The 'Shroom:Issue LXIX/Fake News

http://www.thexephyrboard.net/XLights2.gif http://www.thexephyrboard.net/XLights2.gif http://www.thexephyrboard.net/XLights2.gif http://www.thexephyrboard.net/XLights2.gif http://www.thexephyrboard.net/XLights2.gif http://www.thexephyrboard.net/XLights2.gif http://www.thexephyrboard.net/XLights2.gif http://www.thexephyrboard.net/XLights2.gif    Fake News

Editorial
If you're reading this, it means the world didn't end - whoops!

Either way, not much of great importance to say here, except have a merry christmas and a great new year!

Also, remember to bug Gamefreak75: there's an image in his News Flush from a year ago he still hasn't uploaded. Do anything - throw stuff at his house, yell at him in the street, spike his water supply...there's a lot of ways to grab his attention. I'm sure, with...persuasion, we can get him to upload the image and save Christmas!

November's Section of the Month was Pyro's Travel Guide, with 23 votes. Ask Tucayo and DaShroom's Weather Forecast were close behind. Either way, congratulations!

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“Hello everybody, welcome to Shroom News the Mushroom Kingdoms top News program! I’m your anchor, Johnny Fungi. Our top story tonight, folks... the famous Mario and Luigi’s plumbing company, Mario Brothers Plumbing, is facing a storm of controversy due to allegations of fraud. For more, we go to field reporter David Mushstien has more.”

“Thanks Johnny, I’m here with Mary and David Toad who claim that they hired the Mario Bros. to fix their plumbing as well as put in a new toilet. However, they claim that despite paying for the job to be done in advance and the Mario Bros. promising that the job would be done in two weeks, they say that the Mario Bros. started the job only to disappear for three months after only doing half the work. Now Mary, would you like to explain what happened?”

“Thank you, David. Well, you see some of our pipes had rusted and needed to be replaced, so we hired Mario and Luigi to do it. And basically everything started off very well - after all they were professionals. But then they just didn’t show up and we had no way to get ahold of them. Finally, after about three months, they returned and proceeded to rush the job putting in the wrong type of pipe which caused all our waste to be shot back into the septic tank causing it to break. So now we are left to pay for the damage that they caused and we don’t feel that’s right, so we’ve decided to sue. Even though they are heroes, they shouldn’t be able to not do the job they agreed to do and then stick normal people like us with the bill.”

“Thank you Mary. Now, this isn’t the first time Mario Bros. Plumbing has come under fire. In the past, they’ve been accused of using their fame to push other plumbing companies out of business thus allowing them to be a monopoly on plumbing companies. And of course, there are the accusations that Mario isn’t actually a licensed Plumber, but rather he is a Carpenter. However, when we attempted to reach Mario and Luigi, they didn’t reply. And with that, we go back to the studio. This is David, signing out."

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Hey everybody, welcome back to some more Travel Guide, with your one and only Pyro.

Now, I have an invisible Santa hat on, so that shows I'm ready for CHRISTMAS. And getting a Wii U. But that's another story.

On my (short-lived) Christmas vacation, I traveled to a snowy island northwest of Decalburg, commonly referred to as "World 4". This snowy paradise has many attractions to see, but they're covered in snow anyways.

The main attraction is the gigantic, crystal snow fields blanketing this island. Now, I hate snow. Now, I'm saying "now" too much. Now. So, I slipped and crashed into the wall one too many times, but finally, after eight weeks, staggered into a non-slippery area.

The next attraction I came across was the Enigmansion, which towered over me. I entered for no reason and did two important, exciting things - How fun.
 * Infini-freaking-jumps.
 * Attacked by Boos.



After that heck of a time, I came across Shaved-Ice Cave, a cramped cave with a frozen person and a lot of stickers. Unfortunately, I blew all my money on Big Shiny Clone Jumps. After seeing that those stickers were useless, I demanded a refund. However, he responded with "I've got a wide variety of shiny stickers!". Him being encased in ice, I couldn't beat him up.

I then caught a ride on the famous Whiteout Valley Lift, where I was then attacked by a swarm of Fuzzies & Shiny Paragoombas. Apparently, these Fuzzies must have been genetically modified, for they didn't suck my blood - er, HP.

Finally, I went to the Bowser Snow Fort, the biggest attraction of all of them. Since I'm a bastard, I cut in front of the line and grabbed some sewing scissors along the way. Not that I needed them.

On the ride, I was pierced by spikes, suffered sharp turns, blown up, frozen by Ice Bros., thrown up by a giant statue, collided with pink nothingness, and fell off the rails quite a few times.

So, you can certainly see that I have been through a lot, and please give me insurance, becuase State Farm is just a good neighbor. See you next time, where I visit a less painful place. Also, MERRY CHRISTMAS, CHANUKAH, KWANZA, MY BIRTHDAY, AND WHATEVER HOLIDAY THOSE OTHER PEOPLE CELEBRATE!

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After making a fortune selling Brick Blocks, I decided to put my money to good use. Nope, I did not donate it to the Stop Violence Against Goombas organization. Instead, I have used my money to take vacations to the most bizarre and exotic places in the universe. The first stop was the newly discovered Spaguetti Unreleased Galaxy. Little did I know that I would make one of the biggest blunders in the history of everything by traveling to this dump…

When my Intergalactic Taxi Cab dropped me off at the Starting Planet, I was fascinated by the sight that beheld by me. There were giant meatballs and Parmesean Cheese Stars as far as the eye can see. Tomato sauce splotches decorated the sky as giant plates of spaghetti soared through the eternal darkness. This was the only positive part of my trip though.

After relaxing on the first day, the first place I decided to visit was the 'Ghetti Museum of Arts and Crafts. There were macaroni paintings and nood le statue of the Great Pasta Lords. At the back was the History of Pasta Making, but apparently someone ate the exhibit. How disappointing. Frankly, this bored me rather quickly and I decided to leave thirty minutes after arriving. The most popular site in this galaxy was supposedly the Meatball Falls, so I made my way through the Pasta Plains to go there. It was closed down because some idiot decided it would be a good idea to drink the water or sauce whatever this crap is. I wasted two hours of my time driving there just because some moron gets poisoned for by at their own will? Unbelievable! Finally, I just gave and decided to go to the Marinara Tar Pits. Everything seemed to be going fine. I got to view the poor beasts foolish enough to submerge themselves. Then disaster struck! There was a fork in the road. I just gave up bothering to try fun in this stupid place.

Finally, the most important part of this trip was to try their local delicacies. Turns out there's only one restaurant in this damn galaxy: The Spaghetti Noodle. I looked at their menu and my stomach immediately churned as I read the words. Spaghetti, Mushroom Spaghetti, Green Spaghetti, Blue Spaghetti, Fried Spaghetti, Spaghetti Pizza, and even Spaghetti Ice Cream. I didn't even bother to read the rest of it, since I immediately asked for a hamburger with fries and an orange soda. The food arrived in about two minutes, and I immediately knew something was not right. My “hamburger” was nothing more than a bunch of meatballs with noodles between two sesame seed buns. My “fries” were nothing more than dried spaghetti noodles. My “orange soda” was…surprisingly a normal glass of orange soda. I tried my best to finish the burger, but the taste of the meatballs along with some creepy green-garbed dude looking at me eat made me lose my appetite. I left without paying the bill. I canceled my vacation and immediately called a taxi to take me back home.

Overall, STAY AWAY FROM THIS PLACE. Even if you like spaghetti and pasta, it's not worth it. This entire galaxy is terrible. The attractions suck. The sites suck. The food sucks. The people suck. And now my life sucks. You don't want your life to suck. Please, just don't go here.

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Is your life extremely tiring? Ha, mine isn't! But if it is, then this CD is the perfect frisbee cure to your nonexistent problem! Why not get away from the hustle and bustle and rustle and muscle and apostle of daily life, and sail across the stars with Toadofsky's Songs from Spaguetti Unreleased Galaxy?

The most popular track on the CD is "In Space, Noodles Can Hear You Scream". It recently reached number 92 on the Top 100 songs for this week! 92! The album has gained a small amount of attention because it's very different from the kind of music Toadofsky usually composes - all of his previous albums, such as "Thrash" and "Burn Everything" were entirely classical, yet this one is heavy metal, and partially rap as well. It's also been 50 years since he last released an album. When we asked him about his long break and sudden change in style, he started crying uncontrollably.

If you're boring, this album will appeal to you, or if you're interested in astronomy and space, as there are many incorrect facts about space in these songs you may want to yell at.

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Hello! Welcome back to the next edition of Gamer Guide. Hosted by yours truly, Yoshi K.

This month had a title I found simply fascinating, it looks to be another great game!

General Info: Name: Sidekick Olympics Console: Wii

Yes, the newest Wii game, Sidekick Olympics! Sidekick Olympics was known in development as Luigi & Tails at the Olympic Games, but was changed due to the fact that many other series besides Mario & Sonic were included with their sidekicks.

Many characters are available in this great game, including Luigi, Tails, Waluigi, Metal Sonic, and many more!

This game also includes a great story mode! In this mode Bowser Jr. has crashed Olympic headquarters demanding all the gold medals be given to him! Who can stop him? Only the best sidekicks are up to the challenge! It's your job to give Bowser Jr. the beating he deserves!

So, heard enough? Make sure to get this great new game at your local store today!

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Hi everybody! Your hostess, Chivi-chivik, is back! And this is Cooking Guide, where we teach you how to cook excellent dishes!! So, let’s go!

Since today it was too late for us to go see one of the great chefs we know - don’t ask why - I’m going to cook today’s dish!

Me: Okay... you know it’s December. Oh my, time passes very fast!! And it’ll be Christmas soon... AGAIN... So this is a special somehow.

 Christmas Special 

Me: The last year we made a super complicated and delicious cake. Since I’m alone and things like that would take a looooooot of time to cook, this year I’ll make something easier (I hope)...

X-mas Shrooms

For us to do this we need a Snow Cone, a Cake Mix and an Ultra Shroom Shake. Yes, Ultra S. Shakes are not cheap, but since X-mas is once a year, it doesn’t really matter. I guess. Let’s begin with this!

Me: First of all, we need to mix the Cake Mix with water and sugar. It has to be a bit of the mix and a good bit of water, so we get a liquid instead of a dough. Me: Preheat the oven at 170º for 10 minutes. Me: Next, we open the shake and throw the content inside. Stir this a bit. Take a pair of tweezers, take the ‘shrooms out and put them on a plate. After this, put the plate in the oven, but be sure it is hot. Leave them there for 30 minutes.

--After those 30 minutes...--

Me: Take them out, and let it cool. We’ll continue when they have cooled.

--After waiting again...--

Me: Now, take the Snow Cone. Put it on a narrower bowl, and with help of a spoon make it have a real cone shape. Me: Take the shrooms and place them on the snow cone. Be careful, or it will fall!!

Me: You’ve probably noticed that this looks like an X-mas tree! I should’ve named this dish ‘X-mas tree’ but I wanted to give you a surprise! Me: That’s it. Here’s something that everybody will love, and now if you’ll excuse me... I have to eat this! *leaves*

Summary: X-mas Tree Shrooms

Ingredients: A Snow Cone, a Cake Mix and an Ultra Shroom Shake.


 * 1) Make a liquid from the Cake Mix, some water and sugar.
 * 2) Pour inside the Ultra S. Shake. Stir a bit, and take the mushrooms out.
 * 3) Put the ‘shrooms in the oven. The oven must have been preheated at 170º for 10 minutes. Leave them in there for 30 minutes.
 * 4) After that, let them cool.
 * Now, take the cone and make it have the shape of a cone. A narrower bowl will make the cone be taller.
 * 1) Place the shrooms as if they were X-mas tree decorations and stuff.

Effects: Gives you 7500 points.

Thanks for being here reading, Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate and until next Cooking Guide!!

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Merry Christmas, everyone! McZaky29 here with the sports report! *insert cool theme song here*

We’ll take you inside some football action between the Toad Town Fighting Mushrooms and the Castle Town Beanies, the Beanies traveling from Beanbean Castle Town inside the Beanbean Kingdom. The game was played in Toad Town, with the temperature at -9 degrees Fahrenheit. With the wind chill, though, it was -10. Toad Town won the coin toss and elected to kick off. Within the first 3 minutes, the Beanies scored on a 38 yard pass despite the Beanies not having hands having a 3rd down and 26. The Fighting Mushrooms almost scored with their own passing touchdown, but the receiver dropped the pass, without anyone within 10 yards of him. The Toad blamed the sun being in his eyes, which was contradictory to the fact that there was a thick cloud cover and a heavy snow. The Fighting Mushrooms were able to tack on a field goal. Around the start of the second quarter, the snow was piled up so high, the game was postponed until a snowplow arrived, almost 3 hours later. By that time, the temperature dropped 4 degrees. Not much happened in the second quarter, except for a 99 yard touchdown run with around 1 minute in the half to give the Fighting Mushrooms a 10-7 lead. The Beanies would tack on a field goal as time expired in the half to tie the game at 10. At halftime, multiple heating devices were carted into the stadium, as another snowplow rumbled in.

Midway through the third quarter, the Beanies threw an interception, taken by Toad Town to the 1 yard line, before fumbling into the arms(?) of a Beanie, who took the ball 102 yards for a touchdown. The score was 17-10 up until 10 seconds left in the quarter, where the Fighting Mushrooms scored a touchdown but the extra point was short. Castle Town scored a touchdown with 8 minutes in the quarter to make the score 24-16. The ball went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and you probably get the idea by now. With 9 seconds left in the game, Toad Town scored a touchdown, and made a two-point conversion to tie the game up at 24. On the Beanies last play of regulation, the quarterback was sacked, causing him to fumble the ball. Nobody realized this, and the sidelines came out on the field to prepare for overtime. However, the defensive tackle for Toad Town scooped up the ball and moseyed into the endzone. The officials called the touchdown, and the game was over, with one of the most blown finish in the history of football. Well, that’s all for this issue, and I can’t wait to bring you heated action in sports of all kinds in 2013, but as for now, this is McZaky29 saying, peace out, merry Christmas, and have a happy new year!

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For those of you folks planning to visit Spaguetti Unreleased's Galaxy, let me tell you about one of the finest restaurants here. This place, called The Spaghetti Noodle, is one of the oldest and most renowned places in this fine galaxy. It's specialty dish is spaghetti, but it also has some other dishes that some customers prefer.

I'll let you in on a little secret of my own: stay away from the Spaghetti with Brick Block Meatballs. The blasted meatballs are dry and chalky and I felt sick for the next week after I ate it. Everything else is edible, at least.

Oh and another thing, when the chef says not to eat the Spaghetti Mushroom, listen to him. The lady next to me didn't heed the warning and ate the thing. Just, please don't eat it. Why do they even serve these stupid things in a restaurant if we aren't supposed to eat them?

If you're a fan of spaghetti, I would recommend this restaurant. If you're not, I would recommend not only staying away from this restaurant, but this entire galaxy.

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HI, I'm our magical Statistics Manager, Tucayo, and welcome to Jackass Ask Tucayo! I love the holiday season, which is why this month's advice comes with an extra bit of holiday spirit. What does that even mean, you may ask. Well, I have no clue, to be honest, but it makes it seem as if this section is following the holiday spirit everyone has. Without more, let's get to the holiday-ish questions we have this month!

An anonymous reader who was dressed as a reindeer when I last saw him, asks:


 * I have this friend let's call him Captain Dan Troop and he wants to kill this guy who we shall call Bop1997 how do you think he should go about doing that?
 * Hello, Captain. Well, that type of question doesn't exactly set the holiday mood I talked about earlier, so I'll tell you how to bake him some Christmas Cookies. I know, you're probably thinking "you dumb Koopa, how will that even help?"; well, Captain, you have to listen to the whole plan first. No one can resist eating morbid amounts of food during Holiday time, so you'll be sending this Bop1997 person box after box after box of delicious home-baked Christmas Cookies, and when he least expects it, he'll be as fat as Queen Bean. When he reaches the shape of a perfect sphere, you simply roll him down a hill while singing some Holiday song, so as not to lose the holiday spirit

Next we have YoshiKong, who asks:


 * What would you do if you had a million dollars?
 * Of course, I would first buy about a dozen of those Christmas villages, I simply love them. It's all fun and games until something falls and breaks. After buying those, I'd most probably buy a huge house, which would leave me with somewhere around 400k. I'd then by a Ferrari Italia 458, which would leave me with around 150k. With the remaining money I'd buy everything on this website: I just love those stupid but awesome things, like this Pac-man hats.

Skylandude wants to know:


 * What Is Your Appearance?
 * I'm Just Wondering. http://www.marioboards.com/Smileys/default/waluigi.gif
 * Just wondering? More like you want to stalk me!! EEEK, POLICE!!!! Well, maybe if I hire some bodyguards you won't be able to do so. Yes, I'll do that so I can answer your question. I'm extremely good looking, that's all you need to know, really. But if you want to follow me you probably need more details... I'm about 1.82mts tall (6ft for everyone who doesn't understand the much simpler metric system), I have black hair (according to my mom it's long, but it really isn't) and dark brown eyes. Oh, I almost forgot the holiday spirit in this answer! And I am wearing a Santa Hat right now.

Frequent asker, Bowser45, wants to know:


 * Mr. Tucky the all knowing Snowman.
 * What do you want for Christmas? And also what's your opinion on Christmas trees?
 * A holiday-themed answer, great! You get some of the Captain's cookies. All I want for Christmas is you a dog. Seriously. I've always wanted a dog but my parents won't let me have one. It's kind of my childhood trauma. I already told them I'd trade all my gifts for a dog but they won't let me do that. Since my plan to get a dog has failed for like the 10th year in a row, I'll probably ask for a Kinect and some games. As for Christmas trees, I love them. I'm usually the one who puts it up in my house and in my grandparents' house. I like to put them up in the second-to-last week of November, even if some people think that's way too early. I'm also a firm believer that the more decorations, the merrier.

That's all for our SPECIAL HOLIDAY THEMED Ask Tucayo, if you have more questions, just send them to me! Remember, this section is as fun as you want it to be (that is just a way to blame you in case my section bored you). BYE!