The Old Psychic Lady


 * ''The true name of this article is "The Old Psychic Lady with the Evil Eye Who Reads Fortunes and Knows Everything Before it Happens". The title has been shortened to save space.

The Old Psychic Lady with the Evil Eye Who Reads Fortunes and Knows Everything Before it Happens is a fortune-telling seer who likely lives somewhere in Brooklyn. Despite her name, she does not appear to be very old in appearance. Neither Mario or Luigi are shown to be capable of remembering her proper name, and usually just refer to her by names along the line of "That Crazy Old Lady". For the sake of convenience, this article will refer to the character simply as The Old Psychic Lady.

History
Mario had been having nightmares about his deceased Grandma again, and after discussing the situation with Luigi suggested that they should call "that psycho lady" whom he described as the one who was able to tell fortunes and know everything before it happened. Right after Luigi corrected Mario's use of the word "psycho" with "psychic", The Old Psychic Lady arrived at Mario Brothers Plumbing and made her entrance, introducing herself by her full name, and reminding them to watch their psycho cracks, as she claimed to be very sensitive.

After seating Mario and Luigi at their table, dimming the lights and lighting a few candles, The Old Psychic Lady dealt the two brothers several large playing cards to determine their fortunes. Dealing a ten of spades to Mario, she warned him that it was no good. Mario objected, but she told him to take what he was given. After dealing out several more cards, including a nine of hearts to Mario which represented romance, she presented Luigi with a valuable ace of spades. Luigi then pointed out that his cards made a royal straight flush, while Mario noted that his cards made up a busted flush. Upon hearing this, The Old Psychic Lady told Mario not to worry, since he is a plumber.

With their cards all dealt out, The Old Psychic Lady held Mario and Luigi's hands, and began to contact the living. Mario and Luigi informed The Old Psychic Lady that their Grandma was deceased, but she informed them that it was all the same to her on the ethereal plane. She then told Mario to empty his head of all thoughts, and began to call forth the spirit of his Grandma. Due to the fact that she didn't know their Grandma actual name, she had to stop and ask Mario what it was. Upon learning that her name was Mario, and was the namesake of Mario himself, she assumed that Mario was teased a lot as a child. Before Luigi could go on about Mario's awkward childhood, Mario insisted that The Old Psychic Lady should continue, and she finished her calling.

Soon, a trombone and a tamborine could be heard from nearby, and The Old Psychic Lady claimed that they signified the arrival of a presence. Suddenly, the table began to rise, and The Old Psychic Lady's body became possessed by Grandma Mario's spirit. Now with Grandma Mario's spirit and attitude in her body, The Old Psychic Lady smacked Mario and called him a slobingly garbanzo, assuring Mario that his grandmother had indeed returned.

Speaking for Grandma Mario, The Old Psychic Lady scolded Mario and Luigi for allowing their apartment to become so messy, although she was unable to decribe it in one word. Luigi suggested that it was a dump, but The Psychic Lady told him to shut up and not talk back to her. She then told them that their messy home broke her heart, and that it made her the laughing stalk of wherever she now lived. Mario and Luigi suggested Newark and Upper Newark respectively, but The Old Psychic Lady pointed at that Grandma Mario was too stupido to remember. She then told the boys to clean up their mess, told Luigi to wash behind his ears, and told Mario to trim his nose hairs, so that she could rest easy, even in Newark.

The Old Psychic Lady then collapsed in a chair, and was woken up by Mario. She then spoke in her normal voice, relieving Mario over the fact that Grandma Mario's spirit was now free. However, she reminded Mario and Luigi that her spirit still wasn't free, and charged them one hundred dollars for her services, reminding them that it was a long way to Newark.

Trivia

 * Despite what her full name implies, The Old Psychic Lady did not know Grandma Mario's actual name.