MarioWiki:Featured articles/N1/Dr. Crygor

Support

 * 1) The work I have done for this page is an improvement overall, because I had any knowledge of Dr. Crygor. I have added a general information section, more appearances, obscure profiles, and even quotes. This article is now more comprehensive than before (maybe it'll be the third Wario character overall to be a feature). I am accepting any criticism that goes on here
 * 2) I believe the article now has the same quality as Mona and Ashley & Red.
 * 3) This article has now become very thorough and detailed, with good writing too, I'll support!
 * 4) Per all
 * 5) I vote in support of the nomination

Comments
The article is handsome at a glance, but I'm quite iffy on some aspects of its writing. I'm not sure if this owes to the WarioWare series' random and absurd nature, but I find several passages disconnected, unclear, and, as a result, difficult to follow. For instance: "Dr. Crygor In his story, Dr. Crygor is testing a new invention in a top secret factory: Flatterbots. The robots successfully applaud Doris 1's cleaning and Mike's singing, but do not react to Dr. Crygor's dancing. Deeming the test a failure, Dr. Crygor recalls the Flatterbots. After his stage is cleared, Dr. Crygor joins the gang, reassuring his status as a genius." All good until the last sentence. Which "gang" is he joining? Is it the WarioWare Inc. employee team? Are there any circumstances directly related to the story so told in which he joins said gang? "Dr. Crygor Dr. Crygor returns in WarioWare Gold, hosting the second set of the Twist League, which has a Sports theme. In his story, he and Mike are stuck in Agate Forest, a location filled with 'paranormal frequencies' when they run into a robot named Doris 1. Doris 1 recognizes Dr. Crygor as her creator, who abandoned her for reasons undisclosed and proceeds to chase him. Later, after the confusion is cleared, Dr. Crygor takes in Doris 1 out of generosity, and Doris 1 contradicts Mike's claims that there is no paranormal activity, claiming that it walked right through her. Dr. Crygor then realizes that he dropped the fungi in the forest, and asks Mike to go back there, but he refuses." (1) I wouldn't describe Doris 1's grudge and the resulting conflict as a "confusion". (2) Doris 1 asserting there are no paranormal activities doesn't seem relevant here; i.e. it's a hook that doesn't involve Dr. Crygor, at least going by what this passage chooses to emphasise. (3) There is a sudden mention of "the fungi", suggesting the reader is supposed to already have knowledge of them by this point in Crygor's story; any helpful context is completely neglected here, however. "Dr. Crygor Dr. Crygor appears in Game & Wario. In the game's opening cutscene, he along with Penny and Mike notice the new game console." In the same vein as the question regarding the above-mentioned fungi, I must ask: which "new game console" is this section talking about? The sentence just cuts abruptly where the reader would expect more context. "Dr. Crygor The badge uses his Game & Wario artwork from the opening cutscene of Design when he is stuck in his toilet; the latter is not depicted in the collectable." I assume "the latter" refers to the toilet, correct?

Overall, much of the writing suffers from robotic pacing and flow, as evidenced in the above quotes. The accounts are fragmented in too many disparate sentences, causing an unpleasant feeling of droning on. I believe the issue is best illustrated by the following passage: "Dr. Crygor Suddenly, the Gravitator dispenses a giant robot. Dr. Crygor jumps into the robot and flies off in it. However, while flying, Shuriken the Falcon rams into the robot. This causes it to fall apart, revealing him riding on a four-wheeled duck."

I don't have much knowledge on the WarioWare series, so I unfortunately can't directly contribute to this article as much as I would like. However, I trust that I have made my points clear enough to serve as a crutch in resolving these issues and hopefully maximising the article's clear potential for FA status. 17:39, March 23, 2023 (EDT)
 * Acknowledged the above comments. RHG1951 and I did some proofreading and re writing.