The Provolone Ranger

"The Provolone Ranger" is the forty-fifth episode of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!. Its corresponding live-action segment is "Goodbye Mr. Fish".

Plot Synopsis
In Sudden Death Valley, Mario, Luigi, Princess Toadstool and Toad are delivering a trunk stuffed with Gold Coins to the Wild Western Frontier of the Mushroom Kingdom in an Ostro-drawn stagecoach, which Mario is driving. Mario states that the citizens of Mushridge had all their Gold Coins stolen by the outlaw Billy the Koopa, implying that their delivery is to compensate for town's loss. As the stagecoach drives over a bump, several coins fall out of the chest, which Luigi, Princess Toadstool and Toad manage to catch by each sticking an arm out of a window. Luigi tells Mario to take it easy, while Princess Toadstool reminds him that they need to deliver the coins to the people of Mushroom Ridge so that they can afford to buy food. Mario acknowledges Princess Toadstool's statement, claiming that he's driving the stagecoach as fast as he can.

Up ahead, Billy the Koopa and a Koopa Troopa are standing atop a arch-shaped rock formation. The Koopa Troopa alerts Billy the Koopa that the Mario Bros. are coming, and Billy the Koopa vows to stop them. Meanwhile, Mario takes off his hat, and starts to complain about Sudden Death Valley's blazing heat. As the stagecoach drives under the arch, Billy the Koopa and the Koopa Troopa jump aboard. Before Mario can react, the Koopa Troopa knocks Mario off the top of the stagecoach, and he gets dragged underneath it. Mario attempts to hold onto the stagecoach's rear axle, but the bumpy road causes him to lose his grip, leaving him helpless as the Koopas drive off with the stagecoach. Looking out the back window, Toad points out that Mario is gone, and Luigi questions as to who's driving the stagecoach. Billy the Koopa bends down and speaks through the window, informing them of his hijacking, as the Koopa Troopa announces that their next stop will be the Double Cross Ranch.

Mario attempts to run after the stagecoach but is unable to catch up. Later, he soon finds himself dawdling through Sudden Death Valley, sweating bullets and nearly dehydrated. Gasping for water, a native Mushroom man comes running up to Mario. Mario introduces himself to the native, who introduces himself as Pronto and claims to have the fastest mocassins in the west. Mario asks Pronto where he can get a glass of water, and Pronto informs him that he can tap a nearby cactus for its juice. Mario proceeds to pull out a spigot, which he inserts into the cactus to tap some juice out of it and into a cup, which he then drinks. Feeling energized, Mario tells Pronto that he has to stop Billy the Koopa, but Pronto argues that Mario might need his help in doing so.

Some time later, Mario emerges from a teepee dressed as a masked cowboy and tells Pronto that Billy the Koopa will never recognize him in his new disguise. Pronto compliments Mario on his disguise and tell him that he needs to learn the ways of the west. For Mario's first test, Mario needs to shoot bottles on fence posts with a revolver, but he misses and hits one of the posts. Mario empties the bullets out of the revolver and instead uses it to fire miniature silver plungers, which he successfully shoots the bottles with, as well as a Billy the Koopa statuette. With his gun-slinging skills mastered, Pronto tries to teach Mario how to use a lasso, but Mario winds up tangling the two of them together. Instead, Mario puts together a plumber's snake, which he succeeds in twirling around. Mario then tries to ride on an Ostro but finds himself booted off. On his second attempt, Mario succeeds due to the fact that he tamed his Ostro with a submarine sandwich. Pronto congratulates Mario on his fast learning, and Mario announces that the "Provolone Ranger" is ready to face Billy the Koopa and free his friends.

At the Double Cross Ranch, Luigi, Princess Toadstool and Toad have been tied to chairs in the den. Billy the Koopa teases them, but Princess Toadstool argues that there's still hope since Mario hasn't been captured. Billy the Koopa states that no one can stand the high noon heat of Sudden Death Valley, as a Koopa Troopa enters the ranch with a miniature silver plunger stuck on his snout. The Koopa Troopa tells Billy the Koopa that a mysterious masked plumber is looking for him and is going by the name of the Provolone Ranger. Billy the Koopa states that if someone is so desperate to find him, he'll give them directions into a trap.

Meanwhile, Mario and Pronto have stopped to look for Billy the Koopa's tracks, but Pronto is unable to find any sign. Mario then points to a sign board, which depicts a picture of King Koopa and an arrow. Pronto figures that it might be a trap, but Mario points out that he got an A-plus for untrapping traps in Brooklyn Plumbing Academy and leads the two of them in the direction of the arrow. Mario and Pronto soon find themselves in a narrow canyon, when they walk past a Pokey, who then gives a signal to Billy the Koopa and several Koopa Troopas, who ride into the canyon on Ostros. Pronto informs Mario that they've reached a dead end in the canyon, right before Billy the Koopa corners them. The Koopas all pull out miniature Cobrats, and point them at Mario in lieu of guns.

Pronto tells Mario that he needs a plan fast, which gives Mario an idea; he announces that he'll distract the Troopas, and then he whispers the rest of his plan to Pronto. Mario proceeds to jump around all over the place and taunt the Koopa Troopas, who all miss at shooting him with their Cobrats. Pronto then runs up to all of the Koopa Troopas and swipes the Cobrats out of their hands, which he proceeds to toss aside. However, Pronto fails to notice the Pokey, who proceeds to close in on him. Mario tries to alert Pronto, but the Pokey grabs him, and two Koopa Troopas tie him up. With Pronto as their captive, the Koopas flee from the canyon, leaving Mario, as Billy the Koopa puts it, the "All Alone Ranger". Despite this, Mario declares that he will ride again.

Back at the Double Cross Ranch, Pronto has been tied to a chair next to Luigi, Princess Toadstool and Toad. Billy the Koopa gloats, stating that he now has the Gold Coins and his hostages. Princess Toadstool states that the Provolone Ranger will stop him, but Billy the Koopa figures that he doesn't stand a chance against his entire Koopa Troopa gang.

Mario shows up at the Double Cross Ranch on his Ostro and wakes up the sleeping Pokey at the entrance, whom he tells to warn Billy the Koopa that he has a silver plunger with his name on it. As the Pokey runs off, Mario leaps onto it, causing it to break into pieces. Nothing more than a head, the Pokey enters the den and alerts Billy the Koopa that the Provolone Ranger is coming. Toad realizes that he can't miss what's about to happen and wiggles his chair over to the window, as do Luigi, Princess Toadstool and Pronto. Luigi announces that he sees Mario, but Pronto corrects him, saying that he's the Provolone Ranger. Billy the Koopa then orders his Troopa Pack to attack.

As Mario rides up to the front door of the ranch, a Koopa Troopa on the balcony attempts to shoot him with his Cobrat but misses. Mario shoots the Koopa Troopa in the knee with a miniature silver plunger, and he falls off the balcony into the Ostros' water basin. As the Koopa Troopas all regroup, Mario fires a plunger at an XX sign over the Ostro pen, causing one of the Xs to fall off and break the lock on the gate. With the gate open, the Ostros all run out of the pen, trample the Koopa Troopas, and flee from the ranch. One of the Koopa Troopas laments that the ranch used to be a safe place for bad guys, but Mario announces that justice has come to the Wild West. Mario's friends then compliment him on his rescue.

Before Toad can point out where Billy the Koopa went, Billy the Koopa announces that he's fleeing with the gold coins and jumps onto his Ostro, wearing a pouch that's holding the coins. As Billy the Koopa rides off, Mario heads after him on his Ostro. After chasing Billy the Koopa through Sudden Death Valley for a little while, Mario eventually catches up with him. He then pulls out his plumber's snake and uses it to lasso Billy the Koopa's pouch away from him, knocking the Koopa King off of his Ostro in the process. Now angered, Billy the Koopa's Ostro proceeds to run off, dragging Billy the Koopa with him, since Billy never let go of the reins. Mario then points out that he doesn't have time to round up Billy the Koopa, as he needs to rescue his friends and return the stolen gold to the people of Mushridge.

Later, in Mushridge, Mario tells Pronto that they returned the Gold Coins to the town's citizens, and that he ran Billy the Koopa out of town. Pronto points out that the two of them made a good team, and they shake hands. After saying goodbye to Pronto, Mario gets back onto the stagecoach and proceeds to drive off. Meanwhile, an elderly citizen of Mushridge walks up to Pronto, asking who the masked man was. When Pronto tells him that it was the Provolone Ranger, the man points out that they never got a chance to thank him or to invite him to dinner. Suddenly, Mario comes dashing up to the man and Pronto, excited about the mere mention of dinner. Mario then breaks the Fourth wall by saying to the audience, "And you thought Pronto was fast!".