The 'Shroom:Issue LXXII/Fake News

Fake News

Editorial
Welcome to another edition of the Fake News! Today, we're faker than ever. Really. Just listen to what the new Pope said about us:

"marry me"

(quote 100% real)

Look out for a special announcement at the end of Ask Tucayo, by the way.

Last month's Section of the Month was won by Koohitsu and the Fake Interview/Monthly Inquisition, with 33 votes. Toadbert101 and Pyro were close behind, with the Fake Ads and Travel Guide, respectively.

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Written by:

Hey hey hey, ladies and Goombas, and welcome to Pyro's Travel Guide, where my pain is your pleasure.

Right now, I'm still stuck in a pyramid after escaping from that deadly fridge (it has now been declared a public health hazard and is currently being fumigated), so I decided to explore some more. I came across a magical (did I actually use that word?) place - Arabian Night!



The Arabian Night is filled with all kinds of things to keep you amused until you die - er, leave. The main attraction is the bountiful supply of magic carpets that you can ride on all over the place! However, they somehow explode in water, and you have to keep leaping and leaping to make the carpet go higher. Also, there's a whole superdome full of vampire birds.

The only accommodation is quite comfortable, as the bellhop will let you choose what you sleep with - spiky rocks, hostile bees, or vampires. I chose the bees, but I soon found that they loved me and kept ramming into me. I hate bees, but unlike Wario, I never get an allergic reaction. Yet I still found myself thinking of suing them.

As with the fridge, there are jewels and Keyzer here. I missed Keyzer, but those jewels are all over the place. Only this time, they are blue! Blue is my least favorite color! I ignored the jewels and instead robbed the entire Arabian town of its surplus of diamonds. Oh, and there was a CD too, but it just played the sound of footsteps and cars.



The only downside to this wonderful asylum is the massive amount of monsters. I found myself multiple times right in the middle of swarms of Onomīs, trying to cut my head off. There were a bunch of Skeleton Birds, too, but I avoided them in fear of becoming A ZOMBIE.

So, that's it for Travel Guide! See you next time, folks, where I...honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Now how in the world do I get out of this place? Hey, there's a switch over there...

HURRY UP!

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Written by:

Hello! Welcome back to the next edition of Gamer Guide. Hosted by yours truly, Yoshi K.

This month we have another stupid new game, and a new app.

General Info: Name: Sup3r Mar10 Br0s. Console: W11 U

Sup3r Mar10 Br0s. is a completely bad version of the game Super Mario Bros. a game for the W11 U, downloadable off the special L33t Sh0p.

The L33t Sh0p is a complete rip-off I WANT MY MONEY BACK!! downloadable app on the Wii U special edition, the piece of crap W11 U! Offering many games from the L33t Hamm3r Br0z. developing company! Their crappiest newest title is the one I am talking about here in this very article, Sup3r Mar10 Br0s.!

Sup3r Mar10 Br0s. has 3 normal worlds, 1 special world, and 00 challenging levels levels that will make you frustrated! There are 10 levels in each of the worlds that you go through. To win the game, Mar10 and Lu1g1 must save Pr1nc3ss P3ach from B0ws3r. This game might be a title you would want if you are looking for an extremely crappy game a traditional Mario platformer with a brand new twist!

The controls are simple, press 3 to jump, 1 to crouch, 0 to dash, and the special L33t control stick to move! What? You have no idea what these are? neither do I These are the controls that are used on all L33t Sh0p games!

So how about it? After reading this, you definitely should go pick up the W11 U, download the app, and play the game! Be careful though, the W11 U is not sold in stores, you have to call the L33t Hamm3r Br0z. company to get it!

Call One eight hundred RIP-OFFS Now!

There I gave your stupid products false praise now where's the paycheck I was promised

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Written by:

Hello, dear people. It's your Bounty Hunter Koopatrol, Chief Alexneushoorn. My officers brought 3 thugs into their cells. Let's look at the stories.

1. Bowser and K. Rool's Big Switch

Bowser and King K. Rool were bragging about who is the better villain, and then they decided to find out who is the better villain. K. Rool rushed to Toad Town to kidnap Peach and Bowser rushed to Donkey Kong Island to steal Donkey Kong's Banana Hoard once again. Unfortunately, when K. Rool arrived in Toad Town, Mario saw him and contacted HQ. Officer Smashtoad came to the scene and put K. Rool under arrest. K. Rool then told Smashtoad that Bowser was on his way to DK Island. Smashtoad then send his son, Agent Brawltoad to arrest Bowser. After finding Bowser on the open sea, the overgrown reptile was arrested. Bowser and K. Rool will be serving 6 weeks in prison.

2. Spike's Birthday Blowout

Spike's birthday was nearing, and he invited all his friends, except Wario, because he would eat all the cake. Angered by this, Wario decided to crash the party. While Spike was out shopping, Wario broke down his front door and put a Bob-omb in the cake Spike baked. When the party started, Wario looked from a distance. Spike then put on what he thought was a candle that stuck out of the top of the cake, but it was actually the Bob-omb's fuse. The cake exploded on contact with the blowtorch. Spike's neighbour, Ptooie, heard the explosion and then saw Wario laughing in the distance. He then contacted HQ. Later, Wario was still laughing, when handcuffs came onto him. Agent Kooper then said: Ok sir, your under arrest for crashing a birthday party.. How did you know? Wario responded? Mr. Ptooie saw you laughing and tattled, Kooper replied. I'll get you Ptooieeeeeeee! Wario screamed as he was escorted to prison. Wario will be serving in prison for a month.

So yeah, 3 thugs are in their cells. I am Chief Alexneushoorn, and I say: Be safe around streets full of criminals.

Written by:

Hello everybody! Roserade here! I'm SO excited to get the job, and it's not too late to say it, happy Valentine's Day!

And know, to help here in the station, here is, HARRY POTTER!

Harry: It's exciting to help here in the station, and I'll do my best to be great!

Me: Right. Anyway, here's the story the Cheif wanted me to give today!

THE CASE OF THE MUGGLER Hey, wait a minute, shouldn't it be "The Case of the Smuggler?"

Harry: Uh oh.

Me: Yesterday Tom Toadsman was walking down a long, dark alley. Nobody knows why, but reporters say he was drunk at the time. Anyway, he was walking down a long, dark alley when a boy ran up to him and yelled, "STUPIFY!" That's when Tom blacked out after a huge blinding light filled the alley. When policeman at Toad Bros. Police arrived, Tom was still breathing but almost dead. Eventually, he woke up and described the boy. The boy had a long cloak, black hair, glasses, and had a scar that looked like a lightning bolt on his... hey, wait a minute...

* glances over at Potter's chair, which is empty*

POTTER!!!!!!

Well, that's it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to find Potter. I just hope he's not in another dark alley... Ciao!

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Written by:  Koohitsu

And more interviews...

After I had to post bail to get Toadsworth released from Koopa Kapital Inkarceration (yes, it is spelled that way, don't say anything), I am now not only bankrupt, but also in debt. Because of that, my grandparents have now kicked me out of their place until I manage to get paid for an interview for once. So I continue my quest for money, now as a... hobo of sorts I guess?

Today I am at Wendy's Blitz Snarlton Hotel. You know, the one from that game Hotel Mario. With me are two people. They appeared as enemies exclusively in the aforementioned game and haven't been seen since.

"Tidings."

"Hey."

"Please introduce yourselves."

"I am a Z Koopa."

"What does the Z stand for?"

"I... uh... don't really... well... uh..."

"Don't think about it, Z. You're gonna need therapy again."

"Uhm... ok."

"He is a Koopa in a fancy getup. End of story."

"I see. And you are?"

"I am a Bellhop Goomba."

"That is a funny name."

"No, it isn't."

"Well, I think so at least."

"How would it be funny?"

"Well, like, because you're a Goomba, so people HOP on you, and then you are knocked out and hear bells."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I HATE you."

"Uhm..."

"I HATE YOU!"

"Calm down, Hoppy."

"I'M GONNA OPEN ALL THE DOORS!!!"

"Remember what they said. Count to 10 slowly."

"1... 2... 3..."

"That's right. Breathe in, breathe out. Ok."

"Huff..."

"I have to apologize."

"You two seem to be... uhm... strangely unhinged."

"Yes, our lives have not been the same ever since... the incident."

"...the incident."

"The incident?"

"Yes, the incident."

"Oh, you mean when Wendy Koopa took over your hotel?"

"No... no, you have it all wrong."

"Wendy never took over our hotel."

"Yes, she just booked a room and then thought she bought the hotel."

"She doesn't really understand how hotels work."

"We were also never called 'Wendy's Blitz Snarlton Hotel'."

"She just put her name in the front and everyone went along with it."

"So what was the incident you were talking about?"

"Oh, that."

"It happened during Wendy's stay in our hotel."

"So I guess you weren't that far off."

"It was a tragedy. We had this huge gas leak in the basement, and our maintenance people had the day off, so we couldn't get it repaired."

"Toxic gas was slowly coming out of the basement."

"The hotel was full of people."

"I frantically ran everywhere, opening all the doors to air out the hall and make the gas go out."

"But someone kept closing them again."

"It was a pudgy red man, dressed like a plumber. I saw him."

"That sounds a lot like Mario."

"Mario? More like Murdio! He left us all to suffocate horribly and when he was done, he spun out of the room saying 'That oughta do it!'"

"The gas turned everyone into coins. We ran, but they wouldn't stop pinching us."

"I'm sorry."

"We barely made it out alive, and even though we did, Z lost his mind from the gas."

"No, I didn't. You told me you lost your mind and I went back in to get it."

"No, I had lost my mind and found yours later, but then it turned out it was a coat rack."

"Then why did I go back into the hotel?"

"No, that wasn't you. That was Ben. He was on fire."

"Oh..."

"Ok, I see why you seem so disturbed now."

"Anyway, Hoppy and I later reopened the hotel to cope with the trauma somehow. It is now a smashing success."

"Yes, but we removed all the doors to make sure this would never happen again."

"We even removed them twice."

"Yeah, ripped them out, put them back in, and ripped them out again, just to be sure."

"That sounds... uh... nice?"

"Yes, it is."

"Also, plumbers are banned forever."

"And speaking of the hotel being reopened, we have to go now. Do our job and all that."

"Oh, yes, of course. Then I thank you very much for the interview!"

"No need to thank us. It was our pleasure."

"That will be 200 coins."

"Wait, what?"

"For the room. We provided this nice room for you to have the interview in. The rent is 200 coins."

"I never agreed to that!"

"Yes, you did. You said 'I want to interview you two' and 'Sure, let's go to that room over there'."

"But I never said I want to rent it! You two are trying to con me!"

"'Con' is such a harsh word. I prefer to call it a 'shameless rip-off'"

"No, that's an even harsher word."

"Really?"

"Yes. 'Con' sounds almost benign in comparison."

"Oh... Hey! The girl got away!!!"

"After her!!!"

"Wait! What if she was just one of your imaginary friends again?"

"Hmm... could be. What are we going to do now?"

"I know. We like, make an effigy of her out of mashed cabbage and bed sheets and then set it on fire. If it burns blue, that means she exists."

"Your good ideas continue to amaze me. I will get the grated cheese."

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Written by:

HI, everyone! I'm your water-absorbing Co-director, Tucayo, bringing you the truth, no matter how bad it hurts. Last month was a busy one for my forum inbox; I got around 400 PM's, most of them related to my mafia, and that made it a difficult quest to search for your questions. I think I found all the questions, and by "all the questions" I mean "the one single question I got". This means I'll have to rant way more than I usually do to fill the space I have to fill, or otherwise MCD will come haunt me at night. After the question I have a super important announcement to make, so you may want to stick around for that. And now, to the question s.

Everyone's favorite Australian,, asks:


 * Out of all your years writing for The 'Shroom, what has been your most memorable experience?
 * Hello, mate! OK, that was probably stereotypical. Anyway, that's a great question.
 * I don't think I can name one single experience as my most memorable; in almost five years I've had so many, it would be unfair to choose just one, so I will list all my best experiences, going all the way back to May/June 2008.
 * On May 6, 2008, I signed up for the Games section, to make Crosswords. I debuted in Issue XVI, as writer of the Crossword and Mystery Images section, even though I hadn't signed up for the latter. That was naturally my first highlight, since I had been reading The 'Shroom for about five months, and I greatly enjoyed it, specially the Fun Stuff.
 * Another great experience came in December 2008, when I in the Director Election for the first time. I was absolutely crushed, but I learned a lot from that experience. I feel that was when I started to be an important part of The 'Shroom, as Stoob appointed me as his Sub-Director. Those were probably my favorite months; everything was much simpler back then, and it was so enjoyable. See, at that time, there was no Core Staff, so it was just Stoob and me running the newsletter, and we both had a blast doing it (or well, at least I know I did :P). I'm starting to get the nostalgic vibe, so that means I will rant on endlessly, so get ready.
 * We fast-forward a couple of months, all the way to September 2009, when we had our first Special Issue ever. As it was the first one, and we didn't know if we would have any more, we simply called it Special Issue; of course, now we have more special issues, so we now call it Special Issue XXX. I had a great time planning that issue; at the time it was the largest issue we had ever had. We introduced the concept of Guest Writers in that issue, inviting around 40 people to be part of it; of those 40, 10 accepted, but, in the end, only two ended up sending a section. Despite that, it was a great issue, and I am still proud of it.
 * December 2009 was a big month as well. We were having the first Election with campaigns (spoiler alert: I lost. another spoiler alert: I lose every election), but that wasn't the month's highlight. On December 20th, we released our first and only surprise issue. It was a small one, written only by the staff, but I really enjoyed planning it and seeing everyone's reaction to it; it was definitely a great experience. Up to this day, that issue is definitely in my personal Top 5.
 * Going to the next December, we have Issue XLV, which, until last July, was the largest issue we had ever had. I used this issue to say goodbye, as I was planning to retire on January 2011. To say goodbye, and to commemorate my career, I wrote every section I had written during the past 2 and a half years; Random Image of the Month, Crossword, Mystery Images, Picross (probably the most unpopular section I have ever written), Poll, Ask Tucayo, Tip of the Month, Top 10, and of course, (Sub-)Director's Notes. I also collaborated in a Pre-Election Analysis, and I was interviewed, as part of a series of Special Interviews. And on top of everything, to grant a birthday wish, I changed my name to Henry Tucayo Clay, which was originally meant to be a temporary joke, but I liked it and kept it. Having said all that, this issue is also high on my list of most memorable experiences. I officially retired on the January 2011 issue, but little did I know I would end up returning.
 * I wasn't here on 2011, so nothing there. In 2012, the only thing I can think of is Issue 64, our biggest issue so far.
 * But those are merely achievements that make me feel satisfied, the real most-memorable experiences came from my interactions with the writers, readers, and fellow staffers. I made some of my best friends on the Core Staff, and I've had experiences I wouldn't have had anywhere else. Every time someone told me they really liked my sections, or that I inspired them to write for us, or that The 'Shroom is the highlight of their month, that's when I realize my job was worth it.
 * Well, I hope that answer was detailed enough :)

Now, to the super-important announcement I had for you; Ask Tucayo will be coming to an end next month. See it as a TV show; the second season has ended and the channel doesn't know yet if it will be renewed or not. If you have any last questions you want to ask me, this is where to go. Do you have an injury that won't stop bleeding? Do you need to repair your car's transmission? Do you need to find a Gregorian choir? Do you need someone to explain you calculus? I'm the guy to go to! Except for the calculus. See you next month in the season finale of Ask Tucayo, BYE!