List of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door quotes

The following is a list of quotes in the game Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door; the quotes are listed by character.

Admiral Bobbery

 * “You seek Admiral Bobbery? I haven't heard of the gent. Take your search elsewhere.”
 * “Harumph! What poppycock! What would you want with me if I were this chap?”
 * ''“Oh, by Blabberton's beard! Not you again!”
 * “By Blubberly's blotches!”
 * “Flavio, you old cash–grubber! If you want the treasure so badly, then why don't you find it yourself?”
 * “Great gobbledy! Your princess is no one to be trifled with!”
 * “What's this balderdash, now?”
 * “You're the Mayor, hmm? How could an official like you lie that way? Old boy, I KNOW I saw a cannon the last time I was here! So, do not lie to me, sir!”
 * “I know all that, you great blowhard. But we must use that cannon to get to the moon, old boy! Because if we don't, sir, then the world could end!”
 * “Old boy, isn't that Hooktail? The one you said you beat?”
 * ''“My dear, repellant woman, what do you mean by THAT?”
 * "Such Balderdash! It's quite obvious you are in for a stomping, so let's have at it."
 * “Let's leave these cads, Mario…”
 * ''“So, this lout is the leader of those X–Nauts?
 * ”Do be careful, old boy! This fellow looks rather robust!“
 * ''”Mario, we mustn't serve evil! You MUST resist, old boy!!!“
 * ”Serve a witch? My dear Scarlette would be rather angry with me, I should think.“
 * ”Well, old boy, it was most agreeable that I had the chance to meet you. If it hadn't been for you, then my dear Scarlette would still gaze down on a broken Bob-omb. Let's meet again, Mario! And this time, let it be on the high seas, old boy!“
 * ”Leave it all to me, old boy! I shan't need help!"
 * ”I suggest you try a bit harder against the likes of us, hm?“

Arfur

 * "Did you check prices for me?"
 * "Perfect! OK! I'm ready."
 * "First, how much are they asking for Fire Flowers?"
 * "...I see."
 * "And for Sleepy Sheep?"
 * "OK..."
 * "And how about Tasty Tonic? How much is that?"
 * "...Wow! That's rough."
 * "Those are some low prices. I can't believe they're selling that low..."
 * "Hmm... Even if I try to compete with them, I don't think I can profit."
 * "But it is certainly helpful information. Here's your reward. Good work."

Armored Harriers

 * "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!? How does he know Mom has an outie? That jerk!"-Red Cleft
 * "We're gonna blend you up into a smoothie, pal! And then we're gonna drink ya!"-Red Cleft
 * "Oh, and one more thing... Only smelly stinkwads call other people stinkwads! Understand, stinkwad?"-Red Cleft
 * "Simmer down there, Bro. You! Stinkwad! You're gonna regret opening your yap, pal!"-Green Cleft
 * "See these bods? Solid iron. See these spikes? Yeah, they peneterate any substance."-Green Cleft
 * "So, basically, what I'm telling you is that whatever you try will be completely useless."-Green Cleft
 * "Think that over in the very short time you have left with a functional brain."-Green Cleft
 * "Bluh huh huh huh huh... Give up now!"-Red Cleft
 * "Well, stinkwads, you're about to learn about our skills the hard way."-Green Cleft
 * "Bluh huh huh huh huh... How'd you like that? We tried to tell you, but nooooooo..."-Red Cleft
 * "If you want another piece of pummel ie, have a bath and come on back! Punk!"-Green Cleft

Beldam

 * ”The honorable Grodus has need of us? Then we arrive without delay!“
 * ”Fear not, sire! For I, Beldam, will return with what you seek!“
 * ”Let's go, my lovelies! Marilyn! Vivian! Come! We've got a job to do!“
 * ”SILENCE, YOU DITZ! How DARE you talk back to me like some rebellious child?!? It's clear to me that the only rationale your type understands is force... So, for your punishment, I'll be taking that necklace you just found. Yes, so sorry.“
 * ”Oh, what IS it, Mr. Mustache? I have no business with you, so scram! Right NOW!“
 * ”Mmmmmmwee hee hee hee! I have no quarrel with you…but I simply can't allow you to hunt for the Crystal Stars.“
 * ”Those who seek names are often disappointed, but if you insist, we'll tell you. We are…“
 * ”Vivian! What are you babbling about?!? It's 'Shadow Sirens', you nincompoop! I don't see three beauties! I see two, and there's you, and you're PLUG–UGLY!!!“
 * ”It's just a figure of speech! Ooh, you've got some FIERCE punishment coming your way!“
 * ”Marilyn! Vivian! We would've won if you two lumps had pulled your weight! Both of you, prepare for a world–class punishment session when we get home!“
 * ”We have prepared a weapon that will bring him to a quick and certain end!“
 * ”…Or are you trying to imply that I lost it, you little lolly–gagging worm?“
 * ”Mwee hee hee hee! I heard that, my uglies! So, the next Crystal Star is in Poshley Heights? That's a rather nice piece of information! Thanks ever so!“
 * ”Normally, this is where I would deal with you and the homely traitor, Vivian, but something tells me that trying that alone might be unwise.“
 * ”The REAL Professor Frankly is sleeping off a nasty bump on the head in a closet somewhere! Poor thing!“
 * ”You and that traitor, Vivian have a date with ETERNITY!“
 * ”Shut up, freak!“
 * ”Alright, my sort–of–lovelies! Marilyn! Freak–Sheet! This time, we take out Mario and his goon–squad for good!“
 * ”My queen! You have returned to us!“
 * ”Yes, my queen… I searched for a pure maiden that you might inhabit… And as I did, I spread the rumor of a great treasure… Then I led the fools who had gathered the Crystal Stars here to open the seal…“
 * ”I am not worthy, my queen…“
 * ”NOOOO! My queen! Let's get out of here, Marilyn!“

Black Chest Demon

 * "Wheee hee hee hee hee!"
 * "Squirm and suffer like socially awkward worms!"
 * "Why, only the most idiotic, pudding-brained dolt would fall for a scheme like that!"
 * "The castle's traps prevent anyone who's entered this place from ever leaving it!"
 * "No matter which path you take, you're fated to waste away a slow, painful end!"
 * "But wait! There's more to this great deal! I'll throw in a free CURSE! No charge!"
 * "Oogly-googly-BOO!"
 * "Wheee hee hee hee hee! Now you're cursed, doofus! And it serves you right!"
 * "This curse is more cursedly curse-worthy than any curse that's ever cursed you!"
 * "Wheeee hee hee hee hee! What a curse! Who curses like me? NO ONE!"
 * "Wheeee hee hee hee hee! Just look at yourself! How embarrassing for you!"
 * "Eat a sandwich, skinny! Hee! ...Do you understand what this curse means for you?"
 * "Then farewell, you dumbbells!"

Bootler

 * ”Lady Bow, your beauty is like the song of a nightingale in the evening.“
 * ”Indeed… I feel you've grown into a fine young girl who'd make your ancestors proud!“

Bowser

 * ”Gra ha ha har! Bowser, the mighty Koopa King has arrived! Hold your applause, minions! But now that I'm here… Kammy! You crusty old hag! Why did you summon me?“
 * ”Oh, go ON, Mr. Comedian! I'm just DYING to hear the rest of your HILARIOUS story!“
 * ”Pbbbthbtth! Am I Mario's baby–sitter? I don't care what he's doing! Are you going to call me every time that guy blows his nose, or what? Sheesh!“
 * ”Crystal Stars? They sound like great world–conquering tools! I want 'em!“
 * "I LOVE Fried Eggs! LOVE'em!"
 * "But...what a weird question. Why do you ask?"
 * ”AIRHEAD!!! A picnic?!? You MORON! This is no time for fun! See, THIS is why my evil plans always derail! Because you clods always goof off! AAARGH!“
 * ”Under NO circumstances is ANYONE allowed to kidnap her without MY say–so!!! I will NOT stand for this! I'm going to Rogueport, NOW! I've got to kidnap her back!“
 * ”I, Bowser, the mighty Koopa King, offer my greeting!“
 * ''”Great, just great. Now I look like the huge, mighty King of GUYS WHO TALK TO POSTERS!“
 * ”You're both too old.“
 * ”It's hag vs. hag! Awesome!“
 * ”Uh, actually, it's YOU who's gonna spill every bit of info out of your big, ugly head!“
 * ”I don't know anybody named Gonzales! Stop speaking in riddles, you chicken nugget!“
 * "CRUD!!! Who do I have to flatten to get a Crystal Star?!? Who?!? WHOOOO?!?”
 * “Wh–What? That's…disgusting! Get away from me, psycho! You can't have my horns!”
 * “…Whoa. I don't have a CLUE what you're talking about! You people scare me. Seriously.”
 * “I am Bowser, businessman of legend! Fear my accounting!”
 * “What are you implying? I'm no little thief, I'm Bowser, the Remorseless King of Evil! So I'll take what I want! And I want THIS!”
 * "What are you implying? I'm no little thief, I'm the great Koopa Koot! I'm taking this! Mess with me, and I'll bore you to death!"
 * “You have got to be kidding me You mean to tell me that LUIGI beat me here?”
 * “ARRGH! Those Mario Bros. are the most annoying brothers of all time!”
 * “What's the matter? All tired from battle, Mario? Yes! Easy pickings!”
 * “Gra har har har! What's a finale without a Bowser appearance? A cruddy finale, that's what!”
 * “Today's the day I flush a plumber down the drain!”

Chef Shimi

 * “HELLO! I am Chef Shimi, the culinary expert! Glad to make your complaintance!”
 * “So sorry! Cheep Cheep is my first language, you know.”
 * “Today's lunch is so amazing it will make your tongue cry out in shame!”
 * “Please do taste it, so that my passion does not wither alone in a pot of loneliness!”
 * “No! My heart cries out in the salty pain of misery! That was my masterbeast!”
 * “And now it is gone, and I am left with tears of horror in my eyes!”
 * “A mystery, you just said? ...And, uh, um, er, exactly... what kind of dish is that?”

Cortez

 * “I'll turn your mustache into a bone polisher, amigo!”
 * "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! I can't take much more of this..."
 * "This calls for something special..."
 * "Now you will see the true might of my spirit form!"
 * “…Oh, what? It is you again? Did you forget something?”
 * “What are you talking about, muchacho? I do not rent this ship for pleasure cruises!”
 * “I should turn you into a pinata and throw a party on the beach!”
 * “RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH! You rattle my bones, Senor Peacock!”
 * “You fire cannons here…without my permission? You have nerve, mortal!”
 * “Hear my voice, spirits! Take their ship and show them the meaning of fear!”
 * "Enough! I grow tired of this spooky 'OoOoO' business! I am a pirate, blast it! Pirates do not moan! I am a cold-blooded villian who robs innocents of life and loot, not a crying ghost!"
 * "And...you...are...after... My Treasure!"
 * "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY TREASURE!"
 * "Yohohohohohohohohoho! You are foolish, amigo! For I am not dead!"
 * "Well, technically, I was already dead...but my spirit endures, tied to my treasure!"
 * "So you cannot do anything to me! I do not live, amigo!"
 * "Still, guarding this treasure for hundreds of years is almost as boring as death!"

Dark Bones

 * "Let those who would disturb her sleep fall into the depths of endless darkness..."

Don Pianta

 * "What's wid you, wise guy? I ain't too jolly today ... If you got a beef, spit it out quick or dis is gonna hurt."
 * "Ex-CUSE me? You want a ... You want me to give you a ticket for da blimp? See, now, to me, dat's funny ... You a stand-up comedian? No? You oughta be. You got some nerve askin' me for dat. I'm Don Pianta! I make cryin' babies weep!"
 * "Not so fast, boys. I like dis kid's gumption. He just came to talk, no? Dat ain't a crime. So we talk. You boys can wait 'til we're done before you rough him up, you got it? So, I gotta assume you gotta reason for wantin' a ticket for da blimp. Out wid it!"
 * "Oh look. Da proverbial mustache."
 * “Hey! It's you again! Y'know, the sky goin' dark was nothin' at all.”
 * “It was great for us! You shouda seen the way people were blowin' their dough!”

Doopliss

 * “Hey! Hold on a minute there, Slick! What are you doing, interrupting my 'ME' time?”
 * "Who're you calling a monster? What's your problem? Why do you need to pick a fight? I'm busy thinking up new pranks and stuff! It's not easy, either! Now get lost!"
 * “...Of course, you guys WON'T. No way you ninnies go away quietly, am I right?”
 * “Well, all right then, Slick. Fine. Yes. I turned the villagers into pigs. Big deal.”
 * “Well… You know, they're always so depressing and boring an dim–witted all the time... So instead of wallowing in gloom, I figured they might as well wallow in mud! HA! How brilliant is THAT? Now they're pigs, get it? Isn't that just sooo perfect? It's like irony, or something.”
 * “So...what? You got a problem with that? I guess you do. So let's play, Slick!”
 * “Yuk yuk yuk! I guess I'll get down and dirty if you're gonna play like that, Slick!”
 * “Well, my dear friends, if you thought changing villagers into pigs was impressive, then wait until you see THIS!”
 * “Yuk yuk yuk yuk! How about them apples? Now that's MAGIC, people! Now you're fighting yourself! Ha! I'm a dang genius!”
 * “Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk! Hold on... Wha... What... Huh? You beat me?”
 * “So, your name's Mario, is it? What a great name! And MAN can I jump, now! And you, you're so popular around here! But me, I get mobbed! I just LOVE being you! It's so good, I don't EVER wanna stop!”
 * “You got it now, Slick? Your body and name belong to me now!”
 * "Wrongamundo, little nobody! Who'd name their kid that? Prepare for doom, Slick!"
 * “Please, amuse me with one more guess! I just love to see people squirm in futility as they try to guess my name! Hit me one more time!”
 * “W–What did you say!?”
 * “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW?”
 * "Alright, kids, put on your fighting gloves! I mean... Whoo hoo! It's-a me, Mario!"
 * "Very good, my loyal ones. How dare this nameless nobody challenge the great Super Mario?!?"
 * “What's the matter? Fight with your girlfriend? Well, don't expect any sympathy from us, ghoulies!”
 * “See? Your friends ditch you, because you don't have the charisma of me, Super Mario!”
 * "How dare you try and do this to the great Super Mario! HOW DARE YOU!"
 * “I can't take this! Super Mario's hurting…”
 * “No… HOW?”
 * “Rats… YOU KILLJOYS!”
 * “It's me, suckers! Doopliss!”
 * “Beldam will FLIP if I let that happen!”
 * ''“Uhh, yeah. My name's Doopliss, but…”
 * “Yeah, that's right, Slick! An ETERNITY!”
 * “Oh, right… Sorry.”
 * “I SAID MY NAME IS DOOPLISS!”
 * "OK! OK! OK! OK!"
 * “Hey! Wait for me!”

Flavio

 * "Ah, yes! Of course! Mario! Perhaps you could handle the exploration of this island?"
 * "Ah...Well, we cannot just sit here and sun ourselves all day like mermaids, ah?"
 * "Someone must get out there and look around!"
 * ''"This is not a thing to be argued! So! We'll decide this fair and square, hmm?
 * “I growl at you like an angry jungle beast! I ought to.”
 * “No. Not fair. Flavio hate you all.”
 * "What? You want me to give you the Chuckola Cola? Ha! I must scroff at you!"
 * "You ask for too much, little man!...Except...WAIT! I already gave that to you!"
 * ''"What? You want me to lend you coins, you poor pauper?
 * "I must scroff at you!"
 * "What on earth do you need coins on a deserted island ,anyway?"
 * "Think before you speak, you foolish thing! THINK!"
 * “Mario! Take me… to Cortez!”
 * “We'll be cannon–fodder if we wag our tongues any longer!”
 * “We need to borrow your ship for the teensiest little while…”

Garf

 * "You took on my trouble? You? OK. Then please find my key, and be quick about it!"
 * "If someone else finds my key, they'll be able to get in my house, so I'll stand guard."
 * "I think I dropped my key when I went to the badge shop, but I'm not sure..."
 * "Did you find my key?"
 * "Yes! My key!!!"
 * "I can finally get inside my house again! Home, sweet home! Thank you!"
 * "Please take this as payment for your efforts, all right?"

Ghost T.

 * "!...So you've found me."
 * "Well, as you see, I'm a ghost."
 * "I'm cursed to haunt this place."
 * "A blanket?"
 * "Well, yes, the conductor did leave one here. He didn't realize that I'm a ghost."
 * "A yummy, sticky threat?"
 * "No I left no such thing. I can't even hold phyiscal objects like pen and paper."
 * "What? You just want the blanket, then?"
 * "Well, I'll tell you where it is if you do something for me. What do you say?"
 * "All I need is......YOOOOOUR LIIIIFE!!!"
 * "...No, just kidding..."
 * "Actually... I passed away in this cabin many years ago..."
 * "But I think my luggage is still in the baggage car here..."
 * "Inside my bag is a diary I kept since my earliest childhood days..."
 * "And my fear that someone would find and read it has kept me tied to this world!"
 * "I can't leave this room, so can you please find it and bring it here?"
 * "If you do that, I'll show you where the blanket is."
 * "YOOOOOOUUUU LOOOOOOKED!"
 * "EEEEEEVEN THOUGH I TOLD YOOOOOUUU NOT TOOOOOOO! NOW SEEEE WHAT HAPPENS!"

Gloomtail

 * “Who's there?!?”
 * “No one's disturbed me here in aeons!”
 * “Who dares defile this sacred place?!?”
 * “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!? You destroyed my precious younger sister?!? I wondered why she hadn't written recently…”
 * “Quake in fear, mortals! For I am Gloomtail!”
 * “I will avenge my sister by taking your lives…and then gnawing on your bones!”
 * “GWAAAAH HA HA HA HA! My first fresh meat in ages… Allow me to take my time… And toy with you for awhile!”
 * “GWAAAAH HA HA HA HA! You are tough meat, my little tasty morsels! But how will you fare against THIS!!!”
 * “Gwuhhh… You are not the easy prey you appear to be… I would never be able to show my face again if I was bested by you whelps… So I will show you the true extent of my power!”
 * “MEGABREATH!!!”
 * “No… No… Is it true? Can I…expire?”

Gold Fuzzy

 * "Meeeeeeeeeeeork!"
 * "Hey, you suspicious types!"
 * "This is our place. And coming in here is rude, rude, RUDE!"
 * "Sorry, suckers! If you want a warm welcome, too bad!"
 * "Now I lunch on your head!"
 * "You chumps are tougher than you look..."
 * "But I'm not through yet! Everyone! GET'EM!"
 * "Meeeeeeee-uuuuurgh! You got me!"

Goombella

 * "You aren't going anywhere, Mr. Stinker!"
 * “Hey! What do you want?!? Get away from me, freak!!!”
 * “Never! I don't have anything to say to you smelly creeps! Eww!”
 * “N–No! Stop right there, you weirdos! I'll scream! Really!”
 * “Whoa, whoa, WHOA, bucko! Whatcha got there?”
 * “Omigosh! Is… Isn't that a treasure map?! You HAVE to tell me where you got that!”
 * “Hey, what's your beef, pal? YEAH, I'M TALKING TO YOU!”
 * “Mario! You gotta wake up! That guy just stole half of your coins!”
 * “That is so lame! Ugh! I HATE this town!”
 * “Oh, it's, like, SO sweet that you boys think I'm cute! Seriously! Yeah, guys like you make me feel like TOTALLY BARFING! Now get out of our way!”
 * “That's a Goomba. Umm... Yeah, I'm one of those, in case you hadn't noticed. Ahem... It says here: "Goombas are underlings of underlings."  ...That is totally rude!”
 * “Hey, Mario. If you ever find yourself getting stuck and, like, wondering what to do, just use my Tattle ability, okay?”
 * “Are you like, the biggest floozy ever, or what?”
 * “I'm gonna Headbonk that burglar rat if she doesn't watch it!”
 * “Using a Crystal Star to look good? You're so totally vain! You're gonna pay for that!”
 * “Yeah, as if we aren't going to spank you for like, the tenth time!”
 * “Opening the door for you? What do you mean by THAT, you total hag?”
 * “Let's leave these doofuses, Mario…”
 * “So, this chump is the leader of those X–Nauts?”
 * “We aren't gonna let that happen!”
 * “Never, ever give up! That's the most important thing I've learned from you, Mario.”
 * “We beat the Shadow Queen, but there's tons of Rogueport lore we still don't get. So, my research with the professor goes on and on.”
 * “Guess what Koops wants to do, now? He wants to run for Mayor! Can you believe that? It might just be perfect for him, come to think of it. Still, I think Koopie Koo has her little finger wrapped around him.”
 * “Flurrie's back on stage in a big way, and crowd is totally ecstatic!”
 * “I have to get this right, or he'll get, like, SO mad at me…”
 * “Vivian's gone back to live with her sisters. Family IS important, after all. Now that the Shadow Queen's gone, I don't think Beldam's into evil. She's also promised me that she would never be mean to Vivian ever again. I think the three Sirens are gonna live pretty peacefully from now on. You should totally come visit her sometime.”
 * “Bobbery goes out to sea now everyday with Cortez. I think his soul has healed. I ran into him by accident on Keelhaul Key the other day, which was nice. He was so happy, I thought he was gonna explode on me for a second!”
 * “Guess whose favorite calculator is still computing? He says he really wants to see you and Peach again!”
 * “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. During my travels, I heard a rumor that Grodus and Lord Crump are still alive. I guess that makes them pretty tenacious baddies, huh? But they've mellowed out a lot, just like Beldam has, and I don't expect anymore trouble. Plus, I hear that Grodus is just a head, so that really cuts down on any mischief making.”
 * “There's something that kinda weighed on me that I never got to express to you. You see, I… Well, maybe that's best kept secret.”
 * “That's Lady Bow. Wait a second! Mario! Exactly WHAT is your relationship with her?!? Tell me NOW! Hee hee hee hee hee hee! Just kidding! I always wanted to say that. But you DID go on an adventure with her, right? Tell me sometime, OK?”

Goomfrey

 * "The package... Yep, that's it."
 * "I'll dispose of this in a way no one will ever find it. Tell McGoomba I said so."
 * "And do me a favor: forget all this. You hear me? It never happened. For your sake."
 * "We never spoke! Forget everything!"
 * "And when you give McGoomba my message, he'll give you your compensation."
 * "Remember: this deal won't be done until you give my message to McGoomba."
 * "Remember: this deal won't be done until you give my message to McGoomba."

Goom Goom

 * "Hey, thanks for taking on my trouble. All the way out here, too. I know it's far."
 * "I came out here to enjoy island life, but now that I'm here, I just feel lonely..."
 * "There is no one to date, I mean, NO ONE. I'm chatting up sea turtles, here."
 * "So all I need you to do is introduce me to a nice girl. That's it. A girl. OK?"
 * "I guess my type would be...Petite, younger than me, and pretty, not drop-dead hot."
 * "Yeah, a cute little goomba gal would be just perfect...Please help me. Please."

Grubba / Macho Grubba

 * “Who 'n tarnation 're you, son? Who let you in?!? This is Grubba's office!”
 * “Yup! That's me, Grubba!”
 * “What's that, now? An athlete, huh? Ya wanna become a fighter?”
 * “Hooo–weee! I guess that do change a thang or two, son!”
 * “When I was just a poor pup, I didn't give a Pokey's patoot for fancy, big–city ways!”
 * “Bein' rich an' famous is diggety–dang DYNAMITE!”
 * “One day, you'll look back on all them small–dreamers 'n LAUGH!”
 * “Wait a diddly–darn minute there!”
 * “Boy howdy, Gonzales! Fixin' for a fight, huh? Well, alrighty then!”
 * “Well, dog my cats! It's the Great Gonzales!”
 * “First to enter the ring... The Feral Nuclear Reactor! RAAAAAWWWK HAAAAAWWWK!”
 * And now for our challenger... The Merciless Executioner... The GRRREAT GOOONZALES!!!”
 * “I'll tell you what I saw, folks… A whuppin'!”
 * “Maybe I'm ol'-fashioned, but I care about my fighters, darn it!”
 * “Long's I got that baby workin' fer me, this ol' bod ain't EVER gonna get weak!!”
 * “I'd better keep this room locked tighter than a peanut–butter jar at a squirrel convention!”
 * “GREAT–GALLOPIN' GULPITS! How in tarnation did YOU get in here, son?”
 * “Well, slap me and call me Sassafras! Yer even starin' at my secret paper!”
 * “Whoa, nelly! This ain't good…”
 * “I gotta say, ya'll are a coupla slack–jawed idiots, sniffin' 'round my business…”
 * “Now you know my big secret, I'm afraid yer gonna have to take a li'l old dirt nap.”
 * “Hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk! How you like my machine? Pretty dang nice, huh?”
 * “Yep, I've been suckin' power from the fighers with this baby! SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP!”
 * “Yer darn tootin'! An' you know why? 'Cause it keeps my bod forever young, son!”
 * “Oh, just shut yer traps, now! I'll use MY Crystal Star however I dang please!”
 * “Check THIS out! HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSCLE–UP!”
 * “MAAAAAAAAAACHO GRUBBA!”
 * “Hoo–wee! I'm gonna smoosh you guys into guacamole an' snack on YER energy, too!”
 * “MAAAACHO! I'm a powerhouse now, you pesterin', li'l pieces of prairie piffle! So long's I have this here machine, my bod'll be rough, tough, an' ultrabuff!”
 * “Oh yeah! Keep it spicy! You know I love a good tussle, Gonzales! Keep on scrappin', son! 'Course, it ain't gonna do you much good in the end…”
 * “Not too shabby, Gonzales! You got showmanship, an' that's GOLD in this biz! But this here battle's just gettin' started! It's time I showed you some real moves! Back in the day, I had so many rump–kickin' moves, they had to make some illegal!”
 * "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! It ain't finished yet, Gonzales!!! Ain't over 'til it's over! That's way it is in combat sports, son! But lemme just tell YOU somethin'… Fortune's gonna smile on ME in the end, punk!”
 * “Nooo… How'd a perfect bod like mine lose to such a chub? Urrgh… Great Gonzales… Great fight there, son. Great fight…”

Goomba

 * "Ouch! That was cold!"
 * "OWIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

Gus

 * "Whoa! Whoa! Hold up, now! If you want to pass through here, you gotta pay 10 coins."
 * "One, two, three...Yup! That's 10 coins all right! You can pass."
 * "Whoa! Whoa! Hold up, now! You don't have enough cash! You dirty, lying cheapskate!"
 * "It's really simple. If you don't pay, you don't pass."
 * "What? You gotta be kidding. You think you can fight your way through here?"
 * “I'm gonna make you eat your words, tough guy! Let's get this party started!”
 * “CRUD! You dumb video–game heroes ALWAYS pull this stuff! It's RIDICULOUS! You think violence solves everything, don't you? Huh? DON'T YOU?!?”
 * “You're amazing! I think I might even brag about the fact that you wrecked me!”
 * “…No, wait a second. I can't brag about getting beaten over 10 measly coins… That's pathetic! Crud!!!”

Heff T.

 * "Whoawhoawhoawhoa! What do you want?!?"
 * "BUUUUUUUUUURP!"
 * "Sorry about that. Now...What were you just saying? A pot from the kitchen?"
 * "Oh, I get it! Food gets stolen and you blame the chubby guy! NOT NICE!!!"
 * "What? Drops of stew on the floor outside?"
 * "N-No... I wouldn't know anything about that! No! People spill stuff!"
 * "And there's nothing in the drawer, so no need to look! You won't find a thing!"
 * "Doh! ......"
 * "I'm sorry! I ate it all! It was MEEEEEEEEE!"
 * "Yes... Yes, that's right."
 * "I'm so sorry, but it was a brief moment of weakness...Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

Hooktail

 * Who dares approach me?"
 * Hmm... So... You are friends of the strange–garbed one who came earlier?"
 * I didn't expect more to come to steal the treasure I protect... Such rashness..."
 * That was foolish, I fear. Do you really think you can beat me?"
 * But you're so small. You don't appear tasty. I suppose you might make a good snack. And the bottoms of your feet smell like they might make a good sauce with some spices."
 * What I'll do is saute you to crispy goodness and gobble you down...HEADFIRST!"
 * Snack time, my little appetizers! But which one of you morsels should I taste first?"
 * Bleck! That awful sound! It...sounds like a cricket! How did you know?"
 * Stop that this instant!"
 * "Urp... I got really bad...ugh... food poisoning once when I ate a cricket. I HATE them!"
 * "Oh... Fight it, Hooky...
 * "Just hearing a cricket chirp makes me feel woozy!"
 * "Ooooog... Must...not...gag... My poor tummy... Uuuuurp... So very woozy..."
 * "W-Wait! Hold up a moment!"
 * "I give up! Please!"
 * "I won't be so bad anymore. I promise! In fact, I'm sorry! For everything!"
 * "Er... Yeah...
 * "To prove it, I'll give you 1,000 coins! What do you say? Can you forgive me?"
 * "What? You must be joking! You don't need any coins?
 * "Then how about the lovely, rare, extra-special badge I have? I'll give you that."
 * "It's one of a kind! And it's yours for a limited time only! Will you take it?"
 * "Of course you want it! Who wouldn't? Now,come here and get your badge..."
 * "OHHHH ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!"
 * "You were completely duped by my ingenicus ruse! You senseless yokels"
 * "Nothing in life is that easy! Your gulliability did you in!"
 * "Errrr... Really?!?"
 * "Well, I suppose I could apologize by letting you smell the bottoms of my feet."
 * "People pay good money to do this. I'm being completely honest right now. Really."
 * "So? Care to take a whiff of the rich, yet delicate scent of my world-renowned feet?"
 * "Hrrrrrrrrmmmm! You aren't a very trusting fellow, are you?"
 * "It's important to be able to trust someone, you know."
 * "Errr... I guess I'd better..."
 * "Ohhh ho ho ho ho ho ho! Ahhh! Now my strength has returned to me!"
 * "Blurp! Why do I always have to feel so faint every time I hear a...urp...cricket?"
 * "B-But... I... I..."
 * "GURK!"
 * "How? Why? There's still so much I wanted to do with my life... So many meals..."

Ishnail

 * “What's that? You wanna know how to meet that lying, stealing, jerky–for–brains, Don Pianta?”
 * “Real thieves like us end up poor as dirty, never catchin' a break 'cause of that guy!”
 * “Fine, Mr. Insensitive Jerk, but it's gonna cost you 64 coins.”
 * “YESSS! I mean, good call.”
 * “Hey, you! That was amazin'! I can't believe how you cleared out that darkness!”
 * “You really are incredible! If I ever have a problem, I'm goin' straight to you.”
 * “You saved the world, guy! You're welcome here anytime! My house is yours!”

Jerry

 * “Sorry I sound so down, but you would be too if you saw Luigi dressed as a bride.”
 * “I have to protect the world from my fate. That's why I'm sticking close to this guy.”

Jolene

 * "Let's get ready to... BRAAAAWL!"
 * “Mr. Champion! No, I mean, Mario…”
 * “Please allow me to express my earnest thanks for defeating that foul Grubba.”
 * “Now, sir… I mean, NO! NOT "SIR"! Grubba! I want answers, and I want them NOW! What have you done with my precious little brother? You know what I'm talking about: The first champion, PRINCE MUSH!”
 * “Well, Champ, tell us about your mind–set! After all, today's challenger is… The Great Gonzales, the only man to ever wrestle the belt away from you!”
 * “But, Champ, Gonzales showed no signs of rust in climbing back up to the ranks…”
 * “He shattered his own records, one after another! How does THAT strike you?”
 * “Big words from the champ! And now, the challenger, who needs no introduction!”
 * “The former champ returns!! The Superstar Sequel… The GREAT GOOOOOONZALES!”
 * “Listen to the crowd give it up for the brave challenger, the Great Gonzales!”
 * “It's been a while since these two met…but who will emerge victorious this time?”
 * “The battle is ready to begin! Ring that bell!”
 * “Who could've seen this coming? You couldn't PLAN a more ferocious battle!”
 * “Wild moves, raw power, fists and feathers of fury… What beautiful destruction!”
 * ”This was without a doubt, inarguably, definitely, absolutely, completely…“
 * ”An EXTREEEEEME battle of the very highest caliber!“
 * ''”But there could only be one winner, and this time, it was the GREAT GOOOOOONZALES!“
 * ”Congratulations, Gonzales! Once again, you're our champion!!“
 * ”Congratulations, Gonzales. I was a little worried that you were over the hill, but you made quite a comeback! You are a true champion!“
 * ”Now… I think I know what you're thinking… You plan to move on, don't you?“
 * ”Well, that's fine, of course. I'll keep you registered in case you were wish to return.“
 * ''”Come back and give the folks a thrill every now and then. You know, defend your title!:;;
 * “Of course, if you lose, you'll have to drop back down into the major league…”
 * “Well then, I'm rather busy, as usual, so you'll have to excuse me.”
 * “I need to work out a plan to bring Rawk Hawk back. That guy really draws crowds!”
 * “Have a nice day, Gonzales.”
 * “Please, Mr. Gonzales, I'm very busy these days. Fight promotion is not easy!”
 * “Please see yourself out. And have a nice day!”
 * “Thank you, Great Gonzales...No, Thank you, MARIO...You're a true champion.”
 * “Huh? Who am I, you ask? Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm! You don't know? I'm someone you know quite well, actually. When I go outside the arena, I like to cut loose and shed my other personality...”

Kammy Koopa

 * “Lord Bowser, please be patient with your poor servant.”
 * “It is my displeasure to report that Mario, that scum, is off to a place called Rogueport.”
 * "By the way, Lord Bowser...Do you like fried eggs?"
 * "Well, during my Mario recon,I stopped in a lovely place called Petal Meadows."
 * "I was planning on taking everyone there for a picnic, have some eggs and toast..."
 * “Two tickets! One great and evil king, and one sweet, young thing!”
 * “What did you say, you impudent little cheapskate!?”
 * “Now my derigible deluxe brown–bag Kammy lunch will go to waste!”
 * “Oh, my yummerly! The hot dogs!”
 * “Why, even at my age, I was shaking what my mama gave me!”
 * “Lord Bowser… is that a 'no'?”
 * “Hey, you! Suspicious guy! You know something about the Crystal Stars?”
 * “Koopa Clan, form up!”
 * “So, what's it going to be, tough guy?”
 * “The fact that we keep being out–manuevered is disturbing. Where could Mario and his brother be heading?”
 * “Mweh heh heh heh! Mario, you sniveling bug! This is IT for you!”
 * “Forgive me, Lord Bowser! I have nothing left…”

KP Pete

 * "Yo, Rook! How was you're first fight, dog?"
 * "I'm King K, man. Just a bush-league scrub like you."
 * ''"Meet my peeps, Gonzales! I told you we were gonna square off, and now it's ON!"

Koops

 * “OH, PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU TO FIGHT HOOKTAIL! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU!”
 * "What? But... But why? Why can't I go?"
 * "When, if that's how you feel...I'm not giving up hope, though."
 * "I promised myself I wouldn't."
 * "Ummm...So, if...If you change your mind, Mario, let me know, OK?"
 * "I'll be over there polishing my shell. Can't have an adventure with a dull shell."
 * “The rumors about this place were all true… This place is TERRIFYING…”
 * “'To my son, Kolorado'?!? Not 'Koops'?!? Whoops… I guess this isn't my father after all.”
 * “I wonder what her story is. I bet it's an exciting one, full of romance…”
 * "Um... All right, Mario! Hold up that Crystal Star!"
 * "Hey, uh, Mario, look there. The next Crystal Star showed up on the map."
 * "But... I'm sorry but I don't have a clue where that is."
 * "Um... I think we maybe should take it to Professor Frankly and let him look at it."
 * "Um... So, can you tell us where the next Crystal Star is or not?"
 * "A great tree in the Boggly Woods, huh?"
 * "Um... Professor Frankly... You should probably know... It's about Princess Peach..."
 * "Mr. Mario got an e-mail from her just recently."
 * "Her Highness said that the guys who kidnapped her are also hunting Crystal Star."
 * "Oh, and she said she doesn't even know where she's being held. ...Yeah."
 * "Um... I guess all we can do is head to Boggly Woods to find that next Crystal Star!"
 * "Hey! Mario! You see that? That was one of the things Professor Frankly mentioned!"
 * "Um... Mario, that was uncool. Don't say stuff like that. I thought you were... nicer."
 * "Relax, relax, little guy. We're not bullies, I swear."
 * "Um... Aren't you one of the creatures from Boggly Woods? Why are you down here?"
 * “X-Nauts'? What the heck are those? They sound like tissues to the extreme, or something.”
 * "Look, we're not here to do ANYTHING to you, so relax. Tell us what's going on, OK?"
 * "A bunch of bad guys in the Great Tree?"
 * "If those are the same guys who kidnapped the princess, they want the Crystal Star!"
 * "Um... I guess we should... I'd feel pretty bad if we didn't do anything."
 * "Plus, we do need the Crystal Stars before those X-guys do."
 * "So, the Boggly Woods, huh? Looks mysterious, all right. What'll we run into next?"
 * “Ummm… OK, we can do this!”
 * “Ms. Mowz sure is cute. Too bad I sound like such a dork whenever I talk to her.”
 * ''"WHAT THE HECK?!?"
 * ''"Bandy Andy! We're gonna get through this! Why shouldn't we go near the ring?"
 * ''"Ohhh... crud. Bad news, Mario. This door's been locked. We're trappd in here!"
 * ''"Phew! We made it..barely. Listen to all those cheers! Your fans are out in force! Com on, let's get in there and beat this guy!"
 * ''"So it WAS you! You're the guy who's been sending us Crystal Star hate mail!"
 * ''"Ummm... Mario? Is it just me, or do you hear a voice?"
 * ''"Could it be...a ghost?"
 * ''"Y-Y-Y-Yikes! That Mailbox SP almost scared me to death! Turn down that volume!"
 * ''"So...there is actually a ghost in here with us? Let's hide under the bed."
 * ''"Hey, see that? I bet that's the document Grubba hid. Let's check it out.
 * ''"Wow! A machine under the ring using a Crystal Star? These are the blueprints! I can't make much sense of this paper, but I think the Crystal Star powers it! If this document's correct, then the machine can...gulp...suck the power out of people! Oh, man... You think King K and Bandy Andy got, you know...drained?"
 * ''"You...great...big...JERK! How could you do that to King K and Bandy Andy?!?"
 * ''"Mario! Let's go after him!"
 * ''"Wow, Mario! Take a look! The Crystal Star!"
 * ''"How could you us a Crystal Star just to look better? You won't get away with this!"
 * ''"Wow! Grubba got...really big! That isn't good!"
 * ''"Mario, we owe it to the other fighters to teach this maniac a lesson! C'mon!"
 * ''"So, our mysterious X..."
 * ''"Gee, she seemed kind of aloof, but she just really loved her brother..."
 * ''"Hey! Mario, look up there! The Crystal Star!"
 * ''"So, The Crystal Star brought him back?"
 * ''"Ummm... You sure you don't mind us taking it?"
 * ''"I guess it's okay then, Mario! Let's take it!"
 * ''"Um.... K-Koops."
 * ''"H-Hey! Think you could ease up on jabbing me, Pokey?"
 * “Let's leave these wimps, Mario…”
 * "Ummm...What do we do? We can't serve her!!!"
 * "Is that..."
 * "Can you hear them, Mario? So many voices..."
 * "They're... They're all sending us their wishes and positive energy...That's...amazing..."
 * "That voice... Princess Peach?!?"
 * "Mario! Look at THAT!!!"
 * "What... What's this? I feel all full of energy..."
 * "PEACH!!!"
 * "Mario! The time is now! We've almost got her!"
 * “Mario, thanks to you, I've gained courage and inner strength, and I've grown closer to my dad. I think I like myself more since I've known you. It's all so hard to put into words. Um…”
 * “Yikes! What a grump!”

Lady Bow

 * “It IS you, isn't it, Mario? Well, it's been quite a while, hasn't it?”
 * “I've come here with Bootler, yes, a little vacation to Poshley Sanctum. I hadn't left the mansion in ages. I figured it was time to turn some heads on the road!”
 * “But what a nice surprise to see you! Feel free to be overwhelmed by my beauty.”

Lord Crump

 * ''“Oh, come off it, you airhead! I know it's tough for you, but don't play dumb with me!”
 * ''“I've seen you walking around town asking for information about the Crystal Stars. Well, now I'm doing the asking, so be a good girl and tell us what you know. Right. NOW!”
 * ''“I suppose it wouldn't be right if a sassy little lass like you met with an untimely demise…”
 * ''“Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh! Boys, we're taking this firebrand back to our fortress!”
 * “I knew it was brilliant, but seeing you fall for it REALLY gives me a warm fuzzy!”
 * “What?!? Are you you nuts? Move it, you old geezer!”
 * “Whoa What's your problem, Gramma? You got an ear hair tickling your brain, or what?”
 * “You hotheaded old coot! You dare defy me? I could shine my boots with you!”
 * “Buh! Buh huh huh!”
 * “You guys are nuts, you know that? Oh, well. I guess I'd better shut off this timer.”
 * “OK, you pests! One pummeling, coming up…with extra fists! Metal fists, that is!”
 * “Awake, Magnus von Grapple! Time for a technological thrashing! Enjoy!”
 * “You crying yet? Yeah? Sorry, but this thing isn't armed with tissues. Well, Magnus von Grapple has that effect on people. Total, weeping terror.”
 * “And you ain't seen nothing yet! Check out the power on this bad boy!”
 * “Here it comes, suckers! Magnus von PUNISH!!!”
 * “Oh, it ain't over yet! This is so awesome. Check out what else this guy could do! You're gonna love it!”
 * “This might not work out too well for you!”
 * “Gurk! Urrrrrrgh… Not good… Can't last…”
 * “Bleeeeee–harrrrgh… This could be the end…”
 * “Buh! Bu–AAAAAARGH! No! Magnus von Grapple! How we could lose?!?”
 * “Hurff… Hurfff… Hurffff… I'll remember this, losers!”
 * “Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh huh huh! I've got some ammo to spare! How's THAT for boom–bassa–boom?!?”
 * “I'll sink that ratty old ghost ship to the bottom of the ocean!”
 * “I'm gonna turn you guys into wee seeds… Wait, that's not right. I'll turn you into SEAWEED! Buh huh! Enjoy!”
 * ”I'm down, but no WAY I'm out!“
 * ”MAN, THIS IS GETTING OLD! How could I lose…again?!? I HATE LOSING! Now I gotta think of another excuse for Grodus! Grrrrrrr! And with that…pow! I'm gone!“
 * ”I've been waiting for you! Oh, MAN, have I been waiting! And I HAAAAAAAATE waiting!“
 * ”Buh huh! I'll TELL you what it means! I used the Crystal Star to lure you here… So that I could take all of YOUR Crystal Stars! How brilliant is THAT, huh?”
 * “And wanna know the best part? Your little Peachy girl isn't even here anymore!”
 * “BUH! BUH! BUH! BUH! BUH! Like I'd tell you the plan! That's novice–villain style! No, I won't be doing anything like that. Sorry, really, guys…”
 * So… ready for showtime? You guys are gonna be the perfect workout for… Magnus von Grapple 2.0!“
 * ”I hope you're up to the challenge…because this thing is raw horsepower, kiddies!!!“
 * ”Yeah, last version was buggy, so we made improvements… One…two…a DOZEN!!! Get ready for a whole new way to experience pain, you junior–varsity losers!“
 * ”GRRRRROOOOOODDDDUUUUUSSS!!!“

Luigi

 * ''”I was one hot sacrifice, Bro.“
 * "Wanna hear what happened? It's a pretty long story..."
 * "Hey, sounds good to me! Which part of my story you wanna hear, Bro?"
 * ''”You go, Bro!“

Madame Flurrie

 * ”…Perhaps if I grabbed you and gave you a little sugar?“
 * ”Did you really think we'd let a wretch like you escape? I DO believe you will be handing over that Crystal Star and promptly exiting this tree!“
 * ”Why, that was no fuss whatsoever!“
 * ”Here we go, darling! Time to shine!“
 * ”Aww, you wish to accompany us, you adorable little thing?“
 * ”You, Mr. Proprietor! Would you allow us to free this poor soul?“
 * ”Why, that voice belongs to Grubba!“
 * ”You shut your trap, sir! You drained the life from those poor souls!“
 * ”Using innocent fighters and a Crystal Star just to improve your looks? You're despicable.“
 * ”So, our mysterious X…“
 * ”'Big deal'? You foul boor! What ever would possess you to do something so mean?“
 * "Oh, mercy! Was that it? This fellow was so easy! I was rather expecting more. Well, I suppose we got the Crystal Star, so let's leave immediately, hmm?"
 * ”How could I mistake my dear Mario for another? Silly Flurrie!“
 * ”Let's leave these louts, Mario…“
 * ”So, this gentlemen is the leader of those X–Nauts?“
 * ”So, that last Crystal Star we found on the Moon… NO! What have we done?“
 * ”Mario, do be careful, dear! This fellow looks like he means business!“
 * ”We shan't let that happen!“
 * ”Mario, what shall we do, darling? We cannot bow down to her!“
 * ”Now that's just senseless… Are we to betray all of those who believed in us?“
 * ”Time to pay for all of your ills!“
 * ”My dear, dear, Mario. I am ready to make my comeback in the theatre, now! I've found so many things on this journey that I could only express on stage. Please do come to see me once we've finished rehearsing. And bring Peach, too, dear!“

Marilyn

 * ”The Three…“''

Mario
Note: Mario's quotes are all either choosable answers to questions asked to the player, or lines said by Mario, but the other person says the line (For example, after asking Mario to let him out, the Black Chest says, "What? Spare you the prologue and just curse you already?"


 * ”I can take you!“
 * ”Yer darn bloopin'!“
 * ”Keep your coins, fiend!“
 * ”Keep it, you cad!“
 * ”That's disgusting!“
 * ”Guess again, nerd!“
 * "No, let's get him!"
 * "OK, we'll let him be."
 * ”Forget you, pal!“
 * "No way, sob sister!"
 * ”Darn skippy!“
 * "That battle was savage!"
 * "Eh. It was OK, I guess."
 * "That fight? What a joke."
 * ”Let there be hot dogs!“
 * ”No. Jumping eggs bug me.“
 * "Hey, don't feel bad!"
 * "Here, let me fix it."
 * "Please do! I can take it."
 * "No, I hate sad stories."
 * "Yes... We have no choice."
 * "No. He's suffered enough."
 * ”Spare me the prologue and just curse me already.“
 * ”Call me Blanket P.I.!“
 * ”Da. I mean, YES!“
 * ”Nyet. I mean, NO!“
 * ”Challenge this chump!“
 * ”Refuse this witch!“
 * ”Sure, kid!“
 * ”Sorry, too busy!“

McGoomba

 * "You never know who'll be watching, so let's do this thing quick."
 * "Take this package to Goomfrey. You'll find him in front of Frankly's place."
 * "And try not to be seen."
 * "Did you deliver it? Phew! You saved my neck, buddy."
 * "Oh! I almost forgot your compensation. You saved my neck. You get something good."

Mr. Hoggle

 * "No! Bad! So very bad! Behave yourself, egg!"
 * "No! Bad! Come back! Help! My important egg escaped! Somebody, catch it!"
 * "So bad! It does not even have arms and legs, and still I cannot catch it!"
 * "My menu was going to have the Southern Fried Egg Dog of Tastiness, but now... Bad!"
 * "I ordered that naughty egg from an island in the south! I had to pay shipping, too!"
 * 'Don't just stand there! Help catch it!!!"
 * "MOST AWFULLY BAD!"
 * "Come down from there, egg! How am I supposed to get it now? FLY there?!?"
 * "You! Don't just stand there with your mustache! Find a way to get up there!"
 * "Aww... Fine. Most people don't like eating stuff that jumps all over the place, anyway."

Ms. Mowz

 * ”Who is this handsome piece of cheese?“
 * ”Opening the door for you? What do you mean by THAT, you awful thing?“
 * ''”Let's leave these idiots, Mario…“
 * “Mario is no pawn of evil! Ridiculous!”
 * “Why are we even talking about this? NEVER!”
 * “It is time for us to part, my little cheese hunk. But I will not say farewell, because you're welcome here anytime you please, sweetie! Until then… adieu.”
 * “You look a bit weak to be fighting us… Mmm hmm hmm!”

Paragoomba

 * "Wassup, baby? Why don't you hang with us for a while? We play real nice!"
 * "What, you're too good for us? Come off it, sister!"

Parakarry

 * “Mail call!”

Parrot

 * "Skrawk? What happened to those weirdos who were just here? Ah, whatever... It was almost nice to have some company... I mean, no matter how important it is that no one know[s] his real name... Locking me up in here just because I know it... And making me guard the name's stupid missing letter... No way to treat a parrot! I REALLY want a cracker... Doopliss, you're a big meanie. When's feeding time, huh?"
 * "Skra-WAAAAAAAAAARK?!? Uh... Pretty bird! Pretty bird!"
 * "Man, am I tired of this stupid parrot babble act... It's so demeaning. And guarding this dumb letter here... I should report that Doopliss to the proper authorities...unless he gives me a cracker."
 * "Shine get! Shine get!"

Pennington

 * “Rudimentary, my dear Luigi!”
 * “No need for introductions. I know all about the famous Luigi!”
 * “We could have questioned him about all that Beldam business…”
 * “M–Mario?? G–Gonzales?? Not… L–Luigi??”
 * “Luigi… Er, no, rather… I mean M–Mario… How are you, dear boy?”

Pine T.

 * "Huh? What? Who are you??? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
 * "Wow! Did you come here just to save me?"
 * "Really? Pine T. Jr.? Wow! Good... I have to get back alive. Show me the way out!"
 * "Don't mind me! Just beat 'em!"
 * "OK. Let's go."
 * "Hey! The exit! OK, Pine T. Jr.! I'm on my way home!"
 * "Sorry for troubling you."

Podler

 * "Oh, you're Mr. Gonzales! Yeah, that's the mustache I've been waiting for!"
 * "Actually, you're pretty late... Somebody left a package and a note by the door a bit ago."
 * "The letter said: "Look for a thick-'stached man named Gonzales and give him this.""
 * "The "this" the letter was talking about is...this."
 * "So far's I could tell, that hammer's a new model, the HAMMERWHACK 2005..."
 * "Real nice hammer all around. Solid craftsmanship, good grip, high bonkability."
 * "The commercials for this thing say that the hammer chooses its user..."
 * "They aren't cheap, either, so whoever gave this to you must be a big fan."
 * "But... Why leave it in this juice shop? Doesn't that strike you as a bit odd?"
 * "I mean, it's not like it's that hard to hand a gift a pro fighter..."

Princess Peach

 * ''“I can't believe I got kidnapped…again.”
 * ''“You X–Jerks kidnapped me like common Koopas!”
 * ''“ ' Comprehend ' Love? Love's not something you comprehend, TEC. You feel it.”
 * “Grodus… Wait, he's that awful, dome–headed thing who interrogated me, right?”
 * "Hmm? Oh! Is this the uniform? Am I supposed to wear this ugly thing?"
 * "I don't know about this...It's awfully tight. And it kind of smells a bit..."
 * "Phew! Who knows how, but I got into it. I can barely breathe, though."
 * “You inhuman beast! How could you?”
 * “Where am I?”
 * “MARIO!”
 * “Mario… I'm so sorry. Sending you that map… caused all this trouble, didn't it…”
 * “Who knew all this would happen?”
 * “I don't know how to thank you, but know that the entire world is in your debt!”

Puni Elder

 * "Well! I'm shocked! Who makes fun of a old woman like that! Honestly!"
 * ''"Why, if I were just ten years younger, I'd show you! Oh, you'd best believe it!"'
 * "I'll have you know that in my younger days, I was considered a Puni prize!"
 * "I had so many suitors, I had to fight them off!"
 * "Eeeh hee hee hee hee hee!"
 * "Now that I think about it there was a particulary fine boy named Punderton..."
 * "...And that's how I became the Puni Elder, the leader of the Puni Tribe."
 * ''"Now you know my tale, and I know yours, so good luck to you!
 * “'OLD GEEZER'?!? Where do you get off, talking like that? You have no respect, brat! Don't think my age has anything to do with my might! Elder power activate!”
 * “Ooh! What a time for my stupid back to start acting up!”
 * “Oh, that little Punio!!! He's always, ALWAYS so darned squishy–washy!”
 * "BEGONE!"

Punio

 * "Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!!! D-Don't eat me!!!"
 * "Huh? Uh...You didn't come to eat me? And you're not bullies?"
 * "Noooooooo! Leave me alone, you big meanies!"
 * "You can do it, right, Mario?"
 * "Huh? Did you say "nah"? Uh... What's wrong with you?"
 * ''"Let's go find her necklace!
 * “More nagging by the old hag… When will it ever stop?”

Rawk Hawk

 * “Har har har har har!”
 * “Feel the RAAAAAWWWK…”
 * “Rawk out, Great Gonzales!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAWK! Listen to me, Gonzales! Anybody who's beat me is not ALLOWED to lose!!!”
 * “That's all ancient history! There's only one true champ, and that guy is Rawk Hawk!”
 * “One of us is walking out of here with the belt, and the other one's getting RAWKED!”
 * “Hey, shut your trap or this Gonzales won't be the only one feeling the RAAAAWK!”
 * “I'm the champ, end of story! I'm a legend! And this legend is about to RAWK that dude!”
 * “Harharharharharhar! Time for you to meet the new, improved Rawk Hawk!”
 * “Feel the horror of a world–class RAAAAAWWWKING!”
 * “No! I don't believe this! I… Am I actually gonna get Rawked AGAIN?”
 * ''"Remember: When life rocks you, RAWK back!"

Sir Grodus

 * "Well, well, my pet... Isn't about time you told us where the map is?"
 * “Princess Peach. You will speak when spoken to.”
 * "There's no use trying to hide it, silly girl. We know you had the map. We KNOW this."
 * "It would be in your best interest to be absolutely honest with us. We X-Nauts aren't all rainbows and lollipops. I could assure you, we could be quite nasty."
 * "X-Naut! I summon you!"
 * "Shut up. Go get the Shadow Sirens over here."
 * “I don't care how you planned to end that sentence, fool. Go get them. Now.”
 * "Still your tongue, Beldam. We would've had it if you had snatched her earlier. And since you missed your chance, some poor fool named Mario has the map."
 * "Indeed, that is YOUR duty."
 * “Yes, what is it? Speak!”
 * “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm? There is something wrong with your voice, X–Naut.”
 * “Perhaps I have a throat lozenge… No. Well, never mind.”
 * “Oh, and about Princess Peach? I have no interest in what that woman has to say. Just keep her locked in the holding room.”
 * “But do not EVER treat her roughly. You understand? Tell the others as well.”
 * “That's none of your business! Don't forget your place, you impudent worm! Concentrate on getting the legendary treasure! That is all I require of you.”
 * “We X–Nauts needs that treasure to conquer the world! Don't forget it!”
 * “What are you blathering about now?”
 * “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… Something IS odd about you…”
 * “Beldam… Tell me, what good are you? You STILL haven't taken care of this Mario character?”
 * "You DO realize that we X-Nauts must open the door first, do you not?"
 * “I trust your words, though I rapidly lose my patience.”
 * “Yes… I, Grodus, will build a new world! A perfect, ideal world… made by me, about me, and FOR me! GAAACK ACK ACK ACK ACK!”
 * “You blew it again, Lord Crump. You sicken me.”
 * “Stop talking, Lord Crump. You just stand by until my next order. And Lord Crump? Think of this as your last chance. Understand?”
 * “Then leave.”
 * “Tell them not to fail this time.”
 * “What is the matter with you idiots? Falling for a fake Crystal Star? That's asinine!”
 * "What is it, fool?!?"
 * "What?!? Tell me you're joking! Are you absolutely sure?!? Speak, soldier!"
 * "Hrrrrrrggh... TREASON!"
 * "Hold it right there, Princess Peach!"
 * “In my most paranoid moments, I never thought my own computer would betray me.”
 * “Gaaack ack ack ack ack! Only one thing to do with a malfunctioning computer! Cut the circuit and delete all the programs and data that caused that malfunction!”
 * “Gaaack ack ack ack! Too bad, Princess Peach. TEC is no longer with us.”
 * “Princess Peach…just stop it. This is no time to be worrying about a computer. We have some very important things for you to do now… Yes, VERY important… Gaaack ack ack ack!”
 * “We finally meet, Mario.”
 * “I've been looking forward to this, I must admit.”
 * “Yes…correct!!! I am the supreme leader of the secret society of X–Nauts! I am Grodus!”
 * “But I'm really getting ahead of myself. I really must express my thanks to you first…”
 * “And do you know why? You have gathered together all of the Crystal Stars I was seeking.”
 * “Gaaack ack ack ack ack! You just realize now, do you?”
 * “Yes, instead of taking the few Crystal Stars you fools had bumbled into…”
 * “It was far easier to let you find them all and open the Thousand–Year Door for me…”
 * “How kind of you to bring them here to me!”
 * “All I had to do was entrust the last Crystal Star to my least competent underling!”
 * “I don't suppose Crump had any idea of my plan though. Gaaack ack ack ack ack!”
 * “So, whether he beat you or lost to you…”
 * “The Crystal Stars would be together and mine either way! Pure genius!”
 * “Now, I thought the Shadow Sirens would do a little more to slow your progress…”
 * “But it appears they are so useless that even this small task was beyond them…”
 * “No matter… Now I get the pleasure of sending you to oblivion!”
 * “Once you fools are gone, no one will stand in my way! Grodus will rule the world!”
 * ''“Now, come!
 * ”Meet your ends, you meddlesome fools! You will know my power!“
 * ”So, you have the mettle to push me this far… But no more!“
 * ”Argh! You will not stop me! Take this!“
 * ”Guh! Fools!“
 * ”Unhh… No…“
 * ”Uuuuuuunhh… You are more than you seem… But this is not finished. I saw even this possibility.“
 * ”Watch THIS!“
 * ”Move one step, and she will breathe no more!!!“
 * ”Now try THIS!!!“
 * ”Gaaack ack ack ack ack! Now! AGAIN!“
 * ”Stop your blubbering! This is it! Meet your end!!“
 * ”WORM! You would dare defy me?!? Do you NOT care for the life of your pitiful princess?“
 * ”WH–WHAT?!?“
 * ”Too bad for you, Mario! You're too late!“
 * ”Gaack ack ack! Look well! In the coffin behind me sleeps the leagendary treasure!“
 * ”This tomb holds the soul of that ancient demon, the wielder of destruction…“
 * ”It will possess Peach's body and bring life to the most powerful witch in millenia!“
 * ”Gaaaack ack ack ack ack! With the power of the demon, I will rule this pathetic world!“
 * ”The time has come at last! The world will be mine!!“
 * ”Now, arise! Arrise! My Shadow Queen!“
 * ”It is I, my Shadow Queen!“
 * ”It is here! This girl who lies before you!“
 * ”Yes, my glorious witch queen… Destroy these impudent fools!“
 * ”Huh? What do you mean?!? I thought you were bound to obey the one who woke you!“
 * ”Enough of this prattle! Do as I say!!! NOW! Or I will send you back to the depths…“

Shadow Queen

 * ''”Who… has called me back?“
 * ''”You… Very well. Where is the vessel?“
 * ''”Ah, yes… A fine vessel she is. Now…“
 * ''”Muh huh huh huh! Witness my rebirth…“
 * ''”Who are you that would command me? What sort of being are you?“
 * ''”You would do well to learn your proper place, slave. No one commands me.“
 * ”Ah, Beldam… What ages have passed? I'll take it that you're the one truly responsible for bringing me back, yes?“
 * ”Muh huh huh… Very good. You have fulfilled your duties admirably.“
 * ”But who are these… beings who stand before me? They do not possess power, but they may be of some use. If you will become my faithful servants, then I will not harm you.“
 * "Yesss...You are obedient..."
 * "Good, my pet..."
 * "Now you are mine..."
 * "You will serve me for eternity."
 * ''”Then, you wretched fools… you will learn the error of your ways!“
 * "You are foolish to oppose me. Yesss... and that foolishness... will have to be punished..."
 * "Hmm... So, you are not weak. Maybe you are less useless than you appear."
 * "This body is unfamiliar to me... Yesss, too unfamiliar... Let me assume my true form and show you real power..."
 * "In this form, your attacks are like those of a child to me..."
 * "You are lucky... You will perish with the honor of having seen true terror and power! Muh huh huh huh huh huh!"
 * "Muh huh huh huh huh huh! Is that your idea of an attack? Foolish..."
 * "Hmmm... What a troublesome little pest you are. Muh huh huh huh huh..."
 * "Yesss... I have recovered from any slight damage you many have caused earlier..."
 * "And now... I will punish you for your resistance..."
 * ”I will ask you one last time… Will you serve me? If so, then I will forgive you for this…“
 * "Muh huh huh huh huh... Very well... Then you will perish."
 * "What... What is this?"
 * ”Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-What... What are these vile voices?“
 * "What is this... light?"
 * ”Wh-What?!? You wretched little girl! You would disobey me?!?“
 * "You brat! Obey me, girl!"
 * "GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Very cunning, princess! But you will not undo me!!! Know me as your queen!“
 * "Enough! This ends now!"
 * ”Wh-What... How is it possible that you can hurt me?“
 * ”Enough! This ends now!“
 * ”Foooooooools!“
 * ”Muh huh huh… You do not know what you have done…“
 * "Uuurghh... No... It... It cannot be... How..."
 * ”Th–This cannot be! I can't be beaten by lesser beings such as these…! I've just… been reborn into this world! I cannot… I MUST not…! AAAAAIIIIYYYYEEE!!!“

Spiky Goomba

 * "Man, what's a FINE-lookin' Goomba doin' with a tubby mustache man like that?!?"
 * "Nobody zings us like that! Nobody! Let's get 'em!"

TEC-XX

 * "Sir Grodus is not awful. He is marvelous."
 * "No. You are mistaken. I am the world's best and only perfect computer."
 * "Goodnight, Princess Peach."
 * "Princess Peach... I will protect you."
 * "Princess Peach, please escape from this place as quickly as possible."
 * "Something terrible is about to... No, I will not say. But I have found out everything about Sir Grodus's plans."
 * "I am the base's computer. No one will know of your escape if I keep silent."
 * "Sir Grodus, I..."
 * "There is no malfunction. I am normal."
 * "You are...Mario, right? It is... pleasant... to meet you..."
 * "You do know... that Princess Peach is not here, do you not?"
 * "She is with Grodus in the Palace of Shadow..."
 * "Please... s-save her..."
 * "..........................I.....................................L.....................................o...............................v................................e...............................y...................................o.........................u................... ................... ... . .......... ......... ....... .."

The Dark Gatekeeper

 * ”Foolish mortals… I will drag you through the gate to the netherworld!“

The Koopinator

 * ”I have waited, Gonzales. I knew I would face you in the ring again one day.“
 * ”You. Finally, I get a piece of you. Finally, we'll see who's truly stronger.“

Thwomp

 * "Is that your REAL answer? Are you suuuuuuuuure?"
 * "Mmmm hmmm hoo ha ha! Wrong! Wrong wrong wrong! You fools!"
 * "Remember if you get three wrong, you're going to suffer like you wouldn't believe!"
 * "Mmmm hmmm hoo ha ha! Don't let the preesure get to you!"
 * "You blithering meathead! You're WROOOOOONG again!!!"
 * "Get one more wrong, and something wonderfully awful happens to you!"
 * "Just ONE MORE Wrong! Mmmm hmmm hoo ha ha!"
 * "What's that I hear? Your little knees knocking!"
 * "MMMM HMMMM HOO HA HA!!!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! SO WRONG IT HURTS!"
 * "That's three wrongs! How awful for you! MMMM HMMMM HOO HA HA!!!"
 * "Time for the Pain Game! I'll be nice! Beat these guys,and I'll let you pass."
 * "But you can't POSSIBLY do it! Best of luck, fathead! MMMM HMMM HOO HA HA!"
 * ”No… NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You beat my cute little underlings! How COULD you? Jerk! Just take this and go! And if you ever wonder, know that I HAAAAAAAAATE YOU!“

Toadsworth

 * ''”Just drop on INN! Ho ho!“

Vivian

 * "Mm=hmm! A) Find that Mario guy and B) steal the map to the Crystal Stars, right?"
 * "We can just do away with Mario and his friends, can't we? Or is that bad?"
 * "Oh! What, you mean this? I found it near that tree over there a while back."
 * "Isn't it a gorgeous necklace? It was so lovely... I just HAD to pick it up!"
 * "Eeep! Wh-What?"
 * "I... I don't have that!"
 * "You said it was way too important, so you took it. You should have it..."
 * "But, I..."
 * "But... Listen... I... Look, it's not my fault... I never had the sketch..."
 * "But... But, Beldam..."
 * "Oh, you're horrid..."
 * "Sniff... Sniff... Sniff... Oh, what am I to do?"
 * "What'll I do? What'll I do?"
 * "I guess I was just meant to be punished for life..."
 * "Oh, don't even bother trying...It's really busted."
 * "What'll I do now, huh? My sisters will be back any minute now..."
 * "But I do appreciate your offer. Thank you."
 * "Your name was stolen? I see... Well, I guess that happens from time to time..."
 * ”Hmm hmm hmm! We heard you, little birdie! Doopliss! So, THAT'S his name!“
 * "That means YOU'RE Mario?!?"
 * "I can't believe it...All this time I was helping Mario...I feel like an idiot..."
 * ”I'm sorry, Sis, but this Mario is the only one who's ever been kind to me…“
 * ”Mario! I'm fighting by your side from now on! I've made my choice… and I'm not turning back!“
 * “You're the one who's going to suffer, Crump! No matter how many times we do this!”
 * “I'm with Mario all the way! Today, Sis, I'M going to punish YOU! You hear me?!?”
 * “I'm sorry, Sis…”
 * “This room makes me feel…bad. …But it seems familiar.”
 * “What IS this chamber?”
 * “Gro… Grodus…”
 * “No! So the last Crystal Star we found on the moon… We've played into their hand!”
 * “Be careful, Mario!”
 * “We won't let that happen!”
 * "What's happening?!?"
 * "Possess Peach?!?"
 * "P-Peach..."
 * "M-Mario... I don't understand..."
 * "Mario... I promised to follow you! I believe in you!"
 * "Mario, I will follow you to the end, I swear it! I feel bad for the princess, but that queen must fall before us! And when she does, you and I can... Well, anyway, let's take this fight to her!"
 * “Can you hear them, Mario? So many voices…”
 * “I… I feel completely revitalized!”
 * “Time to suffer, Queen!”
 * "Princess Peach is just fine! She's not even hurt!"
 * “Mario, I think I've grown to lo–- Uh, yeah, um, never mind... ...Y-Yeah, I sure do think you and Peach make a nice couple... Hmm hmm hmm... ”
 * “I… I'll never forget my time traveling with you. So… don't forget about me, either...”
 * “Wow! What a grouch!”
 * “You're about to have a really terrible experience!”
 * “Looks like we overdid it a little bit… Are they OK?”
 * “Wow, what a spectacle! I had no idea pro fights were this loud and intense!”
 * “Let's head up!”
 * “Well, here we go, Mario. A match against the champ! Let's get this over with!”

X-Nauts

 * “You rang, dude? I mean, sir? You rang, Sir Grodus, dude? Grodus? Sir Grodus, sir?”
 * “Lord Crump summons us!”
 * “Retreat!”
 * “Run away!”
 * “Wait up!”
 * "No joke, dude. I mean, affirmative, Sir Dude. That is... I'm positive, sir!"
 * "This is X-Naut One here, come back, dude? I repeat, X-Naut One here, over."
 * "Roger, reading you five-by. Infiltration is successful. X-Naut Black aboard vessel."
 * "Repeat: X-Naut Black is on board the vessel..."

Yoshi

 * “Shut up! You make me sick!”
 * “Why'd you drain King K and Bandy Andy, huh?!?”
 * “You are such a scumbag! You're gonna pay for using a Crystal Star like that!”
 * “Yow! Grubba beefed up!”
 * “Let's rock, Gonzales! I'm ready to chew this dude up and spit him out!”
 * "Whoa, come on! THIS is the monster the mayor was freaking out about?"
 * "'Big deal'?!? You stink, Mister! Why'd you wanna turn them into pigs, anyway?"
 * “So, who's this girl, huh? Isn't she one of the Shadow Sirens you guys mentioned? But why would Gonzales pair up with one of those creeps?”
 * “It's stupid cold!”
 * “Mario, check that out!”
 * “Opening the door for you? What's THAT supposed to mean, you purple witch?”
 * “Let's leave these wusses, Gonzales…”
 * “So, this loser is the leader of those X-Nauts?”
 * “So, that last Crystal Star we got on the Moon… NO! We're IDIOTS!”
 * “Not gonna happen, pal!”
 * “Gonzales serves nobody, lady! Right, Gonzales?”
 * “Gonzales, we're not REAL champs, unless we beat this evil lady! So don't go soft on me! That's not Peach, you know!”
 * "Oh, haven't you heard, lady? Champs NEVER give up!"
 * “Do you hear them, Gonzales? So many voices…”
 * "They're... They're sending us all their wishes and positive energy... That is so AWESOME!"
 * “Gonzales! Look at THAT!!!”
 * “Whoa... What IS this? I feel insanely pumped with energy all of a sudden!”
 * "Gonzales! Now's the time! We've got her scared!"
 * "Now THAT'S what I'm talking about, baby! And now, it's time to settle the score!"
 * “Time for payback!”
 * "Gonzales… No, wait. I've gotta stop doing that. It's MARIO, right? Well, you'll always be Gonzales to me, man! Because I was born in the Glitz Pit, and the Great Gonzales is, and always will be, the champ. So, let's meet again, Gonzales! I mean it, man!“
 * ”Lemme at 'em! Yeah! Bring it! You ready for a beating?“
 * ”Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! How'd that floor taste?“

Zess T.

 * "I TOLD YOU NOT TO MOVE! DON'T YOUR STUPID EARS WORK?!?"
 * "AAAAAAA! My rage is so hot right now, I could cook YOU in it!"
 * "Oh, it's you, Dr. Bumblefoot!"
 * "What's wrong with spending time with my little Toadle-toes?"