List of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door quotes

The following is a list of quotes in the game Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door; the quotes are listed by character.

Admiral Bobbery

 * “You seek Admiral Bobbery? I haven't heard of the gent. Take your search elsewhere.”
 * “Harumph! What poppycock! What would you want with me if I were this chap?”
 * ''“Oh, by Blabberton's beard! Not you again!”
 * “By Blubberly's blotches!”
 * “Flavio, you old cash–grubber! If you want the treasure so badly, then why don't you find it yourself?”
 * “Great gobbledy! Your princess is no one to be trifled with!”
 * “What's this balderdash, now?”
 * “You're the Mayor, hmm? How could an official like you lie that way? Old boy, I KNOW I saw a cannon the last time I was here! So, do not lie to me, sir!”
 * “I know all that, you great blowhard. But we must use that cannon to get to the moon, old boy! Because if we don't, sir, then the world could end!”
 * “Old boy, isn't that Hooktail? The one you said you beat?”
 * ''“My dear, repellant woman, what do you mean by THAT?”
 * “Let's leave these cads, Mario…”
 * ''“So, this lout is the leader of those X–Nauts?
 * ”Do be careful, old boy! This fellow looks rather robust!“
 * ''”Mario, we mustn't serve evil! You MUST resist, old boy!!!“
 * ”Serve a witch? My dear Scarlette would be rather angry with me, I should think.“
 * ”Well, old boy, it was most agreeable that I had the chance to meet you. If it hadn't been for you, then my dear Scarlette would still gaze down on a broken Bob-omb. Let's meet again, Mario! And this time, let it be on the high seas, old boy!“
 * ”Leave it all to me, old boy! I shan't need help!"
 * ”I suggest you try a bit harder against the likes of us, hm?“

Beldam

 * ”The honorable Grodus has need of us? Then we arrive without delay!“
 * ”Fear not, sire! For I, Beldam, will return with what you seek!“
 * ”Let's go, my lovelies! Marilyn! Vivian! Come! We've got a job to do!“
 * ”SILENCE, YOU DITZ! How DARE you talk back to me like some rebellious child?!? It's clear to me that the only rationale your type understands is force... So, for your punishment, I'll be taking that necklace you just found. Yes, so sorry.“
 * ”Oh, what IS it, Mr. Mustache? I have no business with you, so scram! Right NOW!“
 * ”Mmmmmmwee hee hee hee! I have no quarrel with you…but I simply can't allow you to hunt for the Crystal Stars.“
 * ”Those who seek names are often disappointed, but if you insist, we'll tell you. We are…“
 * ”Vivian! What are you babbling about?!? It's 'Shadow Sirens', you nincompoop! I don't see three beauties! I see two, and there's you, and you're PLUG–UGLY!!!“
 * ”It's just a figure of speech! Ooh, you've got some FIERCE punishment coming your way!“
 * ”Marilyn! Vivian! We would've won if you two lumps had pulled your weight! Both of you, prepare for a world–class punishment session when we get home!“
 * ”We have prepared a weapon that will bring him to a quick and certain end!“
 * ”…Or are you trying to imply that I lost it, you little lolly–gagging worm?“
 * ”Mwee hee hee hee! I heard that, my uglies! So, the next Crystal Star is in Poshley Heights? That's a rather nice piece of information! Thanks ever so!“
 * ”Normally, this is where I would deal with you and the homely traitor, Vivian, but something tells me that trying that alone might be unwise.“
 * ”The REAL Professor Frankly is sleeping off a nasty bump on the head in a closet somewhere! Poor thing!“
 * ”You and that traitor, Vivian have a date with ETERNITY!“
 * ”Shut up, freak!“
 * ”Alright, my sort–of–lovelies! Marilyn! Freak–Sheet! This time, we take out Mario and his goon–squad for good!“
 * ”My queen! You have returned to us!“
 * ”Yes, my queen… I searched for a pure maiden that you might inhabit… And as I did, I spread the rumor of a great treasure… Then I led the fools who had gathered the Crystal Stars here to open the seal…“
 * ”I am not worthy, my queen…“
 * ”NOOOO! My queen! Let's get out of here, Marilyn!“

Black Chest Demon

 * "Squirm and suffer like socially awkward worms!"

Bonetail

 * ”AROOOOOOOOOOOOO!“
 * ”Arooorooo…………rooooo……“

Bootler

 * ”Lady Bow, your beauty is like the song of a nightingale in the evening.“
 * ”Indeed… I feel you've grown into a fine young girl who'd make your ancestors proud!“

Bowser

 * ”Gra ha ha har! Bowser, the mighty Koopa King has arrived! Hold your applause, minions! But now that I'm here… Kammy! You crusty old hag! Why did you summon me?“
 * ”Oh, go ON, Mr. Comedian! I'm just DYING to hear the rest of your HILARIOUS story!“
 * ”Pbbbthbtth! Am I Mario's baby–sitter? I don't care what he's doing! Are you going to call me every time that guy blows his nose, or what? Sheesh!“
 * ”Crystal Stars? They sound like great world–conquering tools! I want 'em!“
 * ”AIRHEAD!!! A picnic?!? You MORON! This is no time for fun! See, THIS is why my evil plans always derail! Because you clods always goof off! AAARGH!“
 * ”Under NO circumstances is ANYONE allowed to kidnap her without MY say–so!!! I will NOT stand for this! I'm going to Rogueport, NOW! I've got to kidnap her back!“
 * ”I, Bowser, the mighty Koopa King, offer my greeting!“
 * ''”Great, just great. Now I look like the huge, mighty King of GUYS WHO TALK TO POSTERS!“
 * ”You're both too old.“
 * ”It's hag vs. hag! Awesome!“
 * ”Uh, actually, it's YOU who's gonna spill every bit of info out of your big, ugly head!“
 * ”I don't know anybody named Gonzales! Stop speaking in riddles, you chicken nugget!“
 * CRUD!!! Who do I have to flatten to get a Crystal Star?!? Who?!? WHOOOO?!?”''
 * “Wh–What? That's…disgusting! Get away from me, psycho! You can't have my horns!”
 * “…Whoa. I don't have a CLUE what you're talking about! You people scare me. Seriously.”
 * “I am Bowser, businessman of legend! Fear my accounting!”
 * “What are you implying? I'm no little thief, I'm Bowser, the Remorseless King of Evil! So I'll take what I want! And I want THIS!”
 * “You have got to be kidding me You mean to tell me that LUIGI beat me here?”
 * “ARRGH! Those Mario Bros. are the most annoying brothers of all time!”
 * “What's the matter? All tired from battle, Mario? Yes! Easy pickings!”
 * “Gra har har har! What's a finale without a Bowser appearance? A cruddy finale, that's what!”
 * “Today's the day I flush a plumber down the drain!”

Cortez

 * “I'll turn your mustache into a bone polisher, amigo!”
 * “…Oh, what? It is you again? Did you forget something?”
 * “What are you talking about, muchacho? I do not rent this ship for pleasure cruises!”
 * “I should turn you into a pinata and throw a party on the beach!”
 * “RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH! You rattle my bones, Senor Peacock!”
 * “You fire cannons here…without my permission? You have nerve, mortal!”
 * “Hear my voice, spirits! Take their ship and show them the meaning of fear!”

Don Pianta

 * "Oh look. Da proverbial mustache."
 * “Hey! It's you again! Y'know, the sky goin' dark was nothin' at all.”
 * “It was great for us! You shouda seen the way people were blowin' their dough!”

Doopliss

 * “Hey! Hold on a minute there, Slick! You're disturbing my 'me' time. I'm busy thinking up new pranks, and stuff. It's not easy, either, so get lost!”
 * “But of course, you WON'T. No way you ninnies go away quietly. Am I right?”
 * “Alright, yes. I turned the villagers into pigs. Big deal.”
 * “Well… They're always so depressing and boring an dim–witted all the time. So, instead of wallowing in gloom, I thought they might as well wallow in mud! How brilliant is THAT?”
 * “You gotta problem with it? I guess you do. Let's play, Slick!”
 * “Time to get down and dirty!”
 * “Well, my dear friends, if you thought changing villagers into pigs was impressive, then wait until you see THIS!”
 * “Yuk yuk yuk yuk! How about them apples? Now, you're fighting yourself! I'm a dang GENIUS!”
 * “Wait, what? You… You beat me?”
 * “So, your name's Mario, is it? What a great name! And MAN can I jump, now! And you, you're so popular around here! But me, I get mobbed! I just LOVE being you! It's so good, I don't EVER wanna stop!”
 * “You got it now, Slick? Your body and name belong to me now!”
 * “Please, amuse me with one more guess! I just love to see people squirm in futility as they try to guess my name! Hit me one more time!”
 * “W–What did you say!?”
 * “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?”
 * "Alright, kids, put on your fighting gloves! I mean... Whoo hoo! It's-a me, Mario!"
 * "Very good, my loyal ones. How dare this nameless nobody challenge the great Super Mario?!?"
 * “What's the matter? Fight with your girlfriend? Well, don't expect any sympathy from us, ghoulies!”
 * “See? Your friends ditch you, because you don't have the charisma of me, Super Mario!”
 * "How dare you try and do this to the great Super Mario! HOW DARE YOU!"
 * “I can't take this! Super Mario's hurting…”
 * “No… HOW?”
 * “Rats… YOU KILLJOYS!”
 * “It's me, suckers! Doopliss!”
 * “Beldam will FLIP if I let that happen!”
 * ''“Uhh, yeah. My name's Doopliss, but…”
 * “Yeah, that's right, Slick! An ETERNITY!”
 * “Oh, right… Sorry.”
 * “I SAID MY NAME IS DOOPLISS!”
 * “AW, NOOOOOOO!”
 * “Hey! Wait for me!”

Flavio

 * “I growl at you like an angry jungle beast! I ought to.”
 * “No. Not fair. Flavio hate you all.”
 * “Mario! Take me… to Cortez!”
 * “We'll be cannon–fodder if we wag our tongues any longer!”
 * “We need to borrow your ship for the teensiest little while…”

Gloomtail

 * “Who's there?!?”
 * “No one's disturbed me here in aeons!”
 * “Who dares defile this sacred place?!?”
 * “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!? You destroyed my precious younger sister?!? I wondered why she hadn't written recently…”
 * “Quake in fear, mortals! For I am Gloomtail!”
 * “I will avenge my sister by taking your lives…and then gnawing on your bones!”
 * “GWAAAAH HA HA HA HA! My first fresh meat in ages… Allow me to take my time… And toy with you for awhile!”
 * “GWAAAAH HA HA HA HA! You are tough meat, my little tasty morsels! But how will you fare against THIS!!!”
 * “Gwuhhh… You are not the easy prey you appear to be… I would never be able to show my face again if I was bested by you whelps… So I will show you the true extent of my power!”
 * “No… No… Is it true? Can I…expire?”

Goombella

 * “Hey! What do you want?!? Get away from me, freak!!!”
 * “Never! I don't hav anything to say to you smelly creeps! Eww!”
 * “N–No! Stop right there, you weirdos! I'll scream! Really!”
 * “Whoa, whoa, WHOA, bucko! Whatcha got there?”
 * “Omigosh! Is… Isn't that a treasure map?! You HAVE to tell me where you got that!”
 * “Hey, what's your beef, pal? YEAH, I'M TALKING TO YOU!”
 * “Mario! You gotta wake up! That guy just stole half of your coins!”
 * “That is so lame! Ugh! I HATE this town!”
 * “Oh, it's, like, SO sweet that you boys think I'm cute! Seriously! Yeah, guys like you make me feel like TOTALLY BARFING! Now get out of our way!”
 * “That's a Goomba. Umm... Yeah, I'm one of those, in case you hadn't noticed. Ahem... It says here: "Goombas are underlings of underlings."  ...That is totally rude!”
 * “Hey, Mario. If you ever find yourself getting stuck and, like, wondering what to do, just use my Tattle ability, okay?”
 * “Are you like, the biggest floozy, or what?”
 * “I'm gonna Headbonk that burglar rat if she doesn't watch it!”
 * “Using a Crystal Star to look good? You're so totally vain! You're gonna pay for that!”
 * “Yeah, as if we aren't going to spank you for like, the tenth time!”
 * “Opening the door for you? What do you mean by THAT, you total hag?”
 * “Let's leave these doofuses, Mario…”
 * “So, this chump is the leader of those X–Nauts?”
 * “We aren't gonna let that happen!”
 * “Never, ever give up! That's the most important thing I've learned from you, Mario.”
 * “We beat the Shadow Queen, but there's tons of Rogueport lore we still don't get. So, my research with the professor goes on and on.”
 * “Guess what Koops wants to do, now? He wants to run for Mayor! Can you believe that? It might just be perfect for him, come to think of it. Still, I think Koopie Koo has her little finger wrapped around him.”
 * “Flurrie's back on stage in a big way, and crowd is totally ecstatic!”
 * “I have to get this right, or he'll get, like, SO mad at me…”
 * “Vivian's gone back to live with her sisters. Family IS important, after all. Now that the Shadow Queen's gone, I don't think Beldam's into evil. She's also promised me that she would never be mean to Vivian ever again. I think the three Sirens are gonna live pretty peacefully from now on. You should totally come visit her sometime.”
 * “Bobbery goes out to sea now everyday with Cortez. I think his soul has healed. I ran into him by accident on Keelhaul Key the other day, which was nice. He was so happy, I thought he was gonna explode on me for a second!”
 * “Guess whose favorite calculator is still computing? He says he really wants to see you and Peach again!”
 * “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. During my travels, I heard a rumor that Grodus and Lord Crump are still alive. I guess that makes them pretty tenacious baddies, huh? But they've mellowed out a lot, just like Beldam has, and I don't expect anymore trouble. Plus, I hear that Grodus is just a head, so that really cuts down on any mischief making.”
 * “There's something that kinda weighed on me that I never got to express to you. You see, I… Well, maybe that's best kept secret.”
 * “That's Bow. Wait a second! Mario! Exactly WHAT is your relationship with her?!? Tell me NOW! Hee hee hee hee hee hee! Just kidding! I always wanted to say that. But you DID go on an adventure with her, right? Tell me sometime, OK?”

Grubba/Macho Grubba

 * “Who 'n tarnation 're you, son? Who let you in?!? This is Grubba's office!”
 * “Yup! That's me, Grubba!”
 * “What's that, now? An athlete, huh? Ya wanna become a fighter?”
 * “Hooo–weee! I guess that do change a thang or two, son!”
 * “When I was just a poor pup, I didn't give a Pokey's patoot for fancy, big–city ways!”
 * “Bein' rich an' famous is diggety–dang DYNAMITE!”
 * “One day, you'll look back on all them small–dreamers 'n LAUGH!”
 * “Wait a diddly–darn minute there!”
 * “Boy howdy, Gonzales! Fixin' for a fight, huh?”
 * “Well, dog my cats! It's the Great Gonzales!”
 * “I'll tell you what I saw, folks… A whuppin'!”
 * “I'd better keep this room locked tighter than a peanut–butter jar at a squirrel convention!”
 * “GREAT–GALLOPIN' GULPITS! How in tarnation did YOU get in here, son?”
 * “Well, slap me and call me Sassafras! Yer even starin' at my secret paper!”
 * “Whoa, nelly! This ain't good…”
 * “I gotta say, ya'll are a coupla slack–jawed idiots, sniffin' 'round my business…”
 * “Now you know my big secret, I'm afraid yer gonna have to take a li'l old dirt nap.”
 * “Hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk! How you like my machine? Pretty dang nice, huh?”
 * “Yep, I've been suckin' power from the fighers with this baby! SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP!”
 * “Yer darn tootin'! An' you know why? 'Cause it keeps my bod forever young, son!”
 * “Oh, just shut yer traps, now! I'll use MY Crystal Star however I dang please!”
 * “Check THIS out! HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSCLE–UP!”
 * “MAAAAAAAAAACHO GRUBBA!”
 * “Hoo–wee! I'm gonna smoosh you guys into guacamole an' snack on YER energy, too!”
 * “MAAAACHO! I'm a powerhouse now, you pesterin', li'l pieces of prairie piffle! So long's I have this here machine, my bod'll be rough, tough, an' ultrabuff!”
 * “Oh yeah! Keep it spicy! You know I love a good tussle, Gonzales! Keep on scrappin', son! 'Course, it ain't gonna do you much good in the end…”
 * “Not too shabby, Gonzales! You got showmanship, an' that's GOLD in this biz! But this here battle's just gettin' started! It's time I showed you some real moves! Back in the day, I had so many rump–kickin' moves, they had to make some illegal!”
 * ''“It ain't finished yet, Gonzales!!! Ain't over 'til it's over! That's way it is in combat sports, son! But lemme just tell YOU somethin'… Fortune's gonna smile on ME in the end, punk!”'
 * “Nooo… How'd a perfect bod like mine lose to such a chub? Urrgh… Great Gonzales… Great fight there, son. Great fight…”

Gus

 * “I'm gonna make you eat your words, tough guy! Let's get this party started!”
 * “CRUD! You dumb video–game heroes ALWAYS pull this stuff! It's RIDICULOUS! You think violence solves everything, don't you? Huh? DON'T YOU?!?”
 * “You're amazing! I think I might even brag about the fact that you wrecked me!”
 * “…No, wait a second. I can't brag about getting beaten over 10 measly coins… That's pathetic! Crud!!!”

Hooktail

 * “Who dares approach me?!?”
 * “Are you friends of the strange–garbed one who came earlier?”
 * “I didn't expect anyone to come here to steal the treasure I protect. Such rashness.”
 * “You don't appear tasty, but I guess you'll make a good snack, and bottoms of your feet smell like they would make good spices to go with some sauces!”
 * “What I'll do is saute you to crispy goodness, and gobble you down… HEADFIRST!”
 * “Snacktime, my little appetizers! But which one of you morsels should I taste first?”
 * “W–What is that sound? It sounds like an, errp…! Cricket! H–How did you know? S–Stop that! Just… hearing one chirp makes me feel woozy…”

Ishnail

 * “What's that? You wanna know how to meet that lying, stealing, jerky–for–brains, Don Pianta?”
 * “Real thieves like us end up poor as dirty, never catchin' a break 'cause of that guy!”
 * “Fine, Mr. Insensitive Jerk, but it's gonna cost you 64 coins.”
 * “YESSS! I mean, good call.”
 * “Hey, you! That was amazin'! I can't believe how you cleared out that darkness!”
 * “You really are incredible! If I ever have a problem, I'm goin' straight to you.”
 * “You saved the world, guy! You're welcome here anytime! My house is yours!”

Jerry

 * “Sorry I sound so down, but you would be too if you saw Luigi dressed as a bride.”
 * “I have to protect the world from my fate. That's why I'm sticking close to this guy.”

Jolene

 * “Mr. Champion! No, I mean, Mario…”
 * “Please allow me to express my earnest thanks for defeating that foul Grubba.”
 * “Now, sir… I mean, NO NOT "SIR"! Grubba! I want answers, and I want them NOW! What have you done with my precious little brother? You know what I'm talking about: The first champion, PRINCE MUSH!”
 * “Well, Champ, tell us about your mind–set! After all, today's challenger is… The Great Gonzales, the only man to ever wrestle the belt away from you!”
 * “But, Champ, Gonzales showed no signs of rust in climbing back up to the ranks…”
 * “He shattered his own records, one after anohter! How does THAT strike you?”
 * “Big words from the champ! And now, the challenger, who needs no introduction!”
 * “The former champ returns!! The Superstar Sequel… The GREAT GOOOOOONZALES!”
 * “Listen to the crowd give it up for the brave challenger, the Great Gonzales!”
 * “It's been a while since these two met…but who will emerge victorious this time?”
 * “The battle is ready to begin! Ring that bell!”
 * “Who could've seen this coming? You couldn't PLAN a more ferocious battle!”
 * “Wild moves, raw power, fists and feathers of fury… What beautiful destruction!”
 * This was without a doubt, inarguably, definitely, absolutely, completely…“
 * ”An EXTREEEEEME battle of the very highest caliber!“
 * ''”But there could only be one winner, and this time, it was the GREAT GOOOOOONZALES!“
 * ”Congratulations, Gonzales! Once again, you're our champion!!“
 * ”Congratulations, Gonzales. I was a little worried that you were over the hill, but you made quite a comeback! You are a true champion!“
 * ”Now… I think I know what you're thinking… You plan to move on, don't you?“
 * ”Well, that's fine, of course. I'll keep you registered in case you were wish to return.“
 * ''”Come back and give the folks a thrill every now and then. You know, defend your title!:;;
 * “Of course, if you lose, you'll have to drop back down into the major league…”
 * “Well then, I'm rather busy, as usual, so you'll have to excuse me.”
 * “I need to work out a plan to bring Rawk Hawk back. That guy really draws crowds!”
 * “Have a nice day, Gonzales.”
 * “Please, Mr. Gonzales, I'm very busy these days. Fight promotion is not easy!”
 * “Please see yourself out. And have a nice day!”
 * “Thank you, Great Gonzales...No, Thank you, MARIO...You're a true champion.”
 * “Huh? Who am I, you ask? Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm! You don't know? I'm someone you know quite well, actually. When I go outside the arena, I like to cut loose and shed my other personality...”

Kammy Koopa

 * “Lord Bowser, please be patient with your poor servant.”
 * “It is my displeasure to report that Mario, that scum, is off to a place called Rogueport.”
 * “Two tickets! One great and evil king, and one sweet, young thing!”
 * “What did you say, you impudent little cheapskate!?”
 * “Now my derigible deluxe brown–bag Kammy lunch will go to waste!”
 * “Oh, my yummerly! The hot dogs!”
 * “Why, even at my age, I was [i]shaking what my mama gave me![i]”
 * “Lord Bowser… is that a 'no'?”
 * “Hey, you! Suspicious guy! You know something about the Crystal Stars?”
 * “Koopa Clan, form up!”
 * “So, what's it going to be, tough guy?”
 * “The fact that we keep being out–manuevered is disturbing. Where could Mario and his brother be heading?”
 * “Mweh heh heh heh! Mario, you sniveling bug! This is IT for you!”
 * “Forgive me, Lord Bowser! I have nothing left…”

Koops

 * “OH, PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU TO FIGHT HOOKTAIL! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU!”
 * “The rumors about this place were all true… This place is TERRIFYING…”
 * “'To my son, Kolorado'?!? Not 'Koops'?!? Whoops… I guess this isn't my father after all.”
 * “I wonder what her story is. I bet it's an exciting one, full of romance…”
 * “'X–Nauts'? What the heck are those? They sound like tissues to they extreme, or something.”
 * “Let's leave these wimps, Mario…”
 * “Mario, thanks to you, I've gained courage and inner strength, and I've grown closer to my dad. I think I like myself more since I've known you. It's all so hard to put into words. Um…”
 * “Yikes! What a grump!”
 * “Ummm… OK, we can do this!”

Lady Bow

 * “It IS you, isn't it, Mario? Well, it's been quite a while, hasn't it?”
 * “I've come here with Bootler, yes, a little vacation to Poshley Sanctum. I hadn't left the mansion in ages. I figured it was time to turn some heads on the road!”
 * “GWAH HEE HA!”
 * “But what a nice surprise to see you! Feel free to be overwhelmed by my beauty.”

Lord Crump

 * ''“Oh, come off it, you airhead! I know it's tough for you, but don't play dumb with me!”
 * ''“I've seen you walking around town asking for information about the Crystal Stars. Well, now I'm doing the asking, so be a good girl and tell us what you know. Right. NOW!”
 * ''“I suppose it wouldn't be right if a sassy little lass like you met with an untimely demise…”
 * ''“Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh! Boys, we're taking this firebrand back to our fortress!”
 * “I knew it was brilliant, but seeing you fall for it REALLY gives me a warm fuzzy!”
 * “What?!? Are you you nuts? Move it, you old geezer!”
 * “Whoa What's your problem, Gramma? You got an ear hair tickling your brain, or what?”
 * “You hotheaded old coot! You dare defy me? I could shine my boots with you!”
 * “Buh! Buh huh huh!”
 * “You guys are nuts, you know that?Oh, well. I guess I'd better shut off this timer.”
 * “OK, you pests! One pummeling, coming up…with extra fists! Metal fists, that is!”
 * “Awake, Magnus von Grapple! Time for a technological thrashing! Enjoy!”
 * “You crying yet? Yeah? Sorry, but this thing isn't armed with tissues. Well, Magnus von Grapple has that effect on people. Total, weeping terror.”
 * “And you ain't seen nothing yet! Check out the power on this bad boy!”
 * “Here it comes, suckers! Magnus von PUNISH!!!”
 * “Oh, it ain't over yet! This is so awesome. Check out what else this guy could do! You're gonna love it!”
 * “This might not work out too well for you!”
 * “Gurk! Urrrrrrgh… Not good… Can't last…”
 * “Bleeeeee–harrrrgh… This could be the end…”
 * “Buh! Bu–AAAAAARGH! No! Magnus von Grapple! How we could lose?!?”
 * “Hurff… Hurfff… Hurffff… I'll remember this, losers!”
 * “Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh huh huh! I've got some ammo to spare! How's THAT for boom–bassa–boom?!?”
 * “I'll sink that ratty old ghost ship to the bottom of the ocean!”
 * “I'm gonna turn you guys into wee seeds… Wait, that's not right. I'll turn you into SEAWEED! Buh huh! Enjoy!”
 * ”I'm down, but no WAY I'm out!“
 * ”MAN, THIS IS GETTING OLD! How could I lose…again?!? I HATE LOSING! Now I gotta think of another excuse for Grodus! Grrrrrrr! And with that…pow! I'm gone!“
 * ”I've been waiting for you! Oh, MAN, have I been waiting! And I HAAAAAAAATE waiting!“
 * ”Buh huh! I'll TELL you what it means! I used the Crystal Star to lure you here… So that I could take all of YOUR Crystal Stars! How brilliant is THAT, huh?”
 * “And wanna know the best part? Your little Peachy girl isn't even here anymore!”
 * “BUH! BUH! BUH! BUH! BUH! Like I'd tell you the plan! That's novice–villain style! No, I won't be doing anything like that. Sorry, really, guys…”
 * So… ready for showtime? You guys are gonna be the perfect workout for… Magnus Von Grapple 2.0!“
 * ”I hope you're up to the challenge…because this thing is raw horsepower, kiddies!!!“
 * ”Yeah, last version was buggy, so we made improvements… One…two…a DOZEN!!! Get ready for a whole new way to experience pain, you junior–varsity losers!“
 * ”GRRRRROOOOOODDDDUUUUUSSS!!!“

Luigi

 * ''”I was one hot sacrifice, Bro.“
 * ''”You go, Bro!“

Madame Flurrie

 * ”…Perhaps if I grabbed you and gave you a little sugar?“
 * ”Did you really think we'd let a wretch like you escape? I DO believe you will be handing over that Crystal Star and promptly exiting this tree!“
 * ”Why, that was no fuss whatsoever!“
 * ”Here we go, darling! Time to shine!“
 * ”Aww, you wish to accompany us, you adorable little thing?“
 * ”You, Mr. Proprietor! Would you allow us to free this poor soul?“
 * ”Why, that voice belongs to Grubba!“
 * ”You shut your trap, sir! You drained the life from those poor souls!“
 * ”Using innocent fighters and a Crystal Star just to improve your looks? You're despicable.“
 * ”So, our mysterious X…“
 * ”'Big deal'? You foul boor! What ever would possess you to do something so mean?“
 * ”How could I mistake my dear Mario for another? Silly Flurrie!“
 * ”Let's leave these louts, Mario…“
 * ”So, this gentlemen is the leader of those X–Nauts?“
 * ”So, that last Crystal Star we found on the Moon… NO! What have we done?“
 * ”Mario, do be careful, dear! This fellow looks like he means business!“
 * ”We shan't let that happen!“
 * ”Mario, what shall we do, darling? We cannot bow down to her!“
 * ”Now that's just seneless… Are we to betray all of those who believed in us?“
 * ”Time to pay for all of your ills!“
 * ”My dear, dear, Mario. I am ready to make my comeback in the theatre, now! I've found so many things on this journey that I could only express on stage. Please do come to see me once we've finished rehearsing. And bring Peach, too, dear!“

Marilyn

 * ”Guh! Guhhhhh?“
 * ”The Three…“''

Mario

 * ”I can take you!“
 * ”Yer darn bloopin'!“
 * ”Keep your coins, fiend!“
 * ”Keep it, you cad!“
 * ”That's disgusting!“
 * ”Guess again, nerd!“
 * ”Forget you, pal!“
 * ”Darn skippy!“
 * ”Let there be hot dogs!“
 * ”No. Jumping eggs bug me.“
 * ”Spare me the prologue, and just curse me, already.“
 * ”Call me Blanket P.I.!“
 * ”Da. I mean, YES!“
 * ”Nyet. I mean, NO!“
 * ”Challenge this chump!“
 * ”Refuse this witch!“
 * ”Sure, kid!“
 * ”Sorry, too busy!“

Ms. Mowz

 * ”Who is this handsome piece of cheese?“
 * ”Opening the door for you? What do you mean by THAT, you awful thing?“
 * ''”Let's leave these idiots, Mario…“
 * “Mario is no pawn of evil! Ridiculous!”
 * “Why are we even talking about this? NEVER!”
 * “It is time for us to part, my little cheese hunk. But I will not say farewell, because you're welcome here anytime you please, sweetie! Until then… adieu.”
 * “You look a bit weak to be fighting us… Mmm hmm hmm!”

Parakarry

 * “Mail call!”

Pennington

 * “Rudimentary, my dear Luigi!”
 * “No need for introductions. I know all about the famous Luigi!”
 * “We could have questioned him about all that Beldam business…”
 * “M–Mario?? G–Gonzales?? Not… L–Luigi??”
 * “Luigi… Er, no, rather… I mean M–Mario… How are you, dear boy?”

Princess Peach

 * ''“I can't believe I got kidnapped…again.”
 * ''“You X–Jerks kidnapped me like common Koopas!”
 * ''“ ' Comprehend ' Love? Love's not something you comprehend, TEC. You feel it.”
 * “Grodus… Wait, he's that awful, dome–headed thing who interrogated me, right?”
 * “You inhuman beast! How could you?”
 * “Where am I?”
 * “MARIO!”
 * “Mario… I'm so sorry. Sending you that map… caused all this trouble, didn't it…”
 * “Who knew all this would happen?”
 * “I don't know how to thank you, but know that the entire world is in your debt!”

Puni Elder

 * “'OLD GEEZER'?!? Where do you get off, talking like that? You have no respect, brat! Don't think my age has anything to do with my might! Elder power activate!”
 * “Ooh! What a time for my stupid back to start acting up!”
 * “Oh, that little Punio!!! He's always, ALWAYS so darned squishy–washy!”

Punio

 * “More nagging by the old hag… When will it ever stop?”

Rawk Hawk

 * “Har har har har har!”
 * “Feel the RAAAAAWWWK…”
 * “Rawk out, Great Gonzales!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAWK! Listen to me, Gonzales! Anybody who's beat me is not ALLOWED to lose!!!”
 * “That's all ancient history! There's only one true champ, and that guy is Rawk Hawk!”
 * “One of us is walking out of here with the belt, and the other one's getting RAWKED!”
 * “Hey, shut your trap or this Gonzales won't be the only one feeling the RAAAAWK!”
 * “I'm the champ, end of story! I'm a legend! And this legend is about to RAWK that dude!”
 * “Harharharharharhar! Time for you to meet the new, improved Rawk Hawk!”
 * “Feel the horror of a world–class RAAAAAWWWKING!”
 * “No! I don't believe this! I… Am I actually gonna get Rawked AGAIN?”

Sir Grodus

 * "Well, well, my pet... Isn't about time you told us where the map is?"
 * “Princess Peach. You will speak when spoken to.”
 * "There's no use trying to hide it, silly girl. We know you had the map. We KNOW this."
 * "It would be in your best interest to be absolutely honest with us. We X-Nauts aren't all rainbows and lollipops. I could assure you, we could be quite nasty."
 * "X-Naut! I summon you!"
 * "Shut up. Go get the Shadow Sirens over here."
 * “I don't care how you planned to end that sentence, fool. Go get them. Now.”
 * "Still your tongue, Beldam. We would've had it if you had snatched her earlier. And since you missed your chance, some poor fool named Mario has the map."
 * "Indeed, that is YOUR duty."
 * “Yes, what is it? Speak!”
 * “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm? There is something wrong with your voice, X–Naut.”
 * “Perhaps I have a throat lozenge… No. Well, never mind.”
 * “Oh, and about Princess Peach? I have no interest in what that woman has to say. Just keep her locked in the holding room.”
 * “But do not EVER treat her roughly. You understand? Tell the others as well.”
 * “That's none of your business! Don't forget your place, you impudent worm! Concentrate on getting the legendary treasure! That is all I require of you.”
 * “We X–Nauts needs that treasure to conquer the world! Don't forget it!”
 * “What are you blathering about now?”
 * “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… Something IS odd about you…”
 * “Beldam… Tell me, what good are you? You STILL haven't taken care of this Mario character?”
 * "You DO realize that we X-Nauts must open the door first, do you not?"
 * “I trust your words, though I rapidly lose my patience.”
 * “Yes… I, Grodus, will build a new world! A perfect, ideal world… made by me, about me, and FOR me! GAAACK ACK ACK ACK ACK!”
 * “You blew it again, Lord Crump. You sicken me.”
 * “Stop talking, Lord Crump. You just stand by until my next order. And Lord Crump? Think of this as your last chance. Understand?”
 * “Then leave.”
 * “What is the matter with you idiots? Falling for a fake Crystal Star? That's asinine!”
 * "What is it, fool?!?"
 * "What?!? Tell me you're joking! Are you absolutely sure?!? Speak, soldier!"
 * "Hrrrrrrggh... TREASON!"
 * "Hold it right there, Princess Peach!"
 * “In my most paranoid moments, I never thought my own computer would betray me.”
 * “Gaaack ack ack ack ack! Only one thing to do with a malfunctioning computer! Cut the circuit and delete all the programs and data that caused that malfunction!”
 * “Gaaack ack ack ack! Too bad, Princess Peach. TEC is no longer with us.”
 * “Princess Peach…just stop it. This is no time to be worrying about a computer. We have some very important things for you to do now… Yes, VERY important… Gaaack ack ack ack!”
 * “We finally meet, Mario.”
 * “I've been looking forward to this, I must admit.”
 * “Yes…correct!!! I am the supreme leader of the secret society of X–Nauts! I am Grodus!”
 * “But I'm really getting ahead of myself. I really must express my thanks to you first…”
 * “And do you know why? You have gathered together all of the Crystal Stars I was seeking.”
 * “Gaaack ack ack ack ack! You just realize now, do you?”
 * “Yes, instead of taking the few Crystal Stars you fools had bumbled into…”
 * “It was far easier to let you find them all and open the Thousand–Year Door for me…”
 * “How kind of you to bring them here to me!”
 * “All I had to do was entrust the last Crystal Star to my least competent underling!”
 * “I don't suppose Crump had any idea of my plan though. Gaaack ack ack ack ack!”
 * “So, whether he beat you or lost to you…”
 * “The Crystal Stars would be together and mine either way! Pure genius!”
 * “Now, I thought the Shadow Sirens would do a little more to slow your progress…”
 * “But it appears they are so useless that even this small task was beyond them…”
 * “No matter… Now I get the pleasure of sending you to oblivion!”
 * “Once you fools are gone, no one will stand in my way! Grodus will rule the world!”
 * ''“Now, come!
 * ”Meet your ends, you meddlesome fools! You will know my power!“
 * ”So, you have the mettle to push me this far… But no more!“
 * ”Argh! You will not stop me! Take this!“
 * ”Guh! Fools!“
 * ”Unhh… No…“
 * ”Uuuuuuunhh… You are more than you seem… But this is not finished. I saw even this possibility.“
 * ”Watch THIS!“
 * ”Move one step, and she will breathe no more!!!“
 * ”Now try THIS!!!“
 * ”Gaaack ack ack ack ack! Now! AGAIN!“
 * ”Stop your blubbering! This is it! Meet your end!!“
 * ”WORM! You would dare defy me?!? Do you NOT care for the life of your pitiful princess?“
 * ”WH–WHAT?!?“
 * ”Too bad for you, Mario! You're too late!“
 * ”Gaack ack ack! Look well! In the coffin behind me sleeps the leagendary treasure!“
 * ”This tomb holds the soul of that ancient demon, the wielder of destruction…“
 * ”It will possess Peach's body and bring life to the most powerful witch in millenia!“
 * ”Gaaaack ack ack ack ack! With the power of the demon, I will rule this pathetic world!“
 * ”The time has come at last! The world will be mine!!“
 * ”Now, arise! Arrise! My Shadow Queen!“
 * ”It is I, my Shadow Queen!“
 * ”It is here! This girl who lies before you!“
 * ”Yes, my glorious witch queen… Destroy these impudent fools!“
 * ”Huh? What do you mean?!? I thought you were bound to obey the one who woke you!“
 * ”Enough of this prattle! Do as I say!!! NOW! Or I will send you back to the depths…“

Shadow Queen

 * ''”Who… has called me back?“
 * ''”You… Very well. Where is the vessel?“
 * ''”Ah, yes… A fine vessel she is. Now…“
 * ''”Muh huh huh huh! Witness my rebirth…“
 * ''”Who are you that would command me? What sort of being are you?“
 * ''”You would do well to learn your proper place, slave. No one commands me.“
 * ”Ah, Beldam… What ages have passed? I'll take it that you're the one truly responsible for bringing me back, yes?“
 * ”Muh huh huh… Very good. You have fulfilled your duties admirably.“
 * ”But who are these… beings who stand before me? They do not possess power, but they may be of some use. If you will become my faithful servants, then I will not harm you.“
 * ''”Then, you wretched fools… you will learn the error of your ways!“
 * ”I will ask you one last time… Will you serve me? If so, then I will forgive you for this…“
 * ''”What are these vile voices?“
 * ”You wretched little girl! You would disobey me?!?“
 * ”Very cunning, princess! But you will not undo me!!! Know me as your queen!“
 * ”How is it possible that you can injure me?!?“
 * ”Enough! This ends now!“
 * ”Foooooooools!“
 * ”Muh huh huh… You don't know what you've done…“
 * ”Th–This cannot be! I can't be beaten by lesser beings such as these…! I've just… been reborn into this world! I cannot… I MUST not…! AAAAAIIIIYYYYEEE!!!“

TEC-XX

 * "Sir Grodus is not awful. He is marvelous."
 * "No. You are mistaken. I am the world's best and only perfect computer."
 * "Goodnight, Princess Peach."
 * "Princess Peach... I will protect you."
 * "Princess Peach, please escape from this place as quickly as possible."
 * "Something terrible is about to... No, I will not say. But I have found out everything about Sir Grodus's plans."
 * "I am the base's computer. No one will know of your escape if I keep silent."
 * "Sir Grodus, I..."
 * "There is no malfunction. I am normal."
 * "You are...Mario, right? It is... pleasant... to meet you..."
 * "You do know... that Princess Peach is not here, do you not?"
 * "She is with Grodus in the Palace of Shadow..."
 * "Please... s-save her..."
 * "..........................I.....................................L.....................................o...............................v................................e...............................y...................................o.........................u................... ................... ... . .......... ......... ....... .."

The Dark Gatekeeper

 * ”Foolish mortals… I will drag you through the gate to the netherworld!“

The Koopinator

 * ”I have waited, Gonzales. I knew I would face you in the ring again one day.“
 * ”You. Finally, I get a piece of you. Finally, we'll see who's truly stronger.“

Thwomp

 * ”No… NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You beat my cute little underlings! How COULD you? Jerk! Just take this and go! And if you ever wonder, know that I HAAAAAAAAATE YOU!“

Toadsworth

 * ''”Just drop on INN! Ho ho!“

Vivian

 * ”…Shadow Beauties!“
 * "Oh, you're horrid..."
 * "Your name was stolen? I see... Well, I guess that happens from time to time..."
 * ”Hmm hmm hmm! We heard you, little birdie! Doopliss! So, THAT'S his name!“
 * ”I'm sorry, Sis, but this Mario is the only one who's ever been kind to me…“
 * ”Mario! I'm fighting by your side from now on! I've made my choice… and I'm not turning back!“
 * “You're the one who's going to suffer, Crump! No matter how many times we do this!”
 * “I'm with Mario all the way! Today, Sis, I'M going to punish YOU! You hear me?!?”
 * “I'm sorry, Sis…”
 * “This room makes me feel…bad. …But it seems familiar.”
 * “What IS this chamber?”
 * “Gro… Grodus…”
 * “No! So the last Crystal Star we found on the moon… We've played into their hand!”
 * “Be careful, Mario!”
 * “We won't let that happen!”
 * "What's happening?!?"
 * "Possess Peach?!?"
 * "P-Peach..."
 * "M-Mario... I don't understand..."
 * "Mario... I promised to follow you! I believe in you!"
 * "Mario, I will follow you to the end, I swear it! I feel bad for the princess, but that queen must fall before us! And when she does, you and I can... Well, anyway, let's take this fight to her!"
 * “Can you hear them, Mario? So many voices…”
 * “I… I feel completely revitalized!”
 * “Time to suffer, Queen!”
 * “Mario, I think I've grown to lo–, I mean, nevermind. I sure do think you and Peach make a nice couple.”
 * “I… I'll never forget my time traveling with you. So… don't forget about me, either.”
 * “Wow! What a grouch!”
 * “You're about to have a really terrible experience!”
 * “Looks like we overdid it a little bit… Are they OK?”
 * “Wow, what a spectacle! I had no idea pro fights were this loud and intense!”
 * “Let's head up!”
 * “Well, here we go, Mario. A match against the champ! Let's get this over with!”

X-Nauts

 * “You rang, dude? I mean, sir? You rang, Sir Grodus, dude? Grodus? Sir Grodus, sir?”
 * “Lord Crump summons us!”
 * “Retreat!”
 * “Run away!”
 * “Wait up!”

Yoshi

 * “Shut up! You make me sick!”
 * “Why'd you drain King K and Bandy Andy, huh?!?”
 * “You are such a scumbag! You're gonna pay for using a Crystal Star like that!”
 * “Yow! Grubba beefed up!”
 * “Let's rock, Gonzales! I'm ready to chew this dude up and spit him out!”
 * “So, who's this girl, huh? Isn't she one of the Shadow Sirens you guys mentioned? But why would Gonzales pair up with one of those creeps?”
 * “It's stupid cold!”
 * “Mario, check that out!”
 * “Opening the door for you? What's THAT supposed to mean, you purple witch?”
 * “Let's leave these wusses, Gonzales…”
 * “So, this loser is the leader of those X–Nauts?”
 * “So, that last Crystal Star we got on the Moon… NO! We're IDIOTS!”
 * “Not gonna happen, pal!”
 * “Gonzales serves nobody! Right?”
 * “Gonzales, we're not REAL champs, unless we beat this evil lady!”
 * “Can you hear them, Gonzales? So many voices…”
 * “Gonzales, LOOK!!!”
 * “Whoa, what IS this? I feel insanely pumped up and full of energy all of a sudden!”
 * “Time for payback!”
 * "Gonzales… No, wait. I've gotta stop doing that. It's MARIO, right? Well, you'll always be Gonzales to me, man! Because I was born in the Glitz Pit, and the Great Gonzales is, and always will be, the champ. So, let's meet again, Gonzales! I mean it, man!“
 * ”Lemme at 'em! Yeah! Bring it! You ready for a beating?“
 * ”Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! How'd that floor taste?“