The 'Shroom:Issue XXXVI/Fake News

Fun Stuff

Director's Notes
Welcome to this month's Fake News! As you may know, many of our positions are open, so please add your name in the format to the lists below for up to two of the following positions:

Travel Guide
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This month, we are offering a vacation package to lovely Kyrgyzstan Poshley Heights. In Poshley Heights, people ſpeak in thy old tongue, ſor in be moſt un-Poſh indeed. That's right, ſpeaking ye olde Engliſh is one of the beſt noſtalgic traditions that Poſhley Heights has to offer! Needleſs to ſay, the reſt of the attractions aren't that bad. There's a big ſanctum, and you can find fake Cryſtal ſtars there. Touriſts have been known to ſteal them and re-ſell them on eBay, claiming they are the real deal...but you didn't hear that from us.

Cooking Guide
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Welcome back, everyone, to the Cooking Guide section! This month, we are happy to bring out our special guest, Dyllis!

Today we...okay, Dyllis will show you all how to make the berry-filled icy treat, the Berry Snow Bunny!

Just as usual, we will show you a more tasty way to make this one of a kind treat. Yet this time, it is a double ingredient, so watch closely. Here is what you need:


 * A pound of Pink Apples.
 * An Ice Storm
 * A pint of Turtley Leaves
 * A blender.
 * A mixing bowl and spoon.
 * A bunny-mold.
 * A working Freezer.


 * 1) You must go to The Overthere, which may be hard if you're an evil person. If you're good, kill yourself, and grab all the pink apples in the tree, which should be roughly three. Then go to King Grambi and eat crow 'til he revives you back into life.
 * 2) Buy an ice storm at the nearest store. Yes, I know, it's that easy.
 * 3) Then find a Koopa Troopa and jump on it 'til you get the turtley leaves it is holding.
 * 4) Go to the kitchen with all the supplies listed above.
 * 5) Put the pink apples into the blender, and set it on low. This will take a while.
 * 6) Mix the ice storm in the mixing bowl and stir until it is as white as snow.
 * 7) Now put the mixture into the bunny mold, and then put it in the freezer for approximately 2 hours, 1 minute, 10 seconds, 5 milliseconds, and 8 nanoseconds.
 * 8) Take out the hardened white treat and put the turtley leaf on it to make a Snow Bunny.
 * 9) Now turn off the mixture, but make sure that it is absolutely liquid.
 * 10) Pour the liquid on the snow bunny.
 * Now, if all completely to perfection, you should have created a berry snow bunny. Eat it all, before it melts in the upcoming spring!

Ads
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This month's special item is none other than...Wario's crap,  I mean, cap. It's much more stylish than the boring Mario cap and horrendous Luigi cap.

Love the color yellow, but find all other headgears unfashionable? Well, it's your lucky day, because for a limited time only, Wario Caps are being given away. Oddly, this cap will give the wearer superhuman strength and a huge bulbous nose with a stupid looking mustache.

Side effects may include increased fatness, heart disease, diabetes, slowness, stupidity, increased cholesterol, abundance of gas, fatness, smelliness, extreme greed, high blood pressure, arrogance, and much more. Did I mention fatness?

Hurry while supplies last, because we don't Wario to find out his caps are missing...

Interview
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Hello to all those smart readers that love drama, this is Baby Mario Bloops, host of the Fake News section called the Fake Interview! Today's chat is with Rosalina, the princess of the universe! With nothing further to say, let us begin this interview!

Baby Mario Bloops: Well, how to begin... So, how is the observatory holding up?

Rosalina: Well, it's much better since Mario and Luigi saved it, and all my children are now happy.

Baby Mario Bloops: That's always nice to hear. So, is it hard remembering all the Lumas' names?

Rosalina: Not at all, it is quite simple when you have infinite time to memorize them.

Baby Mario Bloops: That's so nice, it reminds me of the storybook you read. Speaking of which, was it hard to tell that story to everyone?

Rosalina: Not really. I swore never to shed a tear, and my tempo has never changed since that promise. Of course I still have sorrow deep down for all things horrible.

Baby Mario Bloops: Sniff...I'm sorry, but hearing that is so sad. I mean, you watch as all Lumas transform, you see them die.

Rosalina: Yes, yet they are reborn into another Luma, though they are never the same.

Baby Mario Bloops: And then there is the story of your mother...

Rosalina: Yes, that is a story I would like to keep mostly a secret.

Baby Mario Bloops: Understandable, yet you seem to keep your life excepting the events of the Storybook a mystery. Why is that?

Rosalina: It must be because of the terrors and harshness I've experienced that I truly feel no one should hear.

Baby Mario Bloops: I know this might be demanding, but could you please explain a little more of yourself, such as your human family?

Rosalina: That I can help out with. I have a brother, a father, and a mother. Yet, as time passes, I remain immortal while their lives ended quite a while ago.

Baby Mario Bloops: Sniff...I feel your pain. At least since you met Mario, everything has been better.

Rosalina: That is true.

Baby Mario Bloops: Hey, is there any chance that you will be one of the main characters in later games, such as Super Mario Galaxy 2?

Rosalina: Well, you may see. Now it is time for me to go, but I will watch over all of you.

Baby Mario Bloops: Thank you for the interview, Rosalina. Bye everyone, and thanks for another successful interview by your one and only BMB!

Fake Sports
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Now that we have spent the better part of the month of February curling to our hearts' content, we get back into the world of professional sports with a bit of March Madness, Mario style! Due to recent injuries, fans are given fireproof suits upon entering the arena, and are advised to bring shields to protect themselves from flying objects. Other than that, I guess you can say it's a fun experience...as long as Duke doesn't win.

Fake Characters
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Wow, Nintendo is on a roll isn't it? They've released ANOTHER new game. This one's a cool one. It's the first Mario game to introduce Mario and Luigi's extended family. This means many new characters are going to appear. For instance, it introduces Mario's wife cousin. Her name is Sally Mario. She helps you along on your journey to save Princess Peach. You find her in the sixth world. Another character is Mario's Grandfather. His name is Grandpoppy Mario. He can be found at different levels to heal your HP completely. Next is Mario's Uncle! His name is Uncle Slario. He is found in the third world. The new game is called Super Mario Family Adventure and comes out in 2022 for the Wii and DS. It's a 3-D third person game. I'm looking forward to it!

Fake Shop
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Welcome to the Fake Shop! This month, we have all new items! Yep, that's what Fawful said! MORE!!! Here are the items of the month.

1st item: Magic Paintbrush (Totally wicked!!!)

Information: The item that first appeared in Super Mario Sunshine. It will let you paint anything, and whatever you draw will come to life!

Price: 1000 coins (What? It's rare, and awesome!)

2nd item: Bowser Kart (from Double Dash!!)

Information: This will run through any terrain! Crush the ground, and drive like crazy!!!

Price: 30000 coins (because it's a kart.)

3rd item: Shadow Mario Bandanna (TRANSFORM!!!)

Information: This is no ordinary bandanna; this one will let you transform into Mario. Shadow or not? You decide!

Price: 50 coins (cheap, right?)

4th item: Daisy's Dress (I know, I stole it from her, but what can I say? I'm a genius.)

Information: This dress comes in children's size, teen size, and even adult size! This may get you dates more easily. (Probably, I don't know.)

Price: 100 coins (Again... cheap.)

5th item: Mario's hat (Yes, it's real, but I cloned it! Mario still has his hat, and we are all happy, right?)

Information: Protects you from the angry sun that hates Mario and all of you. (What? He's ANGRY, right?)

Price: 1000000 coins (Sorry, but it is. It's Mario's hat, so talk to him about it.)

Well, those are our items for this month, and the gift cards are still raging on. That's right! Just head to the part of the talk page where it says “Gift Card shop”, or something like that. I hope to see you all later!