The 'Shroom:Issue XLVII/Fake News

Fake News

Editorial
Greetings, and welcome to the February issue of The 'Shroom. And although February is only the second month of the year, it is the first month of The 'Shroom under new management. The first month in a year of changes, if you will. For the coming year, I wish our new director and sub-director good luck and a clear mind.

Let us begin this year with a change right off the bat. As you may have noticed, it is not Ralphfan who is writing this editorial. Our previous Fake News director has been reassigned to a new position: the Statistics Manager. To fill the resulting gap, Super Mario Bros. has entrusted me, Edofenrir, with this directorial position. A decision like this can only be described as insane. But SMB most likely had something in mind, so let's just trust the guy and see what will happen.

Anyway, this is my first month here, so there is not much to say. Ok, maybe there is. I would like to welcome two new writers to our team. The first one is qrs22. He will be taking over Fake Games, the same section I used to write for some months ago. I am excited to see how he will handle this position. The second one is MST3K, well-known and well-liked moderator of our forums. He volunteered to take over Tucayo's old project, a gesture I appreciate very much. You can as well, by sending the guy some questions. I would also like to thank everyone who sent in their sections on time. It is your sense of duty that makes this project possible. Fake Interview, Cooking Guide, and Fake Shop will be submitted late this month due to illness and tight schedules respectively.

But anyway, let us work together to make the next year a great year for The 'Shroom. Be creative, be artistic, and most importantly, be ambitious! Give it your best and exceed your limits!

But enough ramblings from the old man. Let's proceed with what you are here for: The Fake News.

Fake TV
Written by: One day in the Mushroom Kingdom, the people were bored with the 5 or so shows they currently had on television. They decided they wanted something fun, but realistic. The stations discussed this, and decided NO. Instead, they gave them this: Big Plumber. It's some sort of reality TV show, but I'm not sure it's actually real; there are no plumbers in real life!

...Sorry, I've got to go. The plumber's here to fix the sink.

...Okay, I'm back. Now, onto the TV show!

Big Plumber, as I said before, is a reality TV show. This means it's real people, not just Toads and Rosalina. 18 people, known as housemates, stay in a fairly expansive house for about three months or so. These housemates are:


 * Luigi
 * Princess Daisy
 * Toadette
 * Wario
 * Birdo
 * A Gearmo
 * Goombario
 * Lemmy Koopa
 * Roy Koopa
 * Mona
 * MIPS
 * Gourmet Guy
 * Raphael Raven
 * Link
 * Pichu
 * A Chuckster
 * "Weird Al" Yankovic
 * Snufit Ball

Every week, they nominate 2 housemates for eviction, and the two with the most votes are nominated. One of them is voted out of the house by the public. They have to do tasks to get lots of food and stuff.

Currently, the show has only been running for 7 days, so we can only cover up to day 6. Let's begin.

Day 1
On Day 1, the housemates went into the house in the order specified above. As soon as she went in, Daisy began flirting with Luigi. Luigi was more interested in the awesome potted plants they have there. This soon stopped when Birdo came into the house, and every feeling was sucked out of the room. When Weird Al entered the house, everybody was happy again, and he sung a song to them. They mingled with each other, and went to bed.

Day 2
Everyone woke up, ate breakfast, and decided to sit on the sofa and talk.

Luigi was called to the Diary Room, a room with a huge chair, where he talked to Big Plumber. The two discussed many things, such as Luigi's process in the house, and their favorite plumbing techniques. Most of the other housemates were called to the Diary Room, talking about their progress.

They then were given some sort of task where they had to explain who they were and a few things about themselves after lunch. It was all going well, until Birdo stood up. Birdo clearly exclaimed that it was not a man. Stuck in disbelief, Snufit Ball exploded, sending everybody except Weird Al into unconciousness until day 4. The producers didn't call an ambulance because that would be unlifelike, and will soon claim compensation for the explosion.

To pass the time, Weird Al sung some of his songs to himself.

Day 3
Weird Al sung some more songs.

Day 4
At last, everybody woke up, just in time for the first nominations. Luigi, MIPS, Raphael Raven, Weird Al, Birdo, Lemmy, Roy and the Gearmo all voted for Birdo, as it was creepy (that's right, it voted for itself). Big Plumber soon revealed to the anxious housemates that Birdo and the Chuckster were nominated. However, it also revealed to them that Birdo and the Chuckster had a chance to put another housemate up for eviction if they won a task, which would take place on day 5.

Day 5
After 2 hours of waiting, the housemates learned what the task was: they had to admit their true gender.

...

Birdo won. It was very shocking. I haven't recovered since. He replaced himself with Pichu, and everyone was sad. Lemmy and Roy decided to play in the garden, while Raphael, the Chuckster, the Gearmo, MIPS and Toadette decided to make some food in the kitchen. Luigi, Daisy, Wario and Link stayed in the bedroom, while Weird Al sat on the sofa, next to Gourmet Guy, who was snacking on chips. Pichu was in the hallway, Goombario was in the shower, and Mona...was somewhere. Even I don't know.

Day 6
Today, the housemates had to take part in a task to win food. They dressed in purple jumpsuits and had to run around the house five times, before jumping on the spot and kicking each other in the face. Although it was fairly easy, they failed, which means they go hungry for a week. Annoyed at this, Wario began crying. He decided to punch the salad bowl, and soon it punched back. Then everyone began attacking the salad bowl, and soon they all were knocked out.

In short, this show is very confusing. Nothing much happens, and many of the housemates, mostly Weird Al, could never exist in real life. Thank you for reading anyway, and stay tuned.

Fake Game
Written by:

Good morning, afternoon, evening, or night to you all! qrs22 here, with the latest on the new Mario game on the Wii, "Yoshi's Story 2" !

STORY: Baby Bowser is making mayhem again on Yoshi Island, and now, not only has he stolen the Super Happy Tree, he's kidnapped almost all of the Yoshis! Meanwhile, somewhere in the Mushroom Kingdom, White Shy Guy (yes, THE White Shy Guy) receives the news of this horrible happening. He thinks to himself, "I can't simply abandon the Yoshis after all I've done for them! Yes, I shall help them!" And so, off he went, to Yoshi Island...

GAMEPLAY: You play as Yoshi with White Shy Guy following you around (in 2-player mode, the second player controls White Shy Guy) helping you out in various ways. You'll need it, as this sequel is considerably harder than the original for the Nintendo 64. You go through 10 worlds with 10 levels each (including boss levels at the end of each world). The goal of each level is to eat 30 fruits, except for the boss levels, in which, of course, you have to beat the boss. The first level (1-1, Saving the Super Happy Tree) involves talking to the few Yoshis that are left to get vital information. The plot takes a twist halfway through World 3 (3-4, Bowser Learns His Lesson... Or Not) as the Koopa Troop decides that they've had enough of Bowser's cruel ways. Bowser, of course, does the only thing he can: gets Kamek to do his dirty work. Now all the Koopas, Goombas, and Shy Guys are under a horrible spell that can only be broken by restoring the Super Happy Tree. At the end of it all (10-Boss, Heeeeeeeere's Bowser!), the Super Happy Tree is back, and everyone is praising Yoshi! Of course, Yoshi has to give credit where credit is due...

ENDING: Random Koopa - "Thank you, Yoshi. You saved our butts back there. We don't know what we would've done without you." Yoshi - *shakes head and points at White Shy Guy* "Yoshi!" White Shy Guy - "Who, me?" *blushes* "Aw, shucks. It was nothin'." ? - "Hey, you!" White Shy Guy - "Huh?" Blue Shy Girl - *hugs White Shy Guy* "Oh, my gosh! It's you!" White Shy Guy - "What do you mea-- whoa. I know you." Blue Shy Girl - *rolls up sleeve to reveal half a heart tattoo* White Shy Guy - *rolls up sleeve to reveal the other half* Random Koopa - "Aww!"

And so, the Shy Guy and Shy Girl walked off together into the sunset. The End.

Thanks for reading! Don't buy my book, I don't have one. Goodbye!

-qrs22

Fake Sports
Written by:

Mario faced off against Waluigi this month in the. Mario had a big lead in the fourth round, and the match appreared to be over. But was it? NO! WALUIGI TIME! Waluigi dominated, landing three stones in the center of the target for the next three frames each. After the victory, we went to interview Waluigi.

Ralph: Waluigi, how did you feel trailing in the fourth round by such a large deficit?

Waluigi: NO! WALUIGI TIME!

"WALUIGI TIME" t-shirts are now on sale. Hooray capitalism.

Fake Weather
Written by:

Here is my Fake Weather:

I walked outside, disgusted by all the Valentine's Day lovers. They gave chocolate and flowers to each other and the whole bit. I then heard thunder. Everyone saw a storm coming and some people started screaming. Then, Crack! Crack! Crack! The thunder was heard and then it started down pouring. However I noticed something about the rain. It appeared to be brown and rather thick. I then heard cheers from the other lovers. I stuck out my tongue and realized that it was Chocolate Rain! I ran inside to grab a bucket and started filling the bucket. More rain came and it was very windy Suddenly the wind picked up the chocolate and made a Chocolate Hurricane! It tore down all the houses, picked up my chocolate bucket, took in all the lovers, and ate ate the metal poles. My house was gone to, so I took shelter in an bomb shelter downtown. This is New Super Mario saying, "Chocolate is now not tasty, but evil."

Fake Characters
Written by:

Hola everyone, it's DyegoHalliwell with the Fake Characters of February. Before you start to read, I want to say, that this is my 6 month on the Shroom, so, yay! It's a half year of coming up with this characters, I hope they make you laugh as hard as on hell (?). No, seriously, I hope y'all like it, heeeere they are ...!

Bawsy, the Wicked
Toadies and koopentlemen, here the spoilery, paper being, untalented, non-stop pooping, Bawsy! The brand new koopaling, which resulted to be the aunt of Bowser, one million times removed by marriage, once re-added by undivorce system. Many people knows her as "The Wicked", some says that it's because of her bad luck, others that is because of her diabolical hair, but what no one knows, it that it's for both of that reasons! (including everytime she wakes up, there's a chicken tied to her face, not allowing her to even breath) Including other random things, she often suffers of Witch nails, stupid hair and has losed one teeth.

Hyper Goombariana
Goombariana, was once upon a time, a long time ago, a normal goomgirl who some random day became the sister of Goombella, and as she though Goombariana was way more beautiful than her, she turned her into a ugly and demented hyper goomba. Since that time, Goombariana started to live alone, and protected her house against vampires with pumpkins. A lot of reporters from the Shroob team have telled everyone that she begin to drug herself and smoke, but the truth is that her houes was on fire and the pumpkins exploded. So, the bad news, she's dead, the good news, I was lying!

And also, a final message, I want to give my special welcome to Edofenrir as the new director of Fake News, congratulations!

Written by:

You may get the impression that every Mario character lives forever. However, this is not right. Many inhabitants of the Mushroom World die every day. One day, Bowser was walking along when he suddenly died of a nosebleed. Instead of paying for a funeral, Ludwig von Koopa decided to resurect Bowser as a Boo...and make Bowser Jr. pay for it all. The result? Bowserboo.

Bowserboo looks like a regular Boo with Bowser's eyebrows, hair and horns. He isn't very big, and certainly isn't as powerful. He can't attack Mario with fire, or his claws, so he has to use the element of surprise: cobalt. He throws some cobalt at Mario from a roof. It's good for him, because he turns invisible when Mario sees him. If he was alive, the magnets he always carried around in his pockets would attract either him to the cobalt or the cobalt to him, which could have had some messy results...

Bowserboo didn't do much significant stuff since he died, but, one day, he received a letter, written in a foreign language, advertising car insurance. However, when he turned it around, he found it was a letter from Mario, saying that he had kidnapped his children. Bowserboo was very angry - for he could not save on his car insurance. He decided to go and beat up Mario. He travelled through treacherous weather...or around it, since he's a Boo...

He finally reached Mario's house, where he found Mario, laughing on piles of car insurance letters. Bowser was sickened by this; he burst through the door...nowait, he flew through it. He finally appeared to Mario and the two began to talk:

"Hello, Mario." Said Bowser. "Hello, Bowser." Said Mario. "I believe you owe me some car insurance." "I think not." "I think so. If you don't give me the car insurance, I'll move your potted plants." "Dear lord, no! Just get out!" "Fine then. I'll take your children." Bowser floated towards the Koopalings. "They're your children." "..."

And so, Bowser took all of the Koopalings home (except Bowser Jr., he's a twit).

Thank you for reading.

Fake Ad
Written by:

Welcome, faithful galactic adventurers.

What? You're not galactic adventurers? Perfect targets. >

Man this bag is heavy. What's in this bag you ask? Well only the most precious item in the galaxy.

* everyone whispers, wondering what's in the bag*

THEY'RE STAR BITS!

These small things may not look all that special, but I guarantee that they're the tastiest things you'll ever taste. They are a favorite among galactic princesses, overweight stellar things, and even by greedy merchants. Each star bit is made with 100% spatial elements found…well…in space.

Also, these items are really hard to come across. I mean, they’re very rare. It’s not like you can get them by killing every harmless enemy you see. It’s not like they just fall from the sky…that’s preposterous! I mean, do you know where these things may have been?! o_O

Best part is the taste of these small delicacies. These items taste like milk and honey! You can eat them as is, frozen, or even in a bowl…with milk…and honey! Star Bits come in six galactic colors: yellow, green, red, purple, blue, and white! If any strangers ask you for star bits, it's highly suggested you don't comply. They're just a bunch of scammers trying to take your star bits.

The ironic part is that I only accept star bits as payments for these, so...

Ask '3K
Written by:

Howdy to all you ‘Shroom readers out there. It is I, ‘3K with the first ever section of Ask ‘3K, the spiritual successor to Ask Tucayo. The deal with this is pretty much the same: you guys ask questions, and I’ll attempt to answer them as best as possible. I haven’t gotten many questions for the first entry, but enough for a Fake News section. I hope you guys enjoy!

QuizmoManiac wants to know: So why was Tucky's 3rd patroller term only 2 minutes?

Well, Quizmo, I believe the man himself answered this in the last issue. For those of you that missed it: Hi Quizmo! Hehe, good question, good question indeed. Some of you who browse Userpedia, or stalk me at the MW may have noticed I had a third patroller term which lasted around 2 minutes. Now, why is this? There had been some issues with patrollers not being able to mark edits as patrolled (ironic, isn’t it? Patrollers not being able to patrol…), so I was demoted to Patroller by Stooby during a wiki downtime, in which basically just Stooby and I had access to the wiki (I think Edo had access too), so I could check if the problem had been solved. It had, so I was repromoted to Sysop again.

Gamefreak75 inquires: Besides Pharaoh Man, who is your favorite Robot Master?

Y’know, I’ve never really thought about that. If you count the Mega Man Killers, then it’s Punk. If we’re not, then I’m probably going to have to say Napalm Man….. or Skull Man……Sheep Man maybe…… Metal Man?........possibly Knight Man….. Freeze Man’s pretty cool (har har), Shadow Man gets points for being a ninja, no, Napalm Man. Definitely Napalm Man. Yeah.

Edofenrir asks: Hello MST3K. How come you picked Bowser Jr. as your favorite Mario character?

A multitude of reasons, really. He’s got the whole “I’m gonna grow up and be just like Papa” thing going for him, which I find endearing. Also, under his control, he has one giant robot, a giant dragon, a combat mech, a battle tank, and a paintbrush that can warp reality, which I find awesome. There’s the fact the he has no mother and (somewhere on the wiki states) that he gets lonely, which I find kind of tragic. And, dang it, he’s cute and I’m comfortable enough in my masculinity to admit that. To put it into TVTropes lingo, he’s a Badass Cute Monster that I’ve kind of Woobified.

Ralphfan is dying to know: Why don't you visit the chatroom?

To be perfectly honest, I forget it’s there.

And that’s it for this month. I didn’t get as many questions as I wanted, but there’s always next month (hint hint). See y’all next month…. Though I’m on a computer and can’t really see any of you…you get the idea.