MarioWiki:BJAODN/April Fool's 2018/Fit and Funky

Fit and Funky is a script produced by for a film loosely based on the Mario Kart series.

Summary
Toad is an undercover police officer on a mission to investigate the theft of Nintendo Switch shipments to Japan by unknown thieves who use advanced driving techniques to hijack the trucks. Toad, suspecting members of the underground karting scene to be responsible, goes to the Coconut Chill bar frequented by Funky Kong, the best racer in the country. His attempts to flirt with Funky Kong’s sister Tiny Kong lead him to be kicked out of the bar by Funky’s right-hand man, Morton Koopa. Needing to get in Funky Kong’s inner circle, Toad uses his covert identity as an employee of Luigi Tires to create the ultimate street racing car, the “Blue Falcon”. Toad then heads to a nightimer street race and enters the competition by promising to give the Blue Falcon to the winner

Before Toad can surrender his ride, the Police break up the race. Toad saves Funky from arrest, therefore gaining his trust. However, their escape brings them in « Sarasaland » and the two are promptly surrounded by a group of bikers and their leaders, Daisy and Dry Bones, and escorted to a parking lot. Funky Kong explains that his “family” and Daisy’s, whom he nickname “baby” due to her irritable nature, crew have been sworn enemies since a “banana contraband deal gone wrongo”. Daisy then destroys the kart, prompting Funky Kong to quip Toad owes him a “1 to 100 MPH rig”. The two head to Funky’s residence to “have a banana shake”. While Toad manages to bond with Tiny, the rest of his crew still intensely distrusts him.

The next morning, Toad brings a poorly painted but mechanically intact superbike as a replacerment for the Blue Falcon. Funky’s mechanic Waluigi inspects the bike and creates the blueprint for a “killer chopper” he calls the Flame Runner. Later that day, Toad heads to the police HQ and reports to chief Wario his infiltration of Funky Kong’s gang. Wario reminds Toad that despite his outwardly amiable exterior, Funky is a notorious criminal who spent two years in prison after violently bashing Krunch’s head with a wrench.

That night, Toad enters the gang’s garage to find evidence of crime but he is caught by Morton. Toad quickly makes up the lie he was checking the gang’s cars as he suspect the Sarasalanders of using “supercharged Golden Mushroom oil” that would give them an advantage in the upcoming Mushroom Cup. They then infiltrate Daisy’s “castle”, finding a stockpile of Nintendo Switchs and Toad manages to film an incident where Daisy assaults Luigi for not providing him working 150CC motors.

Based on Toad’s information, Chief Wario organises an Hammer Bros. raid on Daisy’s properties. The raid is a failure: The Switchs were bought legally and no evidence of foul play is found. Later that night, another truck is stolen.

Toad is brought to the police headquaters for reprimands. Wario, suspecting him of shifting loyalties, states that Funky was always the criminal responsible and that the truck drivers, tired of the police lack of progress have been arming thermselves with Red Shells for self-defense. The next morning, during a “family reunion”, Funky takes Toad aside in his garage where the Spear is stored. Funky explains that the Spear belonged to his Uncle Julius, who was a professional bike racer who died after Krunch bumped into his rear wheel. Funky then assaulted Krunch, something he deeply regrets, and developed a fear of riding bikes. Toad then takes Funky to the Mona Pizza and asks Funky “what his deal is”. Funky gives him the address to the Mushroom Cup to find out.

At the Mushroom Cup, Toad finds Waluigi is about to bet his car to Daisy in a drag race. Toad tries to dissuade Waluigi from running, explaining Daisy is a more experienced racer with a better car, but Waluigi refuses to listen and loses the race. Panicking, Waluigi escapes. Daisy then sees Funky and accuses him of having snitched her to the police. A brawl ensues.

Seeing Funky crew’s dudenly head out, Toad admits Funky is the criminal he was looking for and reveals his true identity to a shocked Tiny to find their location.

The crew attempts to steal another truck, but the truck drivers fight back with red shell, grievously hurting Morton. Toad appears riding the completed Flame Runner and manages to save the group. Seeing that Morton is in critical condition, Toad gives away his identity as a cop to call a medical helicopter, causing Funky and the surviving members to leave in disgust.

Toad goes back to Funky’s house to ask him about Waluigi’s whereabouts. Immediately as he does so, Waluigi arrives and apologise for what happened, only to be killed by Daisy and Dry Bones in a drive-by Bomb Omb-ing. Funky ram Dry Bones bike causing his bones to fall in the river. Unable to get a good shot at Daisy, Toad request air support to throw a Blue Shell, blowing up Daisy’s bike.

Toad returns to the house and sees Funky has taken out his uncle’s Spear, seemingly intending to suicide by colliding with the incoming Kalimari Desert train. Toad challenges Funky to a drag race and both manage to get past the train, although Funky soon crash the bike into a Wiggler truck. Toad gives Funky the flame runner, reminding him he owe a “1 to 100 mph” drive. Now a fugitive from the law, Toad rides in the sunset.

In a post-credit scene, Funky is seen doing wheelies in Bone-Dry Dunes.

Production
Although talks to direct a Mario-animated film broke down, the success of the Nintendo Switch reinvigorated the studio’s desire to make films based on Nintendo properties. Sony Pictures hoped that it could still produce films set in the Mario universe set around anciliary characters and form a cinematic universe. Executives wanted to play the role of Toad and  as Wario.