a chimpanzee. Koopa points at him and laughs) Monkey!"
• "STUPID!"
• "And now, I'm gonna make a monkey out of you, plumber!"

Toad

• "Hey guys, cheer up. It could be worse. (starts singing) Ain't got no water anywhere...Food's bad, so's the air...Got no resources, in a great big stupor...All because of the evil King Koopa!" - Toad's Anti-Koopa Song.
• "Could you please tell me your name?" - Toad when he meets Mario & Luigi in their cell.
• "What a lousy kingdom ever since Koopa took over. And YOU, Koopa! You're a lousy leader!...Our old king! You tried to get rid of him, but the king is everywhere, including the museum and tunnel. You can't get rid of him. Never!" - Toad's response before Koopa de-evolves him.
• "Uh...A Goomba ate it. And I am NOT the princess!" - Toad's answer after Koopa asks where his pizza is.

Iggy & Spike

---

Iggy: (Iggy and Spike mistake Daniella for Daisy) Where are you going?

Spike: I'm gonna get the girl.

Iggy: That's not the girl.

Spike: Yeah, it is, she's wearing a disguise. I could spot her a mile away.

Iggy: Of course she's wearing a disguise. She thinks she can fool us. I'm gonna go get her.

Spike: I'm gonna go get her.

Iggy: Wait a minute. We'll follow her and then we'll both go get her.

Spike: Good idea. I'll bag her, you grab her.

Iggy: No, I'll grab her, *you* bag her.

Spike: That's what I said.

Iggy: Exactly.

---

Spike: (has had his brain evolved to higher intelligence) Ignatius, do you know what the square root of 36,481 is?

Iggy: What are you talking about?

Spike: 191!

---

Spike: We were wrong again. How many times have we got this wrong?

Iggy: You've gotten it wrong five times.

Spike: Home for five. Home for five. What percent is that?

Iggy: I dunno. Let me think. (pause) I dunno. But it's not good.

Spike: If we get it wrong one more time, he's gonna kill us.

Iggy: He's not gonna kill us. He's not that nice.

Lena

• (to Iggy and Spike) "Hello, morons."
• "Everyone deserves what they've earned! And I've earned this!"

Big Bertha

• "Come get it, big boy."
• "Dance with me, and I’ll hit you all you like."
• "Use the Stompers!"

Dialogue

Old Lady: Are you boys new in town?

Mario: Listen, lady, we're looking for someone. And we're from Brooklyn.

Old Lady: You know, boys, this is a really rough neighborhood. You really shouldn't be wandering around without a weapon.

Mario: Yea.

Old Lady: You got one?

Luigi: ...No.

Old Lady: ...All right... (brandishes a cattle-prod-like weapon, shouts) Get 'em up, suckers! (jabs Luigi with her weapon) Koopa coins! I need Koopa coins, so lay ‘em out!

---

Luigi: (as he drives the van) You know, I read that sea turtles travel thousands of miles on instinct.

Mario: Not in New York traffic, they don't.

---

Officer: (interrupts Toad’s song) You know the law Toad.

Mario: Hey, wait a minute. You can’t arrest a guy for singing a song.

Officer: For anti-Koopa songs we can. (then he notices the tools on their belts and pulls on them) Ah ha! Plumbers!

Luigi: No, he is. I’m just apprenticing him.

Officer: Get in the car!

Luigi: But I didn’t do nothing.

Mario: Are you telling us that you can arrest a guy for being a plumber?! Get outta here!

Officer: Get in their plumber! NOW!

Mario: Hey! What is this?

Luigi: Alright, alright. What do we do?

Mario: I’m getting arrested for being a plumber.

Luigi: Write his number down.

---

Sergeant Simon: Name.

Mario: Mario.

Sergeant Simon: Last name.

Mario: Mario.

Sergeant Simon: (to Luigi) Okay. What's your name?

Luigi: Luigi.

Sergeant Simon: Luigi Luigi?

Luigi: No. Luigi Mario.

Sergeant Simon: Okay, look, how many Marios are there between the two of you?

Luigi: There's 3. There's Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.

Sergeant Simon: Mike! Mike! Help these Marios around the side.

---

Toad: (sings) Oh, oh, oh.

I'm sittin' here in a cramped detention,

with brothers from another dimension.

Thinkin' 'bout my... (stops) Say, what's another word that rhymes with "Dimension"?

Mario: Yeah, tension, and I'm full of it, so shut up.

---

(in the squad car, a wanted poster of the Mario Bros. flashes on a TV screen naming them Alien Plumbers)

Luigi: Aliens? We gotta deal with aliens too?

Mario: Luigi, we're the aliens!

Luigi: We are? Wow, cool!

---

Mario: Hey! Hey! Hey! (Simon jabs him with the stun gun) OW!

Sergeant Simon: Nobody touches President Koopa!

Luigi: (rubs his eyes in pain) You're Koopa?! But you said you were one evil...

Koopa: ...one evil, egg sucking son of a snake. Did I lie?

---

Koopa: Now, where's the rock?

(Iggy and Spike look at each other, then at Koopa)

Iggy and Spike: Rock, sir?

Koopa: The meteorite piece that she wears around her neck, and I told you not to forget it!

Spike: That rock!

Iggy: I told you not to forget it!

Koopa: And I told you to remind him! Without that piece, the meteorite lays dormant. I'll not be able to merge the dimensions! Where is it?!

Iggy and Spike: (nervously) The plumbers took it.

Koopa: (whispers) Plumbers? (to Lena) Plumber alert!

---

(the Marios try to escape in a police car)

Mario: Where's the starter on this thing?

Luigi: I got a feeling about this, Mario-roni.

[types the codes to the strange controls to start the car]

Mario: I didn't know you could do that.

Luigi: Comes from sittin' on my butt all day playing video games. That's what.

---

Sergeant Simon: Mario Brothers!

Mario: (in his cell with Luigi) Yeah! That's us! You better get a lawyer or get us outta this chicken coop!

Sergeant Simon: You got one.

---

(the Marios capture Iggy and Spike and tie them near lizards)

Mario: If you two don't start talkin', we gonna leave you to these guys for lunch.

Luigi: Now, where's Daisy?

Spike: No, no, no, no. Where's the rock, scallywag?

Luigi: Where's Daisy, butt breath?!

Iggy: Where's the rock, over-weaning rogue?!

Luigi: Not 'til you give us Daisy, biscuit head!

Spike: Where is the rock?!

Mario: SHUT UP!!