The 'Shroom:Issue XLVI/Fake News

Fake News

Director's Notes
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Welcome to the first Fake News of 2011! First, an announcement: SMB and I were unable to complete our sections this month.

As you probably know, Tucayo is retiring today. I would like to take this opportunity to thank him for all he has done for the Wiki community. For three years, he has been here writing for The 'Shroom and improving articles. The wiki would be nowhere near as successful as it now is had he not been here. He also was very patient with me while I was a troll and chose not to fire me. Thanks, Tucky!

And now...for something completely different. This is the final Fake News issue that I will direct. I have been offered a promotion by SMB to Statistics Manager. I will be in charge of feedback surveys, archives and many other projects that you will see in the near future. My successor certainly deserves to take over the Fake News. His Fake Games sections were arguably the best The 'Shroom has ever seen. Without further ado, I give you: Edofenrir! Beginning in February, you will be sending all of your sections, applications, etc. to him.

Fake TV
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The Mushroom Kingdom is a very stressful place on a Sunday night. Toads everywhere have to prepare for a hard week of work, and hardly have any time to wind down and relax, and studies have shown that nachos are better that tortillas. How this is related I do not know, but Princess Daisy is sick of this (and we’re sick of her T_T) and has decided to overthrow whatever was on at 9 o’clock on the channel “SHROOOMZ O_O” (I think it was the Antique Mushroom Show, so that’s OK) and make a show called “The Daisy Show”.

The Daisy Show stars Princess Daisy (well no, it stars a singing fish) and Birdo (let’s bring back that singing fish idea for a sec…), and the two interview celebrities. Plus, short, “funny” skits are shown, usually with Birdo making twenty popular culture jokes. The show has proven to relax Toads by scientists with nothing better to do with their time. Yoshis hate it, though. I’m pretty sure that’s because Birdo is in chains on the wall throughout the show.

The Daisy Show has received good ratings from critics. Luigi says “I can’t take my eyes off…uh…the potted plant in the background. It’s…nostalgic!” We were then pushed out of Luigi’s house, catching sight of a chamber dedicated to the chair Daisy sits in. I don’t blame him; that’s one amazing chair. As you can see, the logo was made by the very best…well, we don’t have the logo, so we’ve drawn something that vaguely resembles what it may be. It may be a singing fish, but probably not again.

The show is on every Sunday at 9PM, on “SHROOOMZ O_O”, not to be confused with the similarly named “SHROOOMZ O_o”. In the first episode, Daisy interviews Baby Luigi about what it feels like to be in the same time era as your future self, and Birdo offends previous Brittish Prime Minister Gordon Brown.

It’s on every Sunday. Yes, that means this Sunday. No, not last Sunday. Or Saturday.

STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND LOOK DOWN.

Cooking Guide
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Fake Ads
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Hola, amigos. Gamefreak75 is here with a HOT new deal!

Why do I have a poncho and a sombrero instead of my usual attire?

Well you see...my clothes are at the dry cleaners...

But I am also dressed in this attire to promote the newest item: Hot Sauce

This extract comes in a tightly packed bottle. Add it to your favorite foods, be it eggs, pasta, or your favorite juice. What's even more insane is the price: 20 coins.

This had got to be the hottest deals for one of the hottest items in the Mushroom Kingdom.

So hurry on down, amigos, and get your hot sauce today! P.s.:We are not responsible for any indigestion or constipation caused by the Hot Sauce. Buy it at you own risk.

Fake Interview
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Fake Weather
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I thought about many things today. I started out thinking about making a good start for the new year, however, this became false. I woke up from my bed yawning. I put on my fuzzy slippers and went over to pour a delicious cup of hazelnut coffee. I then heard a knock on the door. I slowly walked over to the front door to find my beagle puppy sitting there. I heard the knock again. I climbed down the stairs to find to big holes on my glass door. "Not the French Door!" I screamed, but not as loud as I thought, considering I was tired. I smelled smoke. I looked to my left to find to meteors on fire, sitting on my couch. I saw Baby Luigi on it too. "Hey it's Baby Luigi!" I exclaimed. "No! My name's BabyLuigiOnFIre!" the baby replied. After realizing again that there was still a sofa on fire in the room, I went to the bathroom sink and got my emergency fire extinguisher. I took the fire out, hoping know more meteors would fall in my downstairs. I heard an annoying voice coming my way, and turned around to find Toad. I saw a couple tiny black objects coming towards my door. I realized that they were meteors. They all hit Toad dead on. I picked on up with two fingers, finding that they were the size of a pebble.

Fake Characters
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Hola everyone, it's DyegoHalliwell with the first Fake Characters of 2011. For this issue I decided to include both someone from Mario's side and someone from Bowser's side. I hope y'all enjoy this issue, and I wish you had a good New years celebration.

Radial Yoshi / Radial Milton Pooper
A brand new Yoshi, feared by everyone because of his radioactivity and his strong-smelling poop, Radial Yoshi, also known as Radial Milton Pooper, is a new species created by the mixture of poop and Mr. Burns' blood. His powers include, Radial Beam, a beam that can destroy a Goomba within 9 hours, Poopkinesis, the ability to throw Poop balls from his butt I mean his mind. It was rumored that he has a wife, Ms. Lady Poopemaria, and a daughter named Pooposhi. Also, a final warning, don't get too close to him or he will burn you with liquid radioactivity, and if you see him in the space, run for your life or he will create the greatest Poop/Radial hurricane!

Flawfull Milano
He is the inverted, perverted, psychic, son of a B... blinded, cousin of Fawful. He pretended to turn his cousin good, and because of that, he was cursed to have to body of Alyssa Milano, which is currently being turned to stone. Many people acussed him of being a criminal, and rageful, Flawfull turned them into stone, and then smashed their stone bodies. After that, the Toad policy transferred him to a far far away town, in which he is currently used as a stone toilet. Every blue moon in that town, which is every single hour of all the week, he kills imaginary people, who turn out to be Shroom Thieves, but they ironically just exist in the mind of his poop brain.

Fuzzy Guy
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One day, a Shy Guy found a bottle of hair tonic. Since he was a Shy Guy, he had no idea what hair was, so he decided to use it as a shampoo substitute. The next day, he woke up completely covered in bright, colorful hair /given some cheap Photoshop effects, look, I’m on a small budget here, folks. He now has changed his name to Fuzzy Guy. Fuzzy Guy looks just like a regular Shy Guy, except he looks a little bit fuzzy, as in he is covered in some sort of fur. Due to this, he sometimes convinces himself that he is a dog. However, he has hair growing on the palms of his hands, so he’s mad and can be excused for this. He is made completely from hair and bones.

Fuzzy Guy originally worked for Bowser, but, after he got all his “fur”, he became a weakling, so Bowser kicked him out of the Koopa Troop and put 2 points on his super‐villain license. He then was blown to Princess Peach’s Castle by a sudden gust of wind, and attached himself to a bald man’s head. He knocked on the door and began to ask her for her credit card numbers. Mario witnessed this, and became very jealous that there was no attention directed towards him, so he barged in and challenged Fuzzy Guy to a battle.

Mario punched him, and his fist went straight through. Mario won. Fuzzy Guy died.

…

Okay, go away.

…

OR SO THEY THOUGHT.

Five years later, he was found in the Castle’s sewers, desperately looking for the bathroom. After pointing out that they were in the sewer, and the whole area counts as a bathroom, a Toad punched him too for no apparent reason. He then floated up like a balloon and appeared in New York. And so, Fuzzy Guy died again, not succeeding in his only lifetime goal of going to the toilet.

…

OR SO THEY TH*shot*

He got up again and found himself stranded on an island with walking palm trees. He finally decided his life was so messed up that he should eat at Mushroom Burger. He has not returned, probably due to being unable to find the door. Thanks for reading, and tell me if you see him. He owes me a penny.

Ask Tucayo
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Hello amazing readers, this is your favorite Koopa, Tucayo, with the last issue ever of Ask Tucayo. I want to thank you all for all the questions I got, for the big support, and for reading the section. I wish I had created this section earlier, but I didn’t. I won’t receive questions anymore, since this is the last issue. So now, let’s get to the questions, which is a record number!! Oh and to make clear, there is a question by myself because, well, I asked that seriously to me while I was playing SMG2.

'''How is Wario born and why is he alive? '''--Koopayoshi

Hello Koopayoshi. Wario is born from a snake egg hatched by a hen. Wait, I am thinking of basilisks… Wario’s birth is the center of all the universe, Wario’s life is the reason the sun shines. But some people think different of Wario’s birth… Let’s see this quote by an anonymous user.: "Wario is an old man that likes farting. He likes pooping on the bed. He has his own series called the Wario series. He is over 1000 years old. He likes eating a lot of junk food and he likes being fat. He thinks being fat is good. His favorite character is himself. He was created by Dr. Wario. When he was born, he was fat. He likes swearing, flaming, spamming, and other stuff that makes him get reminders/warnings on wikis." That’s sad, but some people think that way of Wario… Oh, and he is alive because otherwise we would have Baby Waluigi filling his place in sports game. And “Baby Waluigi Land”? That doesn’t even sound correct.

'''When you retire, will you miss us (me specifically) Smiley? '''--Gamefreak75

GF!! Of course I’ll miss you all, including you Smiley I consider you one of my best friends on the site, so naturally I am gonna miss you. But we’ll still see each other… (this doesn’t mean I’ll spare you the money you owe me Angry)

'''Hi Tucky, as you are retiring, I have decided to ask you: Do you ever plan on returning to the Wiki, or the forums, or anything like that? '''--MrConcreteDonkey

Hi MCD! Well, not in a near future, no. I may check in chat occasionally, or check the forums for the awards, or the wiki each month for The ‘Shroom (as a guest), but I don’t plan on unretiring. My retirement is definitive.

What is your opinion at Bowser Jr? --Flubber

Hello Flubber. Well, I also have a quote to answer to this, but I will answer it myself instead. I like Bowser Jr. People may differ, but I like him more than some Koopalings. Actually, he is like my 3rd favorite Bowser son, behind Larry and Lemmy. Perhaps tied with Roy… And he appears in more games, so I am more used to seeing him than I am to seeing the rest of the guys.

'''Why did your third patroller term only 2 minutes? '''--QuizmoManiac

Hi Quizmo! Hehe, good question, good question indeed. Some of you who browse Userpedia, or stalk me at the MW may have noticed I had a third patroller term which lasted around 2 minutes. Now, why is this? There had been some issues with patrollers not being able to mark edits as patrolled (ironic, isn’t it? Patrollers not being able to patrol…), so I was demoted to Patroller by Stooby during a wiki downtime, in which basically just Stooby and I had access to the wiki (I think Edo had access too), so I could check if the problem had been solved. It had, so I was repromoted to Sysop again.

'''Hi Tucky. What sort of video games do you like best? Console games or handheld games. '''--SKMarioman

Each one of them has their advantages and disadvantages… I normally prefer Console games, but you can’t take your Wii everywhere you go. I also like handhelds, but I play more console games. Whenever I am in my house with my Wii and my DSi, I play the Wii.

'''I have here a running chainsaw with your name on the saw blade, I am currently waiting in front of the exit of this building, and nine of ten people would describe my mental condition as dangerously unstable. Are you sure that, in the light of these new circumstances, you really want to go through with your retiring plans? '''--Edofenrir

Ummm... if it has my name on it, is it a gift? Ooooh I love gifts!!! But sadly gifts won't prevent me from retiring. Unstable? Well, not many people gift chainsaws, but well.

'''In which SMG/SMG2 galaxy would you like to live? '''--Tucayo

Hello extremely handsome and sexy person I don’t know. I like green places, with clouds, water, mountains and all that. So after playing all the galaxies in SMG, and the first two worlds of SMG2, I decided I would like to live in Fluffy Bluff Galaxy. Just look at it! It has all the things I love. Well, I would need a place to sleep at… Perhaps the Cloud Tower, I can build a palace inside it. I can swim anytime I want, go to the mountains, or to that playroom-like place. It just is the perfect galaxy.

And with that, we end Ask Tucayo. Thanks for all your questions. Goodbye, have a great 2011.