Cranky Kong

"Arrrrgh! This story's even worse than Donkey Kong Country's."

- Cranky Kong

Cranky Kong is Donkey Kong's fourth wall-breaking, constantly complaining and rambling relative. He can also be described as argumentative, old and bad-tempered. He is the elderly form of the original Donkey Kong from the Donkey Kong arcade game.

Background
Cranky Kong is the original Donkey Kong from the arcade games (although Nintendo has sometimes ignored this in the past, they do ultimately support Rare's decision). During his youthful prime, Cranky Kong kidnapped Pauline, was kidnapped and trapped in a cage by Mario, and even battled Stanley the Bugman in a greenhouse. Not counting the "modern" mixes in the Game & Watch Gallery series, his final role as Donkey Kong was in Donkey Kong '94. After that event, he retired when he relinquished the name to his descendant.

Donkey Kong Country
Cranky's first appearance as Cranky was in Donkey Kong Country. Here Cranky lives in a slightly rundown shack known as "Cranky's Cabin". From here, Cranky gives randomly selected advice on the game's various items and locations, mostly pertaining to the first few levels, to the new Donkey Kong and his friend Diddy Kong. Unlike the sequels, Cranky asks no fee for his advices and he can be consulted as many times as the player wants to.

Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest
In Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest, Cranky sets up his "Monkey Museum" on Crocodile Isle. It appears as though, through his further aging, it has become more difficult to walk, as he stands with two canes. Once again, Cranky will give out information, this time for a price. In this game, Cranky also scatters several DK Coins throughout the game's various levels. Once Kaptain K. Rool is defeated Cranky will tally Diddy and Dixie Kong's "hero status" by how many DK Coins they have collected. Donkey Kong Country 2 also introduced Cranky's wife, Wrinkly Kong. A poster of Thunder from Killer Instinct can be seen in his house.

In the Game Boy Advance version of Donkey Kong Country 2, Cranky's role remains relatively the same as in the original game, although it was slightly expanded with a new sidequest; it seems with the "fabulous fortune" he made in Donkey Kong Country Cranky bought a racing ostrich he named Expresso. After bulking up Expresso using Golden Feathers, the Kongs can race Expresso for Cranky and try to get trophies for the grouchy old Kong in exchange for rewards.

Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble!
In Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble!, Cranky's appearances have been more or less reduced to just cameos. In Swanky's Sideshow, Cranky Kong acts as Dixie and Kiddy Kong's opponent in various ball throwing minigames. Cranky also appears at the end of Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble to criticize Dixie and Kiddy's victory over KAOS and Baron K. Roolenstein, resulting in Dixie and Kiddy Kong approaching him ominously while he tries to avoid an inevitable beating by putting on glasses. If players manage to get the game's "best" ending, Cranky will do a few water-skiing tricks before holding up a sign which says "THE END" in runny ink. He is also top of the All-Time Greats list at the end of the game, having beat the game in 04:22 with 103%. If the player beats the game with the TUFST code activated, thereby attaining 105%, they will get a trophy of Cranky Kong in a black belt's outfit and will be named the 'Immortal Monkey!'.

In the Game Boy Advance version of Donkey Kong Country 3, Cranky runs several dojos, aptly named Cranky's Dojo to prepare for his "first" game, Cranky Kong Country. In Cranky's Dojo, players can gain the ability to play as a shield wielding Cranky during a Bristles dodging minigame. Cranky's Dojo minigame must be beaten at least once to gain a Banana Bird.

Donkey Kong Country Returns
Cranky appears in Donkey Kong Country Returns and Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D. In the game, he runs a shop in each world and will often make sarcastic remarks over what Donkey and Diddy Kong buy. Aside from Donkey and Diddy, Cranky is the only Kong from the original trilogy to make a return appearance. According to him, the reason he made the shop was because his pension was revoked, so he has to sell things to make money.

To buy things in Cranky Kong's shop, the player needs to have Banana Coins. In his shop, there are Extra Life Balloons bundled into groups of 1, 3, and 7 balloons. There is also a Heart Boost, which gives Donkey or Diddy the ability to have three hearts for the duration of one level, Banana Juice, which gives limited invincibility like a Starman, and Squawks the Parrot, who helps the Kongs collect undiscovered Puzzle Pieces in levels. There is also a key for sale, which gives access to the locked path in each world.

"Donkey Kong Country"
He also appeared in the Club Nintendo comic "Donkey Kong Country". He is the first one to discover that King K. Rool has stolen the Kongs' Banana Hoard, which follows the story of the game. Cranky's appearance in the comic differs slightly from his standard look, as he is wearing a blue shirt instead of a gray or brown one.

"Donkey Kong in: Banana Day 24"
In the comic "Donkey Kong in: Banana Day 24", published in the same magazine, he supported Donkey, Diddy, Dixie and Kiddy on their mission to save the Earth from being pulled away from the sun by a giant UFO. It was his idea to carry on negotiations with the aliens so they would release the Earth. The President of the United States puts a space shuttle at the Kongs' disposal, and Cranky is the one to navigate it. He beams Donkey, Diddy and Dixie into the UFO and stays in the Kongs' space shuttle meanwhile. When their mission succeeds, he navigates the space shuttle back to Earth, where the Kongs are being hailed by the people. Euphorically, Cranky tries to kiss a random girl, much to her disgust. After returning to their jungle, Cranky gets in trouble with his wife Wrinkly because of this. During the events of this story, Cranky did not show much of his grouchy traits as often discovered in the games, but instead appears as a helpful person.

Donkey Kong Land series
While Cranky does not appear in any of the Donkey Kong Land games, the instruction booklet for the first Donkey Kong Land explains that the game happens because of Cranky. Slightly jealous of Donkey and Diddy's success over the evil King K. Rool, Cranky tricks them into making a bet with him: if Donkey and Diddy can reclaim Donkey's Banana Hoard from King K. Rool again, this time on an eight-bit system, he will admit that they are adequate gaming heroes. In the end, Cranky ends up eating his words when Donkey and Diddy once again defeat K. Rool and the Kremling Krew.

Additionally, the instruction booklet for Donkey Kong Land II accidentally states that "Even old Cranky charges for his words of wisdom", having copied and pasted the line directly from the Donkey Kong Country 2 manual

Donkey Kong Country television series
Cranky was also a main character on the Donkey Kong Country television series. Here, Cranky was as grouchy and bitter as he was in the games. However, he's far less arrogant than in the video games. On the show, instead of living in a cabin on the ground like in the games, Cranky instead lives in a cabin on a tree-top village, similar to ones seen in the area Vine Valley from the Donkey Kong Country game. On the show, Cranky was also seen to be adept at potion-making and magic, a trait later carried on into the games.

Donkey Kong 64
Professor Cranky appeared in Donkey Kong 64, having now taken up science. Cranky's Lab can be found in every area of Donkey Kong 64 except Hideout Helm. At Cranky's Lab, the Kongs can pay Cranky for several potions that can give them new powers and abilities. Also, if the Kongs manage to collect fifteen Banana Medals, Cranky will allow them to play Jetpac, an early Rare game. The Kongs must beat the Jetpac game in order to obtain the Rareware Coin. Cranky also acts as the Kongs' coach during their boxing match against King Krusha K. Rool.

A very little known fact about Cranky's role in Donkey Kong 64 is that it was one of several themes based on the old Donkey Kong Country TV show, in which Cranky was sometimes seen mixing up magic potions to use on either himself or others to advance that episode's plot.

Super Smash Bros. Melee
In Super Smash Bros. Melee, Cranky makes a small cameo in the background of Jungle Japes, where he can be seen pacing back and forth in his cabin.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl
In Super Smash Bros. Brawl, he once again appears on the Super Smash Bros. Melee stage Jungle Japes. He also appears in his 8-bit form from Donkey Kong on the 75m stage, derived from the third (second in the NES version) stage by the same name in said game. He is mostly not seen on the stage, but will occasionally show up and deal damage and decent knockback to anyone who touches him. He also  throws Springs across the top of the stage, similar to how he did in the original arcade game. The "stage start" theme from Donkey Kong can be heard when he shows up on the stage. Lastly, Cranky Kong also appears as a sticker and a trophy.

Oddly, Cranky's trophy states that his first playable appearance is in Donkey Kong Barrel Blast, when his first playable appearance was really in Donkey Konga 3. However, Donkey Kong Barrel Blast is the first game in which Cranky is playable in all regions; Donkey Konga 3 is a Japan-only title.

Donkey Konga series
Cranky also appears in the Donkey Konga series, though he is only playable in the series' third installment, Donkey Konga 3.

DK: King of Swing
In DK: King of Swing Cranky Kong, along with the ghost of his wife Wrinkly, teaches Donkey Kong how to use the games unique controls in Cranky's Lectures. Cranky, along with Candy Kong, is the only Kong who is not playable in DK: King of Swing's Jungle Jam mode.

DK: Jungle Climber
Cranky once again appears in DK: Jungle Climber. He teaches DK and Diddy how to play the game, and also appears in various levels to teach them moves. Cranky has a very active and good-tempered role in this game, as he follows DK, Diddy and Xananab throughout the various islands. He also tells the characters what they can do with the various Banana Coins, DK Coins, and Oil Barrels they find throughout the levels once they are collected.

Donkey Kong Barrel Blast
Cranky appears in Donkey Kong Barrel Blast as a secret character, unlocked by playing Candy's Challenges, Challenge 24, and winning. He has oddly high stats, and is a rival to King K. Rool.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not Cranky's first North American playable appearance (which was stated on his trophy in Super Smash Bros. Brawl), as he was playable in the Cranky's Dojo minigame in the GBA version of Donkey Kong Country 3. He was also playable in the Japan-only Donkey Konga 3.

Identity Confusion
Rareware originally created the Cranky Kong character as an older version of the original Donkey Kong from the Donkey Kong game, though it has been disputed if he is supposed to be the current Donkey Kong's father or grandfather. The developers have made conflicting statements, although Cranky Kong being his grandfather was the more frequent and popular story; the general conundrum is that there have generally been more in-game indications throughout the series of Donkey Kong being his grandson, while certain supplemental materials will occasionally state otherwise. Cranky's relation to Donkey Kong is not explicitly stated in the television series, although he actively acts as a father figure and once said that he considered him like a son. However, Rare tried to maintain consistency in their last game, Donkey Kong 64; Cranky Kong consistently addresses him as "son", implying a direct parental role. In Rare Scribes, one of the key writers explained that the modern Donkey Kong was intended to be an adult Donkey Kong Jr., and requested players to completely ignore the instances where Cranky was stated to be his grandfather. Fans have since been split on whether or not to take this statement seriously.

After Rare left Nintendo, Donkey Kong's nature was left open for some time, which led some to think that Nintendo had changed their stance on the matter. Mario vs. Donkey Kong was advertised by stating that Donkey Kong was Mario's oldest rival. However, this was refuted by Mario Superstar Baseball (which attributed Pauline's kidnapping to Cranky), though it remained ambiguous about the two apes' relationship by merely stating that Cranky was the current Donkey Kong's "ancestor". Subsequently, Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis implies that Donkey Kong met Pauline for the first time and becomes smitten at first sight. The remake of Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble! stated that Cranky Kong's first starring role would be called "Cranky Kong Country" (though he may have been talking about the first game he would be playable in). Super Smash Bros. Brawl claims that the original Donkey Kong is the current Donkey Kong's grandfather, though it does not take place in-universe and is thus not necessarily accurate. As of Retro Studios' Donkey Kong Country Returns, Nintendo's position of Cranky Kong being the grandfather of the modern Donkey Kong has been reaffirmed.

In Donkey Kong Country

 * "I can't believe it. You trampled all over Gnawty. Give me that giant banana. I will take care of it for you. Come on, get going. You can't rest yet." (GBA)
 * "You sure showed that stupid bird who's boss. Good, that's another banana back. Now go down to Vine Valley and find the others." (GBA)
 * "Well, you told him to buzz off. You looked in trouble for a while. Come on, hand it over. I will take that banana for you. Make sure you wrap up warm. I have got a feeling you'll need to." (GBA)
 * "Are my old eyes playing tricks? I'm sure I have seen that beaver before. Where could it have been? Grab the banana and give it to me. Head down the mountain to the factory." (GBA)
 * "Oh dear! Call that tin can a boss? Surely K.ROOL can come up with better than that, maybe a bucket or perhaps a really nasty fridge! Come on, you are nearly there now. Just Chimp Caverns to go." (GBA)
 * "It's just like the old days, reusing the boss, changing its color and pretending it is completely new. That's it, only K.ROOL left to beat. Come on, let's go and kick his scaly butt!" (GBA)
 * "Donkey, I've had enough! That tie - turn it down!"
 * "They can't keep this level of graphics up for much longer! We used to be lucky if we only got three shades of grey, let alone any real colors!"
 * "Look!...look at this!...as I rock, my beard swings! Waste of frames in my opinion!"

In Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest

 * "All right. If you somehow get back safely from this and bring back that good-for-nothing Donkey with you, I'll admit that maybe you have what it takes after all. But if you don't there will never be more than cheap cameo roles for you in the future, my boy."
 * "Whisking off maidens and throwing barrels around the place seven days a week, I was. That's how I got where I am today, you know. Hard work."

In Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble!

 * "So you've reached the bonus game then, have you? It's not a simple game of questions and answers this time though! Now you've got to beat yours truly if you want to win any prizes!"
 * "You fraudster! I'm off to consult my lawyers about this!"
 * "Get out of my tent now, you cheeky ape!! Wait till I tell your parents."
 * "Hey, hey, you cheeky monkey! Have this as a bonus prize!"

In Instruction Books

 * "You're only reading this because you're bored!"
 * "Troff's a pig, Scoff's a hippo, and both are big, slow, and useless."
 * "I can't believe you're still reading this! What you need is a good trashing!"
 * "Does anyone ever actually use these memo pages? Waste of paper if you ask me!"
 * "Tired of me? You're lucky I'm here to brighten up this boring manual!"
 * "Err... Nope! None of these baddies are in! They must have slipped in the wrong instruction manual or something!"
 * "Copy?! Who'd want to copy this game?"
 * "Someone sure has a vivid imagination! I've been everywhere and I can tell you that none of these places actually exist!"
 * "What's going on here? Dixie should be the damsel in distress, not one of the stars!"
 * "I wouldn't believe a word of this! I've been everywhere and I found only two locations, bad ones at that!"
 * "Look at the fancy box. Look at the size of this instruction manual. You don't think they would have gone to all this trouble if the game was any good, do you?!"
 * "Bah! The lad had a couple of frames in DKC and now he thinks he's a big star!"
 * "So let's see what nonsense they've made up for this game, shall we? Hmm... well, I have to hand it to them. This time they've managed to come up with a decent storyline that doesn't involve the usual golden bananas. Only joking kids! This one's worse than all the previous efforts put together! I know you probably aren't expecting a best seller, but wait till you hear this load of rubbish..."
 * "Diddy is quick, nimble and courageous but still a bit of a lightweight when compared to my fine physique. He's also got this new-fangled thing he calls a Jetbarrel, but it sounds like nothing more than a lot of hot air to me."
 * "Tiny can also shrink in size--although I reckon that one's nothing more than a marketing gimmick and won't even be in the game!"
 * "Those silly stretchy arms give Lanky plenty of potential, but I'm sure he'll be too busy clowning around to be of much use."
 * "Just remember that we rightfully expect our expertise to be rewarded, so do collect a good haul of Banana Bunch Coins before you even think about disturbing me, won't you?"
 * "My powerful potions will give you abilities you've never dreamed of and certainly don't deserve, assuming of course you can afford my modest asking fee. Now don't you go asking me for a potion of gameplay, as even my genius can't rescue this game from its rightful destiny in the bargain bin."
 * "I could defeat K. Rool single-handedly of course, but then you wouldn't have a game to play would you?"
 * "I knew they'd have to have something like this. The Kongs will be so weighed down with all the garbage they have to collect, I can't see them getting past the second level. You can view all this silly nonsense and some other stuff I don't understand by pressing START during your game."
 * "Now where did they put the level I designed? Hmm... I can't seem to find it. It was called the 'Great Girder Grapple' as I remember. Oooh, I must have spent at least 3 minutes working on it. I even drew them a fancy little picture. Bah! It must have been too good for them. The kids would have refused to play their fancy 3-D levels once they'd gotten a taste of my 2-D girder action! Don't give up hope though; they might have hidden it somewhere like a priceless gem, hoping that no one will ever find it..."
 * "Elsewhere in Gloomy Galleon, you'll find a hulking structure that's a bit dim and doesn't work. Yes, I know you already know about Chunky, but this is also true of a eerie lighthouse. Let's see if you can get them both working and be of some use."
 * "Tough luck kid. I've been told to keep my mouth shut, as they want to keep all the good stuff for a money-making strategy guide. I'm sure some of it will appear on the newfangled 'internet' thing as well, so I suggest you take a look-see there. You could also ask your friends, assuming of course you've got any. If all else fails, you'll just have to play better."
 * "The best switch is the one on top of your N64, as you can turn off your silly 3-D adventure and let me get some sleep."
 * "I can't be bothered to tell you any more about Snide, so you'll have to ask him what he's doing in this game when you meet him."
 * "DK is the leader of this mangy bunch and tells me that he has learned a whole new bunch of 'mean, reptile-stomping' moves. I doubt whether they will be any better than his old ones, but we shall see, shan't we?"
 * "Funky stocks the following shooters, all of which can hopefully be upgraded, if you can get that far into the game without falling asleep."
 * "Golden Bananas are the most precious item in the game, apart from me, of course. You'll need plenty of these to progress through the levels. If you find more than ten, I'll be surprised."
 * "Special? Hah! I'd sure like to know what makes these items any better than the others; they look just as useless to me. Probably because they're slightly larger and a little shinier, I suppose."
 * "Also found in the level lobbies, the information concealed behind these Wrinkly doors should be used as a last resort only. (Or as a first resort if you are a really poor player.)"
 * "Let me know if you find a bananaport that can take me out of this sorry game, and I'll be there in a flash."
 * "Jump in these to be transformed into an animal buddy. I just hope they've included poor old Winky and Expresso this time instead of that bone-brained rhino that always seems to get in the games."
 * "I've never seen so much worthless rubbish! I'm surprised they don't give you a special 'trash barrel' to haul it all around in!"
 * "Visit me first and give me all your coins! I'm far more useful than these other sad-looking bums!"

In the Cartoon

 * "DONKEY KONG!!!"
 * "What am I doing in this contraption? I've got an air-head airline pilot and a couple of knuckleheads guarding the Crystal Coconut."
 * "Cranky: He thought we're talking about him and not the X-Ray machine and now he's trying to weasel his way into the history book by killing all of us with his good deeds. Fat chance. Diddy: How do we make him stop? Cranky: With the cherry soda! Right there on the shelf next to the Super-Sonic Vitapunch pack. Donkey: Cherry soda? Cranky: He thinks he has a fatal disease? Donkey: Yeah. Cranky: All we have to do is convince him that this cherry soda is some new miracle drug that will cure him. Diddy: Cherry soda's a miracle drug? Cranky: Of course not! But he'll think so and stop trying to destroy Congo Bongo by being a hero. Besides, I've been trying to unload that stuff for ages."
 * "I'll smackify the both of ya unless you knock off the Science-Fictional nonsense."
 * "K. Rool: It isn't over until it's over! Cranky: At least this conversation's over."
 * "Cranky: "Who built the ancient and mysterious temple of Inka-Dinka Doo?" Now why do you knuckleheads suppose it's called mysterious? Donkey: We don't know? Cranky: Exactly! It's a mystery! No one knows who built it! The end!"
 * "Bluster: The Barrel Copter! Mommy'll be livid! Cranky: Tell her to take a number. I was livid first."
 * "Cranky: The tickle tonic's starting to freeze! Funky: Then let's tickle-sickle him! Cranky: I think you may want to stick a thermometer in your ear. I think the same thing is happening to your head."
 * "Cranky: Business? You've got no business to go into business! You'll lose your shirt! Donkey: That's OK. I don't wear a shirt. Cranky: Then you'll lose your tie."
 * "What am I doing here? I could ask you what you're doing here, all of you! But I know - wrecking my vacation, that's what! First bees, then ants, now you and those overstuffed alligators are the icing on the cake!"
 * "Ah, the rare flora-dora orchid. And today's the one day a year that you bloom for five seconds, when the sun is in exactly... that position. Say cheese! That's it, work with me. I only have five seconds. See you next year, my pretty! Hey, how come you're still here? Wait a minute, the sun should've shifted. Great jumpin' bananas! The sun's not moving! That can't be good..."
 * "It sounds crazy, but so is everything else that's happened today!"
 * "Cranky: You'll know all the secrets when Inka Dinka Doo thinks you're ready! Until then, I got a little tip for you, DK. Donkey: Yea? What's that? Cranky: GO HOME AND LET ME GET SOME SLEEP!"

Trivia

 * In Banjo-Kazooie, Cranky Kong along with Donkey Kong's name can be seen answers in Grunty's Furnance Fun quiz.
 * Cranky Kong was originally going to be much friendlier than he is now.