The 'Shroom:Issue LXXI/Fake News

Fake News

Editorial
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the fakest news of all, the Pipe Plaza! Wait, no, this is Fake News. Oh fiddlesticks.

So, what's new? Well, this month has had plenty of staff changes. We'll start with the members of staff who have resigned: after a really long time writing the Cooking Guide, has had to quit, because she's moving to another country and will be unable to write, and recently hasn't been finding enjoyment in writing the section anymore. It's sad to see somebody who's been writing for a long time quit, so we wish her the best of luck in the future! Also quitting is, who wrote the Weather Forecast, has also quit, because his computer broke. However, he says he can return sometime in the future, so we'll be looking forward to that!

As for the hirings: two people applied for the Police Blotter at the same time, and we liked both applications. Deciding between them was too much effort too hard, so we just hired them both. Congratulations to and !

Before we go, it's that time of month again. What time of month, you may ask? It's the time of month where, every month, we announce the monthly winner of the Section of the Month for last month. But who won last month's Section of the Month for Pipe Plaz...damnit, Fake News? It was the Travel Guide, by, with 35 votes! 's Ask Tucayo was the runner-up.

So, have a great Fakebruary and enjoy the Fake News!

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Written by:

Love is in the air. Stay inside, kids, as I almost died from the pollution.

Instead of breathing, why don't you take your true love on a honeymoon to 40 Below Fridge? It's the biggest refrigerator in the Mushroom Kingdom, and is a perfect place for cold relationships.

Staying in this appliance is not very expensive, as it's only 100,000 coins for a heated suite, compared to the expensive nothing for regular rooms outside. I stayed in the suite, and the room service was excellent. They brought me frozen foods every night. It was hard.



After a terrible night of depressing dreams, I happily woke up and saw Keyzer. I immediately grabbed him, as he is so cute and cute. Did I mention cute?

While exploring, I found four rocks that fit together to form a diamond. I shortly trashed it afterwards, however. It didn't do anything when I got back. But whatever. I couldn't stay for long, for I had ran out of money after the suite stay, as MCD only pays me 10 coins an issue, and the rest is from...uh...

Finally, I found a frog resting on a switch. I hit the frog to see what happened if I did. I heard a giant "HURRY UP!" and I only had 2 minutes to get out, because I was playing Super Hard Mode. Keyzer ditched me and I had to make a run for it to get to the exit.

I barely got out alive.



The one thing this fridge taught me is that refrigerators are death traps. I can't wait to throw a few people in there.

See you next time, where I visit something more painful! I must suffer, or you'll never vote me as the best section. Now it's time for me to play my daily dose of WarioWare: Smooth Moves.

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Hello! Welcome back to the next edition of Gamer Guide. Hosted by yours truly, Yoshi K.

This month Luigi gets a game that is (practically) his own.

General Info: Name: Luigi Time Console: Wii U

This game is a traditional Mario platformer. With the whole Luigi vs. Bowser thing like that. Wait, what? That's right! In single player mode, you play as Luigi instead of Mario! It's finally time for the green-clad plumber to overshadow his older brother in this game!

The game's controls mostly concern the Wii U GamePad, using the Left Control Stick to move. B to jump, Y to dash, and the D-Pad to change the viewing point on the map.

This also features multiplayer mode! Up to 4 players can join using Wii Remotes. Playing as Mario, Yoshi, Toad and Wario, those 4 players can help Luigi stop Bowser's plan.

However, the game also features a competitive mode, the playable characters being the 5 mentioned above on the Heroes side, and Bowser, Bowser Jr., Hammer Bro., Koopa Troopa, and Goomba on the villains side! The heroes are trying to advance through the levels like the regular game, while the villains are trying to stop the heroes! One villain controls a Wii Remote, using special powers to try and defeat the heroes, while the other villain controls the GamePad and tries to create obstacles and abysses to stop the heroes.

Whatever mode you play, this is a great game! I recommend it, so make sure to stop by your local game shop and pick this game up today!

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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Chief Alexneushoorn, and this is MKPNN (Mushroom Kingdom Police News Network) aka Police Blotter. If you wonder what happened to your previous Chief Travix Man, MCD had to let him go. I know it's sad, but I promise I will be a good chief like Travix Man. Now, my corps and residents of the Mushroom Kingdom have reported a few crimes to me. Let's have a look at them, shall we?

Sticker Museum Theft

The Sticker Museum has many rare stickers. The Thing stickers the museum houses are so rare, that it attracted Ludwig von Koopa to stealing all of them. Late at night, the Koopa busted in to the museum on a speeding motorcycle, and drove down the staircase leading to the museum. With his strength, Ludwig von Koopa knocked out the guards guarding the door to the museum. He opened the door to the Sticker Museum. Driving into the colossal underground museum, Ludwig immidiately rushed into lowest halls of the Thing Sticker exhibits. He grabbed all the Things and peeled off all the Thing stickers he could get his hands on. Suddenly, the alarms started to shout. Ludwig then drove back up the staircase and took off to Warm Fuzzy Plains, with my burliest agents O'Chunks and Donkey Kong pursuing him in a police car. Ludwig managed to knock O'Chunks out of the car with a rock he had with him. Afterwards, DK ordered my helicopter force (consisting of a Toad piloting the helicopter and me holding a tranquillizer filled with sleeping gas) to take Ludwig out. With a headshot I knocked the Sticker and Thing Thief out. Ludwig will be staying in prison for a month for museum robbery.

That's all for now. Next month, we will have more news. I'm Chief Alexneushoorn and i say: Good night.

Written by:

Hello there, this is your friendly marioman1213, but you can call me Roserade (I know, Pokemon name, sue me.)! I'm new to the Fake News (however I've tried before), and I'm hoping my job as the Police Blotter will pay off!

* crew member whispers in ear*

WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T GET PAID?!?!

Anyway, onto the stories!

1. Unknown Bandit Strikes the Toadly Bank

Last week, a siren went off at a nearby bank, none other than the famous Toadly Bank, known to be filled with Super Mushrooms, Ice Flowers, etc. Anywho, when police arrived, they found a piece of green cloth. Investigators have decided that whoever robbed the bank loves to dance and battles in Super Smash Bros. Nobody knows who the culprit is, but they stole all the Mushrooms and left a note that says, and I quote, "I needed the Mushrooms to heal my brother Mario, I will pay you back." If you know who the culprit is, please call Toad Bros. Police Station. There is a 3 rubies reward.

2. Ludwig Kills Local Toad

This morning, Ludwig van Koopa rolled into town in what is described as a "tank with arms and legs." Anyway, his... thing rolled over Toadlover Gertoad. Many witnesses called the police at the same time, causing alot of pandemonium. When police finally arrived, they found that Ludwig had escaped with other evildoers in the area. Chief Foothandtoad found tracks that lead to a lake, but Ludwig van Koopa was nowhere to be found. Please call Toad Bros. Police Station if you find clues to where Ludwig went. There is a 25 rubies reward for good clues.

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Written by:  Koohitsu

Here I am. Back with the interviews.

After having spent the last months as livestock, and undertaking a perilous journey involving dungeons, evil wizards, and a drunken sailor, I have finally found a way to reverse the curse placed on me by my last guest. Let me tell you, being a pig when you live above your grand-parents' restaurant is not an experience I would recommend.

And so my epic quest continues. Join me one more month in which I try to do an interview that will earn me more money than it costs. Today, I invited a really harmless guest. He is well-mannered, he is civilized, he is boring, and most importantly he will most likely not attack me or break anything!

Please welcome: Toadsworth

"Good evening, sir."

"Ehrrm... yes... Tidings."

"Is something wrong?"

"Yes... that is... no. No. Yes. Well..."

"You seem to be very nervous."

"Well... you see... I usually spend most of my time in the castle. I have never been so... deep in... err... enemy territory."

"Oh."

"Don't worry, this part of Dark Land is very boring, even more so than the rest. The next settlement is two miles away. Nobody ever comes here voluntarily."

"Yes, it does appear to be quite rural here. Maybe you are right."

"This place is sleepy, we don't even get internet out here. I had to lay an impromptu wire of several miles myself just to tap the local network. And every time someone runs their tractor over it, my connection shorts out."

"Tapping a wire like that sounds very dodgy. Is that even legal?"

"On to the first question."

"But..."

"On to the first question!"

"Mr. Toadsworth, please tell us a bit about yourself."

"Certainly. I go by the name of Toadsworth, and I am the steward of her highness, Princess Peach."

"Do you have any hobbies?"

"I usually spend my free time worrying about the well-being of the princess."

"And aside from that?"

"This is Princess Peach we are talking about. There is no "aside from that"."

"But there has to be something else you like to do."

"Well, in my youth I was quite the adept at caber tossing. I could fling a log up to Star Haven and back! Good times."

"So you were a caber tosser?"

"When you say it like that it sounds rather ungentlemanly. Please do not."

"Ok, sorry. But I mean, do you really throw logs around like that?"

"No, I do not. As I already said, I have a very unforgiving schedule."

"You don't like talking about your free time, don't you?"

"Well, I would rather not worry about worrying about the princess. If you would chivvy along to the next subject, that would be quite nice."

"Ok, fine. As I have read earlier, you were recently nominated for the "Mushroom Kingdom's Manliest 'Staches" award. How does that make you feel?"

"I am proud. I have poured so much effort into grooming my moustache! It really is quite the smashing sight, is it not?"

"It does look pretty nice."

"Just between you and me: I have but the deepest respect for Master Mario, and we are forever grateful for what he has done for us, but his moustache is just not glorious enough to justify all the praise he gets. He is still too young to understand what a true moustache can be."

"I'm not all that into mustaches though."

"A shame, but understandable. You need a refined taste and experience to appreciate a fine 'stache. Why, just yesterday I went to the local store to buy groceries, and the shop keeper said: "Mr. Toadsworth, what a great and wonderful honour it is to have you and your facial hair grace my humble shop! Please allow me to give you a 100% discount!""

"Wait, I thought you live in the castle. Do you really need to buy your own groceries?"

"Hmm.... no... I just like to hear people comment on my moustache."

"I see."

"It is not just about looking sharply though. Having a moustache like mine also comes in great handy."

"Oh? How so?"

"Well, my moustache is not only groomed to achieve maximum gentlemanliness, but also to be most absorbent."

"I don't really see how that would be useful."

"But it is, my dear. My 'stache is so absorbent, whenever I have a good cup of tea, my 'stache sucks it right up, like a particularly smashing sponge you wear in your face."

"That sounds annoying, rather than useful. What is this good for?"

"Think about it, lass! What if I am on road later, and get thirsty? Why, all I have to do is suck on my 'stache and I have a tasty beverage right then and there! It is amazing!"

"But you just said you spend all of your time in the castle. When would you ever be in a situation like that?"

"All right, all right! I just like having a tea-soaked moustache. Is that so wrong and weird??"

"Yes?"

"Well, you are just too young and daft to understand it."

"Or maybe you're too old to realize you're rambling nonsense?"

"Filthy urchin!"

"Hello?"

"Eek!"

"There is no use staying silent! We heard your rather pointless conversation! Open the door!"

"No, you must be mistaken, nobody is home!"

"We know you have the steward of Princess Toadstool in there. He is trespassing and must be handed over to the authorities immediately! Open the door!"

"Oh cor blimey!!!"

"Ok Frank, let's break down the door."

"Well, it looks like this impending police raid is a good time to bring the interview to an end. It has been nice. Sorta. Do you have any final comments, Mr. Toadsworth?"

"Master Mmmmaaaaaaaarioooooooooooooo!!!"

"I couldn't have said it better myself."

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Welcome to the Sports Report! I’m your host, McZaky29! Today, we’ll dive into everyone’s favorite sport, BOWLING!!! baseball! After baseball’s far too short hiatus, players were more than ready to get onto the field in the game between the Flower Fields Bub-ulbs and the Cloudy Climb Ruff Puffs. The first pitch of the game was a deep ball into left field. It would have resulted in a stand-up triple for the Bub-ulbs, but the batter took the bat with him, striking players in the head as he went along. The player was immediately benched. The rest of the inning was low-key. The first three pitches for the Bub-ulbs were all singles, with the fourth being a grand slam to put the Ruff Puffs right on top, 4-0. The Puffs, as they are sometimes called, put up 13 more runs in the rest of the inning. In the top of the second, the Bub-ulbs managed to drive in a run without hitting anyone on the head. The Ruff Puffs made the efforts of the Bub-ulbs seem like nothing once more, putting up 6 more runs. The score was 23-1.

No one scored again until the bottom of the fifth, where the Ruff Puffs drove in 8 more runs, all via home runs. The Bub-ulbs, by the seventh inning stretch, found themselves in a 49-2 hole. The Puffs, in the bottom of the seventh, managed another four runs to put themselves up by 51. There was a ceasing in runs until the top of the ninth. The Bub-ulbs opened the inning right up with 7 runs, needing only 44 more to continue the game. The Bub-ulbs gradually produced another 16 runs to cut the lead to 49-25. The Puffs finally stepped up their game, getting two outs. At this point, everyone thought it was all over. Sure enough, on the very next play, the Puffs got the third out that they needed. But apparently, you aren’t allowed to put other players in a chokehold so that you can get them out. Moving on. After the violation of the rules, the Bub-ulbs drove in run after run, putting up 22 more. There were two runners on, 3 balls, 2 strikes. The ball was hit very high, and a Ruff Puff jumped for the ball. However, the ball bounced off of his mitt, over the fences, and was counted as a home run to miraculously put Flower Fields up 50-49. Cloudy Climb, in the bottom of the ninth, got three outs on their first three at-bats, securing a crazy Bub-ulbs win. The top of the ninth helped the Bub-ulbs go down in history, now holding the record of most points scored in an inning, highest score, biggest comeback, and most consecutive points. That’s all for this month! Check back next time for more amazing sports stories! McZaky29, signing off

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HI, readers! I am your athletic Co-director, Tucayo, and welcome to another installment of that section where you send me questions and I do my best to give a coherent answer. I've had a constant turnout, and I like that, keep it up. Well, let's go to the questions.

Your favorite paper creature (aside from me, of course), asks:


 * Dear Mr. Paratroopa-who-is-now-an-anthropomorphic-tiger, I have a question for you.
 * I know you're a big Coldplay fan, and so I ask: what's your favorite Coldplay song ever?
 * Regards,
 * Mr. Arsonist paper-made Yoshi
 * Hello, fellow Shroom-person! First of all, I want to say I was extremely disappointed when Coldplay cancelled their Latin American Tour, I was really looking forward to seeing them live on this tour. My wallet is happy, but that's another story. To address your question; I got into Coldplay shortly after they released Viva la Vida or Death And All His Friends, so, at that moment, I had only heard that album and their most popular songs. I immediately picked Viva la Vida as my favorite. But of course, after realizing how much I liked their music, I digged into their other albums. And in X&Y, probably their most underrated album, I found my favorite song: Swallowed in the Sea. Here's the song with lyrics, for everyone who hasn't heard it.

is next, and he asks:


 * Mr. Tuck Everlasting, what is your favorite food?


 * Lasagna, hands down But there are several types of Lasagna. Some only have the pasta layers and the Bologna sauce on top, and, while I enjoy them, they lack substance. My favorites are the ones that include cheese, spinach, goat cheese and some other stuff. Restaurants usually have the first one I talked about, so the only way to get that second one is to do it yourself. Or to have someone do it for you.

Debutant writer wants to know:


 * Dear Tucky, my dear friend,
 * What was the first video game you ever got?
 * Back in Christmas Eve 1999 (or was it 2000?) I got a Nintendo 64 from my grandparents with Super Mario 64, so that was the first game I owned. One day after that, Christmas, I was very surprised to see another Nintendo 64 under the tree. Just imagine, a 5-year old kid (or was I 6? I don't remember) with two Nintendo 64's; I was extremely happy. The second one came with Mario Kart 64. You're probably thinking why did I need two Nintendo 64's; well, let me tell you, that second one was stolen about 5 years ago, so now I still have one.

And I think that's all for this month. My PM's are flooded with stuff from my Mafia game, but I think I managed to rescue all the questions. If you want to be featured on this section, just send me a PM. BYE!