Wonky is an information seller who lives in the Rogueport Sewers and is found in the game Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door. He resides in Herb T.'s Cola Bar. For five coins, he will give Mario information about legends, hidden treasures, or gossip. He may tell Mario anything from legends of the pirate king Cortez to gossip about Zess T.'s long lost sister. To find him, Mario must travel to the underground city below Rogueport. Wonky is shaped like an egg and his species is unknown. Wonky can also be seen in the Paper Game at the Pianta Parlor. In Super Paper Mario, Wonky's role was replaced by Garson and Carson.
Each story of Wonky's, like the ones Mario can hear from Grifty, can be heard numerous times once he buys them, but are only open to him from Wonky as he progresses in the game. If bought at the end of the game, these tales will all be completely random. These stories are in alphabetical order, not chronological.
"I've heard tales of an Amazy Dayzee, a truly rare breed among Dayzees... They're worth oodles of Star Points, but they're timid and tend to run away fast. Still, I bet if you kept visiting the same area, you could meet one again..."
"I hear the best way to fill your battle crowd up is to succeed at Action Commands. Especially when you succeed at several in a row. Hoo! I hear THAT'S great! Also, beating enemies quickly and striking first can build your crowd, too. That might be good to remember."
Behind the Trouble Center
"So there's that Trouble Center on Rogueport's east side, right... Well, only a few people know about the back entrance to it... Hey, I'm not saying there's anything good in there, but it may be worth a look."
"Well, you know, there's a really big door down here. I've only seen it once myself, but... If there really is some legendary treasure down here, it's behind that door... Yeah, when I saw it, I got the feeling there was bad stuff going down in there... In fact, I've been too heebie-jeebied to get near that door ever since..."
"You know, there's a charmer named Merlee down here somewhere... If you get her to charm you, you'll get good stuff in battle. Not only that, but she's a total babe... Ol' Wonky would LOVE to get a date with her! I'm serious. You have to check her out sometime."
"There's a weird guy named Chet Rippo who lives down here somewhere. I hear he'll lower one stat and raise another for you if you want. And he can even power down one of your partners to power up another... He may be spendy, but I'm sure it's worth it..."
Cold Place's Secret
"There's a pipe down here that leads to a very cold place, ol' Wonky hears, and if you jump in front of the tree to the far right of the area you come out in then you get something nice, supposedly.
But you won't catch 'ol Wonky out in a chilly place like that, no sir!"
"You know Zess T., in the square, I'm sure. The girl with the mean cooking talent. Well, she's got a secret recipe called the Couple's Cake. Cute name, huh? To make it, she needs a Snow Bunny and Spicy Soup... If you bring her both, she'll make it, at least that's what ol' Wonky hears. By the way, a Snow Bunny is made from a Golden Leaf and an Ice Storm and Spicy Soup is made from a Fire Flower and a Dried Bouquet. Even so, I hear that this recipe really reminds her of her late husband... So she doesn't make it for just anybody. I wonder how she feels about you?"
Creepy Steeple's Secret
"There's a wacky old place called Creepy Steeple somewhere in this land, and if you jump on the fourth step from the top, ol' Wonky hears you get a good thing. I don't know how useful that is, but hey, it's worth a shot."
"I heard this one from my ol' grampa... It's a legend about one who will come to this town some day in the future. He will come when the sky grows dark again... Clothed in red and blue, the hero will bear seven stars and face the darkness... I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but I see that you wear red and blue. If the hero turned out to be you... Well, I guess that would be a bit much, huh?"
Finding Star Pieces
"You've heard of Star Pieces, of course... Yes, they're no less than pieces of actual stars that have fallen to earth... They're so pretty and shiny that anyone who stumbles on one turns into a collector. If you want to find some, just check out all the nooks of each area you visit. They always seem to be slightly hidden, know what I mean?"
Grubba from Glitzville
"So about that Grubba in Glitzville... He went from a mediocre fighter to the ruler of Glitzville in a matter of years. And there's a rumor that it was all because he found a glittering gem somewhere. I don't know what kind of stone it was, but it must've been a nice good-luck charm. Then again, I heard he hasn't been seen recently around Glitzville, so who knows?"
"You've been to Petal Meadows, haven't you? Well, they have those blue- and grey-striped poles called Candy Pops all over, right? I heard that one of those will give you a Horsetail if you hit it ten times... You should go try that out sometime."
How to Save Money
"Did you notice that you can only carry up to 999 coins? Well, if you ever want to collect more you should buy Gold Bars at the shop near here and then store them at the shop, where you can convert them back to coins anytime. They may sell for slightly less than you buy them for, but it's better than losing all the coins you wouldn't be able to pick up, right?"
Lahla's Private Life
"You know Lahla, the cute receptionist at the Pianta Parlor? She never gets too personal from beyond those iron bars, because it's, like, business... But if you get in there and talk with her, she's a totally different person! You should get in there and see how good your game is, Mr. Popular!"
Legend of Rogueport
"You've heard about the legendary treasure hidden beneath Rogueport, right? Apparently it's the vast fortune of that ancient, forgotten civilization... Most people think that's just a silly old myth now, of course. But not Wonky! According to my sources, it's the real deal. Huh? Who are my sources? Well, I can't really say, can I? That, my friend, is what's called a trade secret!"
"There's a place called Boggly Woods somewhere in this world... And there are small beasts named Punies who live there. Ol' Wonky hears that anyone who sees a Puni will have fortune visited upon them... Some people go to Boggly Woods just to catch a glimpse of a lucky Puni..."
"Somewhere here in Rogueport there's a minstrel by the name of Grifty. He knows all the old legends of Rogueport, and he'll tell you interesting tales you've never heard before, I'm pretty sure. So, if you find him, you should definitely listen to at least one."
"There're a lot of mean monsters in this world, but many have weaknesses. Everybody knows that fire monsters are weak against ice and vice versa, but flying monsters are weak against wind, and they tend to get dizzy easily... And sometimes machine- and cloud-monsters can be easier to freeze than most... I've even heard that it's very easy to put Piranha Plants to sleep...
I'd say, try out some new things and see if you can find all monsters' weaknesses."
"I've gotten word of a strange group skulking about Rogueport recently. They wear masks and weird costumes with an "X" on the front... Talk about kooky. And they're always huddled together mumbling about some treasure. I've even heard that they unearthed some shiny stone down here! Weird..."
"You know about the Pit of 100 Trials down here, right? Well, somewhere down thereis an item called a Strange Sack. This thing is great. If you've got it, you can hold up to 20 items! And you know what that means, my good friend... Easy adventuring! No adventurer should be without one, take it from ol' Wonky!"
"The most delicious thing ol' Wonky has ever eaten is an Omelette Plate... I remember having it at the hotel at Poshley Heights. It was made by that chef of legend, Maitre Delish... I believe it was made with a Mushroom and a Mystic Egg. Oh, just one more bite... I hear one can actually find that Mystic Egg near the Boggly Woods... It seems the Punies are the only ones who know where to find them..."
"There's a game center on the west side of Rogueport run by Don Pianta. There's a hidden game there that few people know about... Only members are allowed to play this special game. Well, that's what ol' Wonky hears. If you want to try it, you'll have to find a Member's Card somewhere..."
Pirate King Cortez
"About a Thousand-Years ago, there was a pirate king called Cortez on these seas. He raided this city often, striking fear into the hearts of its inhabitants, but Cortez was betrayed by one of his crew... Just before he died, he's said to have sailed off with all of his treasure. Then, even after he died, some say his spirit still protects that treasure... But, you know... That's all just hazy legend now."
Professor Frankly's Garbage
"There's a kingly old teacher named Frankly who lives on Rogueport's east side and if you check his garbage-when he has some-I hear you can learn stuff. I don't know what's in there, but if his bin has trash in it, check it. I've even heard there are notes about terrifying monsters in there..."
Secret of Boggly Woods
"Deep in Boggly Woods is a spot with a bunch of tree stumps all lined up... If you jump hard on the tenth stump from the left, you'll get something good. Now I don't know what it is, but I hear it's really good."
Southern Isle Secret
"Far to the south of Rogueport lies an isle, and on this isle there are three yellow blocks in a row. And if you do a Spring Jump on the second of these blocks from the bottom... I hear you'll get something good for your health. But what island could this 'southern isle' be referring to, anyway?"
Southern Isle Whacka
"There's a rare creature called a Whacka on the southern isle. Yeah, and if you whack him, he drops this great little thing called a Whacka Bump. The thing is, people have been whacking the Whackas to get Whacka Bumps... And now, only one remains that hasn't been whacked to extinction. Isn't that sad?"
"Do you know about these spin panels scattered around the world? When you Spin-Jump a spin panel... It bumps a Star Piece rightout of the ground! Score! Problem is, they look just like regular flooring, so it's hard to tell. There's actually one right in front of me, so give it a shot, why don't you?"
"About Merlon on the east side of Rogueport and Merluvlee underground... Ol' Wonky hears they're from a strange tribe that names people by profession. So, for example, if someone did the same work as Merlon, they'd have the same name... So there could be Merlons all over. Don't you find that strange? Wonky does!"
"Don't you love it when you strike first on the field and get that first attack in? If you use a Spin Jump or Bobbery's Bomb attack to strike first then your first attack will have more power than just a jump or hammer move, see? It's not a big thing, but it's worth remembering!"
The Incident I Saw
"So I saw this really cute girl in a pink dress walking around town a while back. She was pretty enough to be a princess, I tell ya! She hung around town for a little while after buying something from that old lady. Then she got nabbed in a back alley by a bunch of suspicious guys in white suits! I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who saw that, though. Ol' Wonky was scared! Well... I guess it's neither here nor there... People get kidnapped, whatever. Still, just knowing what's going on in the streets can be helpful sometimes."
"There's a place called the Trouble Center on the east side of Rogueport. People who need help write little notes on the board in there and if you help them out, they give you a reward of some sort. Ol' Wonky hears that some of those rewards are pretty tasty, my friend!"
What's Behind the Sign
"There's a billboard in front of the shop in town with all kinds of stuff written on it... Well, some folks like to write graffiti on the back of the message board, you know. There's all kinds of good stuff there, especially for an info guy like ol' Wonky. You should give it a gander next time."
What's Hidden Below
"Ol' Wonky just got this juicy bit of info recently... You know that small hole down here that only a little critter can get through? Well, you just head out away from the wall there... And when you can't go any further, jump to get something good. If you see that hole, you should give it a try..."
"Way, way down to the south is an island where lots of Yoshis live. And Yoshis are born from eggs, as everyone knows, but a Yoshi's color depends on its egg conditions right before hatching. So it's always a surprise to see what comes out, know what I mean? Your Yoshi has a rather nice color, by the way. I'm sure he'll grow up to be a fine Yoshi, yup."
"Hey, ol' Wonky just heard something kind of helpful. If you press Z when you're talking to someone, you go back to what they said last. I'm sure that could be handy in a pinch!"
"You know Zess T., right? She's the really good cook on Rogueport's main square. Well, she has a rare recipe in her repertoire called Zess Dynamite... It's made with a Coconut Bomb and an Egg Bomb. And by the way, an Egg Bomb is made from a Fire Flower and a Mystic Egg and a Coconut Bomb is made from a Fire Flower and a Coconut... And that's all I know, because Zess lost the rest of the recipe somewhere... It was written down and she lost it! What a tragedy! It sure would be cool if she could make it, though..."
Zess T.'s Sister
"About that Zess T. near Rogueport's main square... I've heard her sister is a really good cook as well. She married and moved away a long time ago, but I'd love to try her cooking..."
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