The 'Shroom:Issue 124/Fake News

Editorial


Hey, and welcome to a special edition of the Fake News!

...Okay, so it's not the 'Special Issue' anymore. But why can't we make every edition of the Fake News special? Merry Christmas.

~ 

Section of the Month

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Stuffwell He was always ready for adventure, but sadly, as it turned out, adventuring wasn't his strong point, and he ended dying while out on a particularly long adventure.

Stuffwell was meant more for baggage holding, but eventually the sentient suitcase decided that he wanted a piece of the adventuring action, but as it turned out, he wasn't suited for it, and a Coconutter ended up killing him.

His inventor, Professor E. Gadd said this: "It is a shame that Stuffwell died, but it was to be expected. After all, he is a suitcase, it's not like he could actually do any damage in battle. Perhaps I should've taken his adventuring circuitry out, and kept in his suitcase circuitry."

Other adventurers weighed in on the suitcase's demise, with Captain Syrup saying: "Although I never met the thing, I guess he would've been useful for carrying off Wario's loot. Other than that, I got nothing left to say sweetie. " After the interview, I discovered that several of my objects were missing, which was slightly strange.

Stuffwell had voiced his thirst for adventure several times to the Professor, but he was always turned down. This is thought to be a factor in his decision to go on one, another unsubstantiated claim is that his thirst was triggered following an adventure with the legendary Mario Bros., and their baby counterparts, but seeing as neither of those exist, this seems unlikely.

Stuffwell's death was sad for all involved, although the suitcase will not receive a funeral. Instead, Professor E. Gadd was stuck his beloved invention on EeJunk, and is accepting bids from 10,000 Coins. I personally thought it was a bit too much, and decided against betting. Plus, I've got my eye on a really cool object.

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Welcome back to TV Tomorrow! Wario has agreed to go back to the hole we call WarioTV and only show his programmes there, so the schedules are clean and fine tomorrow, and for the rest of the year onwards. There's the usual dose of new programmes, season finales, action dramas and documentaries available, so here's the top three shows that I can recommend!

It Came From The Lava MKBC3, 10.30pm Genre: Horror/action drama The season finale of this terrifying MKBC3 show is tomorrow. The terrifying Splorch, a massive fiery lava beast thing, has been causing destruction across the Mushroom Kingdom for the past five episodes and in the sixth Mario, with his companions Luigi, Peach and Blue Toad, aim to stop it. Thrilling and action-packed.

Yoshi's Wildlife World MKBC2, 6pm Genre: Wildlife programme Yoshi, accompanied by other well-known figures, continues his search for wildlife across the Mushroom Kingdom. Today, he focuses on Goombas and their lifestyle and behaviour, as well as taking a look at some of the rarer kinds of Goomba that can be found. Yoshi's interesting presenting style can enrapture any viewer.

New: The Hot Air Balloon Show MKBC Kids, 2.30pm Genre: Children's Pauline and Donkey Kong team up to host this exciting show for kids, set in a magical Hot Air Balloon that floats over the Mushroom Kingdom. Together, they have amazing adventures and discover new things, all while being able to help kids learn. Guaranteed to become a classic show in a few years time.

Those are the picks for tomorrow, but you don't have to watch them if you don't want to; there's plenty of other stuff available on all channels. As for me, I've got nothing else to say, so instead I'll say 'See you next time on TV Tomorrow!'. See you next time on TV Tomorrow!

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Hey, everyone! It’s your good ol’ pal YKMR here with another issue of Game Corner! As I’m sure many of you know, the SNES Classic Edition is on its way, and I’m looking forward to reliving the classic games of yesteryear, and to celebrate this occasion, we’re going to be looking back on the fun times we’ve had over the years here on Game Corner. It’s time to break into the old Game Corner Archives and reminisce over our deep history. Let’s do it!



Oh. Heh heh. Apparently, my section has no deep history. I forgot how slow time passes IRL. Well ,if we can’t look backward, we might as well go forward. Good thing I sold my soul to the devil for the ability to look into the future. So let’s see here… Found it!



Every issue of Game Corner that there’ll ever be! Let’s go, say, five years into the future with issue number 55, which just happens to be about the very subject I was talking about earlier: Nintendo Classics consoles. Let’s just hope that showing people this won’t alter the future…

Game Corner #55:

'Before we begin, the people at Fake News would like to congratulate Lord Trump on his second term as president in his landslide victory against the late Chris Williams. We hope that this next term is not cut short by those dirty rebels demanding democratic elections like this one was. Here’s to a never-ending second term, Your Majesty. Long live Trump!'

''Glorpolfiltzingtong, my jibbinstalphontiarsos! Welcome to the next inopherzing issue of Game Corner! What’s with all the outdated slang you ask? Well I’m just getting in the spirit of things after Nintendo posted their now infamous meme on their official Noofert account.''



''I mean, really. Not only hasn’t this meme been dead for like a year, the joke itself is super obvious. Although Nintendo has always been known for returning to the past. Speaking of which, today’s issue of Game Corner is about Nintendo’s most famous line of nostalgic cash-grabs, the Nintendo Classics!''

Nintendo Classic Consoles


''Before we start, I would like to refute the rumors floating around concerning Classic Editions of the NES and SNES. I know many have claimed to have once possessed such items, but due to the lack of physical evidence for these systems, of which there would have undoubtedly been millions sold over several years had they existed, I am forced to conclude that these people are liars. With that out of the way, let’s review these suckers! ''

Nintendo 64 Classic Edition: 2018
''Ah, the one that started it all. A fantastic collection of 30 classic games with over 60 million sold. What more is there to say? Although it got off to a rough start, with only two systems produced and sold in the first month at $100 each, Nintendo came to their senses when Rare threatened to sue, after finding out that the system with four of their games on it, being paid for by the profits, turned up a grand total of $12.73 for the company. Now it is widely accepted as one of Nintendo’s best Mini consoles''

Final Rating: 10/10

Nintendo GameCube Classic Edition: 2019
''A major step down from the N64 Classic is the GameCube Classic. Sure, it also has 30 great games. Sure, this includes Super Mario Sunshine, Wind Waker, The Thousand Year Door, Luigi’s Mansion, Animal Crossing, and Super Smash Bros Melee, among others. Sure, they’re restored in perfect HD/3D/Surround sound. None of this matters when you consider that it does not have a functional handle on the top like the original. It’s just for aesthetics! How am I supposed to carry this thing without a handle? When I cover my GameCube in animal birthing lubricant, I expect to be able to pick it up and take it to with me to the beach, and now I can’t! I have to bring my dad! It’s not the same!''

Final Rating: 2/10

Nintendo Wii / Wii U Classic Editions: 2020 / 2021
''These systems are grouped together because they both have the same pros and cons. The Pros: Awesome games from across their respective libraries and improved technology. The Cons: No awful shovelware. Now I don’t know about you, but when I think of the two Wii consoles, especially the original, I think terrible shovelware, and without it, the experience isn’t the same. Imagine looking into your game closet and seeing Super Mario Galaxy sitting next to Splatoon, sitting next to Twilight Princess, with no Ninjabread Man in sight. Yeah. Feels weird, doesn’t it? The Wiis just aren’t the same without them.''

Final Rating: 7/10

Nintendo Gameboy / Gameboy Color / Gameboy Advance / Gameboy Advance SP Classic Editions: 2019 / 2020
''Hey! Ever wanna play Super Mario Land on a 1” by 1” screen without a backlight? How about Mario and Luigi with buttons the size of BBs? No? Well, don’t worry. You wouldn’t be able to if you tried!''

Final Rating: 3/10

Nintendo DS / DSi / 3DS / 2DS / New 3DS Classic Editions: 2021 / 2022
''Five different systems with only two different sets of games, and I bought them all for a free online review. The things I do for Section of the Month. Thankfully, it was at this point when Nintendo decided to drop the whole “Mini” shtick on the handhelds, and instead produced them normal sized, packaged with backwards binoculars for those who missed the experience. All around good systems''



Final Rating: 8/10

Nintendo Switch Classic Edition: 2023
''So this is a little weird. For the first time, Nintendo has released a Classic system of a current gen console, and being a portable/home console hybrid, it is the same size as the original, and is literally just a Switch with 20 Games preloaded onto it and a lock on the E-shop. I can’t even justify giving it an actual number grade. And at this point, Nintendo has sort of painted themselves into a corner, with the Nintendo Switch Q set to release on the same day as its Mini counterpart. Rumor is that they are working furiously to scramble up enough new games to justify a “Classic” version, but even if they are able to do it, that will leave no more well-known Nintendo systems to make a quick buck off, and Nintendo knows this. Hence:''

Nintendo Virtual Boy / Phillips CD-i Classic Editions: Set for 2024 / 2025
''Nintendo has scraped the bottom of the barrel and has now resorted to taking the bottom as well. With an abysmal number of games released at all on either console, I can’t imagine that these will be very good collections. On the bright side, there won’t be any complaining about omitting fan-favorite titles. There’s also rumors that the CD-I might have the previously unreleased Super Mario’s Wacky Worlds, which is something, I guess.''

Final Rating: TBD (but probably not higher than 4)/10

''Well, that’s it. All of the Nintendo Classics consoles that Nintendo ever has or ever will release. I guess in some ways I’m glad that there’ll be no more of these systems. They’ve mostly been money wasters anyhow, and I can’t imagine any future systems being any better. You know, maybe after all of these Classics, Nintendo will finally start to come up with new ideas again. Maybe they’ll be able to focus on the future rather than the past. Yep, I’m confident that Nintendo’s dark age is over!''



Oh God.

End of Article

Hi, its present me again. Wow, that was quite a trip. I sure hope that Nintendo’s future doesn’t actually devolve into this. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if the future was changed just a bit. At the very least I can finally be on top of the latest trends! Well, goodbye everyone! Have an inopherzingly good day!

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After suffering from a garlic-induced coma last month, I just wanted to have a fun, summer snack for the holidays. I looked online and found, and wanted to give it a try.

I don't think they sell these anymore, so I had to recreate it with my own methods.



It's a cherry slushy treat, so the main ingredient would be... Cherries! I have way too many of these. I initially bought three, but they kept on multiplying and I had to buy a new fridge to store them all. It sucks, but at least I have all of this comfort food now.



You should try to blend them down and mix with icy water, sugar and coloring for the popsicle mix. I found that removing a single cherry from the stem prevents it from causing duplication, but only after gaining twelve extra blenders. Hit me up if you need any.



Once you have the red and white mixtures (use different food colors for this), put it into a mould that looks roughly like this guy. I'm sure you can buy one on Amazon or something. Or you can make it yourself if you're feeling creative; I'm not stopping you!

Oh yeah, pretty sure the green blob is just some bubblegum. I don't need to tell you where you can get those.

Once it's ready, put it in a freezer or fridge for it to cool and solidify, and enjoy! I just put mine in with the extra cherries, they shouldn't spoil the flavor or anything.



I think I had a similar recipe for green popsicles using like, some Star Bits...



...Ah.



well i guess popsicles can duplicate now oh lord i need to get out of here



why did i have so many cherries in the fridge