User:GreenKoopa

 This is GreenKoopas chocolate cavern! ( If you can't play nice, go home.). Tis the season to kill hobos, falalalala, lalalala. Chop their heads off with lawnmowers, falalalala, lalalala. Then get out a metal ba-at, falalalalalalalalala. Tis the season to kill hobos-fa la la la la... la la la DIE. OK, Thats just to hold space until the real holiday message. In the mean time, kill all them hobos. Hello! Welcome to my userpage!

The discovery
I found the Mario Wiki after a I saw a link to it on Wikipedia. For a long time, I simply read the info, and that was good. But then I found them: Talk Pages. They were pages discussing errors on pages, showing sources that would eventually be incorporated into the article and so forth. Being on talk pages, I noticed that there were links to pages about the people who edited the wiki: The Users. At this point, I had really really wanted to join. So, after a long wait, I joined. And now thats how that started!

Annoyances
-pplz who tlk or typ wit no speligz r grammerz lolol

-People Who Type With Caps On Every Word

-Vandals

-People who *****in' curse on almost every ****ed other word, they're *****es. Yes that was sarcasm, shaddup.

-People who say something sucks when they never even tried it.

The Wall of pure awesomeness
EvB-lIcHHPQ&=1" http://members.aol.com/ewjim4/tmario.gif

Pictures. Funneh onez.
"I see...pretty colors...ahhh..." I AM VERY MAAAAD!!!1!

Random stuff
This is glitz hawk. Hes Glitz users character. I helped with the stats. \o/

My Mario theorys
Okey, I won't kill you if you don't agree with these theorys. But I will state why these seem most reasonable for a Mario timeline. Okay. The Mario of Donkey Kong, Mario Bros., and Super Mario Bros. is the current Mario's father, and the Luigi in those games is Mario's uncle. Juhmp "Mario" Manning Mario. Why do I think this? Current Mario has kept his main onsomble[misspelled] the same. Donkey Kong/MB/SMB Mario wore more of a variety of clothes. Juhmp lived in Brooklyn, in Little Italy. He discovered the Mushroom Kingdom, got married, Yoshi's Island happened, and "Heros were Born!" Bowser is about 3 during SMW2:YI, and Mario and Luigi are... technicly, not born. Bowser, therefore, is slightly older than Mario and Luigi. In YIDS, Bowser is four, and Wario is 3. Why do I estimate this? He already knows money gets you stuff and he has a brief..Argument with Bowser about treasure in the final level, proving he can talk. Peach is 8 months old during YIDS and Mario and Luigi are 18 months. M&L PiT (past) happens after YIDS, and by that point Juhmp saw his sons had inherited his love of adventure, and let them go out on their own. After M&L PiT (past) happens, things pretty much go as the games are released. M&L PiT (present) happens between SM64 and SMG. So heres Mario's linieage:

Martin Mario (Wrecking Crew Mario)-??? ???-???                                 |                     |                                Juhmp Mario- Maria T. Mario |                                         Mario&Luigi.

Oh, and in the field of Waluigi and Wario: Waluigi is Warios adoptive brother, and Wario is Mario's cousin. Martin Mario lived in Italy and was Mario's grandfather. He was an archetecht.

Names: Juhmp "Mario" Manning Mario - Marios dad Maria T. Mario- Marios mom Louie Germaine Mario- Mario's uncle, Wario's father Martin Mario- Marios Grandfather

Now, my theorys on why Bowser and his Koopalings look different from other Koopas: Ancient Mushroom planet. Long before Peach, Bowser, Mario, Toad, Luigi, or anyone, there were many differences. Yoshis, before growing smaller and becoming peaceful fruit eaters, were large Dinos about twice small Marios size. Koopas, however, were dominant: Most of them were spikey, like Bowser and the Koopakids. However, as Toads developed and made new, less monarchous civilizations- Koopas just picked whoever was biggest out of them as a leader- the Koopas started evolving into the more current Koopas, with almost-bald heads, spikeless shells, and mouths like beaks. A few of the Koopas, however, retained their spiky hairy visage and became the leaders of later Koopa kingdoms. Bowser, ofcourse, is one of these. High-ranking Koopas, such as Spinys, Sumo Bros, and others, are generally of this breed of Koopa. Boom-boom is a prototypical Super KoopaTroopa, a mix of Bowsers DNA and that of a plain Koopa. It got traits of both. The Koopaings? I'll cover that later. GreenKoopa - Comments or questions? 21:12, 30 April 2008 (EDT)

Smileys
These are wiki-style mini articles for smileys.

Porple-smiley
They are super-obideint clones of Porplemontage, but some have free will and live normal lives. To distinguish themselves, they often have tatoos applied so they appear differing colors. Some, though, have been born normally and are natrually various colors.

Super Green
He was defeated and now is a hitman for :idea:

The Triplets
They fought against :supergreen: and :| was killed, and is survived by his son, who looks just like him.

These may appear on userpedia soon. Once I feel like it. :P If you aren't on this list, you have a weird computer.

5.Sonic the Hedgehog(not the crappy '06 one)
C'mon, I'm a hardcore nin-ten-do(it's a cereal now...) fan, but this game is, well, gooooooooooooooooood. It needs a save feature, though. Fun game, but I think I shoulda used those last 800 wii points on Sonic 2 or 3. Or,even waited to get a classic controller and get SMW(I never played SMW until I got classic controller... ironicly, I got the classic controller JUST AFTER I USED MY LAST 800 POINTS ON SONIC.)

4.Zelda:Link to the Past
DUNDUN danananana.. danananaNA...danananana..danananaNANA... This game is fun. It has good design, thought-quivering puzzles, but Isn't too hard.

3.Mario World
This. Game. Pwns. 'nuf said. Actually, this and the next two i hold at equal regard- they're ALL number 1!

2.Smash bros. Brawl
I love-a dis game! Loads of characters, good items, wi freaking fi, and stage builder. Miss Hyrule castle from SSB1? Rebuild it! Miss Fourside from SSBM? Rebuild it! hate New Pork City's design? You guessed, its..... COMPLAIN TO NINTENDO! rebuild it!! And, this game's masterpieces section introduced me to my favorite game ever. Yes, in numbah one is......... TEEEEOOOH TEEEOOOH TEEOOH TEEOOH TEEOH DI-DUNKLEDINGLEDADING...... THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: FACES OF EVIL OCARINA OF TIME!

This. Game. Pwns. It's 3D. It has a music loving, gravity defying Goron fire sage. It is, in my opinion, better than Twilight Princess in terms of 3D- TP takes shading and such to a stupid level, so you can't tell the difference between something that matters and something useless! OOT, however, has N64 gfx. It is easy to discern between something that matters and something useless. And, you don't play as a wolf half the freaking game. That is why I dislike Twilight princess, and OoT pwns. Waaaait.... I just went off topic, didn't I? Anyway, play OOT.

Srsly. It pwns.

The Shell Awards
I can has idea. It is called.... THE SHELL AWARDS! wards  wards Yep. Heres the list of awards:
 * 1) Most Contributive User without a Userpage
 * 2) Coolest Userpage
 * 3) Most informative Edits
 * 4) Best Edit-summary lines
 * 5) Frendliest user
 * 6) Most Active on Chat

Thats about it for now. I will make a speshal userbox for it. Awards will be handed out around June 20th. Yep. Uh-huh.

NOTE: November 22, 2008- Uh, yeeeeaaah, this died.

Complaint letters...
Using a Randim complaint generator (use Google, pplz), I made complaints for Mario Characters.

My complaint about Princess Daisy
It's time to tell the truth about Princess Daisy. If you disagree with my claim that a complete description of the problems with Princess Daisy's roorbacks would occupy several volumes, then read no further. She, with her craftiness and stroppy put-downs, will entirely control our country's exuberant riches one day. She will then use those riches to disarm us morally, make us rootless and defenseless, and then destroy us. The moral of this story is that if she doesn't like it here, then perhaps she should go elsewhere.

I am on an important mission to announce that we may need to picket, demonstrate, march, or strike to stop Princess Daisy before she can abrogate some of our most fundamental freedoms. If I don't accomplish that mission, her plans to create a new cottage industry around her imprudent form of expansionism could well succeed. Her conjectures are a quick-fix detour, a placebo aimed at surface symptoms, and an excuse to flush all my hopes and dreams down the toilet. Excuse me; that's not entirely correct. What I meant to say is that Princess Daisy proclaims at every opportunity that she'd never supplant national heroes with subversive chuckleheads. The lady doth protest too much, methinks. I have never been in favor of being gratuitously venal. I have also never been in favor of sticking my head in the sand or of refusing to set the record straight.

Princess Daisy wallows in her basest behavior. To be more pedantic about it, Princess Daisy claims that she is a woman of peace. I respond that there is a certain Burkean prudence that animates people like me to put inexorable pressure on her to be a bit more careful about what she says and does. Looking at it on the bright side, some people apparently believe that if we don't bother her, she won't bother us. The fallacy of that belief is that our desires and hers are not merely different; they are opposed in mortal enmity. Princess Daisy wants to cause this country to flounder on the shoals of self-interest, corruption, and chaos. We, in contrast, want to alert people that she just wants to avoid detection and punishment. In view of that, it is not surprising that she either is or elects to be ignorant of scientific principles and methods. Princess Daisy even intentionally misuses scientific terminology to take away our sense of community and leave us morally adrift.

My real point here is that ignominious nobodies are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that Princess Daisy wants to get me thrown in jail. She can't cite a specific statute that I've violated, but she does believe that there must be some statute. This tells me that you might have heard the story that Princess Daisy once agreed to help us turn random, senseless violence into meaningful action. No one has located the document in which Princess Daisy said that. No one has identified when or where Princess Daisy said that. That's because she never said it. As you might have suspected, Princess Daisy's method (or school, or ideology -- it is hard to know exactly what to call it) goes by the name of "Princess Daisy-ism". It is an uncompromising and avowedly predaceous philosophy that aims to break down traditional values.

Princess Daisy refuses to come to terms with reality. She prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination. We mustn't be content to patch and darn, to piece and cobble at the worn and rotten fabric of her unconscionable obiter dicta. Instead we must strengthen our roots so we can weather the storms that threaten our foundation. If Princess Daisy were to use more accessible language then a larger number of people would be able to understand what she's saying. The downside for Princess Daisy, of course, is that a larger number of people would also understand that she shouldn't drag everything that is truly great into the gutter. That would be like asking a question at a news conference and, too angry and passionate to wait for the answer, exiting the auditorium before the response. Both of those actions generate alienation and withdrawal.

Believe you me, Princess Daisy should be locked up. (Note the heroic restraint stopping me from saying that it is difficult for many people to accept that Princess Daisy's habitués are suckers for rallying chants, regurgitated, standardized slogans, and other behavioral reinforcements.) She has for a long time been arguing that some people deserve to feel safe while others do not. Had she instead been arguing that her only motivation is a childish attachment to wealth and power, I might cede her her point. As it stands, the leap of faith required to bridge the logical gap in Princess Daisy's arguments is simply too terrifying for me to contemplate. What I do often contemplate, however, is how her admirers have been staggering around like punch-drunk fighters hit too many times -- stunned, confused, betrayed, and trying desperately to rationalize her vengeful shell games. It is not a pretty sight. Princess Daisy has been trying for some time to sell the public on a quislingism-based government. Her sales pitch proceeds both pragmatically and emotionally. The pragmatic argument: Princess Daisy's zingers won't be used for political retribution. The emotional argument: The media should "create" news rather than report it. As you can see, neither argument is valid, which should indicate to you that Princess Daisy contends that freedom must be abolished in order for people to be more secure and comfortable. Excuse me, but where exactly did this little factoid come from?

For all intents and purposes, if Princess Daisy had two brain cells to rub together, she'd realize that she is totally self-absorbed. We all are, to some extent, but Princess Daisy sets the curve. It may be coincidence that her analects make life less pleasant for us. It may be coincidence that they delegitimize our belief systems and replace them with a counter-hegemony that seeks to crush national and spiritual values out of existence and substitute the frowzy and illiberal machinery of charlatanism. And it may be coincidence that they destroy our culture, our institutions, and our way of life. But that's a lot of coincidence!

There is a format Princess Daisy should follow for her next literary endeavor. It involves a topic sentence and supporting facts. Her sound bites are colored and flavored to appeal to unimaginative party animals. I'll probably devote a separate letter to that topic alone, but for now, I'll simply summarize by stating that if Princess Daisy thinks that she can make me cower before the emotions and accusations of others then she's barking up the wrong tree. Essentially, those of us who are still sane, those of us who still have a firm grip on reality, those of us who still think that this letter is written with the hope that readers will think for a minute about the situation at hand, have an obligation to do more than just observe what she is doing from a safe distance. We have an obligation to fight the warped, distorted, misshapen, unwholesome monstrosity that her opuscula have become. We have an obligation to take steps against the whole uncivilized brotherhood of ungrateful snippy-types. And we have an obligation to exemplify the principles of honor, duty, loyalty, and courage.

Princess Daisy publicly disavows her ties to classism while secretly encouraging her janissaries to silence anyone whom she considers rebarbative. As long as I live, I will be shouting this truth from rooftops and doing everything I can to question authority. Her undertakings are an icon for the deterioration of the city, for its slow slide into crime, malaise, and filth. Princess Daisy says that we should abandon the institutionalized and revered concept of democracy. You know, she can lie as much as she wants but she can't change the facts. If she could, she'd clearly prevent anyone from hearing that it's really not bloody-mindedness that compels me to help people see her unenlightened fibs for what they are. It's my sense of responsibility to you, the reader.

If we let Princess Daisy sow the seeds of favoritism we'll be reaping the crop for quite a long time. Before she spews any more psychoanalytical drivel, let me assure her that I'm not a psychiatrist. Sometimes, though, I wish I were, so that I could better understand what makes people like her want to convince impressionable young people that national-security interests can and should be sidestepped whenever her personal interests are at stake. Listen up: Princess Daisy likes to brag about how the members of her diabolism movement are ideologically diverse. Perhaps that means that some of them prefer Stalin over Hitler. In any case, Princess Daisy's stories about mysticism are particularly ridden with errors and distortions, even leaving aside the concept's initial implausibility. Because her tracts run on pure irony, it therefore stands to reason that the main dissensus between me and Princess Daisy is that I contend that it is undeniable by anyone but venom-spouting slaves to fashion that even maverick Internet news and opinion sites are beginning to proclaim that Princess Daisy has made some imprecise statements and statements that ought to have had all sorts of qualifications and reservations attached to them. She, on the other hand, contends that she can ignore rules, laws, and protocol without repercussion. One final point: It is past time for us to honor our nation's glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities.

My complaint about Mario
The nature and extent of our current national crisis, as well as its causes and cures, are the subject of intense political struggle. I offer this letter as a contribution to that struggle and debate in hopes of helping to show principle, gumption, verve, and nerve. It may help if I begin my discussion by relating an innocuous story in order to illustrate my point: A few days ago I was arguing with a particularly doctrinaire, mendacious cheapskate who was insisting that children should get into cars with strangers who wave lots of yummy candy at them. I tried to convince this contumacious grizzler that I have one itsy-bitsy problem with Mario's ebullitions. Videlicet, they create a system of hedonism characterized by confidential files, closed courts, gag orders, and statutory immunity. And that's saying nothing about how it is almost impossible for him to be truthful on a consistent basis. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that he is determined to put as little thought as possible into solving the undeniable problems that our society is still facing with regard to irrationalism? This isn't such an easy question to answer, but let me take a stab at it: If society were a beer bottle -- something, I believe, that Mario holds in high regard -- he would indeed be the nauseating bit at the bottom that only the homeless like to drink.

In retrospect, Mario has always been more viperine than most larcenous dissemblers. He is right about one thing, namely that fear is what motivates us. Fear of what it means when indecent rotters increase society's cycle of hostility and violence. Fear of what it says about our society when we teach our children that big emotions come from big words. And fear of self-deceiving clowns like Mario who conceal information and, occasionally, blatantly lie. I, speaking as someone who is not a pusillanimous big-labor boss, really hope you're not being misled by the "new Mario". Only his methods and tactics have changed. Mario's goal is still the same: to elevate slatternly idiots to the sublime. That's why I'm telling you that Mario has allowed himself to become a spokesman for the same point of view shared by quasi-venal scrubs, squalid televangelists, and ridiculous, lewd nutcases while masquerading as an outspoken radical bucking the system.

I clearly wouldn't want to make it virtually impossible to fire incompetent workers. I would, on the other hand, love to lead us all toward a better, brighter future. But, hey, I'm already doing that with this letter.

Mario's précis have paid off: Already, Mario has had some success in his efforts to obstruct various important things. Now stay with me a moment here; I am making a point. Specifically, today, we might have let him publish blatantly abominable rhetoric as "education" for children to learn in school. Tomorrow, we won't. Instead, we will denounce Mario's agendas.

If we look beyond Mario's delusions of grandeur, we see that were he alive today, Hideki Tojo would be his most trustworthy ally. I can see Tojo joining forces with Mario to help him install a puppet government that pledges allegiance to his power-drunk, combative coalition. Still, he gets a lot of perks from the system. True to form, Mario ceaselessly moves the goalposts to prevent others from benefiting from the same perks. This suggests that if he had two brain cells to rub together, he'd realize that my general thesis is that he should learn to appreciate what he has instead of feeling so oppressed because he can't do everything he wants, every time he wants to. I'll talk a lot more about that later, but first let me finish my general thesis: He once tried to bring widespread death and degradation to millions of human beings across the face of the Earth. If you consider this an exception to the rule then you honestly don't understand how Mario operates. I hope, however, that you at least understand that he has been doing "in-depth research" (whatever he thinks that means) to prove that he knows the "right" way to read Plato, Maimonides, and Machiavelli. I should mention that I've been doing some research of my own. So far, I've "discovered" that people often get the impression that confused, otiose authoritarians and Mario's spin doctors are separate entities. Not so. When one catches cold, the other sneezes. As proof, note that Mario demands obeisance from his buddies. Then, once they prove their loyalty, Mario forces them to throw away our freedom, our honor, and our future.

There are two related questions in this matter. The first is to what extent Mario has tried to defile the air and water in the name of profit. The other is whether or not Mario sees himself as a postmodern equivalent of Marx's proletariat, revolutionizing the world by wresting it from its oppressors (viz., those who raise the quality of debate on issues surrounding his slimy slurs).

Mario's unsophisticated attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, Mario, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is a free country, and I suspect we ought to keep it that way. Wowserism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge.

Strange, isn't it, how feckless paranoiacs are always the first to destroy our youths' ability to relax, reflect, study, and meditate? Mario has called innocent children soporific duffers to their faces. This was not a momentary aberration or a slip of the tongue, and hence, we can safely say that he thinks that we should avoid personal responsibility. However, he was rather wide of the mark when he said that he has a "special" perspective on gangsterism that carries with it a "special" right to "solve" all our problems by talking them to death.

Mario's prevarications are not the solution to our problem. They are the problem. There's something fishy about Mario's theories. I think he's up to something, something gormless and perhaps even insolent. Please don't misunderstand me; I'm not saying that Mario acts in the name of equality and social justice. In fact, if the only way to expose every raving practice of every raving cutthroat is for me to live lower than dirt, then so be it. It would sincerely be worth it because some of us have an opportunity to come in contact with the most oligophrenic enemies of the people you'll ever see on a regular basis at work or in school. We, therefore, may be able to gain some insight into the way they think, into their values; we may be able to understand why they want to remake the world to suit Mario's own irritating needs.

In case you hadn't noticed, Mario and his coadjutors are garrulous, ugly lugs. This is not set down in complaint against them, but merely as analysis. To state it in stark and simple terms, he parrots whatever ideas are fashionable at the moment. When the fashions change, his ideas will change instantly like a weathercock. Let Mario's pharisaical, revolting outbursts stand as evidence that Mario exhibits an air of superiority. You realize, of course, that that's really just a defense mechanism to cover up his obvious inferiority. I would like to close by saying that you'd have to be the town fool to feel that the existence and perpetuation of incendiarism is its own moral justification.

(Next: You knew this was coming...)

RudnickiMarioX06 (This was coming from the start!)
When assessing RudnickimarioX06's contrivances, one need not resort to vicious name-calling or opprobrious epithets. One need only present the facts. So let's begin, quite properly, with a brief look at the historical development of the problem, of its attempted solutions, and of the eternal argument about it. Whatever your age, you now have only one choice. That choice is between a democratic, peace-loving regime that, you hope, may rouse people's indignation at RudnickimarioX06 and, as the alternative, the moonstruck and unctuous dirigisme currently being forced upon us by RudnickimarioX06. Choose carefully because RudnickimarioX06's lickspittles don't worry me because they're generally not in positions to make significant decisions (except maybe "right shoe on right foot"). If you find that fact distressing then you should help me prevent RudnickimarioX06's bookish writings from spreading like a malignant tumor. Either that, or you can crawl into a corner and lament that you got yourself born in the wrong universe. Don't expect your sobbing to do much good, however, because RudnickimarioX06 spouts a lot of numbers whenever he wants to make a point. He then subjectively interprets those numbers to support his indiscretions while ignoring the fact that he deeply believes that it's okay to promote the lawless insults of irritating, foul-mouthed sad sacks. Meanwhile, back on Earth, the truth is very simple: RudnickimarioX06's confreres are merely ciphers. RudnickimarioX06 is the one who decides whether or not to dismantle the guard rails that protect society from the crazy elements in its midst. RudnickimarioX06 is the one who gives out the orders to turn positions of leadership into positions of complacency. And RudnickimarioX06 is the one trying to conceal how he is squarely in favor of extremism and its propensity to break up society's solidarity and cohesiveness. This is so typical of RudnickimarioX06: he condemns bigotry and injustice except when it benefits him personally.

One of RudnickimarioX06's coadjutors keeps throwing "scientific" studies at me, claiming they prove that all minorities are poor, stupid ghetto trash. The studies are full of "if"s, "possible"s, "maybe"s, and various exceptions and admissions of their limitations. This leaves the studies inconclusive at best and works of fiction at worst. The only thing these studies can possibly prove is that if you think you can escape from RudnickimarioX06's obstinate machinations, then good-bye and good luck. To the rest of you I suggest that we are a nation of prostitutes. By this I mean that as long as we are fat, warm, and dry we don't care what RudnickimarioX06 does. It is precisely that lack of caring that explains why no one has a higher opinion of RudnickimarioX06 than I, and I think RudnickimarioX06's an obtuse, antihumanist bribe-seeker.

One of RudnickimarioX06's former yes-men, shortly after having escaped from RudnickimarioX06's iron veil of monolithic thought, stated, "One could write several books on the subject of how RudnickimarioX06's calumnies have a distinctly ultra-diabolic tone." This comment is typical of those who have finally realized that I like to speak of RudnickimarioX06 as "ungrateful". That's a reasonable term to use, I assert, but let's now try to understand it a little better. For starters, his attendants have been running around recently trying to traffic in our blood, birthright, and security. Meanwhile, RudnickimarioX06 has been preparing to legitimize the fear and hatred of the privileged for the oppressed. The whole episode smacks of a carefully orchestrated operation. If you ask me, RudnickimarioX06 does, occasionally, make a valid point. But when he says that every featherless biped, regardless of intelligence, personal achievement, moral character, sense of responsibility, or sanity, should be given the power to view countries and the people that live in them either as economic targets to be exploited or as military targets to be defeated, that's where the facts end and the ludicrousness begins.

I used to think that contumelious brigands were the most uncouth people on the planet but now I know that RudnickimarioX06 has warned us that in a matter of days, antisocial lunatics will undermine the basic values of work, responsibility, and family. If you think about it, you'll realize that RudnickimarioX06's warning is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that RudnickimarioX06's obloquies have experienced a considerable amount of evolution (or perhaps more accurately, genetic drift) over the past few weeks. They used to be simply predaceous. Now, not only are they both mentally deficient and stultiloquent, but they also serve as unequivocal proof that I've heard of demented things like credentialism and conformism. But I've also heard of things like nonviolence, higher moralities, and treating all beings as ends in and of themselves -- ideas which RudnickimarioX06's ignorant, unthinking, oleaginous brain is too small to understand.

If RudnickimarioX06's trucklers had even an ounce of integrity they would keep RudnickimarioX06's brethren at bay. Still, if I were a complete sap, I'd believe RudnickimarioX06's line that he is a model citizen. Unfortunately for him, I realize that if RudnickimarioX06 wants to complain, he should have an argument. He shouldn't just throw out the word "ultracentrifugation", for example, and expect us to be scared. Viewing all this from a higher vantage point, we can see that in order to convince us that it is his moral imperative to eliminate those law-enforcement officers who constitute the vital protective bulwark in the fragile balance between anarchy and tyranny, RudnickimarioX06 often turns to the old propagandist trick of comparing results brought about by entirely dissimilar causes.

Is anyone else out there as struck as I am by RudnickimarioX06's utter disregard for morality and humanity? The reason I ask is that it's about time for RudnickimarioX06 to pay the piper. His compeers probably don't realize that because it's not mentioned in the funny papers or in the movies. Nevertheless, RudnickimarioX06 has stated that his asseverations are good for the environment, human rights, and baby seals. One clear inference from that statement -- an inference that is never really disavowed -- is that it's okay for him to indulge his every whim and lust without regard for anyone else or for society as a whole. Now that's just pompous.

Believe it or not, I wish I didn't have to be the one to break the news that RudnickimarioX06 leaves me no choice but to become clinically depressed. Nevertheless, I cannot afford to pass by anything that may help me make my point. So let me just state that I can't understand why RudnickimarioX06 has to be so rancorous. Maybe a dybbuk has taken up residence inside RudnickimarioX06's head and is making him justify, palliate, or excuse the evils of his heart. It's a bit more likely, however, that he accuses me of being narrow-minded. Does he avouch I'm narrow-minded because I refuse to accept his claim that all major world powers are controlled by a covert group of "insiders"? If so, then I guess I'm as narrow-minded as I could possibly be.

RudnickimarioX06 has repeatedly threatened to conspire with evil. Maybe that's just for maximum scaremongering effect. Or maybe it's because RudnickimarioX06 should think about how his remonstrations lead bitter skinflints to undermine everyone's capacity to see, or change, the world as a whole. If RudnickimarioX06 doesn't want to think that hard, perhaps he should just keep quiet.

Verily, when RudnickimarioX06 tells us that he is entitled to compose paeans to voyeurism, he somehow fails to mention that he is fixated on solecism. He fails to mention that his henchmen would sooner ally with evil than oppose it. And he fails to mention that he recently got caught red-handed trying to cause this country to flounder on the shoals of self-interest, corruption, and chaos. Well, surprise, surprise, surprise, as Gomer Pyle would say. All in all, everyone ought to read my award-winning essay, "The Naked Aggression of RudnickimarioX06". In it, I chronicle all of RudnickimarioX06's mind games from the fatuitous to the choleric and conclude that I have reason to believe that RudnickimarioX06 is about to incite racial hatred. I pray that I'm wrong, of course, because the outcome could be devastating. Nevertheless, the indications are there that RudnickimarioX06's allies are quick to point out that because RudnickimarioX06 is hated, persecuted, and repeatedly laughed at, he is the real victim here. The truth is that, if anything, RudnickimarioX06 is a victim of his own success -- a success that enables RudnickimarioX06 to erase the memory of all traditions and all history.

If you've ever watched television or read a book, odds are that you already know that RudnickimarioX06 expresses a dirty nostalgia for a uniform, unchallenging, homogeneous society that never really existed. Am I being unduly harsh for writing that? I think not. When the religious leaders in Jesus's time were wrong, Jesus denounced them in extremely harsh terms. So why shouldn't I, too, use extremely harsh terms to indicate that my life's work is to establish democracy and equality? I am not concerned with rumors or hearsay about him. I am interested only in ascertained facts attested by published documents and in these primarily as an illustration that in a recent essay, RudnickimarioX06 stated that the worst types of politically incorrect lackwits I've ever seen have dramatically lower incidences of cancer, heart attacks, heart disease, and many other illnesses than the rest of us. Since the arguments he made in the rest of his essay are based in part on that assumption, he should be aware that it just isn't true. Not only that, but his goal is to turn back the clock and repeal all the civil rights and anti-discrimination legislation now on the books. How refractory is that? How immoral? How illiterate? There is considerable evidence to show that RudnickimarioX06 is serious about wanting to bad-mouth worthy causes. May we never forget this if we are to deny RudnickimarioX06 and his underlings a chance to discredit legitimate voices in the hooliganism debate.

My complaint about Princess Peach
In this letter, I want to skip the usual preaching, moralizing, and pontificating and go straight to the facts. In the text that follows, I won't bother discussing the flaws in Princess Peach's logic because she doubtlessly doesn't use any logic. Princess Peach avers that she's the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread. As you can no doubt determine from comments like that, facts and Peach are like oil and water.

Sometimes it seems sinful mattoids are like a farmer who, in the spring, would work the ground, plant seeds, fertilize, and cultivate the ground for a period of time. And then, perhaps, he decides to go off to Hawaii and have a good time and forget the reason he planted the crop in the first place. Well, a farmer wouldn't do that. But Princess Peach would lead a slovenly jihad against those who oppose her if she got the chance.

Princess Peach's personal interest in seeing her biases shoved down people's throats is slaphappy but that's to be expected of her. There is a proper place in life for hatred. Hatred of that which is wrong is a powerful and valuable tool. But when Princess Peach perverts hatred in order to promote, foster, and institute interdenominationalism, it becomes clear that we cannot afford to waste our time, resources, and energy by dwelling upon inequities of the past. Instead, we must examine Princess Peach's worldview from the perspective of its axiology (values) and epistemology (ways of knowing). Doing so would be significantly easier if more people were to understand that when one looks at the increasing influence of onanism in our culture one sees that Princess Peach's signature is on everything. So how come her fingerprints are nowhere to be found? It is only when one has an answer to that question is it possible to make sense of Princess Peach's deeds because if Princess Peach doesn't realize that it's generally considered bad style to dig a grave in which to bury liberty and freedom, then she should read one of the many self-help books on the subject. I recommend she buy one with big print and lots of pictures. Maybe then Princess Peach will grasp the concept that she is so incredibly featherbrained that she really ought to change her name to "Featherbrained McFeatherbrained, the Featherbrained Queen of the Featherbrained". An obvious parallel from a slightly different context is that prudence is no vice. Cowardice -- especially Princess Peach's foul-mouthed form of it -- is.

With an enormous expenditure of words, unclear in content and incomprehensible as to meaning, Princess Peach frequently stammers an endless hodgepodge of phrases purportedly as witty as in reality they are demagogism-prone. Only snippy, cranky nebbishes can feel at home in this maze of reasoning and cull an "inner experience" from this dung heap of perverted nihilism. Despite what she says, teenagers who want to shock their parents sometimes maintain -- with a straight face -- that anyone who disagrees with Princess Peach is ultimately intrusive. Fortunately, most parents don't fall for this fraud because they know that one of the things I find quite interesting is listening to other people's takes on things. For instance, I recently overheard some folks remark that there is no such thing as evil in the abstract. It exists only in the evil deeds of evil people like Princess Peach. Princess Peach hates it when you say that her sentiments emblematize an increasing deturpation of cultural standards and a triumph of the meretricious. She really hates it when you say that. Try saying it to her sometime if you have a thick skin and don't mind having her shriek insults at you.

Princess Peach's stories about adversarialism are particularly ridden with errors and distortions, even leaving aside the concept's initial implausibility. Let us now join hands, hearts, and minds to kick butt and take names. Princess Peach would not hesitate to make bargains with the devil if she felt she could benefit from doing so.

There is no place in this country where we are safe from Princess Peach's attendants, no place where we are not targeted for hatred and attack. Some of us have an opportunity to come in contact with tyrannical braggadocios on a regular basis at work or in school. We, therefore, may be able to gain some insight into the way they think, into their values; we may be able to understand why they want to pander to our worst fears. There's something I've observed about Princess Peach. Namely, she may not know how to spell "barothermohygrograph" but she undeniably knows how to pander to lawless, brutish malcontents. I've further observed that Princess Peach likes thinking thoughts that aren't burdensome and that feel good. That's why she is the embodiment of everything petty in our lives. Every grievance, every envy, every materialistic ideology finds expression in Peach.

The following theorem may therefore be established as an eternally valid truth: I have a plan to fix our sights on eternity. I call this plan "Operation build a sane and healthy society free of Princess Peach's destructive influences". (Granted, I need a shorter, catchier name but that one will do for now.) My plan's underlying motif is that Princess Peach has been deluding people into believing that the Universe belongs to her by right. Don't let her delude you, too.

While the concept of broad-based peace and social justice coalitions remains desirable, if we do nothing, Princess Peach will keep on causing riots in the streets. One cannot change this all in a moment, but one can name and shame Princess Peach's patsies for their self-pitying acts of sensationalism. Thoughtful people are being forced to admit, after years of evading the truth, that I have been right. I was right when I said that Princess Peach's incessant jactancy is really getting on my nerves. I was right when I said that Princess Peach wishes she could buy "ethnic cleanser" at the grocery store. And I was right when I said that if this letter did nothing else but serve as a beacon of truth, it would be worthy of reading by all right-thinking people. However, this letter's role is much greater than just to resolve our disputes without violence.

By rejecting Princess Peach's muzzy-headed, inarticulate manuscripts we spit in the devil's eye. I'll probably devote a separate letter to that topic alone, but for now, I'll simply summarize by stating that Princess Peach has hatched all sorts of obtuse plans. Remember her attempt to let grotty fogeys run rampant through the streets? No? That's because Princess Peach's so good at concealing her unimaginative activities.

What we're involved in with Princess Peach is not a game. It's the most serious possible business, and every serious person -- every person with any shred of a sense of responsibility -- must concern himself with it. If one accepts the framework I've laid out here, it follows logically that if we're to effectively carry out our responsibilities and make a future for ourselves, we will first have to teach beastly, slatternly wastrels about tolerance. Still, the issue of what to do about Princess Peach's apolaustic tracts is far from settled. The letter you just read should be seen as a starting point for dialogue on this controversial issue.

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