The 'Shroom:Issue 121/Fake News

Editorial


Hello, and welcome to the Fake News! It is April, the month in which Squidward Tentacles took a joke too far and ruined April Fools Day forever in real life, in that classic SpongeBob episode. Well, April Fools Day has come and gone, but don't worry! It's not too late to use it to justify an awful prank! And, in case you're running low on ideas, I've already prepared a few:


 * Hide behind a potted plant and spend the rest of your life living there until you too become a plant.
 * Go to a shop and buy some fake vomit. Watch the cashier squirm because they think you are buying real vomit.
 * Steal the Declaration of Independence. And then steal the President!
 * Sign up for the Fake News and watch as the rest of your life drifts further, ever further away...

~ 

Section of the Month

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Greetings, viewers, from MKBC 6, live with your weekly weather report.

This week we will see very good weather. The sun will be out with only variable clouds on most days, with Wednesday being the only day that we are predicting rain showers. It will be breezy during the first part of the week, with winds starting to pick up on Friday. It's recommended that viewers secure down any personal items that could blow away in the wind.

Notable events this week include a four-game series between the Mario Fireballs and Bowser Monsters at Mario Stadium beginning on Monday night. The third game of the series will give fans the opportunity to get a full set of autographs from each team. On Thursday, Princess Peach's own restaurant, Sakura, will be selling their annual picnic kits. The sports complex will be open all day for picnickers, as well as Castle Park.

This week, we are also bringing you the forecast for Isle Delfino, where the annual Shine Festival will be taking place. This year's festival will include guest appearances by Princess Peach, Luigi, and Donkey Kong, who will be at the main festival in order to promote travel reservations to the the newly founded metropolis of New Donk City. We will be bringing you the weather along with a guide of festival locations and major events.

Isle Delfino will be very hot starting Monday, with the heat only breaking on Friday. Travelers are advised to pack a lot of sunscreen and cool clothes. Bottled water will be available free at any booth that sells food on the main festival grounds. The first few days of the week are the feature of the festival: the main festival grounds are set up in Ricco Harbor and Pinna Park. Pinna Park will offer reduced-price admission and will feature foods from around the region as well as artists, musicians, and street performers. Ricco Harbor will have artisans of all disciplines gathered from all across the region to sell and trade their wares. If you're looking for a new piece of art to put in your home, or maybe a new food to try, or some new music to listen to, you will not want to miss this part of the festival.

On Friday, severe thunderstorms will be moving into the region. Festival planners have already taken precautions for these storms. Beginning on Friday, Hotel Delfino will begin a showcase of indie films produced around the region which extends into Saturday afternoon. Late-night hours at the casino are offering half-off chips to increase entries in the Adventure Pack Combo Contest. Winners have the choice of receiving gorgeous prizes such as personalized weapons from Smash Bros. tournament competitors such as Mario, Fox McCloud, and Captain Falcon. Beginning on Sunday, the resort's theater will switch to a live broadcast of the MarioKart Deluxe tournament as it begins with the Mushroom Cup. Viewers are advised to stay inside as the isle will most likely be experiencing heavy flooding into early Tuesday from the storms over the weekend.

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Bear A mysterious crime wave has been sweeping the Mushroom Kingdom, and even the far reaches of Mario Zone were no exception, and a murder-robbery occurred on poor Bear, a resident of the large toy Mario. His precious beach ball was stolen in the attack.

The cause of death for Bear seemed to have been burn wounds inflicted by an unknown perpetrator. A local coroner said this kind of injury usually results in the victim dropping a coin. "It's lucky it was just the fireball though, as he was quite close to some spikes, and that's a sight I wouldn't have wanted to see," the coroner told me as well. It is reckoned that the beach ball was stolen due to the recent nice weather, and citizens wanted to make their way down to the beach.

Bear was a well-respected resident of Mario Zone, and various citizens gave him high praise, with some focusing on his amazing balancing skills, I mean seriously I can barely stay balanced on a stationary object, whilst others praised his ferociousness. "I mean, he was a bear, so it goes without saying that he fought tooth and nail for whatever he wanted. It just probably would have helped if he ever bothered to get off of that ball, I always told him that it'd be the death of him."

Since his passing, the various residents of Mario Zone set up a small tribute for him, but it was quickly removed after it was decided that Mario Zone should be a place of fun and not sadness. In fact, after this was decided, I was ejected from the premises and told never to return. And when I tried entering through the gift shop, I was swiftly removed, so it does like I am well and truly banned from the Mario Zone. Oh well, at least I got this snazzy beach ball.

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Welcome to the Tour Guide! Today, I will be showing you around the Water Park from Mario Kart 8. It is a fun place to spend in the holidays, unless if you can't swim (little goombas!) Well actually, since none of the rides is just a big swimming pool, if you can't swim you should be just fine. But if you want to swim, then you can! Half of the park is covered in water. Just watch out for robotic fish underwater!

"Come and enjoy the biggest water park in the whole Mushroom Kingdom. It is packed full of fun water-based rides and attractions! It is a perfect place to go to in the weekends or holidays with your whole family!"

- Water Park

There are many rides in the Water Park. Most of them are named and they can be seen while racing in the game. There is the Sub coaster, which is basically a car that goes around in a circle. The bottom part of the circle is submerged in water and when the sub goes in it you will get splashed!

There is a Ferris wheel in the park called the Wario Wheel. Each carriage is halfway filled with water. When the wheel spins around, you will get splashed!

There are also other rides, like the Aqua Cups. There are also hotels around the area. Some parts of them are underwater!

So the Water Park is a great place to go if you love water! Just watch out for those pesky Kart racers like old man Mario- they might splash you with water, or even worse run over you!

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Welcome back to the article which I like to call 'Quizmelon's Awesome TV Guide' but due to restrictions has to be called 'TV Tomorrow' instead. As always, I am supplied to give you the three top shows from all the Mushroom Kingdom channels tomorrow. So let's get on with the article. Here's the top three shows I recommend!

Yoshi's Island MKBC2, 8.30pm Genre: Soap Another episode of the hit soap hits the screens of viewers tomorrow. The drama between Blue Yoshi and Orange Yoshi heats up over a misunderstanding, while Pink Yoshi is forced to confront Big Shy Guy once and for all about his plot - but not everything goes to plan.

New: Motley Bossblob's Wonderful World MKBC Kids, 3.00pm Genre: Kids' show Motley Bossblob begins his brand new kids' show tomorrow at 3pm. In it, Motley is the owner and leader of a magical world, and every episode he entices a new visitor to the world, where they share some wonderful experiences. The first episode guest stars famous actor Mario as himself as he tours the wonderful world.

The DK Jungle Super Race DK Channel, 8pm Genre: Reality show The first season of this Amazing Race-esque reality show comes to its close as the final three teams race over water to the finish line. Will the winners be DK and Diddy Kong, Bonehead Jed and Firehead Ned, or Thugly and Mugly? Find out tomorrow night!

So, that's tomorrow's TV in a nutshell. And as occurs so often on this section, I wish I had something interesting to close on, but I don't, so I'll just end it on this: See you next time. Hopefully that'll do for now.

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WARNING: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE IS HIGHLY CONFEDENTIAL. READING THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE COULD RESULT IN SERIUOS CONSEQUENCES, SUCH AS HEFTY FINES, JAIL TIME, OR DEATH. JUST READING THIS WARNING COULD BE CONSIDERED A WAR CRIME IN SOME COUNTRIES. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

SUPER MARIO ODYSSEY: LEAKED BETA

Greetings, everyone. As you all now know, I have discovered the beta version of Super Mario Odyssey and am about to share it with you. But first, let me enlighten you on how this game happened to come into my possession. You see, I was walking through Barnes & Noble one day, mistaking it for a strip club, when I came across about four of these sitting on a shelf:



Somehow, this game was being sold months before launch at a crummy bookstore. I knew that this was a mistake and something I wasn’t meant to see. I grabbed the four and bought them all, bribing the fifteen-year-old at the counter to keep her mouth shut, and here I am, reviewing the game I wasn’t supposed to see. Speaking of which, I better make this quick, lest I get caught.

First of all, you can clearly tell that this is a bootleg. It’s on some sort of large cartridge, the cover makes no sense (which I why I slightly modified it for a more accurate representation), the description has nothing to do with the actual game (something about people from Greece), and as far as I can tell, the instruction manual is just 300 pages of gibberish. They didn’t even get the name right; they forgot the “Super Mario.” According to the cover, this version is for some sort of system called the “Homer,” which I’ve never heard of. It must be German or something. Whatever it is, I don’t have it, so I decided to take a chance and return to Barnes & Noble to hopefully get some more information out of the cashier.

After a long, awkward conversation with much more confusion than was expected, she led me to their media section, where she showed me a version of the game on a disc:



Now this is much better. I can work with compact discs. Still, the cover didn’t make much sense until I modified it, and the title’s still wrong, but whatever! The New York Times called it “A Major Entertainment Event”

…apparently.

Come to think of it, how could the New York Times review a game that hasn’t come out yet, and why? Well, regardless, I can at least play it now. It doesn’t seem to work in my Wii U, but my PlayStation and Xbox can play it just fine. Strange.

Upon starting it up, the first thing you’ll notice is that this game is very cutscene heavy, and I mean VERY cutscene heavy. Like, it’s just two hours of cutscene, and then it’s over. The second thing you’ll notice is that it isn’t Super Mario Odyssey. It’s some sort of Wind Waker rip off, with a lot of sailing and monster fighting. This is not at all what I was expecting. I think the girl at the store was deceiving me. Talk about a Trojan Horse. You know, that’s a weird expression. I wonder who came up with that.

So, anyway, I decided to try my luck on the internet and finally, I found what is almost certainly the true Super Mario Odyssey:



I ordered it off EBay, and it just came two days ago. How do I know this is the right version? Well, for one thing, this one is actually a video game, and two, according to Google Translate, Magnavox is German for “Super Mario.”



I guess the Germans are just really hyped for the next Mario game. Anyway, the game, right. Yeah, so, sorry to disappoint you all, but when this game comes out for real, unless Nintendo makes some serious changes, I would say to save your money. The game is pretty dull. It seems like something that would come out in the 1970s. It’s just two glowing dots on the screen, and you can use these plastic overlays over your CRT and move the dots around however the instructions say to. I mean, I know that the switch isn’t the most technologically advanced console on the market, but I would assume it could handle some basic still images without having to resort to cheap plastic wrap with pictures on it. Also, the game looks nothing like the trailer, but that’s to be expected, considering all the pre-rendered trailers we’re getting now a days. If it wasn’t for the fact that this was called “Super Mario Odyssey,” I would never have guessed that this was made by Nintendo. Also also, this game is complete garbage and torture to play. Oh well, I’m sure they’ll fix it all with DLC.

Overall: 1/10 (as of April 2017)

Welp, it looks like the switch is going to be another massive failure for Nintendo. It’s a cryin’ shame, but at least we still have Sony to rely on for quality gameplay. On a related note, I’m quitting the ‘Shroom to work for the Little Big Planet Wiki’s newsletter, “The Sack.” Good day, gentlemen.



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Hello again. If you happen to live anywhere that isn't under a rock, you'd know about a certain game named Breath of the Wild. While some may want to praise it for its music, or its combat, I would like to draw attention to the cooking aspect of the game.



Cooking is vital to the player; it can restore health, increase speed, induce resistance and more. But, the way they've presented the actual cooking is pretty inaccurate. You shouldn't just throw every ingredient into a pot and shake it for a few seconds. In most cases you'd end up with something bad or even poisonous. For this issue I'm going to recreate one of the meals using the proper methods.



Now, the land of Hyrule is kinda stuck in medieval times, despite the ancient technology. They rely on swords and spears, rather than more effective weapons. They have to use cooking pots for every meal, or eat the food raw without any kind of preparation. So, I decided to stick to modern standards of cooking and bring the magical wonders of ovens and ceramic hobs.



Today, we're going to cook a Spicy Monster Curry. This dish is apparently so spicy it makes you warmer for around 11 minutes. So, it increases your body temperature. Huh. Now I'm not a professional biologist, but having an increased body temperature sounds dangerous. Ah well, it doesn't last that long.



For this, you're going to need a chunk of Gourmet Meat, found on moose and buffalo, and some Goron Spice and Monster Extract for marinading the meat. I bought too many of the spices and extract, so ask me if you need any. You also need a spicy pepper, for that famous firey taste and to create the whole warmer body thing. The white oval is meant to be rice; you can get these in fields. Make sure the ingredients have been washed or rinsed down, as they have been found in the wild.



First thing to do is chop up the meat into medium sized chunks. If you're lucky, there won't be any fat, but if there is just give it to a dog. I'm pretty sure they eat anything.



Next, pour the spice and extract into the pan on a low heat and stir. The unsettling swirl is only temporary and the purple should take over in a few moments. After stirring, add the meat in, and then put the lid on and put into the oven at 392°F (or 200°C) for a few hours. The meat will slowly soften and cook, creating a delicious taste.



About 10 minutes before taking the pan out, start to cook the rice in boiling water. There isn't really much I can do for visuals, so I just made it widescreen and added a filter to make it seem more cinematic. To be honest, waiting for rice to cook is the worst use of 10 minutes. Hey, that could be a new phrase! "This is like watching paint dry." "No dude, this is like waiting for rice to cook!"

Amazing.



Right then. Take the pan out of the oven when it's ready. My pan is pretty insulating, so the outer parts of the metal don't get hot, meaning I don't need oven gloves. At this point you can take the rice out and oh shoot i forgot the pepper



you can just throw it in at the end i'm sure it dissolves quickly enough ow bugger my hand burnt dammit



Alright, folks. The pepper did end up dissolving due to the error in the oven heat. I got my units wrong and set the temperature to 392°C, which is like 740°F. So the curry was basically boiling when I dipped my hand in. Ah well, at least the pepper was successfully cooked.

So, there you have it. A special curry from the land of Hyrule, made possible by yours truly. See you next time.

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Next time on Dear Anton, Wario Theme! The whole 'Shroom in June, actually, but because this is bimonthly it's the next time for me, so send me in some questions about Wario and all of his games and stuff!

Thanks to (Forum profile),  (Forum profile) , and  (Forum profile) for sending in questions! If you seek my flawless advice, please send questions to me on the forum, find me in chat, or if you don't care about anonymity post them on my talk page! If you would like for there to be a doodle with the response to your question, feel free to request so and I'll see what I can do.