The 'Shroom:Issue 116/Fake News

Editorial
Written by: ...?

Hello. Guest Director of the Fake News Mark Zuckerberg here. Unfortunately, MCD is very busy this month, so he has asked me to take over as Fake News Director. Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be back next month, because I read that on Facebook.

So, how about that election, huh? I'd like to clear up that, no matter what you may have heard, the Fake News did not have any effect on the election, and Faceb- I mean The 'Shroom could not have done anything at all to stop the spread of it. I'm Mark Zuckerberg. They made a film about me. I can't be wrong.

Unfortunately, has been forced to Unfriend Retire from his 'Shroom section, Hot Records, due to being busy. I, Mark Zuckerberg, am very unhappy about this. I would give a 'Sad' reaction were this on my news feed.

Well, that's all from me, Mark Zuc- wait



...Was I dead the entire time? Oh no! Well, that's all from me, the ghost of Mark Zuckerberg! I'm sure MCD will be back next month! Bye now!

~The Ghost of Mark Zuckerberg

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Hello everyone, and welcome back to Sport Report! I am your host, Alex95, here to give you the play-by-play on the current sporting event in the Mushroom Kingdom.

Continuing on Mario Kart 64 ' s 150cc Mushroom Cup, we are at the final race: Kalimari Desert. Like with the other races in this cup, we’ll be focusing on Luigi as he tries to go for the gold. The racers line up at the starting line and Lakitu gives the countdown. 3… 2… GO! The racers speed out of the gate, eager to get this final race finished! Just before the train, Luigi hits Bowser with a Banana and Princess Peach tries to get as close to the train as she can, but ultimately takes a hit. The train passes and Luigi, Peach, Bowser, and Mario continue forward with Bowser taking the lead. Peach drops a Fake Item Box directly in front of Luigi, making him crash and drop down to last place! Good thing this is only the first lap! Luigi has trouble regaining his speed, but soon grabs a Star and uses it to cut across the desert, making him catch back up to Peach! Luigi manages to grab a Red Shell and fires it at the princess, taking back his rightful place of first!

On to the second lap now and the other racers aren’t too happy that Luigi managed to regain the lead. Peach is coming up behind Luigi, but he becomes surrounded with Triple Green Shells, which Peach immediately runs into! Bowser’s coming up close, but slips on a Banana. Peach throws a Banana forward and… a-ha-ha, instantly drives into it! She slipped on her own Banana! Luigi accidently has one of his Shells hit a lone Banana on the course, but he still has one left with a Mushroom in reserve. Coming up onto the final lap, Bowser fires a Banana which Peach runs into, and then the Koopa King runs into Luigi’s last Shell! Luigi uses his Mushroom to gain an even greater lead as we head into the final lap!

There’s a train coming up, but it poses no threat to Luigi and he just keeps going. The other racers, though… don’t stop at all, they just keep going! What the heck?! None have any Stars or Boos on them, so what happened? …Um, Bowser is ramming into Luigi, but he pulls out a Shell and sends Bowser barreling off course! Luigi has a good lead here, but he needs to keep it up if he wants to win! Luigi grabs a Green Shell and is coming up onto the final bend with Peach closely behind. Peach tries to get past, but Luigi hits her with the Shell, finishing in first place! Luigi’s done it!

Now we’re at the award ceremony! Luigi takes first, with Peach in second and Bowser in third! Way to go, Luigi! He's had a difficult time getting here, especially in Moo Moo Farm, but he's made it to the top! Here are the final results, folks! Thanks for tooning in and I’ll see you next month with a new sporting event! Until then, this is Alex95 signing off! See you around!


 * 1) Luigi – 30
 * 2) Peach – 21
 * 3) Bowser – 15
 * 4) D.K. – 06
 * 5) Yoshi and Mario – 02
 * 6) Toad and Wario – 00



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Army Dillo War, what is it good for? Well, if you just happen to be a gorilla, the death of a large armadillo, with a considerable amount of heavy ammunition on it seems to be one of the plus sides. Yes, this month it was confirmed that Army Dillo has become a casualty of war.

The armadillo was carrying an extremely large amount of ammunition including: coconut bombs, orange grenades, feather arrows and pineapples. Of course these are deadly weapons, do you know how much it hurts when getting hit in the face by a pineapple? Sadly, due to the combined weight of these items; okay, let's be honest it probably wasn't the feathers contributing much, but that's beside the point, Army Dillo was crushed to death as he was continued to continue marching right from the jungle and up into the mountainous caves, because obviously the jungle ones wouldn't suffice.

According to some sources, the DK Crew have claimed a major scalp from this, even though they had nothing to actually do with his demise, whilst according to statements from the Kremling Krew, his loss wasn't that big a deal. Apparently though, the Kremling Krew have elected to leave all their weaponry there based on the fact that it's in too rigid an environment to sanely send any living creature. Reports about giant crocodiles causing earthquakes that make boulders rain down on soldiers attempting to get to the weapons remain unconfirmed.

One would assume that due to this, Army Dillo's body has remained in the caves, but no, as it turns out, upon his death he began magically spinning faster and faster until he disappeared, don't believe me? Then check out this firsthand report from someone who witnessed his collapse. Ignore the bits about the fight, everyone knows my obituaries are the only true facts.

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Hello again, people who decided to not just scroll past this! I would like to begin by by thanking those of you who voted this article as the best Fake News article for September; I certainly did not expect that, to be honest. So, enough babbling, enough thanking, let's get on with the top 3 shows I recommend you watch!

New: Attack of the Weird Mud Things MKBC3, 10pm Genre: Horror drama There are plenty of fans of horror and zombie stuff out there, and MKBC have decided to use this in a series brand new to MKBC3! In the first episode, main protagonist Toadette is attacked at night by the first batch of weird mud zombies seen in the series. Not for those under 13.

Horror Hop Koopa Troop TV, 7.30pm Genre: Game show Kamek hosts this amazing obstacle course-based game show set in a town of mysterious horrors. Celebrity contestants such as Paratroopa or Roy Koopa must complete a series of parkour challenges to win a lot of money for a selected charity. Lots of entertaining slapstick comedy involved along with Kamek's snappy commentary makes this one of the best game shows on TV today.

Horsing Around with Princess Peach MKBC1, 9pm Genre: Documentary Princess Peach hosts the final episode of this excellent documentary about learning to ride a horse in the Mushroom Kingdom. In this finale, she decides to have at racing one of the top horses in the Kingdom itself using all the skills she's learnt. One of the best documentaries out there.

Well, that's it from me. If you read this, I hope you enjoyed reading this. If you were just scrolling by the article without reading it, then I hope you enjoyed scrolling past it. I also hope you actually read something and found it very interesting. Closing statements are hard to come up with, so I'll just make this my closing statement: Always Read Everything You Scroll Past.

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Whaddup, it's ya boy TPG. I'm back with a new recipe of my own modification, known as the TPG Frappe. I got this idea whilst exploring some fellow chef's place and saw their meal. I said to them, "can i have this recipe thanks", to which they replied "k". But none of that matters, because I bet you want to try this delicious ice cream, so here's how.

Recipe: 1) Reduce the Fire Flower to shreds with your pestle and mortar, and then grind it with the Point Swapper. The intense magics of the whirling utensil should leave you with glittering Ice Storms. Turn the freezer on if you haven't already done so. 2) Prepare your Super Shrooms by pouring your milk, sugar and food coloring into a bowl and stir. After the mixture is light and frothy, empty your tin of the Shrooms and use the Point Swapper to blend them all into Maple Syrup. 3) If the syrup is yellow, then add more food coloring to give it its distinct pink shine. 4) Find a used ice cream tub (dig one out of a bin if you have to because that's what I did) and scrape your syrup into the tub. Using a sieve, sprinkle your Ice Storms over the top and close the lid. 5) If there's anything left on the bowl then dude eat that 6) Carefully place your frappe into the freezer and let it settle and solidify into something edible. 7) Once finished, scoop out the contents and serve in cups. It should serve about eight people but that didn't happen when I tried it

And we're done! I tried out my attempt on the generic residents of a generic desert; surely after a hard day toiling in the sun they'd love a refreshing cold serving of fresh TPG Frappe. We recorded the results.



Heh heh heh.

As you can see, this recipe enhances the original's effect of having a slight chance of freezing the customer. I guess I adjusted that freezing factor to suit a guy who literally has "Pyro" in his name? Whatever, he had it coming anyway. Next month I'll have a new meal with a guest appearance, so tune in for then and enjoy your meal!