The Old Psychic Lady


 * ''The true name of this article is "The Old Psychic Lady with the Evil Eye Who Reads Fortunes and Knows Everything Before It Happens". The title has been shortened to save space.

The Old Psychic Lady with the Evil Eye Who Reads Fortunes and Knows Everything Before It Happens is a fortune-telling seer who likely lives somewhere in Brooklyn. Despite her name, she does not appear to be very old in appearance. Neither Mario nor Luigi are shown to be capable of remembering her proper name and usually just refer to her by names along the line of "That Crazy Old Lady".

History
Mario has been having nightmares about his deceased Grandma again, and after discussing the situation with Luigi suggests that they should call "that psycho lady" whom he describes as the one who is able to tell fortunes and know everything before it happens. Right after Luigi corrects Mario's use of the word "psycho" with "psychic", The Old Psychic Lady arrives at Mario Brothers Plumbing and makes her entrance, introduces herself by her full name, and reminds them to watch their psycho cracks as she claims to be very sensitive.

After seating Mario and Luigi at their table, dimming the lights, and lighting a few candles, The Old Psychic Lady deals the two brothers several large playing cards to determine their fortunes. After dealing a ten of spades to Mario, she warns him that it is no good. Mario objects, but she tells him to take what he is given. After dealing out several more cards, including a nine of hearts to Mario which represents romance, she presents Luigi with a valuable ace of spades. Luigi then points out that his cards make a royal straight flush, while Mario notes that his cards made up a busted flush. Upon hearing this, The Old Psychic Lady tells Mario not to worry since he is a plumber.

With their cards all dealt out, The Old Psychic Lady holds Mario and Luigi's hands, and begins to contact the living. Mario and Luigi inform The Old Psychic Lady that their Grandma is deceased, but she informs them that it is all the same to her on the ethereal plane. She then tells Mario to empty his head of all thoughts and begins to call forth the spirit of his Grandma. Due to the fact that she did not know their Grandma's actual name, she has to stop and asks Mario what it was. Upon learning that her name is Mario, and that she is the namesake of Mario himself, she assumes that Mario was teased a lot as a child. Before Luigi can go on about Mario's awkward childhood, Mario insists that The Old Psychic Lady should continue, and she finishes her calling.

Soon, a trombone and a tambourine can be heard from nearby, and The Old Psychic Lady claims that they signify the arrival of a presence. Suddenly, the table begins to rise, and The Old Psychic Lady's body becomes possessed by Grandma Mario's spirit. Now with Grandma Mario's spirit and attitude in her body, The Old Psychic Lady smacks Mario and calls him a slobingly garbanzo, assuring Mario that his grandmother has indeed returned.

Speaking for Grandma Mario, The Old Psychic Lady scolds Mario and Luigi for allowing their apartment to become so messy although she is unable to describe it in one word. Luigi suggests that it was a dump, but The Psychic Lady tells him to shut up and not talk back to her. She then tells them that their messy home breaks her heart, and that it makes her the laughing stock of wherever she now lives. Mario and Luigi suggests Newark and Upper Newark respectively, but The Old Psychic Lady points out that Grandma Mario is too stupid to remember. She then tells the brothers to clean up their mess, tells Luigi to wash behind his ears, and tells Mario to trim his nose hairs so that she could rest easy, even in Newark.

The Old Psychic Lady then collapses in a chair. After Mario wakes her up, she speaks in her normal voice, relieving Mario over the fact that Grandma Mario's spirit is now free. However, she reminds Mario and Luigi that her spirit still is not free and charges them one hundred dollars for her services, reminding them that it is a long way to Newark.

Trivia

 * Despite what her full name implies, The Old Psychic Lady did not know Grandma Mario's actual name.