The 'Shroom:Issue XXXIX/Fake News

Fake News

Director’s Notes
by

Welcome to another hastily assembled Fake News! With Awards, graduation, and going to camp for a week (on the 20th), I’ve been insanely swamped, and we had an error in the Fakewarning template, so a few of the sections will be received late. We thank you for your patience.

If you have read our last few issues, you will notice that we are in need of writers. Rather than have you sign up and wait for weeks on end for me to give you an interview, please follow the instructions to sign up:


 * 1) Find what position you want to write. As of now, Character Battle and Fake Police Blotter are the only open positions.
 * 2) Get an account on the forum. Don’t worry, it’s free.  When you sign up, do not use a Gmail account.  It will treat the activation message as spam and you will be unable to receive it.
 * 3) Send me a private message (my name is Oaktown Mojo on the forums). You can do so by finding my account name or just clicking this link.

After you send me the message saying you want to write for the Fake News, I will send you the questions you need to answer. If you send me a message between the 20th and 26th, you will not receive a response until at least the 27th. I will be at camp and I will have no way to access the Internet.

Travel Guide
by

DK’s Jungle Parkway is an exotic way to spend your summer vacation! Cross the rainforest using a zipline and take a sunset ride on the river boat. However, steer clear of the natives, who will pelt you with stones if you enter their turf. Take a trip for four for 7 days and 7 nights for just $1 499 (hotels and airfare included).

Fake Music
by

Just last week a new band, Shells for Hire, released its newest single, Shoe With a Name on it. While this song is very popular in Mushroom Kingdom, the Goomba residents of Dark Land have reported that the song, “Gave our sons nightmares about Mario!”

In other music news an old‐time favorite Goomba band, Goombas with Wings, has just sold a new album, Giga Bowser went down to Dark Land. This song is so popular that, due mostly to pre‐ordering, it had already sold out three weeks in advance and the stores will not be able to restock until next month!

Fake Game: ''Super Mario: World of Mushroom
by

And once again: Welcome, dear readers of the ’Shroom. This is Edofenrir, now with the second (and, thankfully, the last) part of my review of Super Mario: World of Mushroom. You may remember I started an adventurer’s log in the last issue of the Shroom. It told the story of six more or less brave heroes, dealing with the many hardships of an online RPG world. In the last issue, the group had its destiny revealed by an old man, who told them to cross Placeholder Mountains in order to reach the town of No Name, where they would achieve enlightenment. This is now the thrilling conclusion of this adventure, except it is not as thrilling as it is confusing and weird. But that shall not bother us.

Day 10: Title will be added sometime else
Traveling once again over the Plain Plains, it took us one whole day to reach our destination. But right where Placeholder Mountains should be, we only found a big area of… nothing.

“Aren’t mountains supposed to be more, like, mountain‐y?” Tucayo asked while staring down the black hole that was supposed to be our destination. Clueless, we tried to figure out a way to cross the area. I tried to leap across the abyss with an impressive ninja jump, while 2257 was busy googling for a walkthrough. After several wasted hours (and me falling into the hole so I had to be revived) we just sat down and gave up. Just as we were about to go back through the plains, an old Bob‐omb NPC with a mustache approached us. “Welcome to Placeholder Mountains, travelers,” he began blathering. “You must be the chosen ones.” “Yeah… about those mountains—” I replied, but the old Bob‐omb interrupted me. “Aren’t they beautiful?” “Yeah,” I hesitated a bit. “Except there aren’t any mountains.” “What??” the Bob‐omb stared at me for a moment, “Oh… OH yes, of course! Placeholder Mountains are merely a placeholder as of now. The actual mountains will be added to the game after the release, with an expensive patch.” “……” “So… how do we get across these, uhm, ‘mountains’?” Walkazo asked. “Oh, we have prepared a little something for that, nyeh heh…” the old Bob‐omb said. The instant he finished his sentence, a trap door opened beneath us and gave way for our group to fall into a dark chute. An object which appeared to be a muzzle then rose out of the chute, tilted itself, and aimed straight over Placeholder Mountains. The Bob‐omb turned around and faced the screen. “Didn’t expect to play a Nintendo game without being blasted out of a giant cannon at some point, did ya? Nyehehe aaahahahaha ahaha!!!” With those words the Bob‐omb pulled a lever, which caused the cannon to fire. And as we flew through the cold evening sky, we could hear the crazy old guy’s laughter echoing from afar.

During our flight, we could see that most of the landscape behind the mountains was in an incomplete state as well. Though, fortunately we didn’t fall into any holes, because our fall was broken by half of a tree. “I don’t think the treasures we can find here are of any use to us.” Stooben said while holding up a Honey Syrup he found on the ground. The bottom of the jar wasn’t implemented yet, so the sticky contents leaked all over his hand. “Let’s just skip this area and proceed to the next city.” And so we staggered along, occasionally being interrupted by a random monster encounter. After five hours we reached the City of No Name, 500 steps away from our landing spot.

“Greetings, travelers!” a random guard barked when we approached the city. “I am an NPC who was sent to explain the plot of this game further! See, in this city, you will find many groups and guilds. You must choose to join one of them and that will determine how the game continues. Isn’t that great?” “Do we really have to join some random group to proceed?” Walkazo asked. “Can’t we just do our own thing?” “Yes,” the guard replied gleefully. “As long as you join a guild, you can do anything you like!” “But what if we don’t want to join any guild?” Walkazo continued. “I don’t get it,” the guard replied. “What if we just want to wander around without binding ourselves to anyone?” “But then that would mean you didn’t join a guild.” “Well yes, that’s the point of my question.” The guard pondered for a while before replying. “I still don’t get it.” “Ugh, you… never mind. Just show us a place where we can rest, because we are worn out from walking from over there to over here. We’ll decide on a guild later.” “Oh, there is an inn at the market place where you can do that!” the guard explained. “But the door that leads into the city will not arrive here before tomorrow, so you have to climb over the city walls to get in.” We muttered some curses under our breaths.

“Well, this was an exhausting day,” SMB said when we finally arrived at the (ridiculously expensive) inn. “Well yes, but now it’s over,” Stooben said. “See you guys tomorrow.” With that, we all went into our comfy hotel rooms and logged off for the day.

I couldn’t really get to sleep, so I decided to resume the game for a nighttime stroll. It then occurred to me that I was considerably weaker than all of my comrades (for some reason I died in most of the battles before, despite using my most refined strategies, so I got very little experience). This had to change, so I explored the plains around the city for level‐grinding. After a good portion of experience (and seven hours of monster hunting), I sneaked back into the inn.

Day 11: Every Dog has its Guild
The next day we all gathered in the inn’s lobby. That is, all except 2257, who was nowhere to be found. We quickly jumped to the conclusion that he might not be online yet, and that he would join us later. To kill some time, we held a conversation about which guild we should join, since not joining any wouldn’t get us anywhere, according to the manual. “I want to join a knight guild! I would fit perfectly with my awesome swordplay!!!” Tucayo exclaimed while swinging a banana around like a blade. “Or we could join a gardening guild,” SMB suggested while holding up his Piranha Plant pet. “I could get a new flower pot for Harvey here. I don’t think he likes this one.” “This plant containing contraption is not normed in the adequate manner!” the plant whined. “How about joining a healer guild?” Stooben suggested. Everyone went quiet instantly and looked at him. “What?” he asked. “Healers are lame, Stooben,” I replied. Stooben grumbled angrily. “We could start by checking out what kinds of guilds there are available,” Walkazo said. We walked towards the exit. “We should pick a guild that provides us with support and good equipment. And whatever you do, don’t join some shady party with dubious—” “Good news, everyone!” 2257 exclaimed while barging through the door. “I entered us in an awesome guild and you will love it!” “objectives…”

“Hello children!” a shady old man greeted us when we entered the run‐down building at the outskirts of the town. He must have been the leader of the guild. “I am glad to have you all here as new members. Your undead friend was very eager to sign up!” “Uhm… yeah… So, what is this guild about anyway?” Walkazo asked. “We are called the Disciples of Poochy,” the old man explained. “Poochy?” Tucayo asked. “Yes, ‘Poochy’ as in ‘Poochy the dog’.” He stepped aside to reveal a stained glass window with a big picture of Poochy. “Our organization exists to spread love and joy in the name of our great lord, Poochy the dog.” “Sounds fair enough,” Stooben replied. “And to achieve this we vowed to hunt down all infidels and bring divine punishment down onto their sinful existences!!!” the priest said, his eyes glowing madly. “Uhm… okaaaaay…” “What have you gotten us into here, 2257?” Walkazo mumbled. “This is awesome!!” I exclaimed, excited about all the opportunities to battle random people into submission. “When can we start?” “Right away,” the priest replied. “Some heretics are lurking deep in the northern desert of Sandybun. They belong to a thief guild with the goal of tying dogs to logs and poles.” “They must die!” 2257 and I said in unison. “Why, of course they must,” the priest said. “But before you leave, let us show you our gratitude and present you with new equipment for your journey.” Then they shoved us into a nearby room. “At least we will get something out of this deal,” I heard someone grumbling.

So, after examining our fancy new guild outfits, we were all set and ready to roll, except… not quite. “Sorry guys, I’ll have to drop out for an hour,” SMB stated. “It is dinner time.” The rest of the group quickly joined his case. Right before going on a great adventure. “That’s… ok,” I told them. “I’m just… going to go level‐grind to kill time…”

The next hour was tiring and boring, but I managed to gain five levels in that time, and eventually, the others met up with me and we could resume our quest. Traveling north, we reached the outskirts of the desert. “Many myths surround Sandybun Desert,” 2257 recited from the game’s manual while our group traversed the scorching sand lands. “Apparently this desert was named when a Koopa archeologist tried to eat a sandwich during a sandstorm.” Our walk came to a halt after we found the thief guild’s hideout between two sandy hills. Or to phrase it more accurately, when the thief guild found us. Brandishing their weapons. “Uhm… Hi…” I declared. “We want to talk to you about a dog called Poochy.” I couldn’t properly read how the leader interpreted my charming speech, but apparently he understood and was willing to listen, which he signaled by raising his weapon over his head and pointing towards our group while screaming angrily. For some reason however, a battle started after that. Must have been a bug or something. Anyway, the following battle was fierce, since we were both outnumbered and out‐leveled. And oddly, Walkazo and Stooben insisted for me to stay in the back row. Weird. We were clearly losing the fight, since our team members were struck down like fleas and Stooben was busy rushing around, healing the injured. A fortunate event turned the tides, though. An enemy Tanoomba Mage activated one of his special abilities, entering berserk mode. This caused him to throw spells around at random targets. Unfortunately for them, the Tanoomba copied Stooben’s healing powers before that, causing him to cast healing spells at our group, and the fierce battle turned into a joke. While the thieves ran off, I could hear some of them yelling at the Tanoomba Mage for his stupidity. “Hehe, always those useless healers,” I cackled. Then Stooben’s bag hit me on the head and everything went black.

When I came back to my senses again, we were back at No Name. “It is getting late. Maybe we should wait until tomorrow before reporting to the quest giver,” Stooben said. And so we all went to a deep and refreshing rest…

Or so they thought. I could not simply log off and sleep at this point. I had bigger missions to accomplish, bigger dreams to pursue, and so I sneaked out of the hotel once more, hungry for sweet, sweet experience points, and more power!

Day 12: Video Game Politics
When I returned from my monster‐slaying trip, everyone was already awake and back in the game. They looked quite surprised when they saw me. “Have you been playing the game all night long??” Tucayo asked me. “Yeah,” I replied. “So what?” “Dude, don’t you need to sleep or something?” Their attempts to separate me from the game struck me as a tad suspicious. I mean, sleep is overrated, and they should know that. I figured it might be best to keep an eye on them. Heh… Sleep…

The poochinistian priest was overjoyed when he heard the news about our success. “Well done, children of Poochy,” he said. “Now we can go and make Poochyanity a big religion by building a cathedral in this city.” “Great,” 2257 said. “How do we accomplish that?” “Well, you need to travel to Brickshare Castle and convince the king that Poochy is great.” “And how exactly will we do that?” Walkazo asked sceptically. “Well, normally we would settle this with a lengthy bureaucratic process, with months of letter‐writing and negotiations…” the priest explained, “But since this is an RPG, you can just go to the castle and beat the king up until he accepts our offer.” “Great!” I exclaimed. Everyone else groaned in agreement.

“So, there is something I need to tell you,” Stooben said when we exited the building. “I might have to drop out for a few days. There are a few real life issues I have to take care of right now.” “Real life…” I repeated casually. “You still know what real life means, don’t you?” 2257 asked me. How could he ask me that? Of course I knew. Real life was the place where I wasn’t a ninja. Kind of a bore. “So anyway, see you later, guys,” Stooben said and left. “Come to think of it, I don’t really feel like adventuring today either,” SMB mentioned. “Neither do I,” Walkazo replied. “Let’s take the rest of the day off.” And with that, everyone left… except for me of course.

Day 13: Royal Overthrow
A new day yields new luck, and so our group (sans Stooben) set out to fulfill our destiny at Brickshare Castle. “Why must they always build castles on top of mountains?” Tucayo complained as we climbed the antagonizingly long staircase. Finally, at the end of the path, we reached the castle.

The building was huge and well‐guarded. Soldiers were patrolling everywhere, and a large group of them were guarding the front door. “Man, it will be tough to get in there!” SMB remarked. “Not if we have the proper plan,” Walkazo replied. “I thought we could attempt to separate one of the guards from the rest once one of the patrols comes here. We could then strike that one down and steal his uniform, so one of us can dress up like the enemy and infiltrate the castle. From the inside, that person would then throw a rope over the castle wall so the rest of us can climb—” Walkazo stopped and looked at me. “You are just going to ignore my plan, barge in through the front door, and beat everyone up, aren’t you…?” “Pretty much,” I replied casually.

Following my elaborate plan of strategical mastery, our castle rush went quite smoothly. We managed to cut through the enemy forces like a big… knife… that… cuts through enemy forces… It was until after that inglorious analogy when we realized that the sheer mass of enemies had depleted our hit points more than we had expected. On top of that, we were now facing off against the knight captain ‒ a large Cheep Cheep, clad in heavy armor, and with a look in his eyes that screamed “I mean business!” “I mean business!” the Cheep Cheep yelled as he raised his trident in the air, summoning a lightning bolt that nearly fried us all. “This is all our healer’s fault!” I whined, clinging to my last hit point. “Wait, Stooben is not even with us at the moment,” SMB replied while being in a similar condition. “Really?” I said. “But then whose fault is this?” Unfortunately, the knight captain wasn’t very polite and so he interrupted our conversation with a second attack we barely managed to dodge. “How rude!” I replied. “This might be tougher than any battle we have fought up to this point,” Walkazo said. “We must give it our best shot,” 2257 added. “For Poochy!” “For Poochy!!” I repeated fiercely, lunging forward in a last‐ditch attempt to break the opponent’s guard.

One critical hit later, the all‐powerful Cheep Cheep captain was lying in the dust. “What the…” Walkazo exclaimed. “So, what was with all that build‐up and stuff?” 2257 uttered. “That was LAME!” Tucayo added. Meanwhile I was standing next to my fallen opponent, amazed by the results of my extensive level‐grinding and dumb… no… heroic luck. “Hehehehe…” I said. “I am Doomdrael, destroyer of evil! Destroyer of evil!! Destroy—” “Cut it out, will you?!” 2257 said as they dragged me into the next room with them.

“And who might you be?” a voice echoed from the far end of the room. We then realized it was the throne room, and the voice belonged to a big Mr. I wearing a crown. The King! “We are the Disciples of Poochy,” 2257 explained to the king. “We came here to ask your permission for building a temple in the town of No Name.” “I have no interest in all that religious humbug!” the king said, “I have to ask you to remove yourself from my castle!” He then sent his guards after us. We approached the king. “In the name of Poochy the dog!” SMB said. “Listen to us, or else—” “Did you just say ‘dog’?” the king asked in a surprised tone. “Yes?” SMB replied. “Your deity is a dog?” the King asked again. “Uhm… yes?” 2257 replied. “Oh my, I love doggies!” the King remarked gleefully. “They are so cute and fluffy and awww!” We looked at each other quizzically. “You can have your temple in the town of No Name.” “Really? …uhm… Neat!” “And to think that we managed to do something without resorting to violence for once,” Walkazo remarked. “Well, this sucks,” I uttered, walking calmly towards the king. The others looked at me. “What do you mean, sonny?” the King asked. I didn’t reply. His last words were “Oh, fiddlesticks!” when I struck him down. “Edo!! What the heck are you doing??” Walkazo yelled angrily. “I came here for the experience points, not for a friendly talk,” I explained. “Uhm… aren’t you taking this game a little too seriously?” 2257 asked. “Nonsense!” I replied, “You talk like you lost your faith in Poochy!” “But Edo,” 2257 continued. “The way of Poochy is about spreading love and forgiveness.” “No, it’s not!” I replied fiercely. “Yes, it is,” 2257 repeated calmly. “Stop having better arguments than me!” “I think Edo’s lost his marbles,” Tucayo remarked. “Oh, we will see about that,” I said while placing the crown of the fallen king on my head. “I will prove my sanity by throwing you all into the dungeon while going on a quest to conquer or destroy the world! Not sure about the last step yet. Take them away!” “Yes, my liege,” the guards answered and then they lead the others out of the room. “We should probably call a doctor or something,” SMB said. Walkazo sighed. “I should have known this story would turn into a drama about video game addiction sooner or later.”

“So, new majesty who killed the old majesty…” the remaining guards said to me. “What are your commands?” “Well, first I need more power. Send out our armies to all the other countries and conquer them. Then you collect all the experience in little paper bags and give them all to me!” I laughed manically. “As you wish,” the guard replied. Soon I would be more powerful, and then I would finally be able to reach my final objective. The ultimate level! And ultimate power!!!

Day 14: They're not getting to me
Finally seized control of everything. The game is mine. Everyone has been imprisoned. Everything is secure, no mobs, no disputes, nothing. There is nothing to worry about, nothing except everything. Yes! Everything. They all want my head. I know it. Everyone is after me. No, not everyone, everything, including the gold fish! Yeah! But I won’t let them get me that easily. They will see. Everyone is now my enemy, everyone, that is, except the toilet brush. The toilet brush is now my only ally in this mad world ruled by insanity. Insanity and me, who is the strongest character in the whole game. There is only one stronger character, and that is the toilet brush. Curse you, toilet brush, you have betrayed me. You will go to toilet brush prison! No one shall stand above me except the almighty Poochy. All hail Poochy! Now for more level‐grinding…

Day 15: ............p........Q........7
……everywhere……………85………………everything…………86………………87…………………………evil…………………false……………………plotting…demise………………………………no… way……………nowhere………………88………………Why…………why all of this………who…………………89…………………there it is…………………90………………will get you………………………………must reach……………………the ultimate……………………… cannot sleep…………………………must fight……………91……………………92………………………get to the next……………………………evil gazes everywhere…………………………………seeking……………………………I must be faster…………………………I will………………………get it………………………………Level 100………………stupid pizza delivery man………………93………………you will see…………………………………… will believe……………………………94……………… will regret………………………95……………………………sacrifice charisma for defense points………96……………97…………98………

Day 16: Police Report
Greetings, I am from the Mounted Police. I found this log on the floor of Mr. Efondirner’s apartment and have decided to continue it since I am so bored. Anyway. Today was a strange day. Our headquarters received a phone call this morning. One of the neighbors of the guy I mentioned earlier called us because he heard strange sounds from next door and was worried. We hurried to the described place and when we entered the apartment, we saw this strange guy and a computer in the middle of dozens of pizza boxes. The guy was muttering things like “Level up” and “only 21 Yoshi Noses left.” it was sort of disturbing. We tried to remove him from the computer, but he just hugged the monitor and started hissing at us. We had to use a giant spatula to get him away from the machine. He then started throwing books at us, screaming “You cannot overcome my attack buff, you infidels!!!” We had to call reinforcements just to subdue the guy… Things got really ugly after that, so I will spare you the details. Anyway, we decided to take the guy into custody and decorate his apartment with DO NOT CROSS tape (I love doing that). He is in custody now, so I guess the public is safe from him. Still, I’d like to know what caused that poor man to snap like that. I guess we’ll never know.

Oh, I also took this interesting looking game from the guy. I think I will give it a try later this evening…

Day 17: Closing the Log
Hello, readers of the ’Shroom. This is Edofenrir, now continuing to write from my nice and comfy hospital room. I don’t have that many memories of what happened over the last few days, which is strange. Also, my doctor told me that I am not allowed to play any MMORPG ever again, so I am forced to end my adventurer’s log here…

Anyway, Super Mario: World of Mushroom is a curious game. If you play it, you will have an interesting gaming experience, until you suddenly lose track of everything and you wake up in a hospital bed with amnesia. If this is your sort of thing, you should definitely give it a try. Anyway, I have to stay here for two more weeks before I am allowed to leave, so I have to kill time until then. I wonder what my friend from the Nintendo Power Line is doing at the moment… I think I will call him later this evening…

I could swear I have forgotten something, but what could that be? …

Cooking Guide
by

Ladies and Gentleman, welcome back to another fun-filled episode of the Cooking Guide! Your host none other Baby Mario Bloops is here, ready to fill you in on this month's prized dish! Still no cooks since we spent all our money but I'm sure I can handle this!

Today, celebrating the upcoming summer, we will make a amazing yet hard to obtain Miracle Dinner!!!!!!

To not repeat myself like always, so let's just get in. First things first, get:


 * A Lot of Myster Boxes.
 * A Mircowave
 * A Pantry that can hold everything.


 * 1) First go to Flipside Arcade and start bashing through the games until you win a lot of points.
 * 2) Head over to The InterChet and trade them for as many mystery boxes as you can.
 * 3) Head out and go to the kitchen that you are working in.
 * 4) Put a Mystery Box in the microwave, and turn it on for 1 second.
 * 5) Once done, check what you made, and see if you got the Miracle Dinner. Yet expect to find other recipes like Zess Tea such as I did or any thing else.
 * 6) Once finally achieving it, expect to have fine taste and let it's confidence booster prepare you for the hot summer!

Ads
by

Welcome, and now that I have your undivided attention, I would like to present you with the latest in awesome pets: The Boo.

And as I take out of this cage I wi— WAIT! Where did it go?! Holy crap! Cover your head, until I find—

Ah, there is is, trying to scare my assistant.

Boos are docile creatures, usually found secluded from all forms of life. But, now, you can own one as a pet! Bizzare? No. Brilliant? Yes. The best part is that they’re dead already, so if you’re a lazy slouch or an outgoing person, you don’t need to worry about feeding them. Even better, its waste disappears into thin air. No more filthy carpets from those stupid Goombas’ or other pets’ feces. So come on down to the Ikana Graveyard your local cemetary where our “trained” members are ready to serve you.

Oh, and I should warn you that Boos like the taste of souls… Good luck… (you’ll probably need it)

Interview
by

Everyone, welcom to the exciting interview with no other than Baby Mario Bloops! Let's give a warm welcome to our special guest that has coated Mario in ink few times and has recently became allies with him. That person is the one and of many, Blooper! Let us launch into the interview...

Baby Mario Bloops: Welcome Blooper, how are you?

Blooper: Not bad, just taking a break from the Mario Games that been taking place lately.

Baby Mario Bloops: Yeah, I think everyone in the latest game could use it.

Blooper: Agreed. Big fan of me?

Baby Mario Bloops: What?

Blooper: You can't trick me and not tell me that Bloops in your name is meant for me.

Baby Mario Bloops: Yes, I can't deny that. Your just one awesome character.

Blooper: Wow, it is a pleasure to meet such a loyal fan of my species.

Baby Mario Bloops: Okay, I'm suppose to do the interview now. So, many users want to know where you spill ink out from?

Blooper: Well, I can tell you that we do spit it out from our mouths on my face, but there is another spot that I don't want to talk about.

Baby Mario Bloops: That's fine. Any upcoming games that you would spoil us into?

Blooper: Ummm....well, E3 is just around the corner, so you can wait.

Baby Mario Bloops: Please! Come on, to a big fan of you?

Blooper: Sorry, all I can inform you on is that your going to like it!

Baby Mario Bloops: Please oh plea-

Blooper: Sorry, got to go now, bye!

Baby Mario Bloops: Dang it! I'm going to tape them down next time. See you all next month, and enjoy the first month of a wonderful summer!

Fake Sports
by

On the opening day of the Mushroom Cup, Team Mario was upset by Team Petey, 2‒0. It was the first time in 36 years that the host team had lost their opening match. After a scoreless first half, Petey broke the stalemate at 54’ and Hammer Bro. scored the insurance goal at 71’. On Wednesday, Team Mario will return to action against Team Yoshi. Team Petey will take the field again on Thursday against Team Daisy.

Fake Weather
by

Toad Town: 54. Meteors falling, avoid Bowser! Bowser World: 78. What the… FLOWERS? IN BOWSER WORLD?? Fire World: 1,840. Wow. Prince Pikante is launching meteor fireballs. Ice World: −9785638. CCCCUUURRRSSSEEE IICCEE Desert World: 198. Chain Chomps are on the loose!
 * Friday

Toad Town: 69. YAY NO WARNINGS! Bowser World: 99. WTF MORE FLOWERS! Fire World: 66,789. Bad vacation spot. Ice World: −998X7602. SO FREAKIN COLD I ADDED A X Desert World: 109, No warnings, but low gravity.
 * Saturday

Toad Town: 65. Princess Peach is still kidnapped. COME ON, MARIO! Bowser World: 75. MORE FREAKIN FLOWERS… oh wait, it’s Floaty Fluff. Fire World: 54,674. TOO HOT, BURNING TO ICE WORLD. Ice World: 0. Woah, cold. Desert World: 9,999. HOT HOT HOT!
 * Sunday