The 'Shroom:Issue XLIII/Fake News

Fake News

Director's Notes
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Welcome to another Fake News! We are closing in on the end of the year. As you may know, The 'Shroom will be holding many contests, games and events to celebrate. My big project is the Flag Contest! Please check it out and submit some entries!

I would also like to welcome Stooben Rooben back! Please welcome our newest writer, Scorpion999! He will be writing Fake Police Blotter.

I have been receiving a lot of applications lately and would like to thank everyone who has applied. Keep up the good work!

If you want to write for us, please follow these instructions:


 * 1) Find the section you’d like to write. The current openings are for Fake Music, Fake Police Blotter and Character Battle.
 * 2) Get an account on the forum. Don’t worry, it’s free. When you sign up, do not use a Gmail account. It will treat the activation message as spam and you will be unable to receive it.
 * 3) Send me a private message (my name is Oaktown Mojo on the forums). You can do so by finding my account name or just clicking this link.

After you send me the message saying you want to write for the Fake News, I will send you the questions you need to answer. Please remember that the current open positions are Fake Music, Fake Shop and Character Battle. After sending me your section, the other ’Shroom staff members and I will look at it, and we will make sure your section is good to go. After that, you’ll get a reminder each month telling you to send in your section.

Although you probably don't give a crap what I've been up to lately, I've been watching Chuggaaconroy's Let's Play Super Luigi Galaxy. Instead of doing a voiceover after he films it, it's all done as he records it, and most of what he says is hilarious. Other than that, I haven't done much besides enjoy the weather because while everyone outside of California freezes at this time of year, we enjoy temperatures in the 70s most days and rubbing it into the people who don't enjoy such nice weather this time of year.

Travel Guide
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The winter weather is starting to set in, and sooner or later, you'll be longing for some warmth and sunshine! The Keelhaul Key Resort is the perfect place to stay and soak in the tropical sunshine. The easiest way to access this incredible resort is by taking Cortez's boat from Rogueport. On the island, you can visit the many shops. Mario's crew will be there to cater to your every whim...except Four-Eyes. The only safety hazards are the Putrid Piranhas and the Embers. As for the Putrid Piranhas, they smell awful, though the tropical flowers should be able to help you survive the stench.

Fake TV
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Here’s one aimed at women-‘’’Desperate Princesses’’’ following Peach, Daisy and Rosalina and their respective husbands Mario, Luigi and Birdo. It’s like a drama, real-life sort of show, that apparently has took the critics by storm... either that or they were killed...in fact, forget I even mentioned that, OK? The show has been running for 1 year so far, and series two is just about to start. At the end of the last series, Queen Toadstool’s mother died, making her the queen, and Peach the princess...in this new episode, Mario and Peach have a large argument, Rosalina starts doubting Birdo has any gender at all, and the situation gets really confusing as Yoshi, Birdo’s apparent husband arrives...meanwhile, Daisy throws out Luigi after she finds out about his secret stash of love letters to Birdo...wait, what? The episode airs next Friday night, so anyone interested should switch on their TVs right now because I lied. It’s really on now.

Fake Games
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Edofenrir has been extremely busy and told me he will be turning in his sections as soon as he can.

Fake Police Blotter
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Tonight, in Mushroom City, two Bandits and Morton Koopa Jr. were arrested for robbing 3 banks, 4 Luma Shops, and 1 Toad House. The police pursued them through the streets. One of the Bandits, a bumbling idiot, hijacked a Bomb Car. They were chased down Moonview Highway, until they lost control and swerved off a bridge. The car exploded in the water, but they only suffered minor injuries. They were fined 10,000 coins for robbery, grand theft auto, home invasion, and assault. The Koopa King himself bailed out his son, but the Bandits were sentenced to 3 years of "community service".

Cooking Guide
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Welcome everyone to an exciting episode of the Cooking Guide! This is BMB - as you should know my full name now - here bringing jubilant news that we aren't short of budget. Ever since we fired some people had lots of fundraising happening since last month, we got some extra stuff to put in this time around. :D - You see, even smilies! :D :D :D :D ;D

We couldn't book a guest this time as they were all doing some cake off to see who is better, so let us bring out our dish of the month! Behold, the Love Pudding!

Alright, lets do some awesome font on each of them and show them how much money we have raised. I'm sure the wide use of vocabulary that I will present will show that we made a LOT of money. So let us B-E-G-I-N!!!!!!!!!!!!


 * An egg from Petunia deep with the hearth of the Great Tree.
 * Our Mango-e Pudding that I have saved from one of the early episodes - man was it a LONG time ago...
 * A perfect cherry.
 * Some frosting in a can.
 * 1/2 Water.
 * Teaspoon of Sugar.
 * A mixing bowl plus the spoon.
 * A platter.
 * An oven.
 * A fridge.


 * 1) Head deep into the Boggly Woods and avoid all the enemies - I know, ultimate linking - on your way. Pass the trivial that Petunia throws at wildly at you about Mario, and you to earn yourself with the oval egg you will soon crack.
 * 2) Hopefully you have saved all that you have done with the Mango Pudding from that one episode, and if you didn't, you better go back and learn from the early episode. Man wasthis long ago...
 * 3) Scramble the egg yolk until it is a nice liquid oil, and place over the chilled Mango Delight.
 * 4) Put in the oven that has been pre-heated to exact pinpoint temperature of 350.00000000000000000000000000000001 degrees.
 * 5) After exactly 25 minutes, 2 seconds, 18 milliseconds, and 9 nanoseconds - no sooner, no later - pull it out of the oven.
 * 6) Let it cool in the fridge on the platter, and then after 2 hours and 3 minutes pull it out.
 * 7) Add the most delicious and most decent cherry you could find, and place it on top. Use the frosting in the cup to made a decorative boarder around it. Sprinkle sugar over the boarder.
 * 8) After capturing the picture, that it, and then enjoy. I'm positively sure you'll al--

OH MY GOD! Our oven is on fire, hurry, hit the fire alarm! Quick, if I survive next week after the debts are paid fire stops spread across the entire stage, I'll see you all next month. Oh no, agh!

Ads
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Good afternoon. I have an important message to make. Apparently, there seems to have been a mass reproduction of Goombas and they have taken over the Fungi Kingdom.

We must spring into action! Are you guys ready?!

Audience: YEAH! LET'S KICK SOME GOOMBA ASS!

NO! YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE NOT READY TO SPRING INTO ACTION! That ois why today, I'm here to sell you....THESE!

Spring Mushrooms are a one-of-a-kind delicacy that, when digested, wraps your whole body in a nice and warm and coil. With this, you'll be able to literally bounce of the walls and ceilings. However, walking like a normal person may be a problem, but that is just one of many very few flaws. You’ll be so unstoppable, not even YOU can stop yourself from bouncing. I mean, look how invincible and invulnerable I look.

Spring Mushrooms taste great, and leave a rather un pleasant metallic mushroom-y aftertaste. J So what the hell are you waiting for, buy one now, before they sell out. Of course, I’ll have to bounce you if you do not have enough money.

SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR? GET YOUR LAZY ASS OFF THE CHAIR AND GO KILL SOME GOOMBAS. HURRY!

GO!

NOW!

SERIOUSLY!

Do not use near water.

Fake Interview
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Hello my lame wonderful readers to our interview corner (just called the interview). BMB here to another wide episode of the - hold on, I think I will be right back. Queue the AS voice while I do something important.

Arnold Schwarzenegger - '''Madams and Gentlemen, it is time for me to introduce our guest. Even timid, they have stared in many things, and those things were pretty awesome. Let us clap our hands together for the Shy Guy. Show shall begin in one moment...'''

Shy Guy: Is this going to be who I am interviewing the entire time?

Security: *Shrugs*

Baby Mario Bloops: Alright, I'm back! Hopefully I am done doing what I did.

Shy Guy: Hi, again, didn't we talk before? And why is your face all burnt?

Baby Mario Bloops: Another Fake News section situation, let's not go into details.

Shy Guy: I don't see why not. And seriously, wasn't I here not that long ago?

Baby Mario Bloops: I'm the one that is suppose to ask the questions! So now, let us play the type of last week, shall we...

(Video Plays, yet is done in 10 minutes)

Baby Mario Bloops: Any comments on Bandit's less than perfect interview?

Shy Guy: I can't believe that little sneaker that steals everything. Sorry that I don't run all the time, I ain't high all the time. I could just scream so loudly in anger as I am the main species, he is a sub-species. I mean-

Crowd: *Gasps in Surprise*

Baby Mario Bloops: Your mask, it fell off!

Shy Guy: Don't look!

Baby Mario Bloops: Too late, oh my gosh, no wonder why you hide it. What is that, is your face...ALIVE? Geez, put that mask on this instant before I have to throw up. That is seriously messed up.

Shy Guy: Let us never mention that again.

Baby Mario Bloops: (Shaking) Ab-ab-so-lutely! Ahem, okay, so any other thoughts about what when down last month?

Shy Guy: Well, you see, I hear rumors about that from other minions of Bowser's about what happen, and I mean, we aren't hideous, are we? Hear, look again.

Baby Mario Bloops: Darn it, be right back!

Shy Guy: Didn't mean to make him barf, oh well, weak stomach, funny that I am wearing that ugly mask under this mask. Got to love Halloween time.

Baby Mario Bloops: Alright, I think I will survive now, that is some nasty stuff you got there. I think I should wrap up the interview.

Shy Guy: But we barely even talked about anything! I mean, all you got to see was my face, and that was literally all was talked about. Do I have to show you again?

Baby Mario Bloops: God no, keep that to yourself! Alright, before I go clear my thoughts will other stuff, I hope to see you all next month, if I don't die from vomiting. B-bye. Oh god, not another wave...

Fake Sports
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The World Championships of Synchronized Swimming and Rhythmic Gymnastics (shortened to and pronounced WCSSRG) began yesterday at Peach Gardens. Controversy arose early in the first session when many of the Toads called out the Bob-omb judges for favoring their own kind. This incident may be stemming from last month's Mushroom Kingdom siege on the Fahr Outpost. The Toad and Bob-omb rythmic gymasts then began whipping their opponents with their ribbons, causing minor boo-boos. The event was later called off because synchronized swimming and rhythmic gymnastics are clearly not real sports.

Fake Weather
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Hello! I'm New Super Mario reporting live from the Fake Weather Section. It looks like Bob-ombs are falling from the sky! Here is what some people have to say about it: Toad: ah, ah!! (faints) Fawful: I HAVE EVEN MORE CHORTLES! Boomerang Bro: I threw my boomerang and the next thing I knew I was at the hospital doing some pretty strange stuff...... The bombs also seem to have a strange symbol on their back. The symbol is a Bowser Koopa shell, so investigators are interviewing him but he says: "I had nothing to do with it, or anything to with anything. Just ask any of my sons or my daughter, but try the boys first because my daughter is not the brightest bulb in the bunch." The bombs are also needing DNA samples to take to the Luigi University of Science. Strangely, The bombs are different colors. One matched Birdo's underwear. Another matches Wario's blouse. Also in today's weather, can Scuttle Bugs actually harm the sun? Find out next month,when we interview a scuttle bug! This is New Super Mario saying goodnight.

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Edo's section will be ready soon.

Fake Characters
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Wizclown Mario


The brand new transformation of Mario is no other than his freakish fourth-fifth-sixth cousin seven times removed, Wizclown Mario. He is a combination of two normal people that ate both a Wizard Shroom and a Clown Shroom, given to them by Bowser. Wizclown has LAS (Large Arms Syndrome) and a pretty long hair. Every time he casts a spell, it backfires and conjures Bowser, who secretly trades him coins for shroom drugs!

Lazi Koopa
He is the future son of Larry Koopa and an unknown female Koopa (probably Kylie Koopa). He practices witchzardcraft, a very rare group of losers that try to become the biggest losers ever. Because of this, he has lazy eye, and he can conjure things from that eye. He is in the GMATAS Foundation (Give me a Teeth and Spikes) and at night he often suffers from PFS (Pillow in the Face Syndrome). Someone says that if he looks at something very closely, it blows up and becomes a Koopazard Shell, a very common item that kills Shy Guys and Koopalings. The only Koopa ability that Lazi has learned is the Idiot Spin.

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Hootette


Anyone remember that b**** from Zelda: Ocarina of Time, oh wait, wrong owl Hoot the Owl from Super Mario 64? Well, he happily helped Mario to reach the top of Whomp’s Fortress. But, I bet you didn’t know he’s married? His wife is called ‘’’Hootette’’’, because Nintendo has proved that if you add “ette” at the end of anything it becomes feminine. Now, like her husband, Hootette the Owl is flying high...in the large IKEA store where she works. She acts as a personal shopper, telling you how good the items on the top row, which you cannot see, are. Then she lifts you up so you can place however many in your basket. She then will carry your shopping for you (but beware if you bought small insects and rodents in the store, why does it sell them anyway?) all the way back to your car. She then returns home to a buffet of regurgitated insects after a hard day of work.

Ask Tucayo
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Hello readers, and welcome to a new edition of Ask Tucayo! Without more, let’s take a look at this month questions:

'''Hello. I have a question. If characters in the Mario series never EVER eat, how do they get their energy to go with the stomping and the kidnapping or Peach and all that stuff? It's highly illogical cause once Mario even touches the mushroom it disappears. Please reply. -IandaM'''

Hello IandaM! The thing is, they do photosynthesis. It was a secret kept by Nintendo, but no more! Yeah, you will say “A human, photosynthesis?” Well, Mario and Co. have a piece of a plant DNA. How? Don’t ask...

'''Hey Tucky! I also have a question. Do you have any rated M games or tried any rated M games, and if so what are they and how do you like them? -Booderdash '''

Hi Booderdash! Good question. Yes, I do have some M-rated games, all for PS3 or PSP, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare (one of my favorite games), Ninja Gaiden Sigma, GTA: San Andreas (I love this game), and I guess they are all shooters. I have also tried some more shooting games. I was not a big fan of shooting games, until CoD:MW, that game made me love them, so, naturally, I got to try more. Also, in GTA you have the freedom I like in games, to go anywhere, and do anything you like. Ninja Gaiden Sigma is an excellent game, too. I can tolerate gore (JUST in games), so I don’t have much inconvenience, however, I DO have a recommendation most of you have surely already heard, video games ARE NOT reality, so please, don’t try anything in the real life.

'''I'm pretty sure you'd say the Yankees will make it to the World Series, so who do you think will win the NL? –Ralphfan'''

Of course I would say that haha. First, for those of you who don’t know, this is about baseball :) To me, the Phillies seem like the strongest bet, so yes, I am predicting a replay of the 2009 World Series.

'''Hello Tucayo, I wanted to ask why is your favorite character Kooper? -Anonymous'''

Hello Mr. Anonymous. This is a cool story, and a long one, so take a seat. When I was a kid, my favorite character was Mario (how original…), and after some time, I decided I wanted something more original. Playing Super Mario World, I discovered I loved Koopas, especially blue ones, but most of them were generic, so when I got to Castle #7, and saw Larry, I chose him as my new favorite character, but, by some weird reason, I wanted my favorite character to be on the “good” side, so I kept looking… After some years, I got Paper Mario, and when I got to Koopa Village, I was thinking maybe I could find a cool Koopa to be my favorite character. And so I did, after helping Kooper get his shell back, and seeing it was blue, I immediately chose him as my new favorite character, and it has remained the same to the present day. Actually, my obsession with him was so big, that I used him for ALL the game, except when I completely needed to change him.

That was all for this month questions, and remember, you make this section, so please PM me your questions about anything! If you don’t want to share your identity, you can just tell me you want it to be anonymous :) Thanks, and have a nice month!