User:Walkazo/Essays

Here's where I shall rant about my views on the Mario series or the Super Mario Wiki itself and/or draft stuff to actually use on the wiki.

Templates to fix

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Koopa Taxonomy
There are many kinds of Koopa: some are like Koopa Troopas, some are like Bowser, some are like Lakitu, some are like Hammer Bros., and if I had my way, Buzzy Beetles and Clubbas would be Koopas too. Are these different species? Are Red Magikoopas and Yellow Magikoopas different species, or do they just wear different clothes? And what are sub-species? Koopatrols? KP Koopas? What's the relationship between Dark Koopas in Paper Mario and Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door and Dark Koopas in Super Paper Mario? What is Bowser? And what the heck is a Koopa anyway? Since Nintendo didn't give us any sort of Koopa taxonomy, evolutionary chart, fossil record or family tree, it's totally up to us to answer those questions.

This is not impossible: mother nature didn't share her blueprints either, and yet we still know that spiders and crabs are cousins, and that tapeworms and earthworms aren't. We can't tell if Koopas evolved from turtles or dinosaurs, but we can tell that Bowser is not a Koopa Troopa based on the fact that they look nothing alike, besides their shells and overall skin colour. It's just like how tapeworms and earthworms look nothing alike beyond the fact that they're long and limbless and don't make for pleasant dinner conversations. By analyzing the facts, we can make reasonable deductions, enabling us to organize these enemy pages logically with minimal speculation involved, if we do it right. For example, we can associate Fire Bros. and Boomerang Bros. in because they are nearly identical except for colouration and some physical capabilities (fire or boomerang), just as we can say Ruby-crowned Kinglets and Golden-crowned Kinglets are closely related based on the fact that their body makeup is virtually the same, but their facial feathers and songs are different. But unlike the cute little birdies, we can't speculate on how the Fire and Boomerang Bros. are related: we can't assign them genera or place them in phylogenetic trees, but I think we can say they're different species. True, Nintendo never said they are, but, I mean, one breathes fire and one doesn't: any biologist will tell you that's enough to separate them.

Unfortunately, the "species" vs. "sub-species" debate is where things get really sticky; if you bring race into it too, all the stickier. It's easier just to say they're different "types" of a larger "group" of Koopas which are "related" to one-another, but our nature is to stick "species" in there as well - since it sounds more professional, and more importantly, way more posh. We can justify "species" when there's no doubt to the biology (if it quacks like a duck, it's a duck; if it's pitch black and throws hammers, it's a Dark Hammer Bro.), but when you have really similar enemies, the arguments start to waver. A no-brainer example: KP Koopas are basic Koopa Troopas who merely dyed their shells a different colour; they're "different", but not different species or even a different race or sub-species, just like how punk rockers who dyed their hair blue are still humans - very cool humans. A more difficult example: Dark Koopas in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door and Paper Mario are more Koopa Troopas of a different colour, but they also have unique skills and live in a specific habitat, so are they a sub-species, or a race, or what? In cases like these, to label them is to make an assumption out of uncertainty, which we have to avoid as much we can: no more of this "sub-species" nonsense - therein lies the face of speculation.

Now, the reason for this spiel (aside from my love of taxonomy) is the confusion over "Koopa" vs. "Koopa Troopa", and what to do with their respective articles. As I said before, to the best of my understanding, the "Koopa Troopa" is a specific species (with many similar species and races attached to it, though the actual relationships between the organisms are ambiguous), and "Koopa" is a general term for all the vaguely turtle/dragonish creatures (I'd call it an Order, but that would be speculation to the max). Therefore, I believe it is a very good thing to have separate Koopa and Koopa Troopa pages: one for the species, one for all the shelled enemies. Currently, Koopa is just a partial list of all the major species and some of the minor species, and that should be changed: it should be an annotated list of all the species. Note the "annotated" part: that's what will set the page apart from a mere category or a list in Koopa (disambiguation): it will give context to the Koopas, allowing us to present them in an organized and logical manner, and as long as we watch ourselves, it can be one that is virtually free of speculation. An example of what the Lakitu section could look like is at the end of this essay.

Of course, some level of speculation is unavoidable. Like tapeworms and earthworms, things like Sumo Bro. and Hammer 'Bro. may not be related at all, but if names are good enough reasons to cram everything else on the Wiki together (A Pirate Goomba is a Goomba? Who knew!), why not here too? No matter what we do, we will have to make some assumptions, but none wil be as large and misguided as saying "Koopa" = "Koopa Troopa" = all Koopas and merging the pages. Bowser is not a Koopa Troopa: any biologist could tell you that even if they never played a videogame in their life (like my Animal Diversity teacher: instead, he spends all his free time studying tapeworms). Therefore, we can't write about Bowser's species in Koopa Troopa, and if we merge Koopa, we lose the only logical place to put it - we'd have to make a nameless stub about them, which would be against various Super Mario Wiki policies. For this specific reason, and for the organizational benefits I stated above, in the name of taxonomy and in the spirit of organization, I say we leave the pages separate.

Lakitu
Lakitus are bespectacled Koopas who ride clouds through the skies, and which can occasionally be found snorkeling in water and hiding in walls or pipes. Unlike most Koopa species, they do not have snouts or beaks, but flat faces; their shells are also unique in their circular patterning. To attack, Lakitus typically throw unlimited numbers of Spiny Eggs at their opponents, and some will also dangle 1-Up Mushrooms from fishing poles to lure their targets closer.


 * Lakitus
 * Aqua Lakitu - A race of Lakitu that lives underwater with the aid of scuba gear, coming to the surface to breathe and throw Spiny Eggs.
 * Calm Lakitu - Lakitus that inhabit Vibe Island, where they are associated with the Calm Vibe, incarnating the power by sleeping most of the time.
 * Dark Lakitu - Lakitus that are darker in colour with red shells and that throw Sky-Blue Spinies.
 * Fishin' Lakitu - Lakitus that use Fishing Rods baited with a 1-Up Mushroom to lure enemies near their clouds. Once the bait is taken the rod is withdrawn and Spinies are thrown. The Fishing Rod can also be used to hook enemies, support various objects, or to simply fish.
 * Lakipea - The Beanish Lakitus. Lakipea have a leaf-like appendage growing from their head, inhabit vine-covered clouds, and throw the Beanish variation of Spiny, Sharpea.
 * Lakitufo - Red-shelled Lakitus bioengineered by the Shroobs to possess strange extraterrestrial features, including antennae in place of hair. They ride UFOs instead of clouds and beam down Spiny Shroopas in lieu of Spinies. They can also jump off their UFOs and assault their enemies themselves with a screw attack.
 * Pipe Lakitu - Lakitus that hide in Warp Pipes to ambush enemies (still attacking with Spiny Eggs).
 * Roketon - A species of Lakitu that flies in airplanes through the skies of Sarasaland. Instead of throwing Spinies, Roketons fire large amounts of Giras from their aircraft to attack their enemies.
 * Thunder Lakitu - This species of Lakitu has a red shell (like Dark Lakitus) and tanned skin. Instead of throwing Spinies it shoots fire generated by a device in its cloud that harnesses the energy from the sun.
 * Wall Lakitu - Lakitus that hide behind hills and other objects in order to throw Spiny Eggs in surprise-attacks.

Timeline
Every Mario game, show, movie and publication in chronological order (right), and in chronological order sub-divided by series (left). Things without specific dates go before everything else released in that month/year. Non-game titles are bold. Issues in serialized publications and the set-of-three anime are marked with dashes on the right column; usually not included in left column. Remakes and notable ports are in brackets, although most ports/re-releases aren't listed. All that is to help with organization/comprehension. Non-English names often have translations (just for fun), and I also have the NA names in parentheses for the things we use the PAL titles for (because my memory is bad).

For the left column, games (or books, special comic issues (most not included), TV series, movies, etc.) in a series are numbered in most cases. Ports/remakes are in brackets and bulleted under the game they are a remake/port of; compilations are also bracketed, but are numbered like original game (All-Stars within the Super Mario series; Nintendo Puzzle Collection is on its own, as it includes games from multiple series). Similarly, the Super Mario Advance series of games is broken apart, with each game being filed under the original it is porting. In some cases, sequels are merely bulleted under the original (without brackets), rather than a new series being made for the two games. All other important notes are more case-specific, and are included as references (listed at the bottom); the entries with references are denoted with goldenrod text.