The 'Shroom:Issue III/Fake News
Due to an extensive Wing contest at the Mushroom Bowl, Crime Lords Wizpig and Jabba the Hutt were neck in neck in a tie. As far as authorities can point out, Wizpig left the theater with a silver cup (he was seconded to Jabba). He apparently stole Jabba's last Kit Kat bar and was shot to death in his car in a drive-by shooting believed to be masterminded by Jabba himself. we interviewed Jabba on the tragedy and he just said "Give me a break". As far as this report is concerned this may turn into another Cold Case.
Meat Loaf has been on tour the past few months and landed in the Mushroom Kingdom early last Saturday and played with the MSO (Mushroom Symphony Orchestra). The big guy was doing a great performance and pleased many critics that saw it, until the finale. Meat did some stuff from his new album plus many classics including "Objects in the Rear view mirror". During his "Johnny B. Goode" final song, things got outta hand. Meat attempted his regular stage dive, only to cripple those who caught him. From eyewitness reports Meat landed on an elderly man who is now in critical condition. Another victim was a monstrous plant named Petey. I can't spell the plant species name so I won't risk the embarrassment. Well Petey, After Meat landed on him gave birth to a son. Petey will be pressing charges on Meat Loaf for this unexpected twist of fate.
In Baseball, Luigi has a perfect run score of some odd decimal number I don't recall. He retired this month and is co-boss guy at Barbie HQ in LA. He should be wedded in late May. Due to user hating my perverse perv speech, I can't say what gender he is in love with nor how he feels about a certain Jorge.
No other sports were written down due to the other reporters died in an airplane accident to see the annual Mushroom sports games on Kitchen Island. Don't look for them in obituaries, they wont be there, for they aren't that special (and I didn't feel like it).
OTHER PEOPLE WHO DIED THIS MONTH - Aaliyah, Adriana Sklenarikova, Ali Landry, Alicia Keys, Alyssa Milano, Angela Lindvall, Angelina Jolie, Anna Kournikova, Anna Paquin, Ashanti, Ashley Judd, Avril Lavigne, Ben Affleck, Beyonce Knowles, Brad Pitt, Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, Caprice Bourret, Carmen Electra, Carrie-Anne Moss, Charlize Theron, Christina Aguilera, Christina Ricci, Christy Turlington, Cindy Crawford, Claudia Schiffer, Daisy Fuentes, Daniela Pestova, Denise Richards, Drew Barrymore, Eliza Dushku, Elizabeth Hurley, Elsa Benitez, Estella Warren, Faith Hill, Famke Janssen, Gabrielle Reece, Gabrielle Union, Gena Lee Nolin, Gillian Anderson, Gisele Bundchen, Gwen Stefani, Gwyneth Paltrow, Heidi Klum, Jaime Presley, James King, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jenny McCarthy, Jeri Ryan, Elmo, Jessica Alba